Good evening everyone. To cut the long story short my mental health issues started in 2012 when I tried weed in the university. It's not genetic. I've been in and out of psychiatric hospitals a good number of times. However I'm currently on medication and I've been able to manage the condition. I was also able to graduate and I've also done my nysc and my family is planning on opening a small business for me since job has not been forthcoming.

However my health condition has been kept secret by me and family and I'm currently dating a nice girl. Please should I tell her my secret. What caused most of my episodes was refusal to take my medication and all that but right now I'm very okay and for some few years now I've been going about my daily affairs without any issue. If I let the cat out of the bag I don't think she may stay cos the stigma of mental health issues is not a joke. Please I need your advice on how to handle this delicate issue. Thanks

HMM, I think the doctor will have a saying to that issue you are having, so that you dont regret the action you are about to make.

Tell no one anything since it is not genetic, keep taking your drugs, the whole mental issue will disappear permanently before you know it.

Don't tell anybody.

Take ur drugs regularly and call it anti depressant.

Please tell her about it. She deserves to know.

Think about it this way, if the tables were turned how would you feel if you found out such a thing about her after marrying her?

The good girl deserves to know that some nuts dey lose from time to time make you no break plank on her head one day.

Dude397:
Good evening everyone. To cut the long story short my mental health issues started in 2012 when I tried weed in the university. It's not genetic. ...... If I let the cat out of the bag I don't think she may stay cos the stigma of mental health issues is not a joke. Please I need your advice on how to handle this delicate issue. Thanks

You claim you caused it yourself did you have been sticking to treatment for years now. What conditions are we exactly talking of here... what are possible episodes like?

I mean depending on what exactly you are struggling with, if you are thinking of going serious with her it may be in your interest to let that cat out of that bag early in the relationship. Even with the non-genetic kind of mental health issues, you try as much as possible to make sure you have people around you that can help you maintain that support you need always, not people or someone who willl run off right in the middle of you having an episode.

You should tell her only when you feel it's the right time to tell her. You will know when.
As long as you want to stay in a relationship with her, she has the right to know. Just in case you suffer an episode in her presence.

Do you still stay in the environment where people know about your mental health issues?

You shouldn't be ashamed of having any illness, mental or physical! If you play along with these ignorant people then you're perpetuating the stigma. Play your role and be transparent about your health. If your partner knows about your struggle then she could make a conscious decision. If you lie to her then she'd feel doped and she won't have any sympathy for your condition.

You need to persevere your health so don't walk into stressful situations that could trigger you. There's no winning If you lie, you would put yourself in a psychologically damaging condition when she finds out and this in turn may exasperate your condition.

Also, if you have psychosis or any personality disorders then it will be known by her because she lives with you. She wouldn't understand why your acting a certain way and she might jump into conclusions like 'you're this or that' instead of understanding your struggles and making life easier for you.

Nobody wins if you lie about this!

Dude397:
Good evening everyone. To cut the long story short my mental health issues started in 2012 when I tried weed in the university. It's not genetic. I've been in and out of psychiatric hospitals a good number of times. However I'm currently on medication and I've been able to manage the condition. I was also able to graduate and I've also done my nysc and my family is planning on opening a small business for me since job has not been forthcoming.

However my health condition has been kept secret by me and family and I'm currently dating a nice girl. Please should I tell her my secret. What caused most of my episodes was refusal to take my medication and all that but right now I'm very okay and for some few years now I've been going about my daily affairs without any issue. If I let the cat out of the bag I don't think she may stay cos the stigma of mental health issues is not a joke. Please I need your advice on how to handle this delicate issue. Thanks

Well, I think you need to tell her that, you once took drugs and it affected you, you have to go to hospital and got cured and since then you have been on medication to avoid a relapse

In this narrative, you have not mentioned that you have mental issues, so which ever way she understood it, let it be so

The essence of telling her this is because, incase it comes up at anytime, she will not be surprise, she will be there for you

After all, it's not hereditary. So if she loves you, she will not leave you

But you have a sacrifice to make, you have to love her deeply to the extent that she will find it difficult to love another man

Dude397:
Good evening everyone. To cut the long story short my mental health issues started in 2012 when I tried weed in the university. It's not genetic. I've been in and out of psychiatric hospitals a good number of times. However I'm currently on medication and I've been able to manage the condition. I was also able to graduate and I've also done my nysc and my family is planning on opening a small business for me since job has not been forthcoming.

However my health condition has been kept secret by me and family and I'm currently dating a nice girl. Please should I tell her my secret. What caused most of my episodes was refusal to take my medication and all that but right now I'm very okay and for some few years now I've been going about my daily affairs without any issue. If I let the cat out of the bag I don't think she may stay cos the stigma of mental health issues is not a joke. Please I need your advice on how to handle this delicate issue. Thanks

If you dont want to tell her directly for fear of leaving you, you can show her the drugs when she's around and tell her to always help you remember using those drugs as recommended by your family doctor cos you do have this breakdown when you don't use it.
But she really deserves to know. Any girl that will stay will stay.

Omakraid:

If you dont want to tell her directly for fear of leaving you, you can show her the drugs when she's around and tell her to always help you remember using those drugs as recommended by your family doctor cos you do have this breakdown when you don't use it.
But she really deserves to know. Any girl that will stay will stay.

I think that is bad advice! She is his galfriend, not his wife or caretaker.

First, he needs to to sure she will even accept and support him rather than put him down or shun him.

If there are secrets one takes to their grave, I guess this is one of them ...

Dude397:
Good evening everyone. To cut the long story short my mental health issues started in 2012 when I tried weed in the university. It's not genetic. I've been in and out of psychiatric hospitals a good number of times. However I'm currently on medication and I've been able to manage the condition. I was also able to graduate and I've also done my nysc and my family is planning on opening a small business for me since job has not been forthcoming.

However my health condition has been kept secret by me and family and I'm currently dating a nice girl. Please should I tell her my secret. What caused most of my episodes was refusal to take my medication and all that but right now I'm very okay and for some few years now I've been going about my daily affairs without any issue. If I let the cat out of the bag I don't think she may stay cos the stigma of mental health issues is not a joke. Please I need your advice on how to handle this delicate issue. Thanks

Let's flip the story.

Would you want her to tell you if she had mental issues?

If you do not tell her, then she is in a relationship with a version of you that doesn't exist.

She wouldn't even be able to provide the support you need because she doesn't know.

And if she would walk away, isn't better now than after marriage?

People getting into marriages/relationships today really need to open their eyes o.

Kobojunkie:
I think that is bad advice! She is his galfriend, not his wife or caretaker.

First, he needs to to sure she will even accept and support him rather than put him down or shun him.

For me, I think that's the beginning of a conversation where the girl will agree or not

Nawa oh

Tell her abeg....If she truly like you, she'll stay . So long you're taking your medication and there hasn't been any symptoms of it coming Back,I don't think she'll have any Problem with it, unless she has been fed up all along.

Omakraid:

For me, I think that's the beginning of a conversation where the girl will agree or not

A conversation of that kind, in a country where ignorant individuals plenty everywhere should take place only after you have confirmed she is not another ignorant individual.

Kobojunkie:
A conversation of that kind, in a country where ignorant individuals plenty everywhere should take place only after you have confirmed she is not another ignorant individual.

This advice is also very relevant,op..

Kobojunkie:
You claim you caused it yourself did you have been sticking to treatment for years now. What conditions are we exactly talking of here... what are possible episodes like?

I mean depending on what exactly you are struggling with, if you are thinking of going serious with her it may be in your interest to let that cat out of that bag early in the relationship. Even with the non-genetic kind of mental health issues, you try as much as possible to make sure you have people around you that can help you maintain that support you need always, not people or someone who willl run off right in the middle of you having an episode.

Bibolar affective disorder caused by substance abuse. My family has been very supportive and I've never taken cannabis again for once since the incident and I'll never try it again.

Dude397:
Bibolar affective disorder caused by substance abuse. My family has been very supportive and I've never taken cannabis again for once since the incident and I'll never try it again.

You mentioned you have been taking your medication for years, have you ever had to replace them with a different prescription during all that time?

Mariangeles:
You should tell her only when you feel it's the right time to tell her. You will know when.
As long as you want to stay in a relationship with her, she has the right to know. Just in case you suffer an episode in her presence.

Do you still stay in the environment where people know about your mental health issues?

Yes actually I still live in the environment but it's not like I was a complete mad man on the streets or any of such. Not at all. Mainly hyperactivity and overreligiousity with irritability but with my medication, nothing of such at all and I've been gradually weaned off the medication and will soon stopping it totally by God's grace. It has been years now since my last episode. She is also a very understanding and homely girl but this seems like a big red flag honestly. Also I've never smoked or drank again since this incidents

Kobojunkie:
You mentioned you have been taking your medication for years, have you ever had to replace them with a different prescription during all that time?

Yes I've changed it few times. The one I'm taking now I've been taking it for about 2 years now.

Dude397:
Yes I've changed it few times. The one I'm taking now I've been taking it for about 2 years now.

I see!

You need a person who can be supportive not just one who is "homely", whatever that means. As for her being "understanding", why then have you not felt to bring up the issue till this point in the relationship?

Kobojunkie:
I see!

You need a person who can be supportive not just one who is "homely", whatever that means. As for her being "understanding", why then have you not felt to bring up the issue till this point in the relationship?

Because i see it as a serious red flag

Dude397:
Because i see it as a serious red flag

Red flag for whom? You or her?

Do you think you as a person have accepted your disability or are you walking around ashamed of it?

Tell her before someone else does.
Such things are no secret and if she finds out from someone else, she will have no reason to stay with you.
Imagine if someone went to tell her parents that their daughter wants to marry a man who's had mental breakdown. She defends you that it's not true because you would have told her, and then they bring evidence or show a picture in your vulnerable state in the hospital?
That's the end of that relationship na. But if she knew before hand, she can defend you and say that's in the past and the Drs have been happy with your state for a few years

Smile for me even if you're sad o...
Sing for me even if your voice dey crack o...
Stay with me even if you've got some place to be...
Take a chance on me, dont you believe I'm worth the risk....
Smile for me baby mi please...smileeee


Ok,so I dont know why I decided to sing Simi's Smile for Me. Biko tell her....shes presently sitting carelessly on a dynamite without knowing. Biko tell her....let her decide her position and perhaps work with you. Please tell her. May God strengthen your mind.

sisisioge:
Smile for me even if you're sad o...
Sing for me even if your voice dey crack o...
Stay with me even if you've got some place to be...
Take a chance on me, dont you believe I'm worth the risk....
Smile for me baby mi please...smileeee


Ok,so I dont know why I decided to sing Simi's Smile for Me. Biko tell her....shes presently sitting carelessly on a dynamite without knowing. Biko tell her....let her decide her position and perhaps work with you. Please tell her. May God strengthen your mind.

Musician

Dude397:
Yes actually I still live in the environment but it's not like I was a complete mad man on the streets or any of such. Not at all. Mainly hyperactivity and overreligiousity with irritability but with my medication, nothing of such at all and I've been gradually weaned off the medication and will soon stopping it totally by God's grace. It has been years now since my last episode. She is also a very understanding and homely girl but this seems like a big red flag honestly. Also I've never smoked or drank again since this incidents

I'm sorry to say this but you need understand your condition better. Bipolar isn't caused by cannabis, it was just triggered by your drug intake. It also has no cure and you'll be required to take your drugs for the rest of your life. Unless you've been misdiagnosed, Bipolar is something you manage and not something you recover from. You need to accept and understand your condition and then find someone who will accept and understand you.

Yes, she has a right to know what she is getting into.