Sequel to this thread I wrote https://www.nairaland.com/7282531/friend-married-narcissist-now-emotional, I was able to obtain something.

This lady here is my best friend. We have been best of friends for over 10 years . She told me everything about her and I did remember her telling me about a guy that maltreated her while she was in secondary school.

Well, she finally got married to that same guy . According to her , the guy came back after so many years and she felt he is a changed man and have outgrown all his teens attitudes.
She visited him and spent one month with him and he was so nice . Didn't show any negative attitude.

But she said something, two days to their wedding after they have done their traditional wedding, the guy exhibited his negative trait.
She said she told her family that she won't do the wedding anymore. They all gathered and convinced her that it is the stress of planning wedding blabla.
After the guy apologized, they got married .

My friend hasn't enjoyed that marriage till date. Guy beat her up during and after pregnancy. Abuse her emotionally and curse her as well.
Guy bought her a car, but she isn't even happy to drive it . Her body pains her from beating this guy has given her. She wants out. Marriage that's just few years old.

I have every right to now believe that early signs in relationship shouldn't be ignored . I have seen Alot to dismiss this.
Once can be forgiven, but twice, hell No. Don't ignore that signs .

My friend is regretting her actions now and I really feel for her .

This guy in question is still young . Why the heartlessness. I am just tired with what people do to others Walahi. No conscience at all

Don't blame the guy. She saw the signs. She should live with the choices she's made

SteveDGreat:
My friend hasn't enjoyed that marriage till date. Guy beat her up during and after pregnancy. Abuse her emotionally and curse her as well. Guy bought her a car, but she isn't even happy to drive it . Her body pains her from beating this guy has given her. She wants out. Marriage that's just few years old.

I have every right to now believe that early signs in relationship shouldn't be ignored . I have seen Alot to dismiss this.
Once can be forgiven, but twice, hell No. Don't ignore that signs .My friend is regretting her actions now and I really feel for her .

This guy in question is still young . Why the heartlessness. I am just tired with what people do to others Walahi. No conscience at all

As I explained on the other thread, your friend, the lady, should be the one making the decisions as far as her marriage and whether she should end it or not. If you intend to keep your relationship with her, and maybe have other future intentions, then it is the best you can do for her. She needs to not only accept the failure but also plot her way out of it in order to properly heal from it. Or, if and when life hits her like a bulldozer after she has left the marriage, she might turn on you and blame you for it all.

Get her to speak to a professional mental health professional as soon as possible, and also advise her to seek marriage counselling with her husband, at least to make sure she crossed all t's and dotted all i's before finally deciding to quit the marriage. On the other thread, you had indicated that she was already living with her brother. If that is not the case, then please also inform her she needs to move the hell out of harms way asap so she does not end up another Osinachi.

This is unfair what has the family said

wis3:
Don't blame the guy. She saw the signs. She should live with the choices she's made

So because she saw the signs but still went ahead, thinking to maybe give him the benefit of the doubt, the guy is not to be blamed for using her as a punching bag?

Kobojunkie:
So because she saw the signs but still went ahead, thinking to maybe give him the benefit of the doubt, the guy is not to be blamed for using her as a punching bag?

benefit of doubt indeed. If you play with fire, you'll get burned for sure.

wis3:
benefit of doubt indeed. If you play with fire, you'll get burned for sure.

Play with fire? What fire? All she did was take a chance at marriage and it turned out she picked a bad card... that happens to so many folks out there too. What has a fire to do with that? It ain't like she was betting her very life or soul. So why is she to blame for the man turning her into his punching bag?

Kobojunkie:
Play with fire? What fire? All she did was take a chance at marriage and it turned out she picked a bad card... that happens to so many folks out there too. What has a fire to do with that?

But she said something, two days to their wedding after they have done their traditional wedding, the guy exhibited his negative trait.

She said she told her family that she won't do the wedding anymore. They all gathered and convinced her that it is the stress of planning wedding blabla.

After the guy apologized, they got married .

I'm sure he must have shown these traits more than once but she just decided to look the other way.

wis3:
I'm sure he must have shown these traits more than once but she just decided to look the other way.

Do you know that some psychopaths & sociopaths can also do well in marriage? Traits are not definitive as far as these things go.

For the second time this month, I am reminded of the movie THE ICEMAN.... ***shudders***.

She took a gamble and it turned out against her. That doesn't mean she is to blame. It means her gambled failed. The man is responsible for his actions, in this case, using her as a punching bag.

We need to put an end to this culture of shaming people when they find themselves in failed marriages. You rarely find anyone who goes into a marriage expecting failure at the end of the day. Most everyone goes in hoping for success, but more than half of the time, it ends up a burst. Out of either shame, or inability to accept failure, many hold on and end up living miserable lives in marriage, turning marriage into some sort of prison when it is not meant to be that at all. Most marriages fail for one reason or another - that is a fact. We need to begin to come to terms with this, and end this culture of shifting blame.

Kobojunkie:
Do you know that some psychopaths & sociopaths can also do well in marriage? Traits are not definitive as far as these things go.

For the second time this month, I am reminded of the movie THE ICEMAN.... ***shudders***.

She took a gamble and it turned out against her. That doesn't mean she is to blame. It means her gambled failed. The man is responsible for his actions, in this case, using her as a punching bag.

alot of women today are i still in abusive relationships for whatever benefits they're getting. She made a bet and she lost. Stop making excuses for her.

Kobojunkie:
Do you know that some psychopaths & sociopaths can also do well in marriage? Traits are not definitive as far as these things go.

For the second time this month, I am reminded of the movie THE ICEMAN.... ***shudders***.

She took a gamble and it turned out against her. That doesn't mean she is to blame. It means her gambled failed. The man is responsible for his actions, in this case, using her as a punching bag.

We need to put an end to this culture of shaming people when they find themselves in failed marriages. You rarely find anyone who goes into a marriage expecting failure at the end of the day. Most everyone goes in hoping for success, but more than half of the time, it ends up a bust. Out of either shame, or inability to accept failure, many hold on and end up living miserable lives in marriage, turning marriage into some sort of prison when it is not meant to be that at all. Most marriages fail for one reason or another - that is a fact. We need to begin to come to terms with this, and end this culture of shifting blame.

Someone women are drawn to men who'd torment and abuse them. It's like it turns them on. Thesame woman would have taken advantage of the situation if the man in question was like OP. They refer to such men as stupid and weak. She should live with the choices she has made.

wis3:
alot of women today are i still in abusive relationships for whatever benefits they're getting. She made a bet and she lost. Stop making excuses for her.

This isn't about making an excuse but saying it like it is. Nothing in marriage mandates a woman or anyone be turned into someone else's punching bag. So suggesting she is to blame for the man's violent acts is ludicrous.

wis3:
Someone women are drawn to men who'd torment and abuse them. It's like it turns them on. Thesame woman would have taken advantage of the situation if the man in question was like OP. They refer to such men as stupid and weak. She should live with the choices she has made.

So what if some folks are drawn to each other. Does that than absolve the violent one in anyway of responsibility that is his regardless? If the same man had instead punched his kid or maybe a worker of his, would you also had blamed the kid or the worker for the man's violence?

Make we begin dey use our heads to reason these things abeg!

Kobojunkie:
So what if some folks are drawn to each other. Does that than absolve the violent one in anyway of responsibility that is his regardless? If the same man had instead punched his kid or maybe a worker of his, would you also had blamed the kid or the worker for the man's violence?

Make we begin dey use our heads to reason these things abeg!

It's pretty simple. "If they did it once, there's every tendency there'd do it again and again. It's a human thing and she saw these signs but still decided to go with through with it. Op seems like the the kind of man the woman in question question wants in her life but most women really don't know what they want.

Kobojunkie:
This isn't about making an excuse but saying it like it is. Nothing in marriage mandates a woman or anyone be turned into someone else's punching bag. So suggesting she is to blame for the man's violent acts is ludicrous.

There will always be consequences to every decisions we make in our lives and this is one she's going to have to live with.

By all means, let us all join voice and action to condemn violence of any kind. Violence against humanity is a despicable act to do.

However, should I call it emotional madness, or affectionate blindness, or delusional stupidity, that a man or woman, will see an abusive ex and go back to him or her in the name of stupid benefits of doubt, or he will change, or has changed, and after traditional marriage, such lunatic showed you the sign, you allow your insensitive family to push you to the abusive marriage and what do you expect, public sympathy?

At least, you help yourself with your sense first before someone can help you. Years of beating and abuse, you still don't have the courage to leave the marriage, is it because of the car? The material benefits? Or lovelorn that may come your way in future?

Anything about domestic violence or any violence at all can drive me nuts. Between your friend and her family, they should have my congratulations, until we see obituary.

If it's not working, what happen to walking away, why should you endure abusive marriage? Why would you accommodate what threatens your sanity?

she should enjoy and have fun.

wis3:
It's pretty simple. "If they did it once, there's every tendency there'd do it again and again. It's a human thing and she saw these signs but still decided to go with through with it. Op seems like the the kind of man the woman in question question wants in her life but most women really don't know what they want.

Experience is there for us to learn from. Yes, some don't learn but that don't mean others don't. Women are humans and so errant. She made a mistake is all and now she has to deal with it so she can move on from it, something every sane individual does. No big deal.

wis3:
There will always be consequences to every decisions we make in our lives and this is one she's going to have to live with.

Scars... we all seem to have them.

Nothing you can do about it. Let her make the decision to stay or leave.

Abeg stop disturbing us with this story

You, your friend and her husband should go and sort out the issues you're having!

You are just hanging around for a good opportunity so you can start fúcking this your friend

I told you b*tch. You'll be slapped..I hope you read my previous comment. https://www.nairaland.com/7282531/friend-married-narcissist-now-emotional/1#115732543


Women, are addicted to hard men. I'm in no way in support of domestic violence nor a misogynist.

Since the guy beat her..Why didn't she go report him to the police? I'm sure you two at one time in the past did something erotic. Now , it's difficult for you to move on..I'm 100% sure if she separate with her husband. You will Marry her. Same lady will still go and f*ck her husband and still play the victim against you.

You see that guy she'll cry for, think about often or get sleepless night for. That's the man she want. You probably, the reason why she has issues with her husband. Until we hear from the husband side. Judgment from above will be pronounced.


You dey here dey do "The comforter" No go marry. B*tch @ss n*gga. The great SIMP-SON

Kobojunkie:
Scars... we all seem to have them.

Not me. I'm without flaws.

Kobojunkie:
Experience is there for us to learn from. Yes, some don't learn but that don't mean others don't. Women are humans and so errant. She made a mistake is all and now she has to deal with it so she can move on from it, something every sane individual does. No big deal.

There's no use feeling sorry for her. She'd do worse things than this if roles were switched or she's in a position.

Too many kids here masqurading as men.

Omo, that's why we have to look very well before getting married o. Study your partner very well.
And also pray very well before getting married.
A lot of characters issue in marriage started from dating but some people choose to ignore it thinking that their partner will change.
If you know you can't deal with your partner bad character, don't enter marriage thinking he/she will change o. If not we will see your story on front page .

wis3:
There's no use feeling sorry for her. She'd do worse things than this if roles were switched or she's in a position.

Who said anything about feeling sorry for her? Is it only when you feel sorry for someone that you admit that which is right?

Kobojunkie:
Who said anything about feeling sorry for her? Is it only when you feel sorry for someone that you admit that which is right?

What makes you think you're right in this case? See, situations like these could have been easily avoided of she had just heeded to the signs she saw. Quit making excuses for her.

wis3:
What makes you think you're right in this case? See, situations like these could have been easily avoided of she had just heeded to the signs she saw. Quit making excuses for her.

You tell me .... what is wrong with suggesting to a person who finds his or herself in an abusive marriage to seek mental health counseling, move immediately out of harms way, engage the aide of a professional marriage counselor in deciding a way forward for both parties?

Kobojunkie:
You tell me .... what is wrong with suggesting to a person who finds his or herself in an abusive marriage to seek mental health counseling, move immediately out of harms way, engage the aide of a professional marriage counselor in deciding a way forward for both parties?

You're missing the point. She knew very well what she was getting herself into and she took the risk.