its been four long heart rending months since i lost my beautiful dear wife and baby. during the period, many things come to mind which is inclusive of the contemplation of suicide. so many questions come to my mind ranging from why do we have to struggle and lose what we have sweated for in a twinkle of an eye? is God seeing the pains one goes through when he/she has an ordeal like this? Is it fair to now keep using some of the items we struggled for together? why will she leave when life was just getting sweeter? Hmmmm a whole lot of unanswered questions begging for answers.
Presently, my zeal to tackle life problems have dwindled. I presently dread weekends as it is a period when i have lone moments that makes me reflect on haw good she was. Reminds me of the treat I wanted to give to her this year on her birthday with a car gift. oh why? why?? why Her innocent face when she offends you and go on her knees seeking for forgiveness. It was all in a bid to satisfy me that we went together on the journey that she never returned. How do I now immortalize her because she made a mark that will never be forgotten. Too meek a wife. a combination of beauty and brains.Remember games we play together.
The only consolation was that she was a good religiously. Now life may be passed through like a mediocre.As if one doesn't have a particular aim.
This writeup is not meant to be lamentation but a way of telling her how i feel about her absence. how she is greatly missed. how to seek a way of immortalizing her even though i am an average income earner. She was an embodiment of motherhood perfection,homely wife, cooperative partner, a sister who watches my back, a friend who tells me the truth even when it is bitter and so on. As i have always told her, she thought me how to love and care even though I am imperfect.
THE QUESTION AGAIN IS HOW DO I IMMORTALIZE HER POSITIVELY?

Sorry,God will always be there for you. May there souls RIP.

So sorry about your loss. Gods strenght is made perfect in our weakness, may the Lord give you strenght and peace. About immortalizing your late wife, since she died durinf child birth you can immortalise her by saving other mothers from preventablw death. You can do this by going to the welfare department of any public hospital and if you have d funds start a small grant for pregnant women who can't afford antenental, child birth and child care. You can donate money once a month or items needed by wexpwectant mothers, so women who come into labor and can't afford such will be assisted. If you pay a visit to d welfare office they will tell u der pressing needs. May the peace of God be with you

@ Poster, Sorry for your loss, May she and the baby rest in peace, that is so sad. We do not understand God ways, but believe everything is for a purpose. God will heal your heart in due time. God did not do this (because he does no evil), SO, all you have to do, is never forget her, extend the love you have for her to what she loved and what her passion was, (if she has family members, extend the love to them and never stop loving them too, just like when she was alife, you can set aside a special day, dedicated only to her memory and that of the child, when you could just withdraw, from work and other responsiblities, just to spend time with memories of them, but it is better you do the latter in joy (though difficult) not sorrow, because they are surely in a better place.

debrief08:

So sorry about your loss. Gods strenght is made perfect in our weakness, may the Lord give you strenght and peace. About immortalizing your late wife, since she died durinf child birth you can immortalise her by saving other mothers from preventablw death. You can do this by going to the welfare department of any public hospital and if you have d funds start a small grant for pregnant women who can't afford antenental, child birth and child care. You can donate money once a month or items needed by wexpwectant mothers, so women who come into labor and can't afford such will be assisted. If you pay a visit to d welfare office they will tell u der pressing needs. May the peace of God be with you

Very good advice Debrief,

She didn't die during child birth but as a result of accident while we were coming back from my hometown> As a matter of fact, we were gisting and her last words were watch out. Death didn't give us a chance to actualize our dreams.

Kai, am sorry to hear dat oh. My deepest condolence

Thanks you all. The suggestion below is splendid.

debrief08:

So sorry about your loss. Gods strenght is made perfect in our weakness, may the Lord give you strenght and peace. About immortalizing your late wife, since she died durinf child birth you can immortalise her by saving other mothers from preventablw death. You can do this by going to the welfare department of any public hospital and if you have d funds start a small grant for pregnant women who can't afford antenental, child birth and child care. You can donate money once a month or items needed by wexpwectant mothers, so women who come into labor and can't afford such will be assisted. If you pay a visit to d welfare office they will tell u der pressing needs. May the peace of God be with you

However, I would love a situation where it could be done with her name , maybe a product or something named after her.

Of course it can be in her name: call it The (your wifes name) safe motherhood fund

I have the best of in-laws any man can pray for and to keep the relationship going I gave one out of my two plots of land to the immediate elder brother telling him I was directed to give it to him by my late wife as the land is not too far from where he presently resides. It was one of the things she put her energies into because she had to go paying for the land and follow up as I didn't have much time because of work schedules. Though part of our dream was to build a school. She was a disciplinarian and believes in putting things right

@OP
The lord that has guided you through the past four months of anguish, despair and aching mental torture would surely see you through, their fond memories would be like shinny stars that would lead ur path right, be rest assured they are looking out for you now from heaven.

Stay Strong Brother, they depend on ur strength now. God Bless u

I hope you are not holding yourself responsible for her death if you are as hard as it is pls Forgive yourself.

Nobody is perfect and i am one of them. She died in my alms while we were rushed to the hospital. the experience is taunting but i know i must live with it. There is virtually nothing i own that she has not contributed to. That was one of the reasons I gave her elder brother the parcel of land close to his house. Nevertheless, I dont want it to look as if i am paying them off for the death of their sister.We were a family and we will remain so.
i used to be a very strong willed person but i cant tell now. it all happened in a twinkle of an eye and we all saw the vehicle coming. as a matter of fact I was driving. Much as i dont hold myself responsible, the thought flows through once in a while. All i keep thinking is "if she were to advice me in this circumstance what will it be?" . There was hardly any major decision i take without getting to know what was her opinion about it even though often times I act exactly on her script. Now i am oblivious of the fact that it is real and she has gone. it is my belief that she is with the lord.

It's well. The Lord is ur strenght and He will give u consolation and blessings again.

Am glad you are not holding yourself responsible. It must be harder since she died in your arms. I cant even begin to imagine what you are going thru having shared yourself with her, have a child together and then lose all that in a second but you are alive and you must keep it together.Its obvious you are taking baby steps to your recovery. I know you will be alrite. May God console you and grant you the fortitude to bear the loss.

This is the most touching story i have read here. I can't just help the tears.

May God guide you brother. You will be fine.

There's a season for everything under the sun, it's your season of mourning and i mourn with you. I have a family i love so much too, a wife that supports me in evry way and gives me counsels every time, and a boy that's God's gift to us, my heart is filled with joy any time i see him. May the Lord give u strength. My advice for you is this, besides getting something done in her name, someone suggested a donation for an orphanage, the best thing you can give to her while she's away is that you remain happy at all times. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be sad and carry on in depression. It's difficult, when the time is right and you fall in love again, pls don't hesitate to marry. People might kick against this, but IMO it's the best thing you can do for your wife.

I have a colleague in the office that lost his young wife when she gave birth to a baby girl. They had a boy before the girl. the child survived. My colleague lives a wayward life now, according to him he tries his best in taking care of the children but his life is without bearing now and to make things worse, he's vowed never to get married again, this is the third year now since he lost his wife, he's still keeping to his vow. So many people might be of the opinion that he did what he did because of his children, my question is what about him, what happens to his dreams and aspirations, the goals he'd set with his late wife etc. Life could be cruel

I am sorry for your loss brother. May God grant you the fortitude to bear this loss. Your wife and baby are in a better place and smiling down on you. Take heart Brother.

For baby, I really don't know what to say. She independent as I can recall we will drop her at the back of the vehicle and she stays there giggling and playing unperturbed except when she is hungry or wet. Shy she was and never looks u in the face. A replica of the mum when she was a baby. I write these in tears, but this is part of my mobile diary. Where I can be anywhere in the world and check. Wish I can turn aorund the hands of time. But its all wishes.
The nairaland Family have never let one down when ideas were needed most. The proverbial " a friend in need , " I feel loved. Your suggestions have been very handy and I hope to gather some cloths together to motherless babies home. However, my finances may not permit me to to set up a foundation in her name now.

This is truly sad. I know it must be difficult, but I think one thing you can do to honour her that does not cost much money is to be close to her family particularly her parents. Know that a part of her and your child still lives in them if they are still alive.

god will comfort you. and be your help and shield.