Hopefully by now you’ve let go of the belief that real sex goes down just like it does in the movies.

To save you some future mortification—and to reassure you that you aren’t alone—we rounded up eight common things that can go wrong during sex and spoke with two sexual health experts about how to handle them

1 The Condom Breaks

One of the smartest ways to handle a condom breaking—whether you find out in the heat of the moment or the morning after—is to “be emotionally prepared,” say Eric M. Garrison says, sex counselor and author of Mastering Multiple Position Sex. Translation: Talk about sex before you have it, specifically sexual history, STDs, and whether she’s on birth control.

2 You Enter the Wrong Hole

Whether you misunderstood if she wanted anal or not, you thought she’d enjoy a finger up her butt, or you just bungled an attempt to enter her vaginally, one of the most important things you can do if you enter the wrong hole is to be sensitive to her reaction—and, if she’s totally not into it, apologize stat, suggests certified sex therapist Rachel Needle, Psy.D. Being cold, defensive, or otherwise insensitive in response to a mishap like this can be a swift turn-off for your female partner, who may need some reassurance that she can trust you going forward in order to maintain arousal.

3 You Say the Wrong Name

“This is a common mistake people make early in a relationship—especially when one partner recently came out of a long-term one,” says Needle. “If you do this and your partner hears it, then definitely apologize, empathize, and reassure them that it was out of habit as opposed to something with actual meaning.”



For the partner who hears this slip of the tongue, Garrison advises to do your best to not read into it. Unless you have any reason to believe your partner is cheating on you, it’s safe to give them the benefit of the doubt, he adds. “Saying another partner’s name doesn’t mean you’d rather be with that person,” Garrison explains, “more likely, it’s that intense states of physical pleasure may trigger specific memories and make you momentarily lose track of where you are.”


4 An Inopportune Bodily Function Transpires

Whether one of you burps, farts, or emits some other bodily sound—or even an unexpected fluid—it’s important not to freak out, says Garrison, adding that tears of joy following orgasm are also an uncontrollable physical function that happen to some people. Both of you are human, so you’re bound to have gas at some point and, unlike porn—where such moments are edited out of scenes—your partner (or you) will become well aware of this fact the more you have sex.



Certainly hygiene is a top priority. So if you’re having anal sex and things get messy, it’s best to shower and change the sheets. However, if all you’re contending with is an embarrassing noise—from a grumbling stomach to air entering your partner’s vagina to cause a queef—it’s important to be able to shrug these hiccups off as well as reassure your partner that they shouldn’t be ashamed of such unintended events.



5 Someone Walks in on You

The level of awkwardness that ensues if someone walks in on you having sex will depend on the nature of the relationship between you and the person who catches you in the heat of passion as well as the relationship between you and the person you’re having sex with. Understand that it may be extremely embarrassing for a girl you’ve only just met when your roommate barges in to ask if he can borrow a towel. Likewise, you might be completely embarrassed if you’re spending the weekend at her family’s house and a relative enters the bedroom in search of a book while you’re sneaking in an afternoon romp.



First and foremost, apologize to the person who isn’t in on the fun. (That’s just common courtesy). Next up, pause to check in with your partner to ensure she’s not totally mortified. If the situation is appropriate—i.e., you know the person who walked in on you—

6 You or Your Partner Gets Injured....

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Morning

PETET OBI