If stupidity was a person look no further than the person writing this.
What do you tell this person?
By God's grace I was raised by my mom she sent me to school and I hustled through school and many thought I wouldn't make it. Family loved my hustling spirit and I was the beloved of the family despite being from a broken home.
God answered my prayer and I got a visa to travel abroad in one attempt with full funding. I was so favoured everyone was shocked you know that family that's written off and God suddenly uses one person to want to rewrite the story
I got to the abroad o and fear and torment didn't allow me rest despite knowing the word of God. I didn't work even when told I could I just allow the opportunity to slip off me then I had some mental break down which was basically my fault as I was just panicking for no reason and saying I want to kill myself
After a while, I still continued threatening my mom that I wanted to end it all and the poor woman had to call her family members to help out whenever I am asked I'd say nothing. I broke my laptop and did a lot of things. Even with my full funding I am saying I can't continue and I want to quit Now, I realised that I could actually have worked send money home to help my family and because God has so much purpose for me but I messed it up out of I don't even know what to say to myself.

I am ashamed of everything. I am even scared to move on. I got a job twice but quit out of fear.
I woke up again to threaten my brother my only brother that one just told me point blank the truth that I don't have sense that if I think everyone don't have a problem I am joking and if I should kill myself life goes on and I'd end up in hell all these one I am doing is nonsense. My boy friend too is tired because he's like I don't have an excuse some people are looking for the opportunity I have and I am messing up.
Now, reality has dawned on me and it's obvious people know nothing and I was just playing but some part I wasn't like I said I found it difficult to move on because I didn't do what I was meant to do and it's really affecting me even as I type it's getting worse

I have been told to move on and think positively but whenever I remember how I have disgraced myself home and abroad misuse opportunity and saying I want to quit school, it's crazy.

What do I do?
I feel like going on exile because I have lost so much faith in God that brought me to the abroad and I am even scared of completion and going to hell.

What do I do? How do I meet up with the one year o didn't send money home?
If you are a parent, what will you do? I disturbed my mom o I dey fear make thunder no strike me sef and I don't want to continue with studies. I want to work I just tire. I'm super fine but the consequences is crazy especially being a. False alarm and disturbing my mom and disappointing my self. I can't come to forgive myself and I am still restless as I cannot sleep any more without my mind hurting me my mistake.o wasn't prudent with money too . Car I no sabi had people here to teach me so I can buy mine and be doing other jobs I was just so lazy and fearful .What can I do? I'd be reading comment and you can insult me I deserve it all. Even posting this took me a lot even though my mind is telling me not to but I want someone to learn nothing I am still in the abroad but Omo the way forward i don't know both spiritually and academically mind you every single person have prayed for me but I know i did it intentionally so the prayer no be like say it's working.
I got the job again the third time same people but I want to quit again as it is now I don't understand what's going on in my life it's all in turmoil I know I cause 90% of it. I just created panic and there was none. No one believes me anymore, I have lost faith, trust and help from God and man and it was God that helped me till this point. You can actually use your hand to spoil your testimony o. It's possible I did it and the regret is killing. I can't kill myself cos of hell fire but even here on earth I don't understand I look like the shadow of myself. I was warned to stop this but I didn't listen now I am struggling to make money here at all cost and study at the same time it's quite stress full as I am
I pray God forgives me, my mom and family.
My brother said I am ungrateful. The prodigal son didn't even behave like this.

Any advice to get to pick myself up once again. Spiritually first because that's the most important for me. This one is not any village people. I did it with my full chest reason I don't know I had fears but it could have been managed well

I want to graduate I have few months and also make some money before snow the distance to the place of work is far and Omo Nigerians that are here are not willing because we all came same na only me no gree hustle get my car and all. It's quite painful though I just need help.

Help with words.

you need to see a psychiatrist. i don't know what you were so afraid about.

what are your fears?

Irrational:
If
I got the job again the third time same people but I want to quit again as it is now I don't understand what's going on in my life it's all in turmoil I know I cause 90% of it. I just created panic and there was none. No one believes me anymore, I have lost faith, trust and help from God and man and it was God that helped me till this point. You can actually use your hand to spoil your testimony o. It's possible I did it and the regret is killing. I can't kill myself cos of hell fire but even here on earth I don't understand I look like the shadow of myself. I was warned to stop this but I didn't listen now I am struggling to make money here at all cost and study at the same time it's quite stress full as I am
I pray God forgives me, my mom and family.
My brother said I am ungrateful. The prodigal son didn't even behave like this.

I bet you, sometimes you want to pray about these issues. But when you try to pray, you get fraustrated the more.
I have given a thought about giving up and quiting not just my job but my life because it all doesn't add up. But then on a second thought, whatever I do, life goes on. People continue their lives. So its best I stay Alive.

Alot of things causes fraustration, you need to see them as a water you must never let drown you. Whatever it takes, never left these problems defeat you

It's ok if you feel like you've let alot people down. People who had alot of expectations from you. It's best you know your life is all about you... Look to impress and improve your life at the moment.

Deal with it. FEAR

I think you as suffering from a psychological disorder. Which I think is Anxiety, looks like it’s quite deep which makes you think you can’t do anything and always afraid or have fear. Fist off see a therapist.
Secondly, talk to your self daily, cleanses your mind, soul and body. Look for things that makes you happy. Talk to people who are willingly to listen to you, air out your fear to them and woke on yourself. Tell your self you are there for a purpose and you will fulfill it. Think of the beautiful life you’d make out of yourself, family etc.

Ment

@OP when I read your post I just laughed why ? Because I have had to deal with something similar to yours too when I first travelled abroad.
I can totally relate, unfortunately, many people reading and commenting here haven't travelled out of Nigeria before and so they will not be able to understand you, or relate with what you were dealing with.

It's called depression coupled with ADHD, I have gone through that phase too just that mine was not as bad as you and I totally understand your situation.
You have always had traces of depression/ADHD but being away in a foreign land aggravated it. This happens alot to intelligent people because we tend to over analyse things and are always right so the reality of things weighs down on us.

In your case, I think a lack of an ideal family structure, the absence of your dad also accelerated the depressive traits in you. I can also guess that your relationship is not based on genuine love and you know it, what you need is someone to show you love and that you can also pour your love into.

In my own case, I had to leave abraod and move back to Nigeria and I lived in Nigeria for a while , I also took care of the things that were causing me anxiety which was getting a good wife and settling down.

Now I have a great family and feel love around me, I might be wrong but I hope I was able to help.