Hello good enlightened people of nairaland family. Kindly take your time to read through and look away from errors and punctuations '

Kindly advise me on a mind bothering situation I've found myself .I've been married for 5years with two kids a boy and a girl and wife is older than me wit 3years.

Recently i got to know my wife chat and calls guys seamlessly without stop to the extent some do admire her womanliness and stuffs and she always seems unpeturbed and flows with the rhythm at all times to the extent that my wife agreed to invite one of them to my house when i was not around in the name of visiting a old female colleague without putting me in the know or whatsoever...though it later never happened due to one reasonor the other ...maybe they met somewhere else i don't know...

She used to have an ex that she was on the brink of visiting him due to misunderstanding we had at a time.In there conversation,she told the guy that i was out of the country since last year March,maybe to hasten there meeting or whatever i don't know.When i got to know this via her whatsapp n fb messenger chats even with several call logs. I warned the guy and my wife sternly about what i saw and promised to expose them because the guy is a popular face in broadcasting domain likewise my wife holds a managerial post in a popular insurance coy.

However, recently i noticed several erotic chats with different men keeps getting much even though she never initiated any... but her effortless flows with them in response gives me goose bump not minding she's married with kids, that how manage will my wife be replying such talks. But i have not caught her red handed in adultery or in the act but emotionally she had in ways i know of.
It's of no doubt my wife is beautiful likewise I'm an handsome dude and average big boy in Buharinomics and we are pretty doing fine .....it really baffles me as i can't be monitoring what an adult does with her life.

The reason for my post is...i plan travelling out any time soon,but i want to go first and make ground clearance before they come over.I am of the opinion that i apply for visa alone without including she and my kids because i don't really trust her again because i believe with what I've seen in my presence what if I'm away?.... Another thing i noticed about my wife is that, in a working system like US..she can equally divorce me if she's more financially stable than now even though shes not doing bad at moment..

Also, i don't want to do anything that i will regret later because truly i love my wife and kids but the issue of what i've seen and know she's capable of doing brings weakness to my heart because I've discussed the issue with her diff times before but i don't want to talk about it again as she can go into default setting knowing i want to apply for visa for the family.

The great affection i have for my kids is what is really disturbing my head because my hustle n all is majorly to see them grow in a working system...


I wish to be advise on what to really do in this situation i am..
I am open to suggestion and advise from experienced and mostly married persons.

**Cropped attached pix is a sparing hint out of many'

P.S- if you don't have advise,just read and pass.
Thanks

Cc: lalasticlala
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Carchoice:
Probably attention from men fuels her energy. Most women rushing into marriage don’t even know when and how to put the act behind them. From small play, devil will start receiving the blame, post-nuts.

I was very lucky to leave Nigeria a single man. The peace of mind is unfathomable.

The issue now is, if you leave her in Nigeria, we have no way to keep tab on the mileage of the subject matter and If you take her abroad, we can’t guarantee She won’t misbehave over there.

Your story is so sad that I don’t pray to be in your shoes, I’m size 43 by the way.

Thanks for the response.

Bro, it is well...
I know you must be worried, yea, but you need to calm down, put your mind at rest, so that it won't affect you health wisely.

Just do your normal thing, the truth will reveal itself in a short time. Care less about her attitude and face your own life and kids...

Don't let her attitude wail you down and be watchful as in be ready to take your stand, in the sense that be a man that won't be controlled by sex...

Carchoice:
Probably attention from men fuels her energy. Most women rushing into marriage don’t even know when and how to put the act behind them. From small play, devil will start receiving the blame, post-nuts.

I was very lucky to leave Nigeria a single man. The peace of mind is unfathomable.

The issue now is, if you leave her in Nigeria, we have no way to keep tab on the mileage of the subject matter and If you take her abroad, we can’t guarantee She won’t misbehave over there.

Your story is so sad that I don’t want to be in your shoes, I’m size 43 by the way.

You nailed it. The man has got trust issues now due to his wife's actions. I still don't support men taking woman out of this country, though.

Leaving this country as a single man is the best.

Ebubechuwku:
Bro, it is well...
I know you must be worried, yea, but you need to calm down, put your mind at rest, so that it won't affect you health wisely.

Just do your normal thing, the truth will reveal itself in a short time. Care less about her attitude and face your own life and kids...

Don't let her attitude wail you down and be watchful as in be ready to take your stand, in the sense that be a man that won't be controlled by sex...

He can't care less. That advise is wrong. How could you expect him not to care when it's obvious he loves her and he's planning on relocating the family to the U.S., a country with a structure and enough freedom for the female gender?

MufasaLion:


He can't care less. That advise is wrong. How could you expect him not to care when it's obvious he loves her and he's planning on relocating the family to the U.S., a country with a structure and enough freedom for the female gender?

He should go alone at first, and take along his kids and wife later. Taking her wife later means he should be prepared for anything, that's 50:50 game. If it work out fine and if she later divorce her, fine, he should be prepared for it...

And moreover, you can't fight the unseen.

Care less in the sense that, its a double fate... and to afford health issues .

Ebubechuwku:


He should go alone at first, and take along his kids and wife later. Taking her wife later means he should be prepared for anything, that's 50:50 game. If it work out fine and if she later divorce her, fine, he should be prepared for it...

Care less in the sense that, its a double fate... and to afford health issues .

He can't take his kids with him before his wife. You don't know the nature of his job.

MufasaLion:


He can't take his kids with him before his wife. You don't know the nature of his job.

I said , he should take them together, and be prepared for the best and the worst..

Ebubechuwku:

I said , he should take them together, and be prepared for the best and the worst..

Damn! That's some risky shit. I'd rather divorce than take such woman abroad.

Marriage ain't my thing.

MufasaLion:


Damn! That's some risky shit. I'd rather divorce than take such woman abroad.

Marriage ain't my thing.

Bro, he doesn't have any concrete evidence bro. Some people are just naturally flirt and social... for example, for me, no matter what a woman can do for me as a good wife material, you can't camp me, I love my freedom , I hate rules, routines and I also hate boring life of staying indoor after work. Since I know these, I know I can't marry an introvert cos we can't glue, I will only be giving her headache.

So in situations like that, some people are just naturally flirt or want active social life and that doesn't mean they are not loyal. It's their nature.

Since there is no concrete evidence, am thinking he should just calm down, so that he won't be the one to put fire on his house.. let him talk to God or any supreme being he believes in and be prepared for the worst incase things doesn't work out.. but irrespective he should do the Normal thing he ought to do as the husband..

Ebubechuwku:


Bro, he doesn't have any concrete evidence bro. Some people are just naturally flirt and social... for example, for me, no matter what a woman can do for me as a good wife material, you can't camp me, I love my freedom , I hate rules, routines and I also hate boring life of staying indoor after work. Since I know these, I know I can't marry an introvert cos we can't glue, I will only be giving her headache.

So in situations like that, some people are just naturally flirt or want active social life and that doesn't mean they are not loyal. It's their nature.

Since there is no concrete evidence, am thinking he should just calm down, so that he won't be the one to put fire on his house.. let him talk to God or any supreme being he believes in and be prepared for the worst incase things doesn't work out.. but irrespective he should do the Normal thing he ought to do as the husband..

Why should he talk to God? He should talk to his wife, not God.

Omo, This marriage thing. Una dey try o.

MufasaLion:


Why should he talk to God? He should talk to his wife, not God.

And do you thing she will listen.... she can't... unless her action backfires on her...

Ebubechuwku:


And do you thing she will listen.... she can't... unless her action backfire on her...

If I were to be in such situation, I would never take her with me abroad. She's gonna do worse when she eventually get to the States.

MufasaLion:


If I were to be in such situation, I would never take her with me abroad. She's gonna do worse when she eventually get to the States.

As for me, I believe in supreme beings, I will pray and I will do consultations also...

Those chats are something else. She has no ounce of respect for you or your marriage if she's having such chats with other men.

Your wife is already cheating on you. That's the truth.

Acidosis:


Your wife is already cheating on you. That's the truth.

Hmmmm

Acidosis:


Your wife is already cheating on you. That's the truth.

It's actually the bitter truth, only issue is not yet caught red handed

The truth is before you.

Your wife is not faithful to you and you can tolerate it because the foundation must have been this way from the onset.

It is good that your children are important to you but notwithstanding, your marriage is not stable at all. All that you think she is capable of is a reality.

Teleprompter:
The truth is before you.

Your wife is not faithful to you and you can tolerate it because the foundation must have been this way from the onset.

It is good that your children are important to you but notwithstanding, your marriage is not stable at all. All that you think she is capable of is a reality.

what do you suggest i do as i can't really think straight at the moment.

Won ti tun de. From the stable of Imaginative Creatives. I do hope Oga Sēun at the top is paying you people handsomely for these pieces, ehn?

royalpearl80:


It's actually the bitter truth, only issue is not yet caught red handed

@Barca2Wenger, the reality is actually staring at you right in front of you.....There are certainly some options in front of you based on how strong emotionally you are

One is to talk to your wife and discuss this issue with her since you still love her, bare out all your mind on how you feel and what her reaction would have been if the table turn around. The truth is that you should be ready for denial and she becoming more careful going forward with her chats and all thereby you will not see any traces again.

Secondly you can decide to ignore like nothing happened, focus your energy on the kids and pay less attention to the chats for now pending when you will get the hard fact. Continue to play your role as the hubby while also processing your traveling for now.

Thirdly, it's a dicey situation and practically impossible to say after traveling you want to take only the kids alone and leave their mother here. You rather face the reality of taking your wife and the kids then face the consequence of whatever happened afterwards or leave all of them here in naija. Except you want a divorce which is not advisable.

Fourthly, based on the present situation, leaving her all alone here while you travel abroad is also a bit of dilemma too cos as you said, you don't know what will happen. This bring me to earlier assertion that based on how emotionally strong you are, if possible for you to ignore and accept the reality of anything happening.

Would love to talk to you more & share experience with you. The other advise I can give you this particular moment is that you should make your peace of mind paramount.

I sent you a PM tho

Magnoliaa:
Won ti tun de. From the stable of Imaginative Creatives. I do hope Oga Sēun at the top is paying you people handsomely for these pieces, ehn?

what makes you think this is fiction? Is it until i post my pictures for people like you to believe? Besides how much can Seun pay me as an A.M in a first generation bank or can't you see i created this account solely for this purpose as i have a known moniker on nairaland. . Haba"""

royalpearl80:


@Barca2Wenger, the reality is actually staring at you right in front of you.....There are certainly some options in front of you based on how strong emotionally you are

One is to talk to your wife and discuss this issue with her since you still love her, bare out all your mind on how you feel and what her reaction would have been if the table turn around. The truth is that you should be ready for denial and she becoming more careful going forward with her chats and all thereby you will not see any traces again.

Secondly you can decide to ignore like nothing happened, focus your energy on the kids and pay less attention to the chats for now pending when you will get the hard fact. Continue to play your role as the hubby while also processing your traveling for now.

Thirdly, it's a dicey situation and practically impossible to say after traveling you want to take only the kids alone and leave their mother here. You rather face the reality of taking your wife and the kids then face the consequence of whatever happened afterwards or leave all of them here in naija. Except you want a divorce which is not advisable.

Fourthly, based on the present situation, leaving her all alone here while you travel abroad is also a bit of dilemma too cos as you said, you don't know what will happen. This bring me to earlier assertion that based on how emotionally strong you are, if possible for you to ignore and accept the reality of anything happening.

Would love to talk to you more & share experience with you. The other advise I can give you this particular moment is that you should make your peace of mind paramount.

I sent you a PM tho

Thanks and gracias for this piece

Since you obviously want to leave her here when you travel to U.S, be rest assured that she will cheat on you, just as you will also cheat on her over there, so in other for you both to not deceive each other with faithfulness, just divorce her, simple.

JovialJune:
Since you obviously want to leave her here when you travel to U.S, be rest assured that she will cheat on you, just as you will also cheat on her over there, so in other for you both to not deceive each other with faithfulness, just divorce her, simple.

The emphatic and precise opinion of you saying I'll cheat over there amazes me though....anyways thanks for your advise regardless.

royalpearl80:


@Barca2Wenger, the reality is actually staring at you right in front of you.....There are certainly some options in front of you based on how strong emotionally you are

One is to talk to your wife and discuss this issue with her since you still love her, bare out all your mind on how you feel and what her reaction would have been if the table turn around. The truth is that you should be ready for denial and she becoming more careful going forward with her chats and all thereby you will not see any traces again.

Secondly you can decide to ignore like nothing happened, focus your energy on the kids and pay less attention to the chats for now pending when you will get the hard fact. Continue to play your role as the hubby while also processing your traveling for now.

Thirdly, it's a dicey situation and practically impossible to say after traveling you want to take only the kids alone and leave their mother here. You rather face the reality of taking your wife and the kids then face the consequence of whatever happened afterwards or leave all of them here in naija. Except you want a divorce which is not advisable.

Fourthly, based on the present situation, leaving her all alone here while you travel abroad is also a bit of dilemma too cos as you said, you don't know what will happen. This bring me to earlier assertion that based on how emotionally strong you are, if possible for you to ignore and accept the reality of anything happening.

Would love to talk to you more & share experience with you. The other advise I can give you this particular moment is that you should make your peace of mind paramount.

I sent you a PM tho

i already replied your mail

Baca2Wenger:
what do you suggest i do as i can't really think straight at the moment.

Have you ever confronted her about your findings?

Baca2Wenger:
The emphatic and precise opinion of you saying I'll cheat over there amazes me though....anyways thanks for your advise regardless.

My opinion is precise and emphatic because you very well know you will not stay forever celibate in U.S without having sex, so expecting her to stay forever celibate in naija when it's impossible for both of you is pure deceit, coupled with the fact that you don't trust her now talk more of yourself, so why not divorce each other to avoid stories that touch