It's been a month since I came back, and don't get me wrong I love it! And I'm forever grateful to my family for putting up with my tics and superstitions. I love my family.

I love being with my family again,
I love being around to see them,
I love being able to interact with them.

It's been great! But...

Sometimes it's too much. Sometimes someone asks me a simple question and my mind starts to spiral and I feel queasy and it makes me want to disappear into the floor.

Sometimes it feels like everyone is staring at me, counting every single flaw and screw up. Looking at me like I'm human trash.

Sometimes it's just too much.

But the nightmares are wayyy worse.

When I'm awake I have no proof that people are staring, no proof their whispers are about me. That I can deal with.

But when I'm asleep, when I'm dreaming; I know for a fact that everyone is staring at me, laughing at everything that makes me hate myself.
That's what was happening right now, I was "dreaming" (more like nightmare-ing) and it sucked.

________

I shot up, eyes wide and filled with tears, my neck twitched uncomfortably to the side.

I hate these types of nightmares. they bring many uncomfortable tics and of course the not so faint voices in my head, the evil spirits that I do my best to ward off but nothing seems to wo.... READ MORE