hi my name is teju oso. it happens that a senior girl  in the hostel sent me outta the hostel to cut all the grass outside till dawn because i was extremely rude, so i sat down and i saw this person, damn he was so fine,  in one cut, i was at his crib,  on and on we go. he said to me dt he's on holiday from london and that his name is olatokunbo fasheyiton. few month later the aftermath of this hideous act  is my baby oladokun oso(my surname). now i'm in the UK does anyone here thinks it's a good idea if i trace the father of my baby? 'cos people says there is much probability that i'll find him or is it going to be a whole lot of trouble. most time when male peolple come over my place, my baby clings to them and you can read expression in his face like, he knows he should have a father or when visitors come with their kids, he gets moody with me by stayin away and doesn't eat. now everything seems mean to me 'cos it's hard raising him.

Wow teju, thats a cutee youve got there. I think a man has the right to know he's got a child, its not like he's denied him. Yes, I'll say its a good idea to trace him. But how will you go about it?

Aww, your son is soo cute Yeah I think you can trace his dad up if you wann'

Thanks guys, you are making me feel strong already

You are welcome

Just saw your profile and youre just 19. It really must be difficult raising him alone. What about your people, is anyone chipping in some help?

yeah, my people are supporting me always especially financially,but sometime it's annoying because people always treat me like i really need help, you know what i mean, for example (shh can't you see she's sleeping, oh! lil sister why don't you help her wiv those heavy bags or i made hot tea take it before it gets cold) and i'm like duh i'm only 19. anyway it's my fault. the only problem i have is that my lil brov hates him, he call him bastard, bitch and stuff like that .

Your little brother calls his nephew bastard? Call someone older to teach him some manners!

what a blessing you have in your son!!! i personally think, you should try and trace him since you DO have his 1st and last name. however, you may need some help. i dont know TOO TOO much about the u.k. but does your son have any british papers? perhaps, you can get the authories/govt to help so that his papers can state a father. this may be a bit extreme/ a last resort. i mean since your child has love and attn from you, GOD will see him through. but i mention the paperwork so that the child can take comfort in KNOWING for CERTAIN when he is much, much older (and has a child of his own). if the young man gives you any trouble just state your intentions clearly and let him know you are NOT cunning or needy,

as for your brother, i think he just needs counseling/attn. since he is younger than you, he prolly looked up to you and seeing you go t/o your unexpected pregnancy rocked his world. you didnt say he was rude to you so im going to assume he isnt. to me, this means that he feels like your son is the cause of any unhappiness that has happened or just needs someone younger to vent his frustrations, perhaps life is difficult for him at present. anyhow, i would stress to your brother how much you & your son love & admire him. who knows? perhaps, your brother will be the beloved uncle or father figure in your son's life as life goes on.

much love!

May be your younger brother is jealous of your son. Is it possible that your younger brother was the baby of the house before your son came? He might just be angry and frustrated that your son is taking all the attention from him. It might be futile trying to discipline him and all, that could make him hate him even more. Just make sure you make him understand that calling your son a bastard is not acceptable. How old is your brother anyway?

Hey teju,
You can definitely trace this guy, go to social services, as you live in the UK, there is a dept that cater for things like this, make sure you tell them his name (if the one he gave you is original), if you have a picture to his face, that will be great. They will definitely trace him for you because he needs to accept his responsibility. Depending on how many years you've been here, you can claim single parent's allowance, it's not really much but it will help a lot. I'm going to help you find information on how to go about this.

Good luck

@debbieolat. I dont think teju is seeking for financial help from him(correct me if am wrong teju), I think she just wants her boy to know his dad. As in have a father figure.

What I wrote was just an addittion or don't u think he should accept his responsibility? Anyway, i just feel for the baby

The baby will be fine, God will sort him out.Yes I think the guy should accept his responsibility. But its not going to be that easy. From her story, it was just a one nite stand or something. The father will really have a hard time accepting the situation.

alheri and debbieolat, both of u r right and u r still saying da samething cos alheri said the father will find it difficult to accept the situation, which means he wouldn't be there 100% so it means that there will be financial shortage. alheri is solving this problem step by step while debbieolat is thinking straight, i think both idea is great

Firstly, i must say, i have nothing but pure admiration for you and I'm sure you are a good mother.

One question i wanted to ask  was he aware that you were carrying his child before he left Nigeria?
If not, he must be in total shock when he finds out, and might not be in his best interest as he might have formed a new relationship. On the other hand, if he knew you were pregnant and deliberately ignored his responsibilities, i think you give him a proper burst up.

All been said, you should do what is best for your child and shouldn't do this single handedly involve any authoritative figure IE a family member.
Goodluck

@desiree, that is very true! I never even thot of that. In as much as its between you guys you should invovle an adult in this decision/process. You know, make it a family thingy so you would look respectable. Wow, there is sooo much to this issue. May God see you through.

_{when i saw your name i was kind of scared thinkin that was my ex       
and my friend's name is Tokunbo}

the thing is why are u really looking for the guy?
Is he really a big boy or just some dude that was big in nigeria?

I don't think u should look for him actively.

Just try and sort out yourself and your cute son. continue your education and make sure u are as independent as possible trust me there are many sharks  in london,

i think he's some dude that seems so big in naija and he has no idea he had a son somewhere. the thing is i can't call him a husband right? cos i saw him once and that was it. men, it's not good to do bad stuff

bad stuff huh, def. not but gurl, u will be fyne. how old is dat cute baby of urs? just take heart, look for him and explain thingz to him and if possible, u'all will go 4 a DNA test, gluck dearie

Hey teju, I can’t believe I’ll see you on nairaland but no much surprise cos we met on hi 5 too remember. Don’t look for the boy cos when you see him he probably say well I don’t love you and I don’t want to be responsible as a father and nothing will hapen, but he wouldn’t deny cos nobody will forget scootin a girl out of their premises. Girl you were so smart cos I heared you kept the pregnancy secret for 4 month and we still leave in the same hostel. what were your parent like when they knew

I sure was, I had to do that cos i was desperate to do the GCE exam, after the exam I reported myself and I was sent packing. My dad didn’t know I was pregnant until the second day I delivered but when he saw the baby he said I want to be there when u r good or bad cos u r still my little daughter that you use to be, I said thanks pops u’ll never be ashamed of me again he goes, good but wouldn’t matter cos u r moving to England I was like oh no not the cold, inside, I was like woo hoo england here i come. My dad then said can I talk to your boyfriend and family responsible i went han? which boyfriend

teju, youre soo funny. You mean you said that to your pops ? LOL. I no blame you, na because the man no whip your A$$
Anyways, how far? Have you come to a decision on how to go about finding Tokunbo? Are you even gonna tell him?

wow, ur dad is very nice and took it very nicely and yhings r working on well, parents take note , gurl, good luck, wat boarding skool were u at? say hey 2 ur baby

Hi

Try this, you may or may not have to pay but worth a try?
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tp://www.192.com/search/index.cfm?section=people&view=a

OK
That didnt work see if this link works
Good luck by the way!

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http://www.192.com/search/

Sorry about your situatuion. But remember every dispointment is a blessing in one way or another. Just try to be the best mother you can be. And i hope u find your baby daddy. One more thing , since this thing was a one night stand ur not really sure that he is from the U.K because he didnt prove it to u in anyway. he could still be in naija. Just be careful when doing your research and pray for god to help u out.

Hmm Teju,think u should try connect with the dad not for anything but for future purposes.you might not need him financially but atleast do the baby that great favor to connect the dad.Try those links thats been suggested,might not be so easy as you aint even sure the guy is from jand but if there's any other way to look up things in nigeria then do try too and hope one will work,dear LONDON boys arent too real but its worth trying,for the baby. You got such an adorable cute baby

Luv to him

teju,

Am touched by ur story and I like you. You are a strong woman and you will make it in life.

I wish you good luck in all you want to do. All I have to say is 'always be there for your son' no matter the situation.

good for you

OH my God.thats a cute little dude u've got there.i also want a son as my first.God will help u girl,you'll find his father,try trace him from home.naija i mean.cos its much easier than u looking him up in london.take good care of that kid ok.i will personally come after u if anything happens to him.trust me i know how to find my way.and i sure will.as for that brother of urs,he is just still a kid.he does not know what life has got to offer his sorry ass.pls i urge u take good and proper care of that little man.ok.God will help u find his father.

Come to think of it somewhere around I might have kids I don't know of.

I have seen so many kids that look like me that I am tempted to ask their mothers if I ever screwed them