Kate999:
I have been in a serious relationship with a guy for 7 years, last year I formally introduced him to my parents. We want to start the marriage arrangements this year but my mum has bluntly refused my fiancée, her excuse is that the guy is not presentable due to his slender physique and she feels that I will be maltreated by the guy once we get married.

I know this guy too well and he cares for me a lot and has never raised his hands on me. My mum has insisted that if I go on with the my wedding plans she will disown me and place a curse on me.

What baffles me is that she has never seen this guy in person, they have only talked on the phone, she just made her judgement via phone calls and photographs.

I really want to fight for what I love but both my parents have refused to respect my decision.

It seem to me that you are not independent emotionally especially in relationship matters. I read your earlier post and all I can see is my mommy this and my mommy that. You are not mature for relationship yet, so please stay away from guys for now. Your mom knows you are not emotionally strong, hence the interference from her all the time.

How old are you?

You should dismother her immediately

nedekid:

Hmm, never disregard the opinion of parents. It is said what they see seating down, a child will stand on a building and not see.
Certain things advice I rejected back in the day, I see the results today I wish I hadn't. Not all but some.
Having grown kids now makes me see, you just have to consider what your parents say.
In this case, the lady should look well if there is merit and not be blinded with love. Afterall, when the yawa gases, is it not her parents she will run back to?
Who will have the sleepless nights? Her mother! Who will bear her expenses, her father.
Abi why do you think Bible even registry will ask if the parents have given their blessings?

As a grown person, do you still take your issues to your parents? Oga, the pain or gain of our actions are to be borne by us ooo.

Go and marry him with or without thier consent...

Show us his pic, let's us know if your mum is wright or wrong.

Don't mind me shaa, am just being funny.

Don't listen to the threat of your parents, especially your mum. Go by your choice, if you've examine the guy character and he such a person you can spend the rest of your life with. If you allow them to stop you from getting married to someone heart accept, you can never be comfortable with it any other guy outside there, cos the rejection didn't come from either you or him and if eventually you listen to them and marry another person, a day will come when you get issue with the person and you start blaming and hating your parents, cos they are the ones that stops you from going for what your heart captured.

So try and get your parents convinced that he is the kind of person you want as partner.

I have a friend that impregnate one of my relatives and his dad vow that he is not going to be alive and watch his son marry that girl. He insisted that should the guy should go on to marry the girl, he is going to disown the guy and put a curse on him. The guy said no problem that his Dad should go on and disown him and the curse on him.

And the father later did as he said, the guy took the girl and rent house outside he was living with the girl as his wife, not too long the guy Dad died. Remember is not only the man that took the decision, even the guy mother and his female siblings hated the girl also for no cause.

So now, the question is, where is the man that disowned his son because he his son decide to marry whom he got pregnant? Inside his grave, did he know how his son is faring? If the guy listen to him, and marry whom he doesn't want, because of the pressure of his father, now that the dad is dead, how will he know if the is living happily with the girl?

So when it comes to marriage, go for who your heart accept and not who your parents want.

TELL HER TO SHOW YOU YOUR FATHERS PICTURE BEFORE SHE MARRIED HIM,TELL HER YOU WILL FEED HIM TO FATNESS AND GREATNESS LATER IN LIFE,TELL HER THAT IF SHE MUST PLACE CURSE EDAKUN IT SHOULD BE KEKERE ONE NOT THE ONE THAT WILL CARRY YOU TO SHILOH FOR 10YRS.....BUT ABOVE ALL JUST GO TO GOD IN PRAYERS LET GO OF THE SITUATION AND LET GOD TAKE CHARGE.HIS WILL NOT YOUR WILL

Are you at least 18 years of age? I suspect you are given that you've been in a relationship with your man for seven years.

As an adult (18 years and older), you are the author of your own life. There is no way to shift the blame(when you rlife turns out badly) and no one else to accept the accolades(when you make the right decisions). Your mother had 18 years(until you became an adult) to teach you and inculcate in you whatever values she deemed fit. Now you are in the driving seat of your life. Yes, your parents can give advice and make suggestions when you are an adult. But they have no right whatsoever to direct and insist on how you must live your life.

It now depends on you and your man and how much you care about each other. I have not seen a marriage that became unsuccessful because a traditional marriage ceremony was not performed. You can actually conduct a decent wedding ceremony at the Registry or in Church. These are just one off, half day events. What will matter is how you and your man treat each other every day for the rest of your lives. You seem to indicate that this is the guy who will treat you with the respect, dignity and love you deserve.

You'd be surprised how quickly your parents will fall into line when they realise you are getting married without them. But even if they do not fall in line, it is about you and not them. They will not be the ones getting daily beatings , or being verbally abused or worse, if you leave this guy and marry some idiot. Nigeria is full of women who have died because family and friends insisted they must marry someone they did not want to marry, or stay in marriages where they are being killed slowly each day. Dont add to the number.

Kate999:
I have been in a serious relationship with a guy for 7 years, last year I formally introduced him to my parents. We want to start the marriage arrangements this year but my mum has bluntly refused my fiancée, her excuse is that the guy is not presentable due to his slender physique and she feels that I will be maltreated by the guy once we get married.

I know this guy too well and he cares for me a lot and has never raised his hands on me. My mum has insisted that if I go on with the my wedding plans she will disown me and place a curse on me.

What baffles me is that she has never seen this guy in person, they have only talked on the phone, she just made her judgement via phone calls and photographs.

I really want to fight for what I love but both my parents have refused to respect my decision.

nairalanders advise me on what to tell this girl ,, I'm speechless...

It's a great site to reach Ghanaian audience.

EyezofGod12056: Nice concept. forum is a good alternative to NL

It's more than his slender nature trust me. Take your time and work with your finance to win her over. I don't know your relationship with your mom but if your family is close knitted like mine, i won't advise you to go ahead and marry a man without your family. I didn't do it and that was my saving grace during the most turbulent period because my family is my support structure.

pls nairalanders pls advise on what to tell this girl, I'm speechless

GboyegaD:


As a grown person, do you still take your issues to your parents? Oga, the pain or gain of our actions are to be borne by us ooo.

Mostly in the case of women, when they have issues in marriage, even as grown women, where is there first port of call?
And answering your direct question, as a grown man, I have not just once, but several times over the years had cause to consult our patriarch. And when possible solutions or advice given.
The last was 3 weeks ago, a couple of phone calls made on my behalf is solving the issue on ground.
No shame in that.
NB: By issues, what I meant was I still consult on life's issues. NOT MARRAIGE.

Kate999:
I have been in a serious relationship with a guy for 7 years, last year I formally introduced him to my parents. We want to start the marriage arrangements this year but my mum has bluntly refused my fiancée, her excuse is that the guy is not presentable due to his slender physique and she feels that I will be maltreated by the guy once we get married.

I know this guy too well and he cares for me a lot and has never raised his hands on me. My mum has insisted that if I go on with the my wedding plans she will disown me and place a curse on me.

What baffles me is that she has never seen this guy in person, they have only talked on the phone, she just made her judgement via phone calls and photographs.

I really want to fight for what I love but both my parents have refused to respect my decision.

the bolded dey make me check dictionary taya... wetin be introduction again, is it now done by proxy or something?

Kate999:


Indeed! We both live in different states that is why it has been difficult to come over/visit. Now I want to formally introduce him to the family by inviting him over as we want to take things to the next level but they have bluntly refused to see him, giving me flimsy excuses.

This story get as e be
Are u saying all these 7 years u & this guy have been dating, he has not visited your family for once & meet your parents?? Why is the issue of not approving him coming up now?

GboyegaD:


Speaks volume of the wisdom you think you possess.

Gboyega, no be fight. But I am putting it to you that if your in laws aren't feeling you, it's wrong, even culturally, no be until you spend millions... It just shows you value their daughter.

U no tell ur mama wetin u dey enjoy for your lekpa boyfriend.
Abeg tell mama say lekpa boys na fire for ze oza room matter.

may320:
@Kate999

I'll say you're not a serious fellow and you're toying with your life.
How can you be in a "serious" relationship with a guy for 7yrs and your parents have not set their eyes on him even for once??
Do you even have regards for your parents at all?
If he's living in another state, how do you now see him so often and your parents are yet to see him for once??
What are you both hiding? Maybe he was even talking like a rogue when he spoke with your parents on phone.
She may not be telling you everything cos you're not even wise enough to approach the issue maturely with her.

See, marriage is not bf/gf things o.
You need to arrange how he'll see your parents first, let them assess him and if they don't want him, look for another person to marry.
Our mums most times can smell some things from afar and use sixth sense when it comes to certain decisions.
Be wise!

Who raised our generation like this? They should assess him before he married their daughter and if they don't want him, she should find someone else. Never knew there's a store one shops for future partners until now.

Omniman:
Damn!

7 years... & the guy never meet your peeps for once even if na to introduce as a friend.
Both of you are not serious.

Honestly
The story get k leg

Help2020:

Mum that is supposed to be telling you to marry him is rather doing the opposite. If you let this guy go,and you don't find another man in the next few years,mum will ask you when will you marry. She will put so much pressure on you to the extent you will get tired o.. I have a friend who is her 40s. No husband no children. When she was in her 20s a man came for her,and the father refused her to marry him. Today the father is dead,and she is suffering. Last time she even told me that if it was possible she would have awaken her father to come and see the pain he caused her. So use ur brain. Don't let ur mum destroy ur future. A word is enough for the wise oo.
Kindly let me knw if you read this post Op

I find this highly unbelievable, you mean no man since the father sent away the last one? Make una dey take am easy with this bobo.

franchasng:

I am sure your mom judged your bf by his not rich looking photograph which many ladies also do; judging a successful man based on how glamorous his picture background looks and if it's a foreign obodo Oyimbo background which if that happens to be the case, our Nigerian mothers and ladies will automatically accept the guy's hand in marriage with the assumption that he is rich since some white people are in his picture background lolz

Lol!

Kate999:
I have been in a serious relationship with a guy for 7 years, last year I formally introduced him to my parents. We want to start the marriage arrangements this year but my mum has bluntly refused my fiancée, her excuse is that the guy is not presentable due to his slender physique and she feels that I will be maltreated by the guy once we get married.

I know this guy too well and he cares for me a lot and has never raised his hands on me. My mum has insisted that if I go on with the my wedding plans she will disown me and place a curse on me.

What baffles me is that she has never seen this guy in person, they have only talked on the phone, she just made her judgement via phone calls and photographs.

I really want to fight for what I love but both my parents have refused to respect my decision.

I guess your parents gave those flimsy excuses to ensure you cut off your relationship with that guy, the guy probably doesn't have enough bar to cater for you and your parents don't like the idea of you settling with him...

Trust parents ,they will never tell you finance is the reason they're not giving their support to relationships they don't want, but zoom out and see the bigger picture,that's probably the reason why.....

Loewe:


Gboyega, no be fight. But I am putting it to you that if your in laws aren't feeling you, it's wrong, even culturally, no be until you spend millions... It just shows you value their daughter.

Why do they need to feel me? I'm myself and live my life the best way I deem it. We will call to check on one another once in a while since they talk to their daughter as many times as they want and they are sure all is well.

What matters to me is that I'm at peace with my wife and vice versa. At the end of it all, we both feel the impact of our actions more than anyone else.

Una still dey fight for love?

GboyegaD:


Why do they need to feel me? I'm myself and live my life the best way I deem it. We will call to check on one another once in a while since they talk to their daughter as many times as they want and they are sure all is well.

What matters to me is that I'm at peace with my wife and vice versa. At the end of it all, we both feel the impact of our actions more than anyone else.

You can live your life the way you are, ALONE, not with someone's daughter because they raised her a certain way, not for you to DOMINATE her with your personal views on life and kick her family to the curbs. When you give birth to a daughter too, you will know what it takes to raise a child well and have one boy be sharing yeye western views that never work.

Very soon, you will realize you are viewing relationship issues from a very tiny perspective and time will teach you better. Shalom.

Kate999:
I have been in a serious relationship with a guy for 7 years, last year I formally introduced him to my parents. We want to start the marriage arrangements this year but my mum has bluntly refused my fiancée, her excuse is that the guy is not presentable due to his slender physique and she feels that I will be maltreated by the guy once we get married.

I know this guy too well and he cares for me a lot and has never raised his hands on me. My mum has insisted that if I go on with the my wedding plans she will disown me and place a curse on me.

What baffles me is that she has never seen this guy in person, they have only talked on the phone, she just made her judgement via phone calls and photographs.

I really want to fight for what I love but both my parents have refused to respect my decision.

her curse will not work that's for sure except she's diabolic.
stand your ground if he is the man that makes you happy, its not like good men abound everywhere. good luck

P.S. Come to think of it OP, you've been in a relationship with only this guy (i'm assuming) and your parents don't know him ? your siblings aren't friends or communicating with him ? In a relationship that has lasted this long usually everyone knows you to the point that you're an unofficial member of the family.

Kate999:
I have been in a serious relationship with a guy for 7 years, last year I formally introduced him to my parents. We want to start the marriage arrangements this year but my mum has bluntly refused my fiancée, her excuse is that the guy is not presentable due to his slender physique and she feels that I will be maltreated by the guy once we get married.

I know this guy too well and he cares for me a lot and has never raised his hands on me. My mum has insisted that if I go on with the my wedding plans she will disown me and place a curse on me.

What baffles me is that she has never seen this guy in person, they have only talked on the phone, she just made her judgement via phone calls and photographs.

I really want to fight for what I love but both my parents have refused to respect my decision.

Even if I'm your mother, I will not allow this shabby marriage. How can you date someone for 7 good years and your mother did not see him for once yet you call it serious relationship?
You only posted this here to get sympathy but refused to do the needful. Some ladies are busy wishing to have this type of mother who would correct their misdeeds.
Don't tag parents unnecessarily for being against your choice when you don't have one in the first place.
I stand with your mother

Kate999:
I have been in a serious relationship with a guy for 7 years, last year I formally introduced him to my parents. We want to start the marriage arrangements this year but my mum has bluntly refused my fiancée, her excuse is that the guy is not presentable due to his slender physique and she feels that I will be maltreated by the guy once we get married.

I know this guy too well and he cares for me a lot and has never raised his hands on me. My mum has insisted that if I go on with the my wedding plans she will disown me and place a curse on me.

What baffles me is that she has never seen this guy in person, they have only talked on the phone, she just made her judgement via phone calls and photographs.

I really want to fight for what I love but both my parents have refused to respect my decision.

OPTION A Get pregnant and defiantly wait till they come around
OPTION B Do court weeding snd continue life

The truth is don't allow another human being dictate ur happiness.its only God your creator that has that power..no one came against your parents when they wanted to marry..why should they come against yours...be wise

Loewe:


You can live your life the way you are, ALONE, not with someone's daughter because they raised her a certain way, not for you to DOMINATE her with your personal views on life and kick her family to the curbs. When you give birth to a daughter too, you will know what it takes to raise a child well and have one boy be sharing yeye western views that never work.

Very soon, you will realize you are viewing relationship issues from a very tiny perspective and time will teach you better. Shalom.

Oga, leave sorry for tortoise. No one dominates another and it is a marriage. What matters is that we love and respect one another and the last I checked, a marriage is between two individuals and not a crowd.

Most importantly, raise a child properly and you got no reasons to worry over his/her choices because you have taught the child rightly.

nedekid:

Hmm, never disregard the opinion of parents. It is said what they see seating down, a child will stand on a building and not see.
Certain things advice I rejected back in the day, I see the results today I wish I hadn't. Not all but some.
Having grown kids now makes me see, you just have to consider what your parents say.
In this case, the lady should look well if there is merit and not be blinded with love. Afterall, when the yawa gases, is it not her parents she will run back to?
Who will have the sleepless nights? Her mother! Who will bear her expenses, her father.
Abi why do you think Bible even registry will ask if the parents have given their blessings?

If I tell you my case ehn ... you will shiver ooo

Haakeem:
Tell her to lay her cure that you don't care.

Girl! Fight for the man you lo*v as far he isnt into fetish things or you would regret sooner or later. Imagine! Some parents enh...

you obviously lack good pare ntal up bringing

Raalsalghul:


I find this highly unbelievable, you mean no man since the father sent away the last one? Make una dey take am easy with this bobo.

You talk as if there is no single ladies in 40s everywhere. Believe it or not,I have no reason to lie here.