The advice not to tell others about problems in your personal life is often formulated in the form of a saying: "Do not wash dirty linen in public!"

The saying sounds suspicious. Is it to dig it up? Where to go, if you can’t take it out of the hut? Or should there be no litter in the hut at all? But is it possible?

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In fact, the correct version sounded differently: "Do not wash dirty linen in the hut when the sun has set." The meaning of this saying is about the same as "Morning of the evening is wiser."



The point is not only that the Slavs believed in witches who rampage at night and use the rubbish of their neighbors to induce damage.



This rule is still valid today.



There is no need to try to put things in order in your life when you are tired, there is chaos and darkness in your mind. It is necessary to get enough sleep, bring the nervous system to a normal state, achieve clarity of mind, and then make important decisions: what is rubbish and what is not, what to get rid of, what not to.



There is another proverb that is closer to the meaning in which "do not wash dirty linen" is used in our time: "Do not wash dirty linen in public."



According to the rules of the settlements of our ancestors, rubbish should have been swept from the corners to the center of the hut, collected and taken away from the settlement.



So the rule to keep the secret of intimate communication performs two tasks at once. You protect other people's ears from negativity and protect yourself and your partner. We will consider both tasks based on the results of the survey.



Alien ears

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Many are sure that there is definitely nothing to protect other people's ears, of course, everyone is very interested when they are told intimate details, especially discrediting one of the participants. . People willingly engage in self-destruction and even expose themselves to ridicule, hoping in this way to get out of an acute internal conflict.



The search for "repentance" and even punishment for the sake of relief is a well-known human habit. She often dresses in a robe of "humility", a need to "lose her pride" and even "remove her crown".



People and themselves are ready to present themselves in a negative light and a partner if they are trying to cut the Gordian knot of the conflict, which could not be unraveled. Some are so used to humiliating themselves and humiliating their partners that they don’t feed them bread, let me describe in detail what kind of rags they are, how they wiped their feet again today and what a pig their partner is. Or they are a pig, and he is a rag, it does not matter. It seems to them that it helps to reflect on everything that happens, get feedback and see the way out. At the very least, let off steam.



Other ears are perceived by many storytellers at this point as beneficiaries. They are opened before them, shrines are opened to them, they are given the right to judge. Incredible honor!



In fact, there are many negative consequences for other people's ears (eyes) during such acts of exhibitionism and auto-aggression. And it is better for you and other people's ears to remember this when you sweep your rubbish from the hut.



After an act of self-abasement and humiliation of a partner, a person, as a rule, comes "to himself", he does not remain in a fit of masochism and self-destruction. Even if he has a long-term habit of undressing and complaining and he no longer worries about the fact that this happens to him regularly, he is still not in a state of rag all the time. Witnesses to his bad state in a normal state seem to him almost invaders. They took advantage of his weakness and penetrated his inner world, seeing him from a negative side. They literally "poked their nose" into his rubbish and rummaged through it with curiosity.

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Do not be surprised if among those who discuss their intimate details with you, you will find many secret ill-wishers. They are mad at themselves for talking, they are mad at you for being "beneficiaries" (although the benefits are usually zero, but if the person thinks that he also burdened you, he will become even more angry). People do not like those who saw them in a negative way. People love those in front of whom they can look noble and beautiful. Well, those who rise from above at the moments of revealing hidden corners (advises, criticizes, encourages), people completely hate, even if they are not aware of this hatred.

For some reason, many people associate friendship only with such slag, for which there are a lot of excuses: "without feedback there is no reflection" (on the contrary, real reflection can be developed by stopping opening publicly with foam like a beer bottle that has been shaken, and starting on your own evaluate yourself), “if you don’t share, you can go crazy with emotions” (or develop your own supports without resorting to a little external), “if you don’t turn inside out, there will be no intimacy” (maybe there will be much more stable and benevolent intimacy , and not bouts of fusion and separation after affect).



Protecting yourself and your partner



The fact that by revealing to others the secret corners of your personal life, and even in the negative light of resentment and jealousy, you are substituted, is probably understandable. Information can be used against you and your partner. If your partner knew this, he would be offended or even furious, but many, especially women, justify it like this:

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He should be glad that I let off steam, he gets less negativity.


He should be glad that I value our relationship and actively look for a way out.


In these justifications, the crown is visible to the naked eye. The chatterbox suggests that the second is struggling to maintain relations and is ready for any measures, just to soften the quarrels and delay the break. In fact, most chatterbox partners are ready to quarrel and even break up, so as not to become the object of discussion of strangers at the suggestion of a loved one.



Another typical female argument (some men also sin with it).



I myself would not mind if he discussed me with friends.



The speaker does not imagine that negative things will be said about him (he himself does not see anything bad in himself), he himself does not think that he is talking about negative things, it seems to him that "only facts."



People often think that just saying that they love and want to be together is enough to offset any negative information about a partner. He is rude, lazy, dull in sex, earns little, finds fault with trifles, behaves like a pig in everyday life, likes to show off, whine, gets drunk in the trash, BUT she still loves him.

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