AntiMCU:
Seems like marriages these days is synonymous with sexual starvation.

At least, our forefathers had polygamy (options) for issues like this.

You be Omo Agba

Ladyhippolyta88:


What is being emotional when it is a fact that no one owes you sex and it is not a crime to deny someone of it?

Sex is part of marriage obligation that must be done with consent.She is not her property that she doesn't have rights to choose it is called liberty and free will learn to be exposed because you paid bride price which is different from dowry doesn't give you the right to sleep with someone with their permission, they are human beings not chattels.She has a business getting married because it was her choice and she also has another choice to choose when she wants to have sex.

No wahala.. When u marry hoard sex for ur man,And let's see the outcome. Hypocrites everywhere

I read this and wondered what I would do if any man does this to my daughter? I went down on my knees and prayed that this kind of man will never cross my daughters pathway. So if your wife wants sex and you have been having a hard time in the office, she should climb on you one day, and just force her way through? Unfortunately, women cannot do that for 2 reasons. The organ of the man will not achieve anything for her if he doesn't want to have sex or is tired, so be it. And the strength of the man will overpower her. You have done wrong. And you have crossed the boundary line. It will certainly happen again since you have crossed the line.

If I were the poor girl, whatever love i had for you has gone out of the window. Sex can never be a loving act again. This marriage is definitely on its way out. It may take 3 years, it may take 10 years. But it will eventually break. Mark my words. And you have yourself to blame.

flokii:


Word.. practice what you preach and preach what you practice.

Some will give their husband sex early morning, take lunch to his office and still give him quickie, then when he returns home at night, they still open for him but come to public space to justify other married women denying their husbands sex for months in the name of yeye "feminism" or whatnot.

I tell u bro. Some of those female only came here to act like Angelina Jolie,while at home they do like their husbands demands. Awon werey gbogbo

Mercychen:


Can you stop misquoting me and go straight to your opinion?

I never said marriage is literally about taking nonsense. That was just an idiom! There are things you would normally not take but for the sake of marriage, you take them.
Got that?

So, if sex is not pleasurable or you don't feel up to it and your partner is dying to have it, you can't sacrifice to satisfy him that moment? Hmmm
This was why I said marriage is SELFISH AND SELF-CENTERED these days. It's always about one person. As long as you're fine the other person can go to hell.
Where is the love (sacrifice) we claim to have for each other?
Where is the selflessness that should be Paramount in our marriages to make it work?

These are the things causing divorce and separation in so many marriages and the more reason I'm still looking at it in 3D for now.

Did somebody clone your moniker..??
Since when did you start having an overflow of sense..??

Noah9:
Good morning nairalanders. Pls I'll go straight to point.

My wife and I have been married for 3 years, God has blessed our matrimony with a beautiful daughter. My wife is so decent, caring and beautiful inside out. I have been a great husband and father to my pretty daughter. I have never cheated on my wife since we got married.

Recently, she barely give me sex. Infact it would take a whole month before I could see Just the color of her undies and I wasn't happy about it.

Last week Wednesday, I committed an unspeakable abuse, I'm so ashamed of myself. I Raped my wife and I hate myself since that incident.

Honestly, I don't know what came over me that particular day, I tried to make advances towards her, she refused and she pushed my hand away. Out of anger I slapped her on her face (she bled from her mouth), I overpowered her and forcefully had my way through. She cried all through that night.

I regretted my actions, I feel remorse, I hate my Life . I have begged her seriously to forgive me but she haven't said a word to me for over 5 days now. She cook for just herself and my daughter, she no longer sleep in our matrimonial bed, she would rather sleep in my daughter's room or the visitor's room, she no longer greets me anymore.

I have never abused, beat or raised my hands on my wife or any woman before. Last week was my first time I did such an abominable act in my Life . What If any one notice we're having issues now, how will I explain to them what actually happened?

I don't even want my little daughter to know we're having issues. I don't know who to talk to. It's a faceless forum that's why I'm sharing my pain here . Pls how do I restore back happiness in my home, I need my wife to forgive me. I'm truly sorry from the depth of my heart and I promise it will never happen again.

Please Help Me.

I dont know why married men of nowadays are so weak...life nor hard ooh. If she refuses you sex, seek sex outside immediately on a coded level because as a man body nor be firewood its natural for a man to always want sex thats how our hormone works... use condom find a pay girl and enjoy yourself no strings attached. Yes I said what I said. Life continue

foleskay:

No wahala.. When u marry hoard sex for ur man,And let's see the outcome. Hypocrites everywhere

There is nothing like hoarding sex, it is a commodity or a thing of business aso denying one sex is not the same thing as hoarding it isn't the right choice of word.

I am within my rights to deny anybody sex it is bodily autonomy and if I choose to deny him sex he has no right to force me it is equals to rape another thing is using the word "hypocrite doesn't apply here and I am not one

PinkHealthGroup:
You're a rapist. You have raped before. I feel sorry for your wife. You raped and assaulted her. You need to be jailed.

nonsense go police station,nah why blame d man only......imagine d wife going to police station,telling d man DPO dat his husband rape him �....note:d man didnt act responsible......make d wife forgive him n also repent frm starving his husbby in d future.....

Time heals wounds.

Why Rape her when olosho full for market?

@op sorry to say this ooh, this is not the first time you are raping someone.

You thought that marrying and pretending that your are a good man will resolved all your unresolved psychological issues.

Alas your true nature is out in the open for your wife to see.

I am glad you were and still are ashamed of your action.

My advice is that you see a professional help now because sooner or later you will do it again ooh.

As for your wife continue being the good husband (you pretend to be) to her and give her some time to heal. But for sure do seek help ASAP.

Bro pls never out your self in the sport of blame ,my wife too did like yours ,but i just left her.am not in support of u slapping her,but with a big yes she really deserve it,for tempting u to go out side ,so pls be a man ,if u can't put your family together then put you and your child together, u can't change how your wife feels about you but u can bring up your daughter in the ways u want, if your wife is acting funny you are in the right position to deal with her without hurting her, my dad told me that not everything that happened to you or what u do out side you tell your wife.if a wife do not play his part at home ,you play yours and let another woman takes her place secretly without hurting her.you can take a horse to the river but can't force it to drink.

To the op, despite your pleas of forgiveness to her and gifts of apology, she refuse to forgive you and accept your apology, one thing is sure, she is waiting for an opportunity to strike you. Women that has being raped can never forgive their rapists,the trauma will make them kill their rapists. we will hear of your death in nairaland here, for the love of God, don't starve yourself trying to prove a point, leave the house for a very long time, come to the house once in a blue moon to see your daughter, focus on your health, work and life, don't kill yourself with overthinking and hbp will delete you from earth...

IvarDboneless:

I dont know why married men of nowadays are so weak...life nor hard ooh. If she refuses you sex, seek sex outside immediately on a coded level because as a man body nor be firewood its natural for a man to always want sex thats how our hormone works... use condom find a pay girl and enjoy yourself no strings attached. Yes I said what I said. Life continue

You are right life no hard na we dey make am hard for us.

Coded away match would have saved him this life time of embarrasement and disgrace he brought upon himself.

wisemum:
I read this and wondered what I would do if any man does this to my daughter? I went down on my knees and prayed that this kind of man will never cross my daughters pathway. So if your wife wants sex and you have been having a hard time in the office, she should climb on you one day, and just force her way through? Unfortunately, women cannot do that for 2 reasons. The organ of the man will not achieve anything for her if he doesn't want to have sex or is tired, so be it. And the strength of the man will overpower her. You have done wrong. And you have crossed the boundary line. It will certainly happen again since you have crossed the line.

If I were the poor girl, whatever love i had for you has gone out of the window. Sex can never be a loving act again. This marriage is definitely on its way out. It may take 3 years, it may take 10 years. But it will eventually break. Mark my words. And you have yourself to blame.

If only people who commented could reason like you you have said nothing but the truth.

Two wrongs don't make a right. That is what comes to mind after reading your post. You are both wrong but you are wronger than she is and thus the onus of setting things straight rests on you. Haba, first you slap her then you overpowered her and raped her! You sef check am now... Anyway, I will advice both of you to seek help from God, the author of marriage because you both have gotten it wrong. The bible says the wife must submit to the husband in everything including and especially sex except when he is asking her to do something that is against Gods will in which case, she must obey God rather than man. The Bible also says the woman doesn't have the control over her body but the husband does and she should yield to him whenever he desires her. Same applies to the man meaning when you get married, your bodies no longer belong to you but to your spouse, whether you are a man or woman. Why do women think they can deny an able bodied and virile man sex for months and think there will not be consequences? You don't want him to cheat yet you refuse him access to your body. Is that not witchcraft? Look, as a married woman, its not every time your husband makes a move that you will be interested because men naturally have a higher libido than women but a month? Haba! Let's try to meet somewhere in the middle and manage each other in love abeg.
As for you Mr wife beater and raper, you need help! Clearly you have deep sifted issues. Now u have done this, how do u want her to trust u again? Abi u don't hear the saying going round that if he hits you once, he can do it again? Anyway, I won't dwell too much on the mistakes. Sit her down, talk to her, apologise for what you did. Also point out her faults to her, she is no saint in this and her avoiding you is not helping. Are u the devil? Ask her what is her purpose of avoiding you as clearly you guys cannot continue like that. Does she want a divorce? If she does, invite someone she respects to counsel her not to throw her marriage away. If she doesn't, you guys should reach a compromise. Most important, Both of you need to seek Jesus. You are both proud and it may destroy your home. Begin to pray together as a family, it helps. Frank and heartfelt prayer o, not reciting our lords prayer like nursery sch kids. Don't give up, she will come around.

edunaragold:
Bro pls never put your self in the sport of blaming your self,my wife too did like yours ,but i just left her.am not in support of u slapping her,but with a big yes she really deserve it,for tempting u to go out side ,so pls be a man ,if u can't put your family together then put you and your child together, u can't change how your wife feels about you but u can bring up your daughter in the ways u want, if your wife is acting funny you are in the right position to deal with her without hurting her, my dad told me that not everything that happened to you or what u do out side you tell your wife.if a wife do not play his part at home ,you play yours and let another woman takes her place secretly without hurting her.you can take a horse to the river but can't force it to drink.

for now ,as you done beg pls lock up,she too make big mistake and she deserve that slap if u look at the annoying side of her.she went too fat.,is like something is disturbing her,may be she tut marrying you,will be making her happy by given her what she ask of,but happily comes from no body but you alone can make your self happy.

dettolgel:
@op sorry to say this ooh, this is not the first time you are raping someone

You thought that marrying and pretending that your are a good man will resolved all your unresolved psychological issues.

Alas your true nature is out in the open for your wife to see.

I am glad you were and still are ashamed of your action.

My advice is that you see a professional help now because sooner or later you will do it again ooh.

As for your wife continue being the good husband (you pretend to be) to her and give her some time to heal. But for sure do seek help ASAP.

@bold, I wouldn't be surprised if that is the case

Noah9:

I have apologized. I even bought a little gift along side but I saw them inside the trash nylon bag when I came back from work.

I haven't eaten good meal for some days now. Just meat-pie and juice or indomie.

I don't know what to do. I'm truly sorry about my actions.

I don't see the reason why you have to apologize,isn't she suppose to be your wife or did you marry her to decorate your bed with it,I pity for you staying up to one month with no sex,no side chick and battling with konji,how do you even manage to live like that and still pretend you are the husband,to my point of view looks like your wife has low libido and very poor sex drive,you cannot continue to flog a donkey to drink at the river,you have just two choices to salvage your marriage,either you masturbate to reduce the pressure of konji or you get a loyal side chick and be ready for their bills and drama.and manage whatever meagre sexual crumbs you can manage from your wife,she's lucky she is not married to some naughty men that has loyal side chicks,they will ignore her totally and she will beg for them to even touch her again,for a woman to stay up to one month sleeping in same bed with her husband and not have sex and also reject his advances is serious,it shows far more issues then mere counseling or talking to the wife can solve,it shows that the woman is frigid.

Mom007:
Two wrongs don't make a right. That is what comes to mind after reading your post. You are both wrong but you are wronger than she is and thus the onus of setting things straight rests on you. Haba, first you slap her then you overpowered her and raped her! You sef check am now... Anyway, I will advice both of you to seek help from God, the author of marriage because you both have gotten it wrong. The bible says the wife must submit to the husband in everything including and especially sex except when he is asking her to do something that is against Gods will in which case, she must obey God rather than man. The Bible also says the woman doesn't have the control over her body but the husband does and she should yield to him whenever he desires her. Same applies to the man meaning when you get married, your bodies no longer belong to you but to your spouse, whether you are a man or woman. Why do women think they can deny an able bodied and virile man sex for months and think there will not be consequences? You don't want him to cheat yet you refuse him access to your body. Is that not witchcraft? Look, as a married woman, its not every time your husband makes a move that you will be interested because men naturally have a higher libido than women but a month? Haba! Let's try to meet somewhere in the middle and manage each other in love abeg.
As for you Mr wife beater and raper, you need help! Clearly you have deep sifted issues. Now u have done this, how do u want her to trust u again? Abi u don't hear the saying going round that if he hits you once, he can do it again? Anyway, I won't dwell too much on the mistakes. Sit her down, talk to her, apologise for what you did. Also point out her faults to her, she is no saint in this and her avoiding you is not helping. Are u the devil? Ask her what is her purpose of avoiding you as clearly you guys cannot continue like that. Does she want a divorce? If she does, invite someone she respects to counsel her not to throw her marriage away. If she doesn't, you guys should reach a compromise. Most important, Both of you need to seek Jesus. You are both proud and it may destroy your home. Begin to pray together as a family, it helps. Frank and heartfelt prayer o, not reciting our lords prayer like nursery sch kids. Don't give up, she will come around.

They need a therapist, especially the wife who is going through trauma and looking for a coping mechanism.

She doesn't need a religious advice, because a woman is married she should not lose her free will in the name of submission it is advice like this that is the foundation of the problem because a man would want to take it by force if his wife is not willing.

tpapi:
please can u give reasons because am finding it difficult to understand y a married woman wont have urge for sex for several months

They have the urge for sex, but they have been trained to withhold it at an early age, unlike men. Personally, I think some of the reasons are

1. Women are incapable of loving a man, they fake love and after a foolish man must have wifed a woman, she starts withholding sex like a terrorist holding a hostage. Sex in that marriage becomes transactional and nothing else.

2. Men have higher sex drive more, unlike women with low sex drive. A man's dick can rise on seeing just cleavage or ass, but it's rare for a woman to get turned on like that. I know a lady that just my presence makes her wet & soaks her pants. Compare marrying such a lady, to a lady that only money makes her open her legs up.

3. Most women live a boring and unhappy life, don't be deceived by their make-up & what they post online. Men are their source of happiness & marriage their final security. Foolish is the man who thinks a woman can make his life happy. After 4- 5 years in marriage, when reality strikes...they go back to their default settings, and frustrating the man's life too by withdrawing sex.


4. When the man is no longer doing so well financially, or lost his job. She can withdraw sex for several months as a punishment for the husband to step up. Sex is one of the greatest weapon in the arsenal of women.

Marriage is a cold war, men enter this war with catapult but women always with RPGs, and Uzis.


To make a woman stay on her toes, stay toxic...never give her a total peace of mind

Ladyhippolyta88:


@bold, actually I do.
I also know that Nigerian law hasn't ratified spousal rape which does exist and the Op raped his wife and even if he cannot be held for that in Nigeria, he assaulted her apart from the bold you just stated rubbish.

The next time you throw abusive words at me I will report you.

Go and report ur mama .... this is 2022 better get sense and stop throwing foolish feminist doctrines... but look at this one oooo....u think I de fear ban... abi nairaland de pay me , or do u think I'm as jobless as u and depend on social media... I'm not even a social media person , I'm 4kin old skool.... look at this one oooo better get sense

I will report u ...chai , I'm scared , I'm scared

... like say police go come carry me abi wetin?? Mumu people too much fir this forum...I can see ur life depends on nairaland, cos it dint , u wudnt mk foolish statements like that...

Nairaland should even be happy that we de patronise dem out of all the blogs wey plenty for internet

It seems you consider the slap more violent than the rape itself. That in itself shows that you have a lot to grasp when it comes to bodily autonomy and consent.

Yes the rape is worse than him seeking his sexual gratification elsewhere be it with his sister or sister-in-law. Long as it’s consensual

Afterall sexual incompatibility is a good reason for divorce. But rape is never a justifiable outcome no matter how you try to twist it

advanceDNA:



Coco...Haba!!!

Really.. so slapping you in your cheek is now worse than impregnating your best friend or sister??

So an act has to be violent before we can consider provocation.....U sef know so this your logic no follow...

FBIBOT:
Now I have to do alot to erase that scene from her mind.... The love she had for you don reduce to 50%

50% is GOOD. I'll take it

wisemum:
I read this and wondered what I would do if any man does this to my daughter? I went down on my knees and prayed that this kind of man will never cross my daughters pathway. So if your wife wants sex and you have been having a hard time in the office, she should climb on you one day, and just force her way through? Unfortunately, women cannot do that for 2 reasons. The organ of the man will not achieve anything for her if he doesn't want to have sex or is tired, so be it. And the strength of the man will overpower her. You have done wrong. And you have crossed the boundary line. It will certainly happen again since you have crossed the line.

If I were the poor girl, whatever love i had for you has gone out of the window. Sex can never be a loving act again. This marriage is definitely on its way out. It may take 3 years, it may take 10 years. But it will eventually break. Mark my words. And you have yourself to blame.

One day , one week ok...not one month...if u are having a hard time at work....discuss it with ur wife thats part of what marriage is all about...

Hahaha! Why even bother marrying?

I didn’t misquote you. I used your exact words word for word. It didn’t make sense when you read it coming from another person right? My point is made.

You’re not an object. You’re a person in control of your own body.

Nothing I’ve said negates selflessness in marriage. You can be selfless and still maintain your own autonomy without seeing yourself as someone who has no right over their own body.
Yes there are things you can tolerate from your partner only but rape isn’t one of them.

Mercychen:


Can you stop misquoting me and go straight to your opinion?

I never said marriage is literally about taking nonsense. That was just an idiom! There are things you would normally not take but for the sake of marriage, you take them.
Got that?

So, if sex is not pleasurable or you don't feel up to it and your partner is dying to have it, you can't sacrifice to satisfy him that moment? Hmmm
This was why I said marriage is SELFISH AND SELF-CENTERED these days. It's always about one person. As long as you're fine the other person can go to hell.
Where is the love (sacrifice) we claim to have for each other?
Where is the selflessness that should be Paramount in our marriages to make it work?

These are the things causing divorce and separation in so many marriages and the more reason I'm still looking at it in 3D for now.

Kingcalls:


[s]Go and report ur mama .... this is 2022 better get sense and stop throwing foolish feminist doctrines... but look at this one oooo....u think I de fear ban... abi nairaland de pay me , or do u think I'm as jobless as u and depend on social media... I'm not even a social media person , I'm 4kin old skool.... look at this one oooo better get sense

I will report u ...chai , I'm scared , I'm scared

... like say police go come carry me abi wetin?? Mumu people too much fir this forum...I can see ur life depends on nairaland, cos it dint , u wudnt mk foolish statements like that...

Nairaland should even be happy that we de patronise dem out of all the blogs wey plenty for internet[/s]

I will apologise to myself for choosing to go low by dialoguing with a crass being never again will I indulge you

IvarDboneless:

I dont know why married men of nowadays are so weak...life nor hard ooh. If she refuses you sex, seek sex outside immediately on a coded level because as a man body nor be firewood its natural for a man to always want sex thats how our hormone works... use condom find a pay girl and enjoy yourself no strings attached. Yes I said what I said. Life continue

Exactly what the devil wants ...commit adultery against God's commandments... women brought sin into the world and they still somehow systematically enable sin

Ladyhippolyta88:


There is nothing like hoarding sex, it is a commodity or a thing of business aso denying one sex is not the same thing as hoarding it isn't the right choice of word.

I am within my rights to deny anybody sex it is bodily autonomy and if I choose to deny him sex he has no right to force me it is equals to rape another thing is using the word "hypocrite doesn't apply here and I am not one

Il know youre not a hypocrite when u deny ur husband sex and we witness the outcome

Ladyhippolyta88:


I will apologise to myself for choosing to go low by dialoguing with a crass being never again will I indulge you

...na wetin fit una... FFK and Dino meleye

Yea, including ur dad right?

Christinaog:

Men are scum