| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by odiinsgrace(m): 6:18am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Pray and ask God for divine wisdom because u and ur father and everyone that supported ur leaving ur man's house are such a toxic human...Na ur type they make me fear marriage with Naija gal, selfish proud humans. Obidient4life3:
You brought up this issue when that damage was too much.
He cheated you no doubt, what it means is that that's how learned to make his money. He is not an honest individual when it comes to Money. My advice is make him show some commitment because going back to his house. The kids need their father. First of all, Let him know he will refund that 200k with an interest of 100k.
Secondly, tell him he will buy you some nice cloths and accessories for a reassurance date with him. Mention on expensive hotel both of you will spend the night. He will ask why you are trying to make him spend money unnecessarily, tell him that's the only way you will be reassured he still loves you. That a man does anything that is good to prove his love for a woman. At least you are not just a woman, you are his wife |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by jrobbins: 6:19am On Oct 25, 2022 |
How people believe this story and even comment amazes me. This is a figment of the Op's (him/her) imagination.. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by tony0806: 6:21am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I
After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he
My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.
I have cried enough. That was the first mistake you made; DIGGING around his phone. No one digs without an intention to find or remove something. Does he dig into your phone? Why did you allow that demon of marital confusion seduce you into "digging" into your husbands phone? If you want to have peace of mind as a husband or wife, NEVER go about digging. The highest you should do is to sit with the partner while S/he is enjoying his/her phone. You gave the devil a chance. And he hits very had. Just forgive. It'll be difficult to forget. But if you check deep in your heart. You'll see that there are things that if your husband noticed on or before marriage about you, he would have done worst. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by funkmrflexx(m): 6:21am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.
I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)
Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...
Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.
3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.
My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.
How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.
No insult please, I have cried enough. Your husband is not your competitor even you have more money than him. I think you rejecting his idea of buying a land together as husband and wife shows that you don't see him as part of you. Even if you leave him today and marry someone else you'll still have the same issue because you think you can do everything alone. It doesn't work that way. By the way he was wrong to abandon you for 2 months but I'm sure this isn't the only instance where you are making him feel inferior to you but you won't talk about those. Even if you assist him from time to time shouldn't make you look down on him. Men help their wives everytime but they aren't looked down on because it's normal. Sit yourself down and advise yourself. Ur dad that says you shouldn't go back to him doesn't want the best for u cus he's probably angry u are helping ur husband (I'm talking from experience). You and ur husband are wrong but never try to make a man feel inferior |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by AbujaCitiBlog: 6:24am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.
I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)
Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...
Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.
3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.
My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.
How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.
No insult please, I have cried enough. I have the best advice for you. 1. Don't forgive him, men are not worth it. 2. Why are you even crying self? You have never sinned or offended someone in your life so please hold him to the same standards. 3. Become a Lesbian. I know it sounds harsh but hey, you know you tried it and liked it in secondary school and it was sweet so what's there to loose? Buy your sex gadgets. Remember you work and make money, so use your money and Bleep younger girls. Who cares about marriage anyways? Enjoy your life Joor! Bible? Forget that one! Who follows the Bible these days? Who? 4. Finally, make sure you don't ever forgive him. Hire boys to attack, kill or wound him. He must be taught a deep lesson for daring to do what he did. I repeat make sure you don't forgive him. NB: Give me your husband's phone number,he deserves better. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Samakus(m): 6:25am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Weirdcamila:
You have kids , and from your explanation you are doing well. Move forward and don’t look back . The man is an idiot .
Why cheat your own wife ? Nawa o
Where una dey find animals marry? Has she not shortchanged the man before? Has she used every penny the man has given her for what it was for? We both know that the answer is no. If the husband has been forgiven her, why can't she forgive her husband just this once that he did the same thing she has been doing? People really don't take what they dish out. She thinks that she's arrived abi. Obviously, her eye dey for outside cod I no see anything not to forgive here. The man has begged enough. I know I won't even beg to that level for a case like this. Why would my wife decide to have a property on her name alone. I wouldn't do that to her. Whatever we have will be both on our names as a family Call a spade a spade |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by UDZUBY(m): 6:28am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.
I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)
Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...
Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.
3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.
My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.
How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.
No insult please, I have cried enough. Your dad na “agbaya” how can he give you such an advice? Something he did to your mother in one way or the other. Know this: Man na man! He’ll always want to feel in charge. You as a woman wants to prove to him that you’re a boss lady, then he played you. Yes, he jobbed you 200k, you should also reasoned it that the money might have returned back to the family in one way or the other. These is your family, the father of your kids, even the yet unborn. So the money is not lost. Stop acting like you earn more than your husband! Even though you do, comport yourself, you’re the woman! Those advising you are not advising you well, including your dad, if not, why would you rent an apartment? Because you think you have money (boss lady). People are calling you and begging you is because of the kids, and if you don’t want to go back and comport yourself because of the kids, then dey your dey, because there won’t be peace. If you want to go back, go back and be the woman, and let the man man the house!!! Lastly, change your advisers!.. Stop discussing your family matters outside! |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by drololaaof: 6:31am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.
I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)
Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...
Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.
3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.
My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.
How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.
No insult please, I have cried enough. Very good ,you have judge yourself, you better be content with what you have as husband ,sister no man is perfect . Your father who insist that you should not return to your husband has he not done something bad to your mother or other wives? Forgive him oh,do you accept Jesus as your Lord and saviour if yes find space to forgive him and your mind will be at rest try to submit yourself for the sake of your children. Mr bad today will be the very best husband tomorrow, some men cannot come to term that their wife are destined to be more prosperous, the Lord will change him ,ALL the evil counselor around him the Lord will separate them . This problem will affect your children one way or the order so resettle as early as possible. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Bolnij2: 6:31am On Oct 25, 2022 |
My dear sister. Let the truth be told, you have not done well.
There are three parties in this matter and I will analyse the roles or if you like the mistakes of each parties:
1. Yourself:
Thank God you are doing well and can take care off yourself. However, you allow your financial autonomy to enter your head that you forget to respect and love your husband. The Bible say "love covereth multitude of sons".
He brought up a proposal to buy a family land and right in his face you turned it down and converted it to a personal one and you didn't see arrogance and disrespect here. It would have been wise to totally reject the offer and disuade him from buying it. However, you cowed him to submitting to your request. What you simply told him is that his opinion doesn't matter as long as you have your money. Where love reigns, you won't do that. That moment you turned his request to a transaction and he treated it purely as a transaction. Why are you pained? He consumated a transaction and got paid just like he would have done for any other person.
Let me point out your mistakes:
a. You have an ego problem and you think financial independence can solve all problems. Far from it. Even after he and his family have begged you and you feel unhappy, you are still forming hard and justifying your action. Don't let depression kill you o. Emotional problems kill fast if you don't know. I hope you won't regret it. If you don't make up your mind quickly, you may find another lady in that house or in his life and it may be too late. I am not sure some ladies are not making overtures to him yet and if you don't take quick actions to reconcile, it may soon be over. You will be shocked to know some of your trusted friends may even be getting across to him. I mean those advising you not to go back.
b. You allow external parties to take decision for you. I am surprised your father is asking you not to go back. Where is your mother? Is she still alive? She is the best person to advise you and not your father. If she is late, seek the counsel on an unbiased aunt. She may even invite the two of you for a meeting. The role of your father is simply unfair and will never help you to resolve this issue. I am beginning to believe that if your mother is alive, she is separated from your dad or they are divorced.
c. Your friends, many of them are immatured like you are also part of the problem. Some of them are of the opinion that you can stand on your own, why don't you call the bluff of your husband. They are not helping you.
d. You are simply not mentally prepared for marriage. If you were, you wouldn't park out without being driven out and you expect a man to call you. Men have more egos than women if you don't know.
e. You don't genuinely love your husband. You love your money and your dad more than him. Whether you like it or not, your dad will die before you and will live you and your problems to solve all by yourself. We pray you outlive your dad. Don't kill yourself quickly with emotional torture before him.
f. Let me tell you the truth, marriage is a forgiving ministry. If your are not a Minister in Forgiveness, please don't enter marriage. If you go back, he will offend you again, perhaps, in another way and you have to forgive. Don't be surprised if you discover he has a child out of wedlock later on in life. You created a gap for this and you allowed the devil to play with his mind.
2. Your husband:
He didn't do well at all to collect commission on a transaction he consumated for you and by extension the family. There is no problem negotiating the transaction and receiving it. At least, it is a way of recovering back the money for the family. However, as soon as he received the alert, he should have informed you.
Another mistake he made is not getting across to you when you moved out of your matrimonial home without any genuine reason. Perhaps, he got across to your dad and the response from him was not okay for him and he said you will soon come back to your senses and come back. Your dad might have even told him not to call you again. We are not told if he took this step or not.
He is also emotionally defeated and might not be able to think well during the period. The devil might also brought up some of your failings to him and hardened his heart. Mind you, you caused this by parking out. I am not sure he was thinking straight.
3. Your Dad
His role is purely not elderly and we don't need to talk about this since we are to respect elders.
My honest advise:
1. Retrace your steps, go back and beg your husband and go back. Remember, he didn't push you out and wasn't violent. I said go and beg him. I mean it.
2. Do away with advice from some immatured people not to go back.
3. Through away unnecessary ego. You need to humble yourself and respect your husband.
4. Forgive yourself first, forgive your husband and love him and your family again.
5. After going back, seek counsel. I didn't ask you to seek counsel before going back because you need to realise you made mistake first, correct the mistake before seeking counsel.
6. Make yourself happy. Do the right thing.
7. Have it at the back of your mind that he will still offend you again. He is not a Saint, your are not one too. All of us are prone making mistakes. Life is too short to be lived in regrets. Help yourself to get happy. There is no error that is difficult to correct.
8. Finally, go to God in prayer even before going back and draw closer to him. If you do, he will reveal the next wrong step you husband want to take and give you the wisdom to correct it.
GOD BLESS YOU. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by HardMirror(m): 6:32am On Oct 25, 2022 |
jamesharryson:
He is not married. Don't mind him. My wife bought a toothpaste for N500. I loved the product and pleaded her to buy it again when the old one finished. She said she does not have the money for it, she wants us to be using the old product we were using before that one. I asked her how much she bought it. My lovely wife told me it's N6300. Because the paste helped my tooth ache, I gave her the money. On my way out, I saw someone hawking toothpastes, I decided to check if I will see it. I saw it and the man said it's #500 last price. I even thought it was the imitation. I told the boy to bring the original for me. I showed me everything that made me believe it is the original. I only laughed. Got home, gave it to my wife. I only told her that I saw the paste and bought it cheaper. She asked me how much, I told her I bought it #3500. You need to see where she wrecking. That I should come and show her the person so that she will collect her balance. Everything ended in jokes. I then told her the truth and demanded my balance, do you know what she said? I don chop you mugu. Mugu fall armed robber chop. We all laughed over it and that ends it. I can go on to show you so many examples. I do collect her own too. Life goes on i was boiling reading comments here. See people demanding that the husband must refund the money. Na wa o. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by ruggedtimi(m): 6:34am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Omo na 200k dey cause this wahala...money wey she go get back in double folds. Yes it has to do with trust issue but com'on alot dey happen for marriage, this one na less |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Mrpojj(m): 6:38am On Oct 25, 2022 |
advanceDNA:
Tables have turned.....this is something women do on a normal day but they cant take it..... thank God you are doing well...enjoy yourself ....you dont need a husband anyway You just said it all, just 200k she don tumble her family, now she dey find father figure for her child |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by inforesource: 6:38am On Oct 25, 2022 |
You mean because of that incident that you put up all these show of power? Nna, you no no wetin be marriage. Abeg shift!! Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.
I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)
Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...
Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.
3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.
My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.
How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.
No insult please, I have cried enough. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by drololaaof: 6:39am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Bolnij2:
My dear sister. Let the truth be told, you have not done well.
There are three parties in this matter and I will analyse the roles or if you like the mistakes of each parties:
1. Yourself:
Thank God you are doing well and can take care off yourself. However, you allow your financial autonomy to enter your head that you forget to respect and love your husband. The Bible say "love covereth multitude of sons".
He brought up a proposal to buy a family land and right in his face you turned it down and converted it to a personal one and you didn't see arrogance and disrespect here. It would have been wise to totally reject the offer and disuade him from buying it. However, you cowed him to submitting to your request. What you simply told him is that his opinion doesn't matter as long as you have your money. Where love reigns, you won't do that. That moment you turned his request to a transaction and he treated it purely as a transaction. Why are you pained? He consumated a transaction and got paid just like he would have done for any other person.
Let me point out your mistakes:
a. You have an ego problem and you think financial independence can solve all problems. Far from it. Even after he and his family have begged you and you feel unhappy, you are still forming hard and justifying your action. Don't let depression kill you o. Emotional problems kill fast if you don't know. I hope you won't regret it. If you don't make up your mind quickly, you may find another lady in that house or in his life and it may be too late. I am not sure some ladies are not making overtures to him yet and if you don't take quick actions to reconcile, it may soon be over. You will be shocked to know some of your trusted friends may even be getting across to him. I mean those advising you not to go back.
b. You allow external parties to take decision for you. I am surprised your father is asking you not to go back. Where is your mother? Is she still alive? She is the best person to advise you and not your father. If she is late, seek the counsel on an unbiased aunt. She may even invite the two of you for a meeting. The role of your father is simply unfair and will never help you to resolve this issue. I am beginning to believe that if your mother is alive, she is separated from your dad or they are divorced.
c. Your friends, many of them are immatured like you are also part of the problem. Some of them are of the opinion that you can stand on your own, why don't you call the bluff of your husband. They are not helping you.
d. You are simply not mentally prepared for marriage. If you were, you wouldn't park out without being driven out and you expect a man to call you. Men have more egos than women if you don't know.
e. You don't genuinely love your husband. You love your money and your dad more than him. Whether you like it or not, your dad will die before you and will live you and your problems to solve all by yourself. We pray you outlive your dad. Don't kill yourself quickly with emotional torture before him.
f. Let me tell you the truth, marriage is a forgiving ministry. If your are not a Minister in Forgiveness, please don't enter marriage. If you go back, he will offend you again, perhaps, in another way and you have to forgive. Don't be surprised if you discover he has a child out of wedlock later on in life. You created a gap for this and you allowed the devil to play with his mind.
2. Your husband:
He didn't do well at all to collect commission on a transaction he consumated for you and by extension the family. There is no problem negotiating the transaction and receiving it. At least, it is a way of recovering back the money for the family. However, as soon as he received the alert, he should have informed you.
Another mistake he made is not getting across to you when you moved out of your matrimonial home without any genuine reason. Perhaps, he got across to your dad and the response from him was not okay for him and he said you will soon come back to your senses and come back. Your dad might have even told him not to call you again. We are not told if he took this step or not.
He is also emotionally defeated and might not be able to think well during the period. The devil might also brought up some of your failings to him and hardened his heart. Mind you, you caused this by parking out. I am not sure he was thinking straight.
3. Your Dad
His role is purely not elderly and we don't need to talk about this since we are to respect elders.
My honest advise:
1. Retrace your steps, go back and beg your husband and go back. Remember, he didn't push you out and wasn't violent. I said go and beg him. I mean it.
2. Do away with advice from some immatured people not to go back.
3. Through away unnecessary ego. You need to humble yourself and respect your husband.
4. Forgive yourself first, forgive your husband and love him and your family again.
5. After going back, seek counsel. I didn't ask you to seek counsel before going back because you need to realise you made mistake first, correct the mistake before seeking counsel.
6. Make yourself happy. Do the right thing.
7. Have it at the back of your mind that he will still offend you again. He is not a Saint, your are not one too. All of us are prone making mistakes. Life is too short to be lived in regrets. Help yourself to get happy. There is no error that is difficult to correct.
8. Finally, go to God in prayer even before going back and draw closer to him. If you do, he will reveal the next wrong step you husband want to take and give you the wisdom to correct it.
GOD BLESS YOU.
God bless you abundantly sir ,you have dissected the problem and proffer solution which I hope if she abide with will better for her
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| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Tessy4emmy: 6:39am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Madam better calm down now and make amends, your father that's telling you to leave and not return won't play play fatherly role in the life of your kids. Give your husband the respect he deserves, if you love him as you claim this issue won't drag for this long, your father in law came all the way from the village to plead with you and you still de form mugabe. Your money has gotten into your head. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by advanceDNA: 6:39am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Bridget95:
Your babe does it to you and you call her your babe? When u buy text book and handout wey no exist ...are they not still your your parents... My point is it no big deal to end marriage over... its just money...but u women count it as as a big deal because you money is for you alone but your huband money is for both of you.... una too selfish |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Munzy14(m): 6:40am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.
I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)
Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...
Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.
3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.
My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.
How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.
No insult please, I have cried enough. Their is a lot of problems with you and your hubby. He is dubious, while you are selfish. This two cannot work together without katakata.. Your unforgiving spirit will be needing a serious casting and binding.  You have separated yourself, stay there na..Raise the kids and you will understand what it means to be a mother and fatger in one.. Couples work like a team, you are not ready for that..You know you and I..You threw away the we in marriage..This act will deny you peace going forward. You have lost the little trust you both have. Your husband is like a sperm donor to you now.. From onset there was no marriage, you only cohabiting and having kids..Until the team mindset foundation is built. He will still scam you because you feel you have money. And you will get pissed the more..maybe you will relocate to Benin republic soon  You were never prepared for marriage..you entered it based on fantasy and imaginations. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Famous606: 6:40am On Oct 25, 2022 |
You are the one with the issues ,if you really live your husband you both would have join hands to buy the land because of your selfish interest in the future you decided to do it all by yourself and you want the man to be happy and comfortable with your selfish interest my dear you really owe your husband apology and keep your money and your pride to yourself. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Nobody: 6:42am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Alwaysachick:
Father that was suppose to save his daughter marriage even if it means giving her back her 200k.
Did she go back to his house? No
It will done on her when her family will abandon her with the kids when the going gets tougher. The father knows the hell she is going to face in that house |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by nnewsnjobs: 6:44am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Two selfish people living together trying to outsmart each other.
Your husband told you that he want both of you to buy the land, but you said no, that you want it to yourself in your name (you being selfish), he now went a head to dube you 200k from the land (him being selfish and dubious).
This is not good for the marriage. Both of you need real repentant and forgiveness to each other
You cannot be in the marriage and be preparing a way out. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by advanceDNA: 6:45am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Brunosamel:
Wrong advice bro some women have done worst but their husband still overlooks it. What so difficult of her forgiving the young man. Wrong advice.??...a woman making too much money cannot live with a man...its just the way it is....their shakara dey too much... |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by officerfudo: 6:46am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.
I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)
Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...
Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.
3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.
My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.
How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.
No insult please, I have cried enough. Small girl they worry you. I got online loans that I could not pay, over 15 of them, I also used my wife’s financial details to obtain online loans . Our situation was terrible. My wife cried all day because of the incessant calls from all this loan companies. I begged her we paid through our noses and currently still paying. Her parent did not hear a word of it. We are doing fine now and very happy. Manage your home, your situation is child’s play compared to other people. If your husband chop your money you sef chop the guy own. Don’t worry sha you go grow up cus like you said you are in your twenties and has read mills and boom tire as a teenager. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Kenmatt(m): 6:46am On Oct 25, 2022 |
I came on board to too.
I actually saw this thread on time, I didn't just want to read it, I never knew it's as interesting as this.
Woman, you're Self Centered.
Not just self centered but too proud and wicked.
That guy is a SIMple man, truthfully. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by advanceDNA: 6:49am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Beverlyjean:
I hope ubare not married ...cos it will most certainly crash ..how can u say its her money?? Since when did marriage turn to this ?? U are the one that your marriage will crash cos u dont know women....the earlier u realize your womans money is her money and your money is for both of you...thats the moment you have peace... when a man is footing all the bills there will be peace..no one outside will know.....but once a woman starts to pay school fees and carry major bills...everyone outside will know because it now bcomes her money |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by chris51(f): 6:50am On Oct 25, 2022 |
You want to trade the happiness of your children because of N200k your husband dubiously collected from you?
It's not worth it. You are lucky to have a man who is remorseful.
Please work on your unforgiving spirit. Learn to forgot.
Do not listen to your father who wants to help you destroy your marriage.
You need your husband in your life and lives of your children. Forgive and forget. That's what life is about.
Good Luck |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by chris51(f): 6:50am On Oct 25, 2022 |
chris51:
You want to trade the happiness of your children because of N200k your husband dubiously collected from you?
It's not worth it. You are lucky to have a man who is remorseful.
Please work on your unforgiving spirit. Learn to forgot.
Do not listen to your father who wants to help you destroy your marriage.
You need your husband in your life and lives of your children. Forgive and forget. That's what life is about.
Good Luck |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by advanceDNA: 6:50am On Oct 25, 2022 |
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| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by officerfudo: 6:50am On Oct 25, 2022 |
omoadeleye:
So because of 200k you spoil ground. Just imagine the stupidity |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by GOFRONT(m): 6:51am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Do not touch my phone......do not touch my phone.......She touched the phone, now Trust is gone............You see what it has caused now. So many unthinkable things are going On inside our phones!!!!! Try and touch that phone today!!!! |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by 007s(m): 6:51am On Oct 25, 2022 |
sholay2011:
God bless you.
I wonder if some of those commenting here are actually married in real life. If OP can pack out because of such, she needs to really work on herself, and that is not to excuse what her husband did. I wonder what would happen when her husband does something 'worse' in the future? In marriage, we forgive and forbear. We would offend each other. We would see the best and worst sides of each other, and that's okay. We discuss issues as two adults, and not act like kids. The husband no try at all for not contacting her for 2 months (except there is something OP is not telling us).
Nonetheless, anyone that struggles with forgiveness (no matter how right they are) is setting him or herself up for failure in marriage. OP appears to not be emotionally-balanced and needs to go for marital counselling ASAP, first, alone, then, with her husband. I swear i must hear the husband side of the story before comment. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Porksupplyib: 6:53am On Oct 25, 2022 |
Fahvvy:
How do you forgive him?
By forgiving him na ...
Marriage is not relationship o that you can brezz in and out as you wish  ...
Marriage will test and stretch you farther than anything else will ..
On a more serious note...
It's clear and glaring that you don't consider yourself as a team? ...
Let's look at your write up ...
I have always helped him in his house projects,might not be much 100k,50k,20k when need be,I never siphoned my money to myself,as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head,(3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)
Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that "we" should buy it together,I told him no,I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it,( just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller."we" did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.
So even when "two have become one" you still act as if you guys are not a team ...
The only time the word "we" appeared there, it was because it was suggested by your hubby ...
So while he sees you guys as a team, you see yourself as competitors ...
Until you change your mindset, it's best you don't go back ...
I'm not trying to excuse your hubby's actions, however, if you intend to go back with this mindset of unforgiveness, disunity and distrust, just be prepared for everyday quarrel ...
And that too will affect your kids ... You have said it all. I couldn't help cringing when reading her write up. Financial disunity will always be a problem in marriage. All these "My money" "my money" talk is nonsense! 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Forgive Him? by Porksupplyib: 6:55am On Oct 25, 2022 |
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