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Men Na Wa! by quietaduni(f): 12:40pm On Aug 08, 2007 |
Dear all, On the 1st of July, I got a text from my fiancée telling me he was ending our 4/half years relationship. It was the most devastating piece of news I have ever gotten in my life. Well, many may say it is always the lady's fault when a relationship ends . Anyway, I wouldn’t want to load you with details. But subsequently, I met a guy who has been of help to me over the issue. he sent me the piece you are about to read, it brought a whole lot of relief and lessons. I hope you all would find it helpful too, now or in the future. "When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want a divorce!" I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why"? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore, I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest, I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realised she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday work-out made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, , she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind, I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property , the money in the bank, blah, blah, blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a marriage. For those who are married, I intend to tell them via this piece that they can continue to have the best of time in their marriages (if they presently are). For the others, well, it is certainly a piece to learn from. PS: all comments on this piece and pieces of advice for the sender are welcomed. Just click reply. Cheers. |
Re: Men Na Wa! by nana(f): 1:09pm On Aug 08, 2007 |
Babe,take heart.There is a reason for every season. About the article down there,that's an awesome one. |
Re: Men Na Wa! by Aiphie(f): 1:57pm On Aug 08, 2007 |
That was a good one 2 learn 4rm. Give ur guy some time as a benefit of the doubt and if he is adamant, move on with life dearie. Remember, Life is Beautiful. |
Re: Men Na Wa! by ne4real(f): 2:26pm On Aug 08, 2007 |
the article is a very interesting one all i want to tell u is that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage the right man who will love and know u intimately will come 4 u goodluck |
Re: Men Na Wa! by Markenny(m): 3:06pm On Aug 08, 2007 |
nea4real i think ure rith, can i got to know u more?iam emmy |
Re: Men Na Wa! by rossy4life(f): 3:29pm On Aug 08, 2007 |
quietaduni, that's a lovely piece i've learnt from it and i'm blessed. |
Re: Men Na Wa! by Aseye(m): 4:49pm On Aug 08, 2007 |
dat was a very touching one. i guess its not over until its over, ladies the power in a relationship is in ur hands, so u use it wosely, my advice. |
Re: Men Na Wa! by abelix(m): 5:45pm On Aug 08, 2007 |
that story moved me to tears .anyway we men are so callous and blind .i guess you do not missyour well until it is dry .shikena |
Re: Men Na Wa! by femoo(m): 8:24pm On Aug 08, 2007 |
wao i really enjoy the story, it is true it is not money that we need but intimacy. and guys should always careful of ladies out there that want to destroy their matrimony. |
Re: Men Na Wa! by StMilli(f): 10:41am On Aug 09, 2007 |
O Girl, Congrats! He was definitely not for you. Count ur blessings, Cheer up okay and enjoy the beautiful life God has given to you. As 4 dt article, it was so touching, thanx 4 sharing it with us. |
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