Acidosis:

The summary of this post is that your plans to use marriage as a way to escape poverty failed.

But then, you shouldn't be blaming your marriage and families though. You saw all the signs you needed 6 years ago. You introduced the guy to your parents, isn't? Why blaming them now?

That young man is not the cause of your frustration. You had all the time in the world to dump the relationship.

Did you even read her post?, The guy was never driven, he doesn't have a job, she encouraged and pushed him until he got the driving job, she's the graduate here, she pays most of the bills, brought him a phone when his old phone got bad, if he's not pushed he doesn't move. Her mistake was to remain with him all these years knowing full well that he's not capable and also given to family pressure to marry him. She never married him to escape poverty because he had never had any dime. So Oga acidosis before you condemn her try and understand and don't increase the emotional trauma she's already going through.

Octobertwentysix:








Did you even read her post?, The guy was never driven, he doesn't have a job, she encouraged and pushed him until he got the driving job, she's the graduate here, she pays most of the bills, brought him a phone when his old phone got bad, if he's not pushed he doesn't move. Her mistake was to remain with him all these years knowing full well that he's not capable and also given to family pressure to marry him. She never married him to escape poverty because he had never had any dime. So Oga acidosis before you condemn her try and understand and don't increase the emotional trauma she's already going through.

She dated the man for 6 years, is she just finding out this is the kind of man he is ?
The OP does not want to take responsibility for her own actions.

In life, your actions comes with their own responsibilities and you have to man up and face the consequence of your own actions.
There is nothing that said that if she had not married him she would have gotten a better man.

Again, the op does not seem to understand the reality of the institution of marriage, before she got married and now.
Kids every where.

Wenby:

We didn't build our relationship on sex I can tell you we only had sex twice or three times in whole years of relationship sir , please don't be quick to cast blame on people that brought their issues to the internet and still say stuff that will hurt their mental health the more ,am an hardworking woman I have vision ,just that my husband is not vision driven as I am which is drawing me back ,that is why am seeking honest opinion , please put me in position of one of your relatives and don't cause me more pain ,is life all about sex if that is what your life is build on it's fine ,if u go through my messages properly u can the whole six years I went to institution I graduated I started working and making plans with this year's is not about sex mr , next time don't cause people more pain with your point thank you

Atleast you agreed that you have been sleeping with him before marriage, even if it was once, sex has a way of influencing peoples sense of reasoning.

Having said that, it appears you don't understand what it means to be married, there are many like you who approach marriage with a hand of levity.
When you made your vows in the sight of God and man what did it say ?

You knew how the man was before you married him, you knew he did not have a degree , there is nothing new that you have discovered now after marriage that you did not know before marriage, so why are you making it look like he scammed you when he let you know he does not have a degree ?
You made your bed and you must learn to lie on it. That is life.

You want to quit the marriage because the man is lazy, I thought they said the only reason to quit a marriage is because of physical violence.
It doesn't seem like you understand life in its entirety, if you quit your marriage how sure are you that your situation will be better off ?

There is no perfect marriage anywhere, as long as the man is not assualting you, you have to use wisdom to manage the situation.

It rains everywhere, I am saying this as someone who believes that the institution of marriage is sacrosanct and except a man is assualting you and putting your life at risk you should work on your marriage.

If it was you that did not have a good job, should your husband leave you and go and marry other ladies because you don't have a job ?

Lots of women in Lagos are the ones supporting financially iin their homes, there is nothing out of place if a woman is financially responsible for the home...

Use wisdom.. Goodluck.

oldienavie:

She dated the man for 6 years, is she just finding out this is the kind of man he is ?
The OP does not want to take responsibility for her own actions.

In life, your actions comes with their own responsibilities and you have to man up and face the consequence of your own actions.
There is nothing that said that if she had not married him she would have gotten a better man.

Again, the op does not seem to understand the reality of the institution of marriage, before she got married and now.
Kids every where.

Yes she had made a mistake, and she needs help, all we have to do is to encourage her, I applaud her decision of not having children until things get better, taking care of a baby is not beans in this present economy. Like someone said she should keep pushing for another two years and see if he would change if not she has to make her decision.

Thank you all ,I am so thankful and appreciate everyone's contribution Am not perfect we are all human....
I decided to stay with him throughout the years because is calm he never yell at me he Respects my decision and I don't have issues with his family he allow me make decisions in the family ,he doesn't hide anything the little he is earning, he gives me all at the end of the month to plan with it because he knows I can do something profitable with it ...
Before I realized all that wasn't enough if his background mentality was still holding him down was late
Am ready to face it and support him ,he is not pestering me about having a child too ,he said he is in support whatever decision I make....
Have thought about it over and over again ,the worst is to work very hard and be prayerful
I will as well put in more hardwork and prayers like I said and keep pushing him ,till the time is right
Have accepted this as my fate ...
I WANT TO USE THIS MEDIUM TO PLEAD TO THE HOUSE IF YOU ARE AWARE OF ANY OPPORTUNITY PLEASE HELP MY HUSBAND HE HAS MANY YEARS OF DRIVING EXPERIENCE HE CAN WORK AS AN EXECUTIVE DRIVER PLUS HE HAS SOME MARINE ENGINEER COURSES CERTIFICATE IF YOU ARE IN POSITION TO HELP I WOULDN'T MIND...
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR OPINION I WILL BE BACK WHEN EVERYTHING IS BACK ON TRACK FOR US TO APPRECIATE YOU GUYS DONT FORGET US IN YOUR PRAYERS , THANKS I APPRECIATE TO CONTACT olapemisire113@gmail.com

Octobertwentysix:

Did you even read her post?, The guy was never driven, he doesn't have a job, she encouraged and pushed him until he got the driving job, she's the graduate here, she pays most of the bills, brought him a phone when his old phone got bad, if he's not pushed he doesn't move. Her mistake was to remain with him all these years knowing full well that he's not capable and also given to family pressure to marry him. She never married him to escape poverty because he had never had any dime. So Oga acidosis before you condemn her try and understand and don't increase the emotional trauma she's already going through.

I didn't see any emotional trauma. The young man is not malhandling her. She's not going through any emotional abuse. She's not even starving or begging on the streets. She wasn't forced to buy a phone.

All I see is the epistle of a woman who feels she deserves better, economically. Getting to Lagos, she's probably now realised that a better marriage would have been a great ticket to paradise, hence the lamentations.

These are mere afterthoughts to previous uncertainties. More like travelling to Togo only to realise that Canada would have been a better choice. The plans failed in that, unlike migrating from Togo to Canada, you can't easily move from one marriage to another.

Acidosis:



I didn't see any emotional trauma. The young man is not malhandling her. She's not going through any emotional abuse. She's not even starving or begging on the streets. She wasn't forced to buy a phone.

All I see is the epistle of a woman who feels she deserves better, economically. Getting to Lagos, she's probably now realised that a better marriage would have been a great ticket to paradise, hence the lamentations.

These are mere afterthoughts to previous uncertainties. More like travelling to Togo only to realise that Canada would have been a better choice. The plans failed in that, unlike migrating from Togo to Canada, you can't easily move from one marriage to another.

But he's not driven, he's comfortable in poverty, imagine a husband encouraging his wife to a marriage scam in order to travel as long as she doesn't forget him and takes care of him. You sef check am now

Octobertwentysix:


But he's not driven, he's comfortable in poverty, imagine a husband encouraging his wife to a marriage scam in order to travel as long as she doesn't forget him and takes care of him. You sef check am now

Who no like better thing?

How was she planning to use marriage to escape poverty when she clearly and intentionally didn’t marry a rich person?


How does that make sense?

Acidosis:

The summary of this post is that your plans to use marriage as a way to escape poverty failed.

But then, you shouldn't be blaming your marriage and families though. You saw all the signs you needed 6 years ago. You introduced the guy to your parents, isn't? Why blaming them now?

That young man is not the cause of your frustration. You had all the time in the world to dump the relationship.

burritto:


Sir I do not know who you are or what you are, but one thing I’ll tell you for free today is that I made most of my money in Nigeria. I have lived in the western world too and I can confidently say that I’ve traveled to more than 50 different countries and been to 6 continents. I am not that kind of guy who talks out of point, every of my words are calculated. That been said, nobody has any excuse to be poor and blame Nigeria. I would like to remain anonymous, would have shown you how much I made alone this year in Nigeria from my company’s statement. I don’t even live in Nigeria FYI.

2012 alone, I landed 3 federal contracts where I built one hospital and 2 road construction. These 3 contracts are not less than 800million Naira.

I have also landed a a single road construction job worth 740 million Naira in 2010 in that same Nigeria. Sir, I am not a politician.

Anybody can make money anywhere and stop saying that it is only politicians that are rich.

I will not insult you the same way you insulted me, but I’ll let you know that there is money in Nigeria.

The bolded is not an informed statement. You are judging everyone from your point of view. You have not dealt with people from the "lows". You have not heard people's stories, people that have everything working against them even from birth. Do some break free? Yes. But not all.

Just be grateful for how far you have achieved and don't despise those that didn't have your opportunities.

Wenby:

We didn't build our relationship on sex I can tell you we only had sex twice or three times in whole years of relationship sir , please don't be quick to cast blame on people that brought their issues to the internet and still say stuff that will hurt their mental health the more ,am an hardworking woman I have vision ,just that my husband is not vision driven as I am which is drawing me back ,that is why am seeking honest opinion , please put me in position of one of your relatives and don't cause me more pain ,is life all about sex if that is what your life is build on it's fine ,if u go through my messages properly u can the whole six years I went to institution I graduated I started working and making plans with this year's is not about sex mr , next time don't cause people more pain with your point thank you

The issue is the fact that you still went ahead to marry him with the basket full of red flags. He was drawing you back but you still married him. Marriage has made making a decision complicated.

.

Acidosis:



I didn't see any emotional trauma. The young man is not malhandling her. She's not going through any emotional abuse. She's not even starving or begging on the streets. She wasn't forced to buy a phone.

All I see is the epistle of a woman who feels she deserves better, economically. Getting to Lagos, she's probably now realised that a better marriage would have been a great ticket to paradise, hence the lamentations.

These are mere afterthoughts to previous uncertainties. More like travelling to Togo only to realise that Canada would have been a better choice. The plans failed in that, unlike migrating from Togo to Canada, you can't easily move from one marriage to another.

E be like you no read that post completely oh.

The summary was that the man is absolutely non-challant, and he has always been pushed to accomplish every little thing he has ever accomplished. She has been complaining before they got married, In fact she even refused to get married early because she promised herself not to have kids to suffer. she marriage was enforced by the man and family members all together.

Wenby:



[quote author=Cutehector post=11


I was with him for 6 years ,am not materialistic and I work so hard ,did you understand my point sir or ma, I know where you are driving at but my heart is heavy am just scared of the future I pray God help me

Madame, I will not advise you what I won't be able to advise my sister. No matter what you do, if you know you are not ready financially. PLEASE, keep kids out of this world. We aren't even sure yet if Bola Tinubu is not going to be the incoming president of Nigeria. Coupled with the existing suffering people are going through. Better brace yourself oh. Diesel is 800+ now according to stories coming to me from Nigeria.

Think am well oh, It is easier to drink garri and fish 24/7 as husband and wife, but children must eat well.

cococandy:
How was she planning to use marriage to escape poverty when she clearly and intentionally didn’t marry a rich person?


How does that make sense?

An afterthought

truthsayer009:


E be like you no read that post completely oh.

The summary was that the man is absolutely non-challant, and he has always been pushed to accomplish every little thing he has ever accomplished. She has been complaining before they got married, In fact she even refused to get married early because she promised herself not to have kids to suffer. she marriage was enforced by the man and family members all together

The things she did before that marriage weren't "complaints". Those were things she did out of love and the need to be a sweet and supportive girlfriend.

Her marriage at the point of joining was never an issue. All these wahala na afterthoughts, based on her new experiences in Lagos.

Seeing that it is too late to turn back the hands of time, it is only natural to lament over past situations.

By the way, the outburst is very necessary. A very good way to tackle depression.

...

Just thinking out loud that if this couple now have kids, poverty would have successfully been recycled from one generation to the other.

I read everything and I understand your fears quite alright but I think you're over anxious and you need to calm down.

Now, do you believe in God?
Do you believe in his word that says, be anxious for nothing but with prayer supplication and thanksgiving, make everything known to God.

Of course everyone desires a comfortable life but then your approach matters a lot. This is not the way to go about it.

I know you fear because he's not a graduate, the future might remain bleak for a long time but mind you, there are so many graduates out there who have never had a job for once since they graduated many years ago. So, the battle is not for the strong, neither the race for the swift but of God that showeth mercy. Pray to God to open ways for your man.

You have married him and so far, he too has been working hard just to keep up with the financial running of the home.

That you two have to be away from your home for days (to cut cost) is all part of the marriage journey. Marriage is not a bed of roses. These are the things/sacrifices you have to make to make it work and keep it going. There's no magic to it.

STOP LOOKING DOWN ON YOUR HUSBAND.
don't even think of leaving him because
Marriage is for better for worse.

cococandy:
How was she planning to use marriage to escape poverty when she clearly and intentionally didn’t marry a rich person?


How does that make sense?

Thats what she said, I bet she was unable to attract a richer person.
Having said that, whats wrong with she herself making her own money. S
The OP is complaining that the husband is not making money, yet she herself can barely make enough to afford transportation.

Shebi if the OP was making millions now and she is complaining that the husband is not making money, we will understand.

How can someone who herself is yet to make a million naira be angry that her husband is not making money, are you both not in the same city ? If the money is easy to make like the OP is painting it, let her go ahead and be making the money na .

Acidosis:



Who no like better thing?

Na wa for you oooo

So many idiots on this space, with their thoughtless thinking and daft senses, even the one that said he once stayed abroad thinks like a poverty induced fellow, e fit be say na Togo be the abroad sef hian......

Babe your marriage is still young, can you separate for a while? Like stay apart? You both basically live apart but make it official, get a place for yourself and work harder to improve your situation, I love that you are logical in reasoning and very realistic, separate from him to see if he will change, and if he doesn't, my dear just know that you are on your own.

Octobertwentysix:



Na wa for you oooo

I like your moniker


I believe married men should be financially responsible for the day-to-day expenses of the home. I have a lot to say about the man. But what's the point of saying so much about someone that is less likely to read this thread? I'll rather focus on those issues that apply to the OP.

She needs to let go of those thoughts gradually. Her situation is not peculiar. It is not uncommon to see couples sharing a room in Lagos. I'm even surprised they could afford a room on the island.

Moreover, I don't consider her situation a mistake. It has always been a firm and solid decision. Which graduate in this century will mistakenly marry an uneducated non-challant driver from the village? This guy never lied to her about his background or educational status, remember?

Whatever gave her the courage from the start should be refueled.

Acidosis:


I like your moniker


I believe married men should be financially responsible for the day-to-day expenses of the home. I have a lot to say about the man. But what's the point of saying so much about someone that is less likely to read this thread? I'll rather focus on those issues that apply to the OP.

She needs to let go of those thoughts gradually. Her situation is not peculiar. It is not uncommon to see couples sharing a room in Lagos. I'm even surprised they could afford a room on the island.

Moreover, I don't consider her situation a mistake. It has always been a firm and solid decision. Which graduate in this century will mistakenly marry an uneducated non-challant driver from the village? This guy never lied to her about his background or educational status, remember?

Whatever gave her the courage from the start should be refueled.

Thanks it's the date of birth of my first child, well as for the lady e shock me, maybe it was all those Cinderella fairy tales butterflies feeling she had but now reality had set in. And in such situations what ever feeling and courage she had has evaporated, that's why she needs encouragement and your first response was really harsh it even gave me heart burn how much more the lady, take am easy, you are always harsh in most of your comments on family threads.

Octobertwentysix:


Thanks it's the date of birth of my first child, well as for the lady e shock me, maybe it was all those Cinderella fairy tales butterflies feeling she had but now reality had set in. And in such situations what ever feeling and courage she had has evaporated, that's why she needs encouragement and your first response was really harsh it even gave me heart burn how much more the lady, take am easy, you are always harsh in most of your comments on family threads.

Have you considered the fact that OP's narrations about her husband can send the young man to the mortuary? Or his feelings don't matter to you? I have to join her and others to lambast the young man to make her (op) and her likes feel good?


It's not about being harsh or blunt. Are problems being solved by what we post day in day out? This is the priority, for me. A post can attract a thousand likes online and in real life, the problems may persist.

After smiling online not knowing her errors and the gravity of her new reality, she will go back to face the very same hubby we all want to condemn. To what end?

Acidosis:


Have you considered the fact that OP's narrations about her husband can send the young man to the mortuary? Or his feelings don't matter to you? I have to join her and others to lambast the young man to make her (op) and her likes feel good?


It's not about being harsh or blunt. Are problems being solved by what we post day in day out? This is the priority, for me. A post can attract a thousand likes online and in real life, the problems may persist.

After smiling online not knowing her errors and the gravity of her new reality, she will go back to face the very same hubby we all want to condemn. To what end?

Well if you put it that way, but then you didn't offer any advice, you only attacked her, like someone said she should still push him for another two years and see if he would change, condemning him or calling him names will not change him, for me if you look down on my husband no matter his flaws means you had also looked down on me cos we are one that's why I never replied her but when I saw your first response, I couldn't help but quote you. it's well.

If he made as much effort as she did, maybe they wouldn’t be so destitute.

Coming from people who love gender assigned roles so much, y’all do have a way of standing staunchly behind men when they can’t meet their “manly” responsibilities. Way to shift the goal post as it fits your argument.

oldienavie:

Thats what she said, I bet she was unable to attract a richer person.
Having said that, whats wrong with she herself making her own money. S
The OP is complaining that the husband is not making money, yet she herself can barely make enough to afford transportation.

Shebi if the OP was making millions now and she is complaining that the husband is not making money, we will understand.

How can someone who herself is yet to make a million naira be angry that her husband is not making money, are you both not in the same city ? If the money is easy to make like the OP is painting it, let her go ahead and be making the money na .

cococandy:
If he made as much effort as she did, maybe they wouldn’t be so destitute.

Coming from people who love gender assigned roles so much, y’all do have a way of standing staunchly behind men when they can’t meet their “manly” responsibilities. Way to shit the goal post as it fits your argument.

the guy might not be rich. But with the look of things he did her a favor. Gif knows the girl wouldn't have married the guy from what all she has said if not for her age and family pressure which point to the fact she has no choice as she couldn't find a richer guy. There was no love from what all she has said other than pressure.

cococandy:
If he made as much effort as she did, maybe they wouldn’t be so destitute.

Coming from people who love gender assigned roles so much, y’all do have a way of standing staunchly behind men when they can’t meet their “manly” responsibilities. Way to shit the goal post as it fits your argument.

All these things did not just crop in overnight, they were there for 6 years and the OP was okay with that.

He was a driver when they were dating, he never had a degree when they were dating and he didnt hide his job or educational status.
Nothing has changed in 6 years of dating and now marriage, the OP was not impaired when making a decision to marry the man in that state.

The only thing here is that the OP just like you don't realise that people should learn to take responsibility for the decisions they have made.