EmahBoss:
Boss you F up big time sending those messages to her pastor. Maybe with her parents but not to. her pastor who will use her to preach every semorn and embarrass your family. Your wife might not have slept with the guy, nevertheless, she is still a cheat and will cheat once.in physical contact with the guy.


You claim to render all financial needs in the home, did you also render all emotional needs of her? Think deep and mend your home. Chasing her away might be the easy thing to do, but forgiveness is gracious for love covers multitude of sin. Forgive that woman and she will worship you

So you truly believe she will worship him if he takes her back for cheating?
So you are telling me you'll respect your husband for taking you back if you cheated on him. Lol women and lies

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to you all wherever you are reading this my story. I am just in an emotional situation now that i need a breather and what to do to ease me of this emotional pains am going through.
I got married 5 years ago and have 2 daughters to that. For almost 5 years of marriage, i have not had any reason to suspect my wife of cheating cause she has always prove to be a loyal and trustworthy person to me not until recently that i started noticing some things popping up. Our marriage has not been that rosy and perfect as we do have alots of arguments which i have tried my best to make her happy in my capabilities. I fund the house finances and barely get any tangible financial support from her but that doesn't really bother me so far am still capable of meeting those bills.
It happened when i noticed that my wife started using password on her phone and she react negatively whenever i want to access her phone. Though she doesn't pick up my phone cos its also has password but i can never deny my wife access to my phone whenever she wants to make use of it. Anytime i want to access her phone, she says she cant allow me cos i dont allow her aswell which is not true. I only password my phone cos of security purpose. The last time i used her phone, i noticed she deleted a particular chat with a guy. It was the guy replying chat that made me knew she deleted the conversation and the way the guy was addressing her made me so uncomfortable. He was using my love and all sort of romantic words to my wife, i saw it and confronted her about it that i dont like it but she said he is just a friend that she knew way back before she got married. I noticed the guy just left the country to an arab country and my wife told me that its strictly business of exporting food stuff to him thats between then.
Fortunately, i picked up her phone last night and what i saw was so devastating, i noticed she was still chatting with the guy and also exchanging love words together. My wife told the guy that she loves him and also miss him so much. This was just a little out of their conversation. I was so mad and screenshot those chat and send to my self for evidence cos she can deny anything deniable. I sent those shots to out church pastor, her dad, her mom and also all her siblings to know what their daughter was doing under my roof. Her dad has been apologizing that i should forgive her but seriously am so hurt emotionally right now and just felt like leaving the marriage cos to trust her henceforth will be difficult.
Pls what advice can you give i do and also did i over reacted by sending those screenshot out to her family and pastor. I need to know cos am confused. Pls pardon my english and typo errors.

Ogun and ayelala will kill anybody that said u shouldn't have forwarded the chat.. Ogun will kill them.

See bros, in all u do, always try to defend ursef first, u just defended ursef by sending those chats, u wont know now but u will know in the future.

Well, don't divorce Ur wife now, give her a second chance pls.

You have done the best @ ops. I think some of us are guilty of same offence like what the ops spouse did. There should be a boundary to what we say, post or type. She is a married woman for crying out loud, why using love and romantic words for your business associate. Some of us will even go to the extent of posting the other person pictures calling them a sweet name when we don't share bond relationship together. Although, d woman might have not cheated on you with her business associate now but I guess she is missing something in your marriage. You both should try and ignite the fire
. She might not have any intention of cheating on you with anybody but trust me something is missing in ur home which her chat with the guy is filling the vacuum. But you have got to act very fast because any opportunity that brings those two together physically might be very dangerous.

2Radii:
Ogun and ayelala will kill anybody that said u shouldn't have forwarded the chat.. Ogun will kill them.

See bros, in all u do, always try to defend ursef first, u just defended ursef by sending those chats, u wont know now but u will know in the future.

Well, don't divorce Ur wife now, give her a second chance pls.

Yes thats what he did. So that she would not spin out around. Now she has been exposed, her guilt might either make her sober or make her toxic.

jesmond3945:

Yes thats what he did. So that she would not spin out around. Now she has been exposed, her guilt might either make her sober or make her toxic.

Yes, u understand my point very well.

If the man try to be a gentleman (aka oponu, amukumeko) don't be surprised she would play the fast track on him and pin the whole blame on him.
Even the family would still be blaming him that Wen he saw something like that why didn't he raise alarm from onset?
Now everything don clear, no where to hide for her, she can do whatever pleases her.

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to you all wherever you are reading this my story. I am just in an emotional situation now that i need a breather and what to do to ease me of this emotional pains am going through.
I got married 5 years ago and have 2 daughters to that. For almost 5 years of marriage, i have not had any reason to suspect my wife of cheating cause she has always prove to be a loyal and trustworthy person to me not until recently that i started noticing some things popping up. Our marriage has not been that rosy and perfect as we do have alots of arguments which i have tried my best to make her happy in my capabilities. I fund the house finances and barely get any tangible financial support from her but that doesn't really bother me so far am still capable of meeting those bills.
It happened when i noticed that my wife started using password on her phone and she react negatively whenever i want to access her phone. Though she doesn't pick up my phone cos its also has password but i can never deny my wife access to my phone whenever she wants to make use of it. Anytime i want to access her phone, she says she cant allow me cos i dont allow her aswell which is not true. I only password my phone cos of security purpose. The last time i used her phone, i noticed she deleted a particular chat with a guy. It was the guy replying chat that made me knew she deleted the conversation and the way the guy was addressing her made me so uncomfortable. He was using my love and all sort of romantic words to my wife, i saw it and confronted her about it that i dont like it but she said he is just a friend that she knew way back before she got married. I noticed the guy just left the country to an arab country and my wife told me that its strictly business of exporting food stuff to him thats between then.
Fortunately, i picked up her phone last night and what i saw was so devastating, i noticed she was still chatting with the guy and also exchanging love words together. My wife told the guy that she loves him and also miss him so much. This was just a little out of their conversation. I was so mad and screenshot those chat and send to my self for evidence cos she can deny anything deniable. I sent those shots to out church pastor, her dad, her mom and also all her siblings to know what their daughter was doing under my roof. Her dad has been apologizing that i should forgive her but seriously am so hurt emotionally right now and just felt like leaving the marriage cos to trust her henceforth will be difficult.
Pls what advice can you give i do and also did i over reacted by sending those screenshot out to her family and pastor. I need to know cos am confused. Pls pardon my english and typo errors.

Sending the picture to third parties was unnecessary at this piont, however, the prospect of your wife turning a new leaf is very unlikely. Cheaters don't change; they become smater until they are exposed.

First of all, you have already damaged her reputation for life because of chat, you don't know if she even has anything intimate with the guy but you disgraced her completely, trust me, her pastor will tell his wife and even close friends and they will in turn spread the news and chat, and they will even add fisi and Jara and gossip about how she sleeps around.

Just divorce her because you have ruined her life.

The problem with a lot of Nigerian men is that they don't take women and women's needs serious, women need love affirmations regularly, hearing you say you love and care for her, your being caring etc, even after marriage many women love to recieve things like this just like how men need sex and intimacy to be happy in marriage. That's why religious books like the Bible asks the wife to submit to her husband while the husband shows love to his wife.

But African men think because they are providing so they don't need to add anything romantic to their wives lives, imagine if a wife thinks she is always keeps the house clean, cooks well and takes good care of kids so she doesn't need to give her husband sex. That attitude will really anger the husband but funny enough men think it's okay to stop romantic treatment after marriage because "no campaign after election" .

Op divorce your wife and let her move on or even relocate from that town where you ruined her life and reputation. The trust in your marriage is dead anyway.

Can you imagine this OP, so you have been chatting with random girls but jus one chat with another guy you saw in your wife's phone made you spread the news round the country.

Why didn't you channel that romantic chatting to your wife instead of random girls to keep the love alive in your marriage?

Afodot0022:
At times my wife will read chats I do have with some random girls and have the notion that am cheating. I know i have been wrong in this but attimes a man will want to be a man but as i said earlier, have never had sex with those girls. Just random chats that all and it doesnt go further or lead anywhere.

.

https://www.nairaland.com/6814346/wife-refused-swear-she-does

2Radii:
Ogun and ayelala will kill anybody that said u shouldn't have forwarded the chat.. Ogun will kill them.

See bros, in all u do, always try to defend ursef first, u just defended ursef by sending those chats, u wont know now but u will know in the future.

Well, don't divorce Ur wife now, give her a second chance pls.

Calm down man, you don't know anything about women nature.

Women are the smartest cheaters ever lives on the surface of earth, to catch them red handed, you need to play along with patient. You don't expose a woman without a concrete evidence, else she will become more smarter, and you may never catch her ever again.

What this man could've done is to save the screenshot and keep tracking her whatsap for more solid evidence. Even after he is 100% sure she is cheating, he don't need to tell her parent or anyone before sending her out of his home. He can present the evidence after they ask the reason for his action.

yemmit90:


Calm down man, you don't know anything about women nature.

Women are the smartest cheaters ever lives on the surface of earth, to catch them red handed, you need to play along with patient. You don't expose a woman without a concrete evidence, else she will become more smarter, and you may never catch her ever again.

What this man could've done is to save the screenshot and keep tracking her whatsap for more solid evidence. Even after he is 100% sure she is cheating, he don't need to tell her parent or anyone before sending her out of his home. He can present the evidence after they ask the reason for his action.

well, u may be right sir

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to you all wherever you are reading this my story. I am just in an emotional situation now that i need a breather and what to do to ease me of this emotional pains am going through.
I got married 5 years ago and have 2 daughters to that. For almost 5 years of marriage, i have not had any reason to suspect my wife of cheating cause she has always prove to be a loyal and trustworthy person to me not until recently that i started noticing some things popping up. Our marriage has not been that rosy and perfect as we do have alots of arguments which i have tried my best to make her happy in my capabilities. I fund the house finances and barely get any tangible financial support from her but that doesn't really bother me so far am still capable of meeting those bills.
It happened when i noticed that my wife started using password on her phone and she react negatively whenever i want to access her phone. Though she doesn't pick up my phone cos its also has password but i can never deny my wife access to my phone whenever she wants to make use of it. Anytime i want to access her phone, she says she cant allow me cos i dont allow her aswell which is not true. I only password my phone cos of security purpose. The last time i used her phone, i noticed she deleted a particular chat with a guy. It was the guy replying chat that made me knew she deleted the conversation and the way the guy was addressing her made me so uncomfortable. He was using my love and all sort of romantic words to my wife, i saw it and confronted her about it that i dont like it but she said he is just a friend that she knew way back before she got married. I noticed the guy just left the country to an arab country and my wife told me that its strictly business of exporting food stuff to him thats between then.
Fortunately, i picked up her phone last night and what i saw was so devastating, i noticed she was still chatting with the guy and also exchanging love words together. My wife told the guy that she loves him and also miss him so much. This was just a little out of their conversation. I was so mad and screenshot those chat and send to my self for evidence cos she can deny anything deniable. I sent those shots to out church pastor, her dad, her mom and also all her siblings to know what their daughter was doing under my roof. Her dad has been apologizing that i should forgive her but seriously am so hurt emotionally right now and just felt like leaving the marriage cos to trust her henceforth will be difficult.
Pls what advice can you give i do and also did i over reacted by sending those screenshot out to her family and pastor. I need to know cos am confused. Pls pardon my english and typo errors.

I know you feel hurt about her social romance with a guy far away over 1000miles

Next time keep those evidence and use it on her when you want to prove a point

Meanwhile, when a married woman starts getting attention from another man then there is something missing some where in her marriage

You too, you know that your love life is not in good shape and i don't know what you have done to fix that

She may be the problem or you may be the problem but there is a problem somewhere that is not yet solved

Now that you have blown it out you may have done that out of anger, so how will you feel knowing that lots of people around you are aware of her ways

If you foegive her and accept her back, then you have to change your church, so far your pastor is aware, his wife must have heard it and so on with the rest

You will forgive her because if the guy is abroad then, they have not had any sexual contact

The condition you will use is,

In the presence of her family, shy will put the phone on speaker and tell the guy that his relationship with her has affected her marriage and that this call is on speaker that she wants him to stop communicating with her

Both of you must allow each other to register your finger print in each others phone and also know the password

No more secrets among the two of you, tell each other what goes on and keep checking on each other with phone calls when you are not with each other especially when at work or engaged with something else

I bet you, if you look into the unresolved issues in your marriage, solve it and uou guys will experience Peace

You will have a sweet reunion and a smooth sail

But if you know that you don't want to go ahead with her, just let her go her way, while you do same until you have finally made up your mind to move on

But remember, you never can tell how promiscuous the next wife will be

We have to forgive each other

I really appreciate the income advice from you all. Thank you so much, well i appreciate, i will also appreciate more from others expecially married folks and those that might have had same experience so i can learn how you resolved it. This will be well appreciated. To update you guys, she has been begging me since yesterday and i just find it difficult to forgive and if i forgive her i find it difficult to still trust her. Anytime i remember what i read in those screenshot. It kills me emotionally cos i trusted this woman so much that i can vouch for her fidelity not knowing she is not who i thought she was. I told her to stop all communications with the guy and could you all believe my wife lied to me that she has blocked the guy on whatsap only for me to find out that she was lieing. She told me that the guy sent money 140k for her to buy food stuff and send to him to BAHRAIN so they can do business together. I told her i dont what her to have anything to do with him, i told her to send his money back and could you believe that my wife angrily packed all her belongings and left my apartment when i told her this.Though her stuffs still outside but seems she is ready to leave because of this guy. What i can deduce from this is that she is willing to sacrifice her 5 year marriage to the friendship she has with this guy. This is what have noticed recently. Pls what can i do on this issue cos am exhausted already.

Pls mod help me do justice so i can get more inputs.

Woman with their wahala just calm down and sort things out without causing damage in your marriage..... lastly PLEASE AND PLEASE DON'T INVOLVE PASTOR IN YOUR MARRIAGE AGAIN. E GET WHY...... take fully responsibility of your home please.

odinson1:


So you truly believe she will worship him if he takes her back for cheating?
So you are telling me you'll respect your husband for taking you back if you cheated on him. Lol women and lies

So the guy should throw her away because she chatted with a guy and flirted? If you know how hard marriage is and how difficult it is to just throw year's of been together away, you won't just ask him to chase her out

EmahBoss:


So the guy should throw her away because she chatted with a guy and flirted? If you know how hard marriage is and how difficult it is to just throw year's of been together away, you won't just ask him to chase her out

What are you saying? So, if your husband is beating wotowoto all the time, you will stay with him because of year of being together.

demoBaba:



What are you saying? So, if your husband is beating wotowoto all the time, you will stay with him because of year of being together.

How many women left their marriage after the first beating? Even after the 5th beating? This is her first time to be caught, let her be forgiven

EmahBoss:



How many women left their marriage after the first beating? Even after the 5th beating? This is her first time to be caught, let her be forgiven

First time how? Won't understand the deal... it's not easy as you said. That's why I didn't married in my state because I can't stand to know or been seen my wife EX. Talk less of cheating under my roof.

Send her away one time because she'll still leave if and when she gets the chance. So?? Get her, before she gets you.

Yes, before anyone comes for me for advising op to send his wife away, I said what I said. You can't be with one man, spending his money and eating his food and be professing love to another. That is witchcraft.

Blessedmercy8:
See d her away one time because she'll still leave if and when she gets the chance. So?? Get her, before she gets you.

Yes, before comes for me, I said what I said. You can't be with one man, spending his money and eating his food and be professing love yo another. That is witch craft.

Do you know that this same OP was also flirting with different girls before he saw the chat where his wife was flirting with another man?
Adultery is very very wrong, let's not overlook for one person and punish the other person for it. God did not give men go ahead to cheat and say only women should be faithful..

nahzyla:


Do you know that this same OP was also flirting with different girls before he saw the chat where his wife was flirting with another man?
Adultery is very very wrong, let's not overlook for one person and punish the other person for it. God did not give men go ahead to cheat and say only women should be faithful..

I didn't know about that.

If he too is cheating, then it means they no longer want each other therefore they should go their separate ways. make person hear word.

Afodot0022:
I really appreciate the income advice from you all. Thank you so much, well i appreciate, i will also appreciate more from others expecially married folks and those that might have had same experience so i can learn how you resolved it. This will be well appreciated. To update you guys, she has been begging me since yesterday and i just find it difficult to forgive and if i forgive her i find it difficult to still trust her. Anytime i remember what i read in those screenshot. It kills me emotionally cos i trusted this woman so much that i can vouch for her fidelity not knowing she is not who i thought she was. I told her to stop all communications with the guy and could you all believe my wife lied to me that she has blocked the guy on whatsap only for me to find out that she was lieing. She told me that the guy sent money 140k for her to buy food stuff and send to him to BAHRAIN so they can do business together. I told her i dont what her to have anything to do with him, i told her to send his money back and could you believe that my wife angrily packed all her belongings and left my apartment when i told her this.Though her stuffs still outside but seems she is ready to leave because of this guy. What i can deduce from this is that she is willing to sacrifice her 5 year marriage to the friendship she has with this guy. This is what have noticed recently. Pls what can i do on this issue cos am exhausted already.

Pls mod help me do justice so i can get more inputs.

Are you not happy she is leaving, is that not what you wanted?

EmahBoss:


So the guy should throw her away because she chatted with a guy and flirted? If you know how hard marriage is and how difficult it is to just throw year's of been together away, you won't just ask him to chase her out

You know this is how paternity fraud starts right? you want him to take the risk and forgive a Cheating wife(yes, flirting with the opposite sex while in a relationship is Cheating. Na from clap dance dey start),then she'll get pregnant for the person and pin the baby on Her husband,and he will accept and train that child thinking it's his. You see how wicked and heartless you are now? I hope your sons get to Father other men's children

Forgive her.
It was just exchange of love words on social media. The guy is far away.

Hope she face her marriage well.

I hope your pastor is matured enough to handle that info, if not even if your wife leaves you are still in for a very long ride, your children sef will hear the story.

Church gossip is not it at all.

Tonypen247:
I think you did overreact to the situation. From what you wrote up there, the cheating you described comes from professing love to another guy and not an act of adultery. Although cheating is cheating whichever way it is committed in marriage. But you got my point though.

What you should have earlier done is discover the cause of her action by confronting her with your evidence. Get to know why she is going that length while being self-aware that she is married and has kids for you. There is no justification for such actions, but there are diplomatic ways of resolving it without making it go to the length it has gotten into.

My advice to you is to sit her down, talk sense into her, and demand to know the areas you haven't acted up to that you need to address and then forgive her with a stern warning for the sake of your children.

It is well.

funny

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to you all wherever you are reading this my story. I am just in an emotional situation now that i need a breather and what to do to ease me of this emotional pains am going through.
I got married 5 years ago and have 2 daughters to that. For almost 5 years of marriage, i have not had any reason to suspect my wife of cheating cause she has always prove to be a loyal and trustworthy person to me not until recently that i started noticing some things popping up. Our marriage has not been that rosy and perfect as we do have alots of arguments which i have tried my best to make her happy in my capabilities. I fund the house finances and barely get any tangible financial support from her but that doesn't really bother me so far am still capable of meeting those bills.
It happened when i noticed that my wife started using password on her phone and she react negatively whenever i want to access her phone. Though she doesn't pick up my phone cos its also has password but i can never deny my wife access to my phone whenever she wants to make use of it. Anytime i want to access her phone, she says she cant allow me cos i dont allow her aswell which is not true. I only password my phone cos of security purpose. The last time i used her phone, i noticed she deleted a particular chat with a guy. It was the guy replying chat that made me knew she deleted the conversation and the way the guy was addressing her made me so uncomfortable. He was using my love and all sort of romantic words to my wife, i saw it and confronted her about it that i dont like it but she said he is just a friend that she knew way back before she got married. I noticed the guy just left the country to an arab country and my wife told me that its strictly business of exporting food stuff to him thats between then.
Fortunately, i picked up her phone last night and what i saw was so devastating, i noticed she was still chatting with the guy and also exchanging love words together. My wife told the guy that she loves him and also miss him so much. This was just a little out of their conversation. I was so mad and screenshot those chat and send to my self for evidence cos she can deny anything deniable. I sent those shots to out church pastor, her dad, her mom and also all her siblings to know what their daughter was doing under my roof. Her dad has been apologizing that i should forgive her but seriously am so hurt emotionally right now and just felt like leaving the marriage cos to trust her henceforth will be difficult.
Pls what advice can you give i do and also did i over reacted by sending those screenshot out to her family and pastor. I need to know cos am confused. Pls pardon my english and typo errors.

No. You didn't overreact. What you did was right. If anything happens to her on account of her cheating it would be known to her parents and pastor that you are not responsible for it. If you cheated and she did what you did i would have said the same.

...but don't be in a hurry to dump her, yet! Now that her parents are aware it is time for some heart felt discussion. She has to open up, confess fully and ask for forgiveness. If she is still defensive and would not yield then you can let her go.

Afodot0022:
I really appreciate the income advice from you all. Thank you so much, well i appreciate, i will also appreciate more from others expecially married folks and those that might have had same experience so i can learn how you resolved it. This will be well appreciated. To update you guys, she has been begging me since yesterday and i just find it difficult to forgive and if i forgive her i find it difficult to still trust her. Anytime i remember what i read in those screenshot. It kills me emotionally cos i trusted this woman so much that i can vouch for her fidelity not knowing she is not who i thought she was. I told her to stop all communications with the guy and could you all believe my wife lied to me that she has blocked the guy on whatsap only for me to find out that she was lieing. She told me that the guy sent money 140k for her to buy food stuff and send to him to BAHRAIN so they can do business together. I told her i dont what her to have anything to do with him, i told her to send his money back and could you believe that my wife angrily packed all her belongings and left my apartment when i told her this.Though her stuffs still outside but seems she is ready to leave because of this guy. What i can deduce from this is that she is willing to sacrifice her 5 year marriage to the friendship she has with this guy. This is what have noticed recently. Pls what can i do on this issue cos am exhausted already.

Pls mod help me do justice so i can get more inputs.

Dude let her go if you still love your life. Are you sure your children are really yours. You had better go and confirm before calamity get belle.

Socratiz:
Yes. You over-reacted by sending the message to her parents. You should have sent out to yourself and confront her with it, and you let her know if you find such a message again it would get to her parents. You did not make sufficient attempt to solve your problem before involving her parents. She would never be happy that you subjected her to such a public ridicule and shame even after you have resolved this issue.

Meanwhile, there could be something missing in your marriage to make your wife ignite affection for another man. It may be difficult for you to find out what it is but a professional marriage counselor would easily do that.

I advise that you see a marriage counselor even if the final resolution would be a divorce. Remember, children are already involved and they will share in the trauma.

I wish you well.

No marriage is perfect, every marriage has something missing in it. We should stop trying to justify irresponsible behaviour.