NB: This list is provided solely for retrospection by a christian who is simply sick of those who have hijacked the apostolic faith for greed and personal gain. Do not be fooled when you hear the following:


Life coach - (n, adj) An individual who specialises in utilising emotional sophistry to produce a temporary and empty emotional high in vulnerable individuals. See also "inspirational speaker".

Inspirational speaker - (n, adj) An individual who employs spiritually empty, carefully cherry-picked bible verses to manipulate the gullible. See also "life coach".

Serve - (v) Or to serve. A word (or phrase) used to describe the process of acting in an official capacity in a churcheous business organisation. typically unrelated to acts of kindess or actual help.

Minister - (n) a. Chief executive officer of a churcheous business organisation. b. one who fleeces monetary contributions from the gullible usually in the name of a particular deity.

Ministry - (n) A highly profitable tax-exempt business enterprise usually centered around manipulation of the poor in the name of deities. See also camp.

Faith - (v) A commonly employed trick in ministeries meant to provide pecuniary and/or self-centered benefits to the manipulator.

^Lol

http://www.becausepeoplematter.com/marks_weblog/2008/01/christianese-tr.html

1. I'll pray about it = NO!
2. We need to pray for so and so = Guess what I just heard?!
3. I'm waiting for God to open some doors = I'm living in my parent's basement.
4. God gave me a word for you = I have advice to help you with your disaster of a life .
5. I'm going to have my quiet time = Leave me the heck alone!
6. God is good = My life sucks.
7. Bless his/her heart = What an idiot .
8. I have the gift of discernment = I can judge people without even talking to them.
9. I was having fellowship with them = We had beer and pizza and watched the game instead of going to church.
10. I'm saved by grace, not works = I can do whatever the heck I want.
11. She caused me to stumble = What a skank.
12. I kissed dating goodbye = I couldn't get a blind date, literally.
13. Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth = I can't believe you said the real curse word!
14. I don't mean to judge but,  = I'm going to judge.
15. I'm dating Jesus right now = Are you kidding? I'm way out of your league.
16. God wants me to take some time off from this relationship = I met someone else and I'm too coward to break up with you.
17. I'll pray about marrying you = NO!
18. God told me that we are supposed to get married = Maybe you'll say yes if God is behind this.
19. I'm fasting = Your spiritual life is miniscule compared to mine. Try to keep up.
20. God has called me to minister to her = She's really hot.
21. I think you should pray about it = You'll see that I'm right.
22. We've decided to court, not date = My parents have a death grip on my life.
23. Courting = Homeschool dating.
24. Lord willing = My plans are His plans.
25. Take this with a grain of salt = I'm about to really offend you.
26. I'm feeling convicted about this = One day my actions might change too!
27. Have I offended you? = Why are you treating my like garbage?
28. Who wants to pray? = I don't want to pray right now.
29. Jesus turned water into wine = Jesus turned water into grape juice. (Southern Baptist Dialect)
30. Jesus turned water into wine = I can drink whatever I want. (Presbyterian Dialect)

Matthew 10 verse 34: Think not that I came to send peace on the earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


How about that boys and girls? This is the granddaddy of them all. we call potential warrior, like in the 'say hello to my little friend, magnum PI or is it Inspector Callaghan or Josie Whales'?

i am laughing in massachusetts; the spirit of america; red white and blue.