Weirdcamila:
You have kids , and from your explanation you are doing well. Move forward and don’t look back . The man is an idiot .
Why cheat your own wife ? Nawa o
Where una dey find animals marry?

You don't have sence!! One single sence you don't have.
Why would you give such wicked advice?? Suppose she takes your advice do you know how miserable her life would be?

How dare you use your bias mind to proffer justice that involved someone's life expectations. Why are you doing these Why would you choose to influence your fantasies on other persons life decisions. Just why??

Ahhhh I'm crying.

tellsblinks:


You don't have sence!! One single sence you don't have.
Why would you give such wicked advice?? Suppose she takes your advice do you know how miserable her life would be?

How dare you use your bias mind to proffer justice that involved someone's life expectations. Why are you doing these Why would you choose to influence your fantasies on other persons life decisions. Just why??

Ahhhh I'm crying.

After crying wipe your tears

Weirdcamila:

After crying wipe your tears

I'll do that. But I hope you seek counsel caus your type can't have a peaceful family. Never!!!

tellsblinks:
I'll do that. But I hope you seek counsel caus your type can't have a peaceful family. Never!!!

Worry about yourself . Peace is relative .
There’s no peace in being cheated.

MufasaLion:


Imagine the trash you wrote. Stop justifying a breach of trust!

E be like your assignment na to make sure say this marriage end.

Romanoff:


She is not toxic. Her concerns are valid and no two human is the same.

Just cause it will be easy for you to forgive such dishonesty doesn't mean it will be easy for her.
With a husband that can scam you like that, who needs an enemy? A wife that has always supported you and is equally hardworking. What is in common 200k that he still had to scam her for?

They sha both need counselling to get past this, it won't be easy but it's doable.

That trust has been broken already so after this, going forward, please, have your own savings as you contribute to the home and family projects and keep receipts.

Next land or property you'll buy, inform him about it, carry him along but source for your own agent yourself to avoid situations like this.

The trust can't be the same again sha, but na to dey manage the situation and to avoid such in the future.

You see that man that is talking, if his wife scam him 200k he will send her to her papa's house. If he is truly sorry let him return the money

Marriage is just starting,just one stroke the center can no longer hold,is this unforgiving attitude a family problem,what happens to your vows,are you prepared to take what marriage throws at you,check yourself don't you think you have dragged this too far?is this what you will teach your children someday"unforgiving attitude"
Please work on yourself, forgive yourself go back to your beautiful family and make the best out of your marriage!

emorse:

Bros. Women do this all the time and heaven does not fall. Some things are not worth the stress please. Worst case, spark, do small shakara and move on like nothing happened. I say again, if na me, the marriage don end be dat. I hate nonsense abeg.

I understand you but I feel she won't feel this way if the man had communicated things with her. I think she is the kind that values communication... she feels cheated and maybe if the husband had expressed it openly, she won't feel this way.

Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.

I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...

Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.

3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.


My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.

How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.

No insult please, I have cried enough.

You decided to complicate your marriage and your father is your enemy, don't be deceived.

How can he be encouraging you to stay out of your husband's house with pregnancy, were you not married or is he planning to marry you.

Alwaysachick:



Have you imagined bringing a business proposal to a close relative which you think will benefit you and him if he buys the idea, only for this relative because he has the finance, tells you he wants the business all to himself, leaving you out of it.

So you don't mind giving this idea to this selfish relative of yours who isn't considering you. You will just dash him your aspirations without anything.

That was the case of this couple. The woman is wicked and self centered. The husband felt hurt and the only way he could let go was to see it as transactional.

Please free the man. If you were that man with the relative, you will involve a lawyer and sell your idea at a fee. And if this doesn't happen and your relatives goes ahead with this business without your consent, I bet you will be sworn enemies if you have an unforgiving spirit like OP.

Pure and simple. The entitled brat went greedy and transactional.. and the cheated hubby went transactional as well… Now she wants to blackmail him with emotions. Where is the man’a benefit in all these tramsactions.. NIL. she wanted everything to her name.. not them. She wants to chop her suya and have her pepersoup

missimelda01:

Of course he did nothing wrong because you're used to toxic behaviour.

I don't care what other people do in their marriages, my main concern is this issue that was brought here. Trust is IMPORTANT and her husband just broke her trust. Period

If he wanted the money, he could have asked. Was there a need to act like a thief?
Okay, it has happened. Why not apologize to your wife and return her money, Mbanu! Pride and ego will not allow him make the right decision.

How does the bolded make any sense to you? If she didn't care about her marriage would she be seeking for advise? Stop thinking like this for your own good.

No trust was agreed upon .. and none was broken since her hubby proposed a joint ownership of a family property.. she didnt trust him and wanted it ALL by herself. Where was her trust?
Unw too like to claim victim when she started it all. Another agent could charged her the same N200k for the work her hubby. She just wanted her hubby to get nothing for all the work he had done.

Why all the bad men have the best wives i no know

Rozross:
You readily forgive those you love without a doubting spirit. You are kind of toxic, even me that like trouble dont know how to keep grudges, before the next day as e long reach, i've forgotten that we even had issues. Marriage isnt relationship, learn to accept your partner's flaws and weaknesses and forgive them each time their weaknesses is taking it's toll on them. This one isn't even a big issue sef, its you who has been complicating things. He's sorry and begging you for forgiveness and you still dont want to forgive him, what else do you want? His head? Abeg work on your unforgiven spirit.

I think with this I won't say anything again.

When I see and hear stories like this,I can't but thank God for my wife.
We are married for eleven years now. She own a school that is doing well. But she has never seen the school as her own, she always call it our school, and she always tell the difference pupils parents that she is not the only owner of the school. Every time she collect school fees, she brings it to me, I just remove the tithes and return the remaining money to her.
We are blessed with three kids. If she buy anything for the children even without my knowledge, she will tell them to go and say thank you to Daddy that is daddy that bought it for them. If she send money to her parent , she will tell them is my husband that sent,and her parent will call to pray for me.
As much as I feel touched with the story of this woman,I think she is doing well as a wife, what happened to the two shall become one, and all the vowed we made at the alter on day of wedding?

advanceDNA:
Tables have turned.....this is something women do on a normal day but they cant take it..... thank God you are doing well...enjoy yourself ....you dont need a husband anyway

The lies you feminine tell yourself. Keep it up

Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.

I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...

Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.

3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.


My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.

How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.

No insult please, I have cried enough.

Maybe he just has to sit you down and give you satisfying answers to all the questions in your mind

Like have a very mature discussion as to why he did what he did, what were his motives, did he really mean the things he said during the fights, and why you should believe he won't repeat such rubbish and childish things in the future, like seize your money even after u gained knowledge of it, and not call or visit for 2 months thinking or assuming that you were playing

Your mind go calm down after such a conversation

Bobbin2009:



The lies you feminine tell yourself. Keep it up

U be puma....first u assume assume im a woma. second u cant see clear sarcasm ...

How can you forgive him when he stole 200k from you? You don't need him. A woman like you who is earning, can buy land for herself and take care of herself doesn't need a man, especially if that man is a thief. Why should you go back to him when your ego is oversized and hurting. You have a rented a place and you should as well stay there! Father figure? What father figure can a thief be to your children? Yes, the man has done you wrong but there is darker side to you that you have refused to reveal. I think you are strong headed, selfish and controlling too. Relationships should put "we" above "I" in matters that are morally correct, good and not breaking laws.
Independent women don't need men. You can always get a better man who will be obedient and amenable to your ways; a lot of men are looking for your type. You have not prepared yourself for marriage and do not know what it takes to be married. My sympathy is not with you because you have shown that you could be capable of more sinister things than just this stubborn will you are showing. Your so called husband should note this and use wisdom when dealing with you. If you like, you can simply move on. Your parents too need to rethink the embers the are feeding into you, and if you had refused to listen to them and reconcile with your husband all this while, it tells much about who you are.
Make a choice and enjoy the fruits thereof but if you want to help yourself, go for counselling and get professional help.
Good luck!

rickleye:


I am very sorry . I needed the money for something for a project. I promise to return it to you in 2 months.
This actually happened to me in real life. We were purchasing a piece of land I called it 700k.( it was worth 200k in 2019 and within 3 years it had increased) We were to split it 350k . It was to be a joint property. I went back to the dude and told him I only had 600k. He finally agreed but didn’t tell the SO. I pocket 50k. Not that I needed the money but free money is sweet. We were having a discussion weeks after and she said she bumped into lagbaja and she was even telling him that owo yen po o ( money too much) to which he replied I reconsidered and gave you some money back.
Once the cat outside of bag, I told her it’s true . I didn’t tell you no vex I used the money for x, y,z.
She didn’t ask me for it back but In my mind, I decided to be forth coming on money issues. It’s what I do in my household.
Because a woman makes money doesn’t make her disrespectful or unlawful. If she thinks she has money and doesn’t need a man, then we split what we have down the line. I don’t want any man taking my daughter for a ride so I certainly would not abuse the mother.

Meaning

DonClericuzo:
When I see and hear stories like this,I can't but thank God for my wife.
We are married for eleven years now. She own a school that is doing well. But she has never seen the school as her own, she always call it our school, and she always tell the difference pupils parents that she is not the only owner of the school. Every time she collect school fees, she brings it to me, I just remove the tithes and return the remaining money to her.
We are blessed with three kids. If she buy anything for the children even without my knowledge, she will tell them to go and say thank you to Daddy that is daddy that bought it for them. If she send money to her parent , she will tell them is my husband that sent,and her parent will call to pray for me.
As much as I feel touched with the story of this woman,I think she is doing well as a wife, what happened to the two shall become one, and all the vowed we made at the alter on day of wedding?

You are blessed with a good wife, they are not easy to come by. May God endue with the grace to be right by her and continually give her warmth and a happy life

What he did to you really hurts, you could have just forgiven him..... Maybe you should have demanded that he pays back the money by instalments, things wouldn't have gotten out of hands
Now you know you can never trust him with money again.
But you can still fix all this, it's never too late
I wish you all the best

Fahvvy:
How do you forgive him?
By forgiving him na ...

Marriage is not relationship o that you can brezz in and out as you wish ...
Marriage will test and stretch you farther than anything else will ..

On a more serious note...
It's clear and glaring that you don't consider yourself as a team? ...

Let's look at your write up ...

I have always helped him in his house projects,might not be much 100k,50k,20k when need be,I never siphoned my money to myself,as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head,(3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that "we" should buy it together,I told him no,I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it,( just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller."we" did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

So even when "two have become one" you still act as if you guys are not a team ...

The only time the word "we" appeared there, it was because it was suggested by your hubby ...

So while he sees you guys as a team, you see yourself as competitors ...

Until you change your mindset, it's best you don't go back ...

I'm not trying to excuse your hubby's actions, however, if you intend to go back with this mindset of unforgiveness, disunity and distrust, just be prepared for everyday quarrel ...

And that too will affect your kids ...

Na only you don talk better thing here, both of them are at fault but the problem started when she excluded herself as an individual.... The man too is manipulative

redseason:


Most sensible comment!
Your husband’s sin is stealing from his wife. It’s shameful cos it’s like stealing from your own self! That aside;
You never saw yourself as part of his team. You wanted to conceal your selfishness, but the self in you still could not be totally masked. You could glorify the occasional 100k, 50k, 20k you put in the house project. Mama, you are not the first! And fyi, in terms of ratio, your contribution will most definitely amount to less than 5% of entire project cost. A modest 3 bedroom house will gulf at least 15m.
So many missing dots; is the family house solely in his name or your both names, because I now wonder the rationale you wanted something solely on your name alone? Has this husband been a provider or a deadbeat? Who bought your car? Have you ever misappropriated funds he gave to you? Got married at 22, did you move into his house with money or he set you up?

Exactly!!!!

Cutehector:
If you cannot forgive him and you also want a father figure, what do you want nairalanders to tell you now?

Pls seek professional advice from Pst K.

The thing just taya me.

I been wan insult am sef but as e don already beg say make dem no insult am, I just say make I cool down, dey my own lane.

Madam all the projects he has been doing was it for just him or for all of you as family, i want to guess it was for the whole family, so when he came to you to assist with a new project, why did you make it into an "individual" project... I'm not justifying his actions but he probably felt belittled by you and he should have communicated it... However when you found out about his actions, did you go to him in a hostile manner or a friendly manner... You stated that when you found out he took your money there was no more peace in the house, which will make me wonder if you are the one initiating the quarrel coz I know for a fact how woman are blunt with their utterance.... YOU HAVE AS MUCH FAULT IN THIS ISSUE JUST LIKE HE ALSO HAS FAULTS and there were better ways to handle the situation than starting a fight with him

Long story and I couldn't read to the end.

Basically you want to walk away from your marriage because your husband made 200k off you.

Well I don't have much to say but I don't see it as anything literally.

Man: babe i saw a piece of land I would love *US* to get TOGETHER

Woman: oh ok, where's the land, I HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY IT FOR *MYSELF*

man: (thinking) so me wae suggest mo buy am together na mumu abi


Sha this story no go complete till we hear the man's side of the story

Socratiz:
I find several undefined goals in your marriage, especially in the area of family finances. Though married you are each living individual lives which does not enhance marital bond and camaraderie.

It is also unhelpful to disclose your challenges to your family. Better to relate with a marriage counselor who will employ his professional skills to guide you.

I doubt if either of you has the skills to handle this without the support of a marriage counselor so, I advise you contact one.

Your marriage does not have to crash because of this but get help now.

You can contact me if you wish.

What do you Mean they are each living individual lives abi did you not read the part the husband has been asking for assistance but she wants to do things on her own.... She is the only one wanting a separate life here

Romanoff:


She is not toxic. Her concerns are valid and no two human is the same.

Just cause it will be easy for you to forgive such dishonesty doesn't mean it will be easy for her.
With a husband that can scam you like that, who needs an enemy? A wife that has always supported you and is equally hardworking. What is in common 200k that he still had to scam her for?

They sha both need counselling to get past this, it won't be easy but it's doable.

That trust has been broken already so after this, going forward, please, have your own savings as you contribute to the home and family projects and keep receipts.

Next land or property you'll buy, inform him about it, carry him along but source for your own agent yourself to avoid situations like this.

The trust can't be the same again sha, but na to dey manage the situation and to avoid such in the future.

I think she is toxic. Imagine she said she intentionally made her home a war zone because of 200k. She even packed out of her house for months

eyinjuege:


The woman checked her husband's phone and realised 200K has been sent to her husband, from the person she bought the land from.
Definitely, the husband was colluding with the person selling the land to swindle/ overinflate the price for his wife.
I won't be surprised she saw more on the phone about the transaction between husband and the person who sold the land, and she hasn't just mentioned it all.
While I think this matter can still be resolved and shouldn't lead to divorce, we can't absolve the husband and say its the wife's fault
For her father to support her not going back, there is likely more to the story that the OP has not fully disclosed either from shame or disappointment
Women doing it too doesn't make it right, and it's equally as disgusting btw.
I would really like to hear her dad's reason for asking her not to go back

Oga the man was wrong, we already know that but the whole problem started with her, it's a marriage and you want to embark on a project alone? Just to show you can? Even when the husband suggested they do it together? Don't forget the husband has always asked for her input when embarking on other projects... She clearly wanted to separate herself and that's not right in a marriage

Also we haven't heard the husband side of the story

Go back to your husband before another woman comes in. You are working and making money, that is getting into your head. That was why you wanted to buy the land all by yourself. You should have given your husband money to support him and not to buy your own land. It seems you already planned to separate from him.
Yes, he made a grave mistake to spend the money without your knowledge, but I put it to you that he acted that way because of the type of person you are.
Not for your sake again, but for the children's sake, go back to your husband. You will regret it when it is late.