Philip94:
Please I need sincere and mature advice �
I got married less than a year ago and I am already regretting why I got married. I stumbled on my wife whatsapp chat yesterday and I realized my wife has been downloading everything going on in our marriage to her parents and siblings. There is absolutely no privacy whatsoever in my marriage. Any time we have challenges and disagreements at home, my wife takes her phone to narrate everything to her brothers, sisters and parents. Instead of them to correct her, they all make fun of the situation and use disrespectul words for me despite the fact that my wife is JOBLESS and i'm the one making provisions at home based on my capacity. I feel betrayed and naked coz my wife family has full information about EVERYTHING GOING ON IN MY HOME. To make matter worse, she sees her family as her confidant and tell them all her moves and plans while she keep everything as secret to me. I got to know all of this from her chats to her siblings and parents. Please I am confused right now, what is the next thing for me to do? Sincere and mature advice please �

Simply because she is idle at home that's why she has all the time for situation reports

Pls take the following steps and don't argue with her, you will see the difference

Let her start teaching at least and stop giving her the impression that you can do all

When she gets a teaching job she must wake up as early as 6am to prepare for school by the time she is done talking with her students she will be tired then come home and do other things at home

If she can do this for a full term, she will adjust

Let her also commit part of her salary at home, even if it's just weekend stew or provisions for the whole family

By the time she will calculate what she was paid and what she will provide out if it

She will enter brain reset immediately

UjuJoan2:


I know you feel betrayed, but come to think about it, why does it bother you who your wife confides in or not? Most women gossip to their friends and family and it’s not a big deal. Getting married will not make them stop that habit overnight. You can’t expect to become her confidant because you married her a year ago, when she has know these people all her life.

A woman only complains if she is being treated badly.

I don’t know what she tells them by are any of them lies??

The way you mentioned her joblessness, I think you are more worried about the fact that she talks about your financial capacity. But why is that even a problem? Do you want her to lie and say you provide the things you don’t?

She may not be working and contributing financially, but you calling her “jobless” is very unfair. How do you expect her to be happy when you belittle her every chance you get just because she doesn’t have a job.

You should concentrate on making her happy so she will stop complaining to her family members about you. That’s the only solution!!

Just imagine what you typed, a wife is taking all issues she has with her husband to her parents and siblings and they all bad mouthing him and this is the nonsense you type.

I don't even blame you, I blame the man who decided to marry a child as a wife, take your time and observe for good values and marry for the right reasons, Una no go hear, you cannot discover everything but certain things can't be hidden and a huge red flag.

We tell you make you marry woman with no body counts you said no...
Learn in peace!

UjuJoan2:

I know you feel betrayed, but come to think about it, why does it bother you who your wife confides in or not? Most women gossip to their friends and family and it’s not a big deal. Getting married will not make them stop that habit overnight. You can’t expect to become her confidant because you married her a year ago, when she has know these people all her life.

A woman only complains if she is being treated badly.

I don’t know what she tells them by are any of them lies??

The way you mentioned her joblessness, I think you are more worried about the fact that she talks about your financial capacity. But why is that even a problem? Do you want her to lie and say you provide the things you don’t?

She may not be working and contributing financially, but you calling her “jobless” is very unfair. How do you expect her to be happy when you belittle her every chance you get just because she doesn’t have a job.

You should concentrate on making her happy so she will stop complaining to her family members about you. That’s the only solution!!

The way you turned this issue around on its head and made it into the guy's fault is actually quite impressive.

Have a discussion with her and make her understand that the cracks she is creating in your home will come back to hunt her.

Also remind her that should anything happen to her home, no one will ask her family members what role they played.

UjuJoan2:


I know you feel betrayed, but come to think about it, why does it bother you who your wife confides in or not? Most women gossip to their friends and family and it’s not a big deal. Getting married will not make them stop that habit overnight. You can’t expect to become her confidant because you married her a year ago, when she has know these people all her life.

A woman only complains if she is being treated badly.

I don’t know what she tells them by are any of them lies??

The way you mentioned her joblessness, I think you are more worried about the fact that she talks about your financial capacity. But why is that even a problem? Do you want her to lie and say you provide the things you don’t?

She may not be working and contributing financially, but you calling her “jobless” is very unfair. How do you expect her to be happy when you belittle her every chance you get just because she doesn’t have a job.

You should concentrate on making her happy so she will stop complaining to her family members about you. That’s the only solution!!

Is a fat lie from the pit of hell.... Are you married?
Who is third party that we are advised to avoid in marriage?

The girl love her family more than the guy, if she really love him she understand that disparaging him is belittling herself before her parents or who ever.

My best friend just lost her marriage the same way this one is going...

Immediately you are married you are 90% your your new family and 10% your old family.


The girl is very stupid and immature.

He should concentrates of making her happy cos she alone deserves happiness?

She should concentrates on making her while she continues belittling him before her parents?

Only a jobless lady who contributes nothing in marriage aside serving as incubator can behave this way.

crackhaus:

The way you turned this issue around on its head and made it into the guy's fault is actually quite impressive.

What do you expect from her?

VERDA:


Just imagine what you typed, a wife is taking all issues she has with her husband to her parents and siblings and they all bad mouthing him and this is the nonsense you type.

I don't even blame you, I blame the man who decided to marry a child as a wife, take your time and observe for good values and marry for the right reasons, Una no go hear, you cannot discover everything but certain things can't be hidden and a huge red flag.

That lady sound more like street girl with zero interest in marriage.

crackhaus:

The way you turned this issue around on its head and made it into the guy's fault is actually quite impressive.

I have experience. When you’ve been married as long as I have you need to be creative with your arguments

RightToReject:

@OP

The other balderdash in this post aside, take notice that it is not your duty to make your wife happy, and vice versa. Striving to always do whatever you know is right towards her at every given time and to the best of your ability is your duty, and accept nothing less from her. The choice to be happy or not is solely hers to make, and if she fails to allow positive energy to take precedence over negative energy, if she chooses unhappiness, jolt her to reality through any cruel means that might suit you.

On a general note, take up grit and gumption to arrest the situation permanently. The problem most of you in all these kinds of unpalatable situations has is a lack of standard and personal philosophy in general and together with a lack of grace in losing in principle. You might not know peace and reign fully in your glory if you do not give up expectation and force and embrace a standard. You should have a standard you live on, which she and everyone that crosses your path must know and adhere to or incur your wrath.

Servility is as bad as unjust cruelty - say no to both of them.

You act like he has monopoly of cruelty. What happens when she decides to retaliate in like manner?

Honestly, you guys need to understand that having a happy wife is the ONLY way you can know peace in your marriage. And just like every other thing in life, you need work hard to achieve that.

Life will continue to show us how we treat ourselves.

As someone has said, she was wrongly brought up. Try to sit her down and express your concerns to her and letting her know the meaning of what she is doing and how it might affect her in the future if she fails to correct her self.

If that fails, as a man endure it because she might really come up with frustrating characters, be prepared for that.

On No account, don't raise your hands her because her family has been waiting for such to happen so that they can paint you blue black in front of the whole world. Even though they know fully that your wife is hell to you.

Thread carefully for you not to embarrass yourself in the future.

Cares

UjuJoan2:



I have experience. When you’ve been married as long as I have you need to be creative with your arguments

You are problematic

OP, the fact that you refer to her as JOBLESS insinuates to me that you may be mean to her with your words. I don't like men that describe their partners negatively because your reaction to her will also reek of negativity. Also, aren't you being a hypocrite? You have come to a forum of strangers to express yourself but you don't want your wife to do the same with her trusted people? SMH...

You should speak to her to let her know that you don't like this however you cannot take away her source of vent outlet. we all need to vent, therefore you should be prepared to suggest an alternative and this can either be you - you must be open and ready to listen to her without judgement, you'd have your own time too where you can vent to her or have a good and respected counsellor.

Remember that both of you are on a learning journey, you should patiently teach her your ways and be tolerant with her and you will get to mould her to your perfection, eventually. It takes time and patience and you will get your happiness. Nothing good comes easy!

Run for the hill friend.

She's doing this either for validation or to isolate you. Either way, she absolutely doesn't respect you. Move on and you will find someone who builds up your image instead of burning it to the ground.

I just read your post and I have this advice for you.

Sit your wife down and let her know the repercussion of her act. Make her realize no one loves her more than herself and the consequence of her actions is that it might break your home. Make her see reasons that should that happen, no one will resort to her family members to ask them what role they played in breaking her home rather, the world will see you both as immature.

Lastly, make her understand you both are not perfect however, you both need to work on how to get each other's back. She should be mindful of the information she gives to her family members because she isn't making a mockery of you but herself particularly if the siblings pass the information across to their spouse or friends.

opeyy:
OP, the fact that you refer to her as JOBLESS insinuates to me that you may be mean to her with your words. I don't like men that describe their partners negatively because your reaction to her will also reek of negativity. Also, aren't you being a hypocrite? You have come to a forum of strangers to express yourself but you don't want your wife to do the same with her trusted people? SMH...

You should speak to her to let her know that you don't like this however you cannot take away her source of vent outlet. we all need to vent, therefore you should be prepared to suggest an alternative and this can either be you - you must be open and ready to listen to her without judgement, you'd have your own time too where you can vent to her or have a good and respected counsellor.

Remember that both of you are on a learning journey, you should patiently teach her your ways and be tolerant with her and you will get to mould her to your perfection, eventually. It takes time and patience and you will get your happiness. Nothing good comes easy!

It's a faceless forum thus, the people involved are not known to us. It is better sometimes than telling your siblings your partner's shortcomings.

If u like earn 1million per day.

If u marry a jobless woman,u are already trapped nothing can change except u ensure she starts doing business or u help to secure a job.

My aunty used to say that,for a woman,any job is a job as far it keeps her busy and away from gossips.

GboyegaD:
I just read your post and I have this advice for you.

Sit your wife down and let her know the repercussion of her act. Make her realize no one loves her more than herself and the consequence of her actions is that it might break your home. Make her see reasons that should that happen, no one will resort to her family members to ask them what role they played in breaking her home rather, the world will see you both as immature.

Lastly, make her understand you both are not perfect however, you both need to work on how to get each other's back. She should be mindful of the information she gives to her family members because she isn't making a mockery of you but herself particularly if the siblings pass the information across to their spouse or friends.

You didn't just read his post. You advised him when he first posted
But your advise has been consistent

GboyegaD:
Have a discussion with her and make her understand that the cracks she is creating in your home will come back to hunt her.

Also remind her that should anything happen to her home, no one will ask her family members what role they played.

Guy, your marriage lack communication, your wife is not seeing your as understanding enough, draw her closer, talk to her, let her see you as her number one. You are the man here, take charge, draw her to yourself, learn how to softly touch her mind, be the brother and sister she seriously crave for. You can easily control a woman by showing her love and loyalty, its starts from the mind.
When a woman starts disclosing things that happen in her home, especially the unpleasant ones, then the husband has not been really meeting up with her commnication needs.

eyinjuege:


You didn't just read his post. You advised him when he first posted
But your advise has been consistent

Funny how I didn't notice I once responded to the post.