Saintinoo:

The day you women will understand that there is only one captain in a ship, that is the day divorce will stop. kindly leave with it.

Because the matters that arise in a marriage only has to do with the ship and the captain.Learn to reason instead of assuming what you have no facts to back up when she didn't give a reason for the divorce.

vpaymoney:
When u finally outside wedlock, you should know the right from left. It's just a pitiable situation that you have been in before you learn. You will learn and have practical experience now that you are outside. You can then start a motivational biz to advise ladies to do all within their powers to make their marriage work.

LADIES oooOOO



DO ALL IN YOUR POWER TO MAKE THE MARRIAGE WORK.



THANK GOD I'M NOT A WOMAN.

HacheNoire:
You will be fine!

Trust me!

But your kids growing up without a fatherly figure, will forever have a psychological impact on them.

The brunt of divorce is bared by the kids. You and their father will be fine.

A divorcée sported

hedonido:
This is the end result of too much strong head. I'm sure you will cope quite well as a bitter, divorced woman. There are many of you these days.

Truth!!

davidadenrele:
Hello,
First of all i salute your courage for been able to come out and ask for advice, been a divorcee can be challenging for a woman in typical Nigerian society however i see you forging ahead since you are not afraid, you will have to work very hard let be honest having a kid is not that easy not to talk of 3kids, may I asked you did you request for child support in court while you filing for divorce through your lawyer because you will need child support from your kids father, it's either it's paid in weekly or monthly and its has to be something substaining for you and your kids.

Secondly you have to either work twice or get a business that will help you finance your kids financial burden without you being a burden to your friends and family at this moment Nigeria economy is not smiling at all, it's not easy out there trust me people will give assurance not worry that they will support you it's all a lie no one cares everybody is struggling to survive now in Nigeria. aside yahoo plus boys and ritualist, and politicians.

You will have to sit down a make a plan on how you intend to provide for your kids every month, your house rent, feeding, school fees, extra school needs, what kids of now are days can't do without like bobo, biscuits, sweets and stuffs. Let me be honest with you it's not going to be easy I know of a divorcee with kids it's not an easy task, but with God on your side you will be fine at the end. You will need support you will need assistance and you will your immediate family around you if it's only you it would have been better having to take care of kids in Nigeria of today is like climbing Mount Everest because of their excessive demands, they keep calling Mummy we want this we want that!! You have to be firm with your kids, at the same don't be too rigid and don't be too gentle when applying discipline where necessary at the same time montior them they could embrassed you if your not careful cos when they go hungry they could expose you unintentionally to your next neighbour cos at that moment what they cared about is there belly as its possible if you don't arrived from work in time for them to go and into your next neighbour house will not be a thing of shame to them afterall they have friends as next neighbour. Restrict them from collecting things from strangers, monitor them very well to avoid sexual pedophiles who could take advantage of no father figure in their lives. Provide quality to ensure they do their home work and take their studies seriously.

On a final note be you a Christian or Muslim ensure they observed prayers and good home moral training it's well with you.

You did a GOOD JOB..
But CHILD SUPPORTS are meant for the kids and not the woman and the kids are entitled to such until they get to 18 years of age.
The woman can't be entitled to Child support for she's not a Child. However, such financial support will be paid into her account for the upkeep of the kids she will be in possession of.
The man owes her nothing.
So, she shouldn't expect anything from the man.
However, if he decides to give, that's his prerogative. That's to the extent I can explain.

Hathor5:


Divorce does not mean that the father will stop being a father.

Lol.Never going to be the same.

prekumohtim:


I am a man from a broken home. I never met my mum and dad together. They parted when they gave birth to me. That affected my education seriously. Till now I see my mum like a stranger thou am the last born.
It's not a funny experience. My dad finally had full access to us in 1999 and as grown up teenagers we were made to attend adult school first before going to primary school. My elder brother and sister were in primary 4 at the age of 14, and 16 while I was in primary 3 at 12. Nobody ever imagine will would turn out to become somethingI in life . To the glory of God, my elder brother is a successful lawyer now while I'm an accountant. ....


The bottom point is , it affects the children more that you. They will lack parental love and care . I was breastfed by my half sister ....it wasn't funny . As time goes on it will begin to affect the children's behaviour even when they are adults. There was a time I hated women generally because of my mum. But thank God to the word of God, it changed my mentality. But how many children have such opportunity to be taught rightly about the things of God? At 13, I would see other mums preparing meal for their family and I so much wanted to know how a woman's food tastes like. I was rather the cook of the house, nobody to learn from.

Think about the children , not you

Sorry about your story but it isn't a one size fit all if anybody is in a toxic marriage they should leave or else the toxicity will choke them to death then the children will have no parent at all.
Some people were raised without both parents and turned out fine so also did others who had both and didn't appreciate the value.

Sometimes a broken marriage can be okay for the children's health no parent should stop living because they have children these children will still grow up and leave them and may not even appreciate the sacrifices their parents placed on them.

If a marriage isn't working they shouldn't pretend for the sake of the kids because something far worse could happen.

I expected people especially the married one's to ask her what she did? For every divorce there is a strong and back-up reasons

franchasng:
Don't let anybody tell you lies to make you feel alright online. Being divorced as a woman is not easy anywhere in the world, not even in the US no matter how rosy they paint it.


The only advantage of being divorced in the western country is that your financial burden will be lesser because your ex hubby will be paying you child support, but then, most divorced ladies in the west end up squandering that child support on gigolo boys they try so hard to please for sexual satisfaction.



Some end up falling into the hands of internet romance scammers from Africa.


As a married woman, whatever you can do to save your marriage please do.


I have an elder brother who divorced his wife because the lady was so uncultured. She felt it doesn't matter since she had a high paying job and looks really beautiful I must admit. But few years later, she started regretting it, trying to come back through our elder sister, but my brother self don remarry a wonderful lady which she seems not to be aware of.



I learnt she lies to her kids that their dad lives abroad cos they always ask after their dad. I also learnt she is planning to remarry to an old man of 68yrs after claiming that being a single mother was the sweetest thing on earth.


Despite all the money she has, she couldn't stay single like she portrayed, now she is so desperate to remarry that she is considering a 68yrs old man. This is a lady of 43yrs or so.





Dear ladies, before you get married, ask God to help you marry the right man and also pray for wisdom to make your marriage work.



Divorce doesn't favour women, it only looks like it favors women in western world cos of material things they would get and child support, but I tell you, they still pay for it one way or the other. Many of them remarry like 5 times more before they clock 60yrs. Some end up with romance scammers and gigolos who charge them for sex.

Nobody said it does it isn't always doom and gloom she will be fine and okay you won't channel this same energy on the husband so leave her the heck alone she will be alright.

Optimistic4life:
Year 2021 February to be precise, my husband served me a divorce notice. Though I saw it coming as we have been separated for some months.
The case is still in court though.

We are blessed with 3 kids under 10.

Soon the divorce will be finalized and we will both move on.

How easy is it adjusting to a new life as a divorced lady?

I just want to let it out as I have never discussed this with anyone. Just my immediate family members knows about it.

What is life like out there for me?

The shame, mockery, coping with kids alone, moving on etc

Your signature says it all and your moniker too. Face the future with optimism, believe in God and pray to be guided each step of the way, and you will never regret. Time of uncertainties and apprehension will come, but never let your heart be ruled by fear.

Optimistic4life:
Year 2021 February to be precise, my husband served me a divorce notice. Though I saw it coming as we have been separated for some months.
The case is still in court though.

We are blessed with 3 kids under 10.

Soon the divorce will be finalized and we will both move on.

How easy is it adjusting to a new life as a divorced lady?

I just want to let it out as I have never discussed this with anyone. Just my immediate family members knows about it.

What is life like out there for me?

The shame, mockery, coping with kids alone, moving on etc

What shame? You're among those who think marriage is an achievement

Buskynwa:


@optimistic4life
Please take this advice, it's the best, for both you,the kids and the dad I promise you .... I have an aunt who is a divorcee with 3 kids, it's not easy out there for her.

The husband is the one divorcing her so the issue and settlement should lie with him if he isn't interested anymore they should go their separate ways..


Even marriage isn't easy not to talk of divorce it will work for others while it won't work for others.

WE SHOULD START HAVING DIVORCE CEREMONY AND PARTY.



IT IS A BEAUTIFUL THING AND SAVES LIVES.



MARRIAGE DEY END AND E FIT NO REACH TILL DEATH PART.

alizma:

I already knew you were going to trap yourself in the process and you just did. Going by your post, how would you take a man who stands before a group of youths and tell them not to worry much about being successful because success is not for everyone? Over to you Mr Sabinus

Absolutely success isn't for everyone. I asked you earlier why do we have much more poorer people than the rich ones? You are leading them astray making success a do or die for them. That's why we have criminal minded lazy youths littered in Nigeria indulging in cyber theft, ritualist, armed robbery amongst many others. Reason because you've made it known to them that success is a MUST and coming from Nigeria factors where unemployment is on the increase. They had no choice than to utilized other option left in their disposal just to follow your teaching of success is a MUST

They are truly successful as you wished, but in a wrong way that'd later backfire. Your teaching probably lead them astray. Even though we all know that they are covetous by nature

Nothing absolutely is a do or die in life

Optimistic4life:
Year 2021 February to be precise, my husband served me a divorce notice. Though I saw it coming as we have been separated for some months.
The case is still in court though.

We are blessed with 3 kids under 10.

Soon the divorce will be finalized and we will both move on.

How easy is it adjusting to a new life as a divorced lady?

I just want to let it out as I have never discussed this with anyone. Just my immediate family members knows about it.

What is life like out there for me?

The shame, mockery, coping with kids alone, moving on etc

Is he seeking for custody of the kids or for joint custody ?.

Well your lawyer would definitely ask for maintenance from the court on your behalf hopefully it should go a long way in helping.

Sorry about the situation,nobody asks for such but if I may ask what prompted your husband to seek for divorce ,from there one will know how to advice.

Optimistic4life:
Year 2021 February to be precise, my husband served me a divorce notice. Though I saw it coming as we have been separated for some months.
The case is still in court though.

We are blessed with 3 kids under 10.

Soon the divorce will be finalized and we will both move on.

How easy is it adjusting to a new life as a divorced lady?

I just want to let it out as I have never discussed this with anyone. Just my immediate family members knows about it.

What is life like out there for me?

The shame, mockery, coping with kids alone, moving on etc

Optimistic4life:
Year 2021 February to be precise, my husband served me a divorce notice. Though I saw it coming as we have been separated for some months.
The case is still in court though.

We are blessed with 3 kids under 10.

Soon the divorce will be finalized and we will both move on.

How easy is it adjusting to a new life as a divorced lady?

I just want to let it out as I have never discussed this with anyone. Just my immediate family members knows about it.

What is life like out there for me?

The shame, mockery, coping with kids alone, moving on etc

For me;
IF there's option of second wife....
Allow him have it.
Divorce is far worse than polygamy.
Surprisingly, that may make him love you more.
I have seen women who entertained such rather than divorce and they're happier now.
Polygamy still keeps him closer to his kids.
They need their Father more.
His Affection for you will still be there, though may not be as high as it used to be in the past.
It may also be better with the emergence of a new wife if she's accommodating and sociable too.
There's no protection in divorce.
But polygamy has got a lot of protection.

I have an Uncle with 3 wives.
In Fact, his last wife is a divorcee who is now happier with my uncle than her first marriage.
D man is so wealthy that he adopted all her kids.
He's very educated and wealthy.
So adopting kids is not his issue.
His newly adopted kids are happy for now.
He's sociable, understanding & accommodating.
We have begged him to stop at number 3

It is very important that after divorce, your husband is allowed to see and spend time with his kids. That is a fundamental error a lot of women commit during divorce. They use the anger of the issues between them and their husband to deny the man from seeing his kids.
The relationship between husband and wife and between father and children are totally different. He might be very bad as a husband, but that does not affect his role in the lives of his kids. Kids need a father figure and let their natural father be that father figure, not exchanges for that. He may have visitation days or the kids may be allowed to spend some holidays with him. It all goes in giving the kids a well rounded development.

MouthofdGods:

Soon the divorce will be finalized and we will both move on.

Reconciliation isn't too late if you both want to give it a chance. Those kids need both parents, consider them.
However, if one of the reasons you're currently separated is due to domestic violence, I'm afraid it'll be hard. Wife beaters hardly ever change.
All I'm saying is it's not too late to try to work things out.
Think about it

Husband abusers don't change either. Trust me, abuse always comes before beating. So quit the abuse and beating will naturally go.

eldoradoxx:
It is very important that after divorce, your husband is allowed to see and spend time with his kids. That is a fundamental error a lot of women commit during divorce. They use the anger of the issues between them and their husband to deny the man from seeing his kids.
The relationship between husband and wife and between father and children are totally different. He might be very bad as a husband, but that does not affect his role in the lives of his kids. Kids need a father figure and let their natural father be that father figure, not exchanges for that. He may have visitation days or the kids may be allowed to spend some holidays with him. It all goes in giving the kids a well rounded development.

THIS PART IS COMMON SENSE AND I'M SURPRISE NIGERIA LAW DOES NOT MANDATE YET.


DIVORCE OR NO DIVORCE, CHILDCARE NA 50/50.


HE WILL HAVE HIS FAIR SHARE OF BABYSITTING, SO SHE TOO CAN GO AND HAVE A LIFE.


THE DAY WE MAKE LAWS BASED ON GIVING EVERYBODY THE BENEFITS, THAT IS WHEN OUR NATIONAL HAPPINESS WITH SOAR.

topboss:



THIS TRASH YOU WROTE HERE IS TO WHAT END?


HOW MANY YOUNG SUCCESSFUL MEN ARE REALLY OUT THERE?


MORE LIKE YOUNG STRUGGLING MEN.


THERE IS NO COMPETITION, SHE IS A FREE AGENT AND HER KIDS ARE HER PRIORITY ALONGSIDE HER UP KEEP.


THE MAN THAT LEFT HER MAY LATER LIVE TO REGRET IT, AFTER SEEING HOW WELL SHE IS DOING.


SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS IS THE BEST REVENGE.

Aswearugaaad

Why are you triggered? Anyway, keep being delusional. The odds are stacked against her and you know it.

ANYBODY CLAIMING SOLE CUSTODY IS A FOOL.


BY THE TIME THE CHILD REACH 18, THEY WILL LEAVE YOU TO GO TO UNIVERSITY.


FROM THEN, YOU WILL BE ON YOUR OWN, WHILST YOUR KID GETS A LIFE.

My dear trust me,you would be fine.theres no shame in being divorced.

THIS LIFE, NA ONCE YOU THEY COME, AND DEATH NO EASY FOR ANYBODY, SO MAKE SURE YOU ENJOY YOURSELF, WHILST YOU ARE STILL ALIFE.



I NO SEND ANYBODY... I DO ME.

Superb advice but pls the bolded should be ignored

Women of Africa as always Sufer from inferiority complexity as they want to copy oyibo without knowing that film is just fantasy

I have been in western world and I just feel sorry to see how Africans can be ignorant and mumu

Kokoebapluse:
You don't tell why your husband want you guys divorce. But whatever it may be my sister leave pride aside beg your husband and ask his family to beg him.

Outside is not funny. Be a single mum is not easy. Don't follow advice from some women here, women are the enemy of women. Women don't like each other they will want you to be like them in regret. Tell me how many man ready to accept you with 3kids? Madam beg your husband and be more hard working later you won't get time to fight your husband.

Ladyhippolyta88:


Nobody said it does it isn't always doom and gloom she will be fine and okay you won't channel this same energy on the husband so leave her the heck alone she will be alright.

lol.

Sometimes, it is friends and outsiders plus social media relationship and marriage experts that deceive married ladies into thinking divorce is the best for them.

I speak from experience of what happened between my elder bro and his wife.


His wife became unruly and uncultured after she got a very high paying job. She lost herself and felt she needed something more. With the praises and accolades she was receiving online, she became an overnight celebrity and felt the best for her was to become a single mother as she bragged that she can single handedly take care of her kids without any man. I cherish my bros so much, a man of peace, a man of few words, he just kept his cool as the wife continued her MADNESS. she felt my brother would go begging her cos she was earning heavy income but he didn't. To her greatest surprise she asked for a separation, moved out of my brother's house and before she could realize it the young man moved on with his life that it became too late for her.


So sometimes women get carried away by friends advice and from the bullshyyts they read online.

God Almighty is your strength.

madone:
Just make sure u remarry. You will be fine . Keep urself beautiful

She should remarry who with 3kids? It's got to be either an already married man, or a divorcee or a widower.
Shey be na una christians say make men no marry more than one

FERNANDEZISBACK:

Someone is seeking advice and you are bringing your Jesus...this is physical and needs physical solution..Jesus have no business here..

He has all business. Just that you don't know Him and see Him in the right perspective.

He is even the very reason you are living.
Live for Christ Jesus and witness inner peace which is lacking in this world.

No offense

2loadedguy:

It is because marriage has outlived its usefulness in the modern day society and we are not ready to face the reality. I am in a marriage already and it's less than a year old and I can tell you it's a scam. I don't see us doing a second year anniversary in this sham we call marriage. Let me give you an analysis, before marriage I a single happening guy and full of life, I had several women at my beck and call and I had a cleaner to clean my flat weekly, someone that cooks for me and deliver it to my doorstep and that's excluding the several women willing to do same function without any cost, I had someone that comes to wash my clothes every weekend and I was also able to save a considerable chunk of my 7 figure monthly pay. I have gotten married now and that situation remains unchanged except that of course I no longer have access to other women and a major part of my finance is going into taking care of another human being in the name of a wife while she's constantly saving her own money or spending it on frivolities.
Now tell me why I won't feel shortchanged and scammed in this union of fantasy called marriage that has taken everything away from me but given me nothing. The very least I should be getting is a woman to cook for me but all those basic domestic issues are still being outsourced to vendors as it was before I got married hence the woman had added no single value to my life but has taken away so much from me.
This is the very reason men are running from marriage now and if I want to advise any single man out there I'd tell him to stay away. The union called marriage is no longer relevant in today's world since women have started forming feminism and we will keep seeing more divorces once people realize they have been scammed into it by the society.

I appreciate ur sincerity bro.. Marriage na scam

Kokoebapluse:
You don't tell why your husband want you guys divorce. But whatever it may be my sister leave pride aside beg your husband and ask his family to beg him.

Outside is not funny. Be a single mum is not easy. Don't follow advice from some women here, women are the enemy of women. Women don't like each other they will want you to be like them in regret. Tell me how many man ready to accept you with 3kids? Madam beg your husband and be more hard working later you won't get time to fight your husband.

Good Advice, you have!
I will advice she settles for Polygamy too, if that's what her husband wishes, since she didn't state the actual cause of divorce.
Such will keep her kids closer to their Father.
And they will enjoy every right they deserve from their father.
DIVORCE completely separates them from their Dad, including their rights (e.g property rights)
They may grow to hate their father more owing to what they may have been fed by their mother.
But polygamy keeps such hatred & distance away!