As it happened in my neighborhood,a family friend.This man has a family his wife and children,he and his wife had a well paying job,and the husband is taking a very good care of the family,a very good husband and a caring father,but along the line he lost his job.
Now,all the responsibilities fell on the laps of the wife,feeding,house rent,children school fees and others.
A little time after the husband lost his job,the wife's attitude change dramatically towards the husband,but the man keep enduring everything,including all the insult and abusive words being hurl at him by the wife.Please note that the man didn't sit idly,he is trying his best to secure a job but all to no avail,but he is doing some odd jobs,so as not to be staying at home all the time and not to be asking everything from his wife.
Now,after nearly two years after the husband lost his job,the woman told the husband that she has already bought land and built house on it,the house is near completion and very soon she would like the family to move out of the rented apartment to her house.
The man is in a dilemma,especially whenever he remember all the humiliation and insults from the wife.Meanwhile,before he lost his job,both him and the wife were developing their own site,and he is the major contributor to the development of the site,but along the line,loss of job happened.
The man is seeking my opinion,but I don't know what to tell him other than to ask his wife for him to be in charge of the land's documents.
How will you advice the man,or if you are in this situation,what will you do?

Lalasticlala,what will you advice the man to do.

He does not have job??...but you want to advice him to take control of house document thats not his own...Yęyę...small yansh seff wan shake...

as in I dont get..you want him to collect the document?? For what??
Is the wife a child that you will seize her building documents from her .....what kind of suppressing, toxic, opressive mentality is that??


He should swallow is pride and go live in the house ....God has helped him with a backup in is downtime....he needs to be humble and not feel emasculated becos his wife is funding his existence him....its a phase that will pass soon.

I advice him to respect himself and support his wife very well with house chores to keep her madnesś and beast mode in check....

He should also not cheat...if he does ..na street e go sleep..

He should seriously go on job hunting to change his current status... some women are not mentally wired to be the sole bread winner..they will rub it your face and make you feel belittled......its period like this you will hear something like:.....

"daddy wa, you are home jobless all day and you can't help me wash my clothes, clean floor, and the toilet...it's not fair"

Ask jc skill wetin him eyes see for funke akindele house. Na one day aunty funke send am out of her house. It's better the man stays back in the rented house, he should not follow the wife to her new house to avoid more embarrassment and insult from her.

Let him rent a room self-contained if he can and be visiting time to time until he is able to put himself together.

With all those characters she's been exhibiting, living with her would be hell and might result to early death.

Axis313:
As it happened in my neighborhood,a family friend.This man has a family his wife and children,he and his wife had a well paying job,and the husband is taking a very good care of the family,a very good husband and a caring father,but along the line he lost his job.
Now,all the responsibilities fell on the laps of the wife,feeding,house rent,children school fees and others.
A little time after the husband lost his job,the wife's attitude change dramatically towards the husband,but the man keep enduring everything,including all the insult and abusive words being hurl at him by the wife.Please note that the man didn't sit idly,he is trying his best to secure a job but all to no avail,but he is doing some odd jobs,so as not to be staying at home all the time and not to be asking everything from his wife.
Now,after nearly two years after the husband lost his job,the woman told the husband that she has already bought land and built house on it,the house is near completion and very soon she would like the family to move out of the rented apartment to her house.
The man is in a dilemma,especially whenever he remember all the humiliation and insults from the wife.Meanwhile,before he lost his job,both him and the wife were developing their own site,and he is the major contributor to the development of the site,but along the line,loss of job happened.
The man is seeking my opinion,but I don't know what to tell him other than to ask his wife for him to be in charge of the land's documents.
How will you advice the man,or if you are in this situation,what will you do?

Lalasticlala,what will you advice the man to do.

Whoever has the land documents, already has the house. That is how it works and that's the law. I know of a similar situation where the man bought the land in his name but later on the wife was the one who built the house. Court verdict ruled it straight on to the man. So Op, verify from the man who's name is on the landed property.

Axis313:
As it happened in my neighborhood,a family friend.This man has a family his wife and children,he and his wife had a well paying job,and the husband is taking a very good care of the family,a very good husband and a caring father,but along the line he lost his job.
Now,all the responsibilities fell on the laps of the wife,feeding,house rent,children school fees and others.
A little time after the husband lost his job,the wife's attitude change dramatically towards the husband,but the man keep enduring everything,including all the insult and abusive words being hurl at him by the wife.Please note that the man didn't sit idly,he is trying his best to secure a job but all to no avail,but he is doing some odd jobs,so as not to be staying at home all the time and not to be asking everything from his wife.
Now,after nearly two years after the husband lost his job,the woman told the husband that she has already bought land and built house on it,the house is near completion and very soon she would like the family to move out of the rented apartment to her house.
The man is in a dilemma,especially whenever he remember all the humiliation and insults from the wife.Meanwhile,before he lost his job,both him and the wife were developing their own site,and he is the major contributor to the development of the site,but along the line,loss of job happened.
The man is seeking my opinion,but I don't know what to tell him other than to ask his wife for him to be in charge of the land's documents.
How will you advice the man,or if you are in this situation,what will you do?

Lalasticlala,what will you advice the man to do.

Why would the bolded be the only thing you can tell him, she bought her own land and built on it, apart from the one they were building together right? Would him holding the land documents change who owns the property?

It doesn't sound right neither does it make economic sense for house rent to be added to what the wife would have to cater for when she has a house that's a very major expense cut off, but if he can go ahead to continue paying the rent no problem.


Running a Nigerian home financially is hard enough these days, he should not let his ego make it harder.

Hope he gets a job soonest.

If they remain in the rented apartment where they presently live in, who pays the rent?

spice123:

Whoever has the land documents, already has the house. That is how it works and that's the law. I know of a similar situation where the man bought the land in his name but later on the wife was the one who built the house. Court verdict ruled it straight on to the man. So Op, verify from the man who's name is on the landed property.

From the story, the woman bought the land and built on it and informed the husband when it is near completion, meaning the man was not aware of the purchase of the land from the onset and separate from the one they were developing together.

he should move in with them, but ensures he spends very little time at home daily

Mindlog:
If they remain in the rented apartment where they presently live in, who pays the rent?

The wife,since the man lost his job,she has been the one taking the responsibilities of the family.

Mindlog:


From the story, the woman bought the land and built on it and informed the husband when it is near completion, meaning the man was not aware of the purchase of the land from the onset and separate from the one they were developing together.

Yes,he wasn't aware of the land bought by the wife until the house is near completion.

Axis313:

Yes,he wasn't aware of the land bought by the wife until the house is near completion.

Ok. What will be achieved getting the wife to hand over the land's documents to him, is the husband better at keeping them safe than the wife who bought it?

robinso01:
Ask jc skill wetin him eyes see for funke akindele house. Na one day aunty funke send am out of her house. It's better the man stays back in the rented house, he should not follow the wife to her new house to avoid more embarrassment and insult from her.

Rented house hes not paying for?? Lol....the woman has her by the balls..shes the one paying rent....
he should swallow his pride and be a good husband and hustle to change his status...

Btw...Thats the way it works in Nigeria...if funke leaves in jjc house....if they fight...na she go leave......its funke' s house...will she leave her house for JJC??

The highest and worst level of see-finish is when a man is jobless

Well,let the man swallow his pride and move in with his wife,or better still rent his own apartment if he can.

If he thinks living in his wife's house will make him emasculated, the wife and kids should move into her house, and he should continue to stay in the rented house, fend for himself till he is able to finish the house he and his wife are building since his contribution is the highest, very simple.

advanceDNA:


Rented house hes not paying for?? Lol....the woman has her by the balls..shes the one paying rent....
he should swallow his pride and be a good husband and hustle to change his status...

Btw...Thats the way it works in Nigeria...if funke leaves in jjc house....if they fight...na she go leave......its funke' s house...will she leave her house for JJC??

That funke and jjc episode is what is causing concern for the guy, ge even tokd me that a man living under his wife's house is nothing more than a tenant.

anthonyuncle:
he should move in with them, but ensures he spends very little time at home daily

Okay.

Axis313:

That funke and jjc episode is what is causing concern for the guy, ge even tokd me that a man living under his wife's house is nothing more than a tenant.

If he was the bread winner...his wife would support him and be a good wife....

Now that the tables have turned and the wife is doing well...he should be a good husband too.
No need to fear of the unknown....no need to bring ego into the issue....if you no offend woman..she won't just wake up and send you packing out of her house naaaaa....

There are three possible scenarios or a combination of them:
1. The man is insecure because he tied his identity to his earning power
2. The wife is emasculating/ disrespecting the man because she is now the breadwinner
3. The wife is providing the emotional security that he has nothing to worry about.

If your account that they had a building project together while he was working is true, then the wife did not do well building a house separately. She should have completed the current building project which would have addressed point 3 above.

Axis313:

That funke and jjc episode is what is causing concern for the guy, he even told me that a man living under his wife's house is nothing more than a tenant.

The above tells me that point 1 above is also at play. If he did not build him home like Funke & JJC, why is he afraid that his situation would be like that?

I am also curious to know who did the chores while the husband was the major breadwinner and how they handle chores now.

Some husbands feel useless when they don't earn anymore because they honestly do not add any value to the marriage. Their feelings are right however, 99% would address it the wrong way.

If a woman is the breadwinner + house keeper + child carer etc, then honestly ask yourself what value you are to her at that point. What's your input or contribution to the home/relationship at that point?


@holding the house papers: that is almost the crime of wizardry if he wants to reap where he did not sow. While I agree the wife could have handled the whole house issue much better, the man has NO RIGHT to demand for something that is not his.

If the wife decided to do so, that is another kettle of fish.

Funny stuff...

I'm more concerned that she bought a land, developed it, and subsequently started building a house on it almost to completion before bringing it to his attention.

This may seem okay to most people going by the comments above (and that's a pointer to how fvcked up our mentalities about marriage have become)... I however, consider it a red flag.
Even if she didn't think he could support financially, he definitely could have been of some help with some materials purchase and supervising/managing the workers at the construction site.

Tell your family friend he MUST not move into that new property else whatever he "claims" he is facing now will be like child's play compared to what he'll encounter if he moves with her. He should sort himself out.

advanceDNA:

If he was the bread winner...his wife would support him and be a good wife....

Now that the tables have turned and the wife is doing well...he should be a good husband too.
No need to fear of the unknown....no need to bring ego into the issue.... if you no offend woman..she won't just wake up and send you packing out of her house naaaaa....

This is true.

However, you're referring to a gender that on a bad day can blame you and feel offended if thunder strikes too loud during a rainstorm.

You want to predict what will offend an average woman? Okay.

Do not move into that house, i repeat, do not!!

crackhaus:

This is true.

However, you're referring to a gender that on a bad day can blame you and feel offended if thunder strikes too loud during a rainstorm.

You want to predict what will offend an average woman? Okay.

Me I no dey follow mád women.....

advanceDNA:

Me I no dey follow mád women.....

Okay

Axis313:
The man is in a dilemma,especially whenever he remember all the humiliation and insults from the wife.Meanwhile,before he lost his job,both him and the wife were developing their own site,and he is the major contributor to the development of the site,but along the line,loss of job happened.
The man is seeking my opinion,but I don't know what to tell him other than to ask his wife for him to be in charge of the land's documents.
How will you advice the man,or if you are in this situation,what will you do?

Why would you give him such advice when the question is instead whether he should live in a home that belongs to his wife or not?

About the husband living in his wife's house or not, is she asking him not to or what? Where exactly is the issue in this? Did his wife tell him that he has to pay her rent in order to continue living as husband and wife in the marriage or what?

Ahmed0336:
Let him rent a room self-contained if he can and be visiting time to time until he is able to put himself together.

With all those characters she's been exhibiting, living with her would be hell and might result to early death.

Put himself in what way? Does he no longer intend to stay married to the wife or what?,

The fact that he did not foresee her exhibiting these negative attitudes beforehand in the kind of present circumstance shows that he is not a discerning man; the fact that he has not devised a way to change it for her all this while and make her subjugable on top her money shows that he lacks grit; just as the fact that he is still contemplating what to do after all these discoveries, insults and abuses shows that he doesn't have a healthy standard. Tell him to follow his conscience

Meanwhile, the subject question of the thread didn't do justice to the body of the thread, given that in a healthy union and circumstance like this, there is nothing wrong if a man lives in his wife's just house, if his condition necessitates it, but that isn't the case here.

RightToReject:
The fact that he did not foresee her exhibiting these negative attitudes beforehand in the kind of present circumstance shows that he is not a discerning man; the fact that he has not devised a way to change it for her all this while and make her subjugable ontop her money shows that he lacks grit; just as the fact that he is still contemplating what to do after all these discoveries, insults and abuses shows that he doesn't have a healthy standard. Tell him to follow his conscience

Meanwhile, the subject question of the thread didn't do justice to the body of the thread, given that in a healthy union and circumstance like this, there is nothing wrong if a man lives in his wife's house, if his condition necessitates it, but that isn't the case here.

Indeed.

Kobojunkie:
Why would you give him such advice when the question is instead whether he should live in a home that belongs to his wife or not?

About the husband living in his wife's house or not, is she asking him not to or what? Where exactly is the issue in this? Did his wife tell him that he has to pay her rent in order to continue living as husband and wife in the marriage or what?

Actually since things went south for the man,and the wife became the breadwinner of the family,the wife actually behaving rudely towards him,that's why I think at least he should reach an agreement with her to keep the documents if at all he's going to live under her roof.
But,it's just an advice sha,he is considering other options.

Axis313:

Actually since things went south for the man,and the wife became the breadwinner of the family,the wife actually behaving rudely towards him,that's why I think at least he should reach an agreement with her to keep the documents if at all he's going to live under her roof.
But,it's just an advice sha,he is considering other options.

Tell him to rent another place and visit his family every weekend. Women do not respect men they help or cater for, she might act all kind now but down the line her negative traits will surface. It's how they all act.

Axis313:

Actually since things went south for the man,and the wife became the breadwinner of the family,the wife actually behaving rudely towards him,that's why I think at least he should reach an agreement with her to keep the documents if at all he's going to live under her roof.
But,it's just an advice sha,he is considering other options.

You keep repeating this "keep the document"
What will now happen if he keeps the document and they fight....will he claim ownership of house that doesn't belong to him??

Marriage is a risk...if it works out ...fine
If not...move on...what he should be doing now is getting back on his feet...

.not living life in fear and seeing his wife as his potential enemy that will eject him soon.....

he doesnt even trust the woman seff...the marriage cannot last with his current mindset...