You are employee of the month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there, your eyes stay open when you sneeze, you chew on other people's fingernails, you can type 60 words per minute with your feet, you can jump-start your car without cables, you don't sweat, you percolate, you've worn out the handle on your favourite coffee mug, you walk 20miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not hooked up, you've worn the finish off your coffee table, you are so wired, you pick up radio signals, your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil, you'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison, you go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee, you name your cats 'cream' and 'sugar' , your lips are parmanently stuck in the sipping position, you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug, you don't tan, you roast, you don't get mad, you get steamed, your coffee mug is insured by Lloyd's of London, you introduce your spouse as your coffee mate, you think CRP stands for 'Coffee Provides Resuscitation', you ski uphill, you get a speeding ticket even when you are parked, you haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse, you just completed another sweater and you don't even know how to knit.