Dear people here, Pls don't mind my long story and some bad expressions, I couldn't sleep and had to put this up here. I hardly do it. I need your advise. my elder sister, the first born in our family died in year 2010. Before her death, she had four children, two males and two females. Her husband who is the father of her 4 children had consistently proved irresponsible before her death, this man had another wive even when my sister was on sick bed, we later discovered that one other woman has a child for him apart from this second wife while my sister was still alive.
The man asked my sisters children whose eldest was just 12 when their mother died to go and learn a trade since he cant afford to put them in school. One of my other elder sisters had to take the two youngest of the kids and trained them through primary school while the two eldest lived with their grandmother who is my mother. By the time the eldest finished JSS3, i had graduated from the university. he is a very brilliant boy so i had to take care of his senior secondary school in a public school which happened to be what i could afford then. The boy lived with me for 8 good years and by the grace of God, I saw him through university. When he was in 300 level, his younger sister entered Adeyemi College of Education for a degree in education, that made my load heavier. My sisters were helping them with foodstuff and little pocket money while I paid school fees, accommodation and other fees for the two of them. The elder graduated in engineering a year before his sister. After his NYSC he called me one day to tell me one of the paramilitary organisations in Nigeria under the ministry of interior was recruiting and that someone wanted to sell a slot, I had to borrow 250k to join with what he had to buy the slot for him from one northerner. A year later, I used my closeness to a particular Ekiti politician to secure teaching job for his younger sister in a federal government school. At this point, their younger sister was in the polytechnic and to my dismay, these two guys will always refer this young girl to me each time she asked them for money. at first, I thought its because they were yet to settle down fully so I had to continue to really stretch myself more to take care of the education of this young girl. If not for the little side business I run, each of these two guys earns more money than myself being FG workers. I works with state ministry. The girl completed her national diploma last year, she is on IT now. Now the last born is in the university and these guys still sends him to me for his school fees. They told him point blank to go to uncle. The boy is in part two, I actually paid for acceptance, school fees and all those stuffs last year. I was thinking they have assisted him with this session only for him to come home because of ASUU strike and inform me that he is yet to register for the new session which started since late January. His brother and sister told him to go to uncle as usual. Their father who never contributed anything to their education is also telling everyone who cared to listen to him that I am the one who told these two not to help him financially. So these two are not helping their father, they are not helping their siblings, they are not helping anybody. What manner of people are these? I feel like stopping any form of assistance to these young girl and boy but my sisters and my mum are insisting I shouldn't. You know all those, "you are doing it for God" kind of stuff. These guys are mean men, they hardly pick my calls and I have stopped discussing their siblings issues with them since last year. How do I handle these guys pls? I am tired and my own responsibilities are mounting up daily.

Don't worry, go and sleep. You have a good mind. They are ingrates. Perhaps they take after their irresponsible father. Honestly I also agree that whatever you do is unto God. Help the little girl through her HND and the younger boy through his degree. God will bless you because of certain reasons, this may be the reason.

If I were you, I would call the guy who came to ask for school fees, sit him down and explain to him that his siblings are earning over 200k, and you want them to take over payment of his fees henceforth. You explain to him that even your salary is below theirs. Looks like they are very wicked children, just like their father, and that's why they have the mind to abandon their younger one.

Bear in mind that when you do this, they may all gang up to begin to speak evil about you, and totally forget all your help in the past.

Life would be far easy if people wwre very frank and honest no matter whose ox is being gored.

Keep putting yourself under pressure just to satisfy "he is a kind man" till you die and is buried under the rubble.

Honestly, you have done your part and you have every right to step away. Stop because only when you stop will the other two step up.

They're all young so take 2 years off from all bills... in those 2 years or 3 years if the older siblings, the father, or anyone else, doesn't step up to cover these needs, then you could be the last resort.

The reason your nephew/niece aren't stepping in is because you are available, and willing so if you lock up and move on, then the younger ones will be forced to beg their elder siblings, and the siblings will feel the pressure, and they will stand in.

gentlekay2017:
Their father who never contributed anything to their education is also telling everyone who cared to listen to him that I am the one who told these two not to help him financially. So these two are not helping their father, they are not helping their siblings, they are not helping anybody. What manner of people are these? I feel like stopping any form of assistance to these young girl and boy but my sisters and my mum are insisting I shouldn't. You know all those, "you are doing it for God" kind of stuff. These guys are mean men, they hardly pick my calls and I have stopped discussing their siblings issues with them since last year. How do I handle these guys pls? I am tired and my own responsibilities are mounting up daily.

Why do you care what their father thinks or says? And what right does he have to ask children he abandoned to help him with anything to begin with?

Please stop concerning yourself with meaningless things and focus on processing that which matters.

Have you tried having a one-on-one with each of the older siblings to explain to them why it is not their turn to pitch in and help their siblings? If you have, then don't give up and keep trying to get through to them as the younger ones on helping each other out so you at least know you did your part in teaching them to come together as a family would. When done, let life do the rest.

You have to stop now and start saving the money for your old age. Save the money for your future family and grow your bank account and invest.
You won't find anyone to help you in your 70s so now is time to save money.
You have done well now focus on yourself.

Send the one they sent to you back to them.

Na you kill their mama or did you tell her to pop out four kids for an irresponsible man? If the answer is no then you have absolutely zero obligations fund them to begin with. You have tired enough lifting the first 2 to the level they are now.

Don't let anybody emotionally blackmail you using the God card to force you to keep sponsoring these adults. Thet are NOT your responsibility. You stretched yourself to train the older siblings, what became of it? They excommunicated you That's exactly what the remaining 2 will do to you once they also become financially stable. Call all siblings together and tell the older ones that henceforth, they are now financially responsible for their younger ones, you have tried your best. If they don't yield and the younger ones eventually drop out, it is absolutely not your fault in any way. No be you kill their mama or asked their papa to be useless.

The most annoying thing about these bunch of ingrates is how they go to social media to brag about how they "trained themselves" after all the family "abandoned" them without ever acknowledging the family members that were there for them. That's why I no dey do pass myself when it comes to extended family matters

Things that happen inside this world, your case is almost same with one I know of very irresponsible man that have 4 children with one of my cousins, she is also late the children was shared among the families while the last 2 was taking to the village with the grandma which happens to be my own dad elder sister,...... Long story Short one of the Grandma son literally shoulder the responsibility of this guy's only for them to start earning little change and start seeing and spending on their dad that had abandoned them for years in discreet.

So I will suggest and advise you to do whatever comes to to your mind and move on with your life.

Stop being overly nice to your own detriment

dominique:


The most annoying thing about these bunch of ingrates us how they go to social media to brag about how they "trained themselves" after all the family "abandoned" them without ever acknowledging the family members that were there for them. That's why I no dey do pass myself when it comes to extended family matters

This.

Funny how I can 100% relate to this story.

#Sigh

You have really really tried for those children, even some parents don't do as much you've done. The two older siblings are just plain wicked and irresponsible like their father because they don't need anyone to cajole them into shouldering their younger siblings' education.

I believe you also have bills to pay and your life to build, this one that they hardly pick your calls, better start saving up for yourself and your immediate family. Strongly refer the younger siblings to them, that is their responsibility. Only a staunch ingrate would say you haven't tried fir them

PrimadonnaO:
Funny how I can 100% relate to this story.

#Sigh

Hmmmn

gentlekay2017:
Dear people here, Pls don't mind my long story and some bad expressions, I couldn't sleep and had to put this up here. I hardly do it. I need your advise. my elder sister, the first born in our family died in year 2010. Before her death, she had four children, two males and two females. Her husband who is the father of her 4 children had consistently proved irresponsible before her death, this man had another wive even when my sister was on sick bed, we later discovered that one other woman has a child for him apart from this second wife while my sister was still alive.
The man asked my sisters children whose eldest was just 12 when their mother died to go and learn a trade since he cant afford to put them in school. One of my other elder sisters had to take the two youngest of the kids and trained them through primary school while the two eldest lived with their grandmother who is my mother. By the time the eldest finished JSS3, i had graduated from the university. he is a very brilliant boy so i had to take care of his senior secondary school in a public school which happened to be what i could afford then. The boy lived with me for 8 good years and by the grace of God, I saw him through university. When he was in 300 level, his younger sister entered Adeyemi College of Education for a degree in education, that made my load heavier. My sisters were helping them with foodstuff and little pocket money while I paid school fees, accommodation and other fees for the two of them. The elder graduated in engineering a year before his sister. After his NYSC he called me one day to tell me one of the paramilitary organisations in Nigeria under the ministry of interior was recruiting and that someone wanted to sell a slot, I had to borrow 250k to join with what he had to buy the slot for him from one northerner. A year later, I used my closeness to a particular Ekiti politician to secure teaching job for his younger sister in a federal government school. At this point, their younger sister was in the polytechnic and to my dismay, these two guys will always refer this young girl to me each time she asked them for money. at first, I thought its because they were yet to settle down fully so I had to continue to really stretch myself more to take care of the education of this young girl. If not for the little side business I run, each of these two guys earns more money than myself being FG workers. I works with state ministry. The girl completed her national diploma last year, she is on IT now. Now the last born is in the university and these guys still sends him to me for his school fees. They told him point blank to go to uncle. The boy is in part two, I actually paid for acceptance, school fees and all those stuffs last year. I was thinking they have assisted him with this session only for him to come home because of ASUU strike and inform me that he is yet to register for the new session which started since late January. His brother and sister told him to go to uncle as usual. Their father who never contributed anything to their education is also telling everyone who cared to listen to him that I am the one who told these two not to help him financially. So these two are not helping their father, they are not helping their siblings, they are not helping anybody. What manner of people are these? I feel like stopping any form of assistance to these young girl and boy but my sisters and my mum are insisting I shouldn't. You know all those, "you are doing it for God" kind of stuff. These guys are mean men, they hardly pick my calls and I have stopped discussing their siblings issues with them since last year. How do I handle these guys pls? I am tired and my own responsibilities are mounting up daily.

Brother, you have done so well and heaven is a witness already. Even if you choose to withdraw now no one can point fingers at you. But please ,for that girls sake , God and ur mother, just hang on a little more so she can finish up and you will be fulfilled and have ur inner peace.

It's good the plans and gimmicks of the two older boys have come to light. Stick with that girl till she is done so she doesn't fall prey to any social pressure.

God bless you.

@op
You need to set clear boundaries, otherwise people will use you (or continue to use you). The same way they sent their younger one(s) to you, you also need to send her back with a clear message letting the older siblings know that they are now responsible for their younger one(s). It’s time for them to also partake of the “blessings” too by helping their siblings.

eniolorunfe:
@op
You need to set clear boundaries, otherwise people will use you (or continue to use you). The same way they sent their younger one(s) to you, you also need to send her back with a clear message letting the older siblings know that they are now responsible for their younger one(s). It’s time for them to also partake of the “blessings” too by helping their siblings.

Honestly, this is the right way to follow. The best thing he can do at this stage is to teach the older ones the act of responsibility. OP should be in his early 40s or late 30s, probably single without a family. It's time to plan his life.

OP. honestly speaking God almighty will reward you. Your own children will see help when they need it. Time For Those Other Two To Assume Responsibility. And You Have To Open Your Mouth And Demand It. It's Obvious That They Are Trying To Establish Themselves And Undertaking The Burden Of Responsibility Of Training Their Youngest Sibling Will Disrupt That. But You Need To Demand That They Undertake That Sacrifice.

U Don try for their life. Leave them.

Their father's DNA is in them. No matter what u do for such children, it will never be enough.

Take care of your own children well cos it's obvious these ones will not be there for them if u are no More.

The more you see the less you believe

gentlekay2017:
Dear people here, Pls don't mind my long story and some bad expressions, I couldn't sleep and had to put this up here. I hardly do it. I need your advise. my elder sister, the first born in our family died in year 2010. Before her death, she had four children, two males and two females. Her husband who is the father of her 4 children had consistently proved irresponsible before her death, this man had another wive even when my sister was on sick bed, we later discovered that one other woman has a child for him apart from this second wife while my sister was still alive.
The man asked my sisters children whose eldest was just 12 when their mother died to go and learn a trade since he cant afford to put them in school. One of my other elder sisters had to take the two youngest of the kids and trained them through primary school while the two eldest lived with their grandmother who is my mother. By the time the eldest finished JSS3, i had graduated from the university. he is a very brilliant boy so i had to take care of his senior secondary school in a public school which happened to be what i could afford then. The boy lived with me for 8 good years and by the grace of God, I saw him through university. When he was in 300 level, his younger sister entered Adeyemi College of Education for a degree in education, that made my load heavier. My sisters were helping them with foodstuff and little pocket money while I paid school fees, accommodation and other fees for the two of them. The elder graduated in engineering a year before his sister. After his NYSC he called me one day to tell me one of the paramilitary organisations in Nigeria under the ministry of interior was recruiting and that someone wanted to sell a slot, I had to borrow 250k to join with what he had to buy the slot for him from one northerner. A year later, I used my closeness to a particular Ekiti politician to secure teaching job for his younger sister in a federal government school. At this point, their younger sister was in the polytechnic and to my dismay, these two guys will always refer this young girl to me each time she asked them for money. at first, I thought its because they were yet to settle down fully so I had to continue to really stretch myself more to take care of the education of this young girl. If not for the little side business I run, each of these two guys earns more money than myself being FG workers. I works with state ministry. The girl completed her national diploma last year, she is on IT now. Now the last born is in the university and these guys still sends him to me for his school fees. They told him point blank to go to uncle. The boy is in part two, I actually paid for acceptance, school fees and all those stuffs last year. I was thinking they have assisted him with this session only for him to come home because of ASUU strike and inform me that he is yet to register for the new session which started since late January. His brother and sister told him to go to uncle as usual. Their father who never contributed anything to their education is also telling everyone who cared to listen to him that I am the one who told these two not to help him financially. So these two are not helping their father, they are not helping their siblings, they are not helping anybody. What manner of people are these? I feel like stopping any form of assistance to these young girl and boy but my sisters and my mum are insisting I shouldn't. You know all those, "you are doing it for God" kind of stuff. These guys are mean men, they hardly pick my calls and I have stopped discussing their siblings issues with them since last year. How do I handle these guys pls? I am tired and my own responsibilities are mounting up daily.

I hope while you are doing all these you are investing in your own children and yourself. Just see it that you are doing it for charity, because with your narrative, those your late sister's children doesn't look to me like people who are ready to help anyone in the future. If they cannot help their own siblings, don't expect them to help your own children. Invest in your future now!

Hmnm

I comment my reserve....but op thread with caution.....your own biological children may become slaves..........

Seems like you don't have a wife and children that's why you were shouldering all their financial responsibilities. Are you so soft that you can't talk to the youngest nephew, as he is old enough to understand if you would explain everything you posted here and tell him how you took care of his siblings while they were in school? You best withdraw any form of assistance to him now. If his siblings can't help him let him rot at home.

Some human beings don't deserve any form of kindness nor benevolence. They will pay you back with evil.

Jah bless u bro just hold on bro God will meet your own children too at their point of need.

Why are people like this

The same way their siblings sent them to you, send them back to them. Tell them your money is tied up and you are up to your neck in debts.

The siblings need to step up to their responsibilities. And if you keep filling in for them, they never will. Except, you want to keep spoon-feeding them, then you need to allow them assume their responsibilities.

phenase:
I DON'T READ LONG EPISTLES

Trust me, you need to read this......

It is a crime to be too soft honestly. Please call the children together and inform the ones you trained that you have done your part, they are now adults who even earn more than you do: so, the education of their youngest sibling is now on them.

If they like, let them listen, it is no longer your business at this point.

You cannot love others more than you love yourself.

Be firm when informing them of this new development.

God forbid, if anything bad happens to you today, you will not see any of these ones you helped. They might even tell you later that they did not ask you for help.

Obviously, they have their father's irresponsible nature and they will only get worse.