Hello People,
I don't know how to start this but here goes, we were staying @ another city before relocating to this new one. While in our former city, there was this doctor that we had to see when my wife had some serious health challenges. My wife was always going on about how nice the guy was blah blah but i had no issues with that until i noticed the friendship had gone to the stage where the Dr was now asking my wife out. I confronted my wife who said there was nothing going on and i left it at that. Fast forward to present day, a few days back i stumbled on a chat between said Dr and my wife and the guy was telling her about him having great sex that day, asking if she was jealous and @ the same time and i quote "If I tell that I have regular erections bc of u, what wd u say?"
I nearly went crazy when i saw this but decided to watch my wife's response and she's still chatting with the dude as if there's nothing to that statement! Now i am wondering what to do! Am i being too sensitive or is there something really going wrong? what kind of trap can i set if the had something going on and i was to blind to see back then?
I'm seriously @ a loss here,  Advice Pls

She is your wife, you need to confront her about this and tell her she needs to stop seeing the doctor. If a married woman can still continue to talk to a man who sends her dirty notes means she has no respect for herself, you or the marriage. She needs to stop seeing the guy asap no ifs, or buts.

What the heck? Have you confronted her? You need to sit her down and set some rules. This is when ultimatums come in handy.

I don't even know what to say.

Ol boy, your wife and the doc are on a long thing. Me i no go gree o.

@ Poster,

You are seeing the tell tale signs that there is something going on between your wife and the doc. U need to call your wife to order before she goes too far.

If you have the doctors number, I suggest u call him up. Arm yourself with evidence (i.e. a copy of the chat) and have a heart to heart talk with ur wife. If she sees the evidence, she cannot deny it. But most importantly, take control of your home and don't let that randy doc have his way with your wife.

Your wife is foolishly enjoying the attention not realizing that she can get in a lot of trouble. You need to tell her that you know what the guy is up to. It is disrespectful.

Ur wife is encouraging the doctor and enjoying d attention,if she had warned him not to send that sort of message to her he would had stopped, warn Ur wife to stop chatting with the doctor.

Talk to your wife, chatting in that manner, is not appropriate, moreover there is no need for unnecessary closeness with your doctor, that is rude,

Dr Hot Love strikes again.

I imagine the right thing to do now is to confront the erring wife about the messages and then make it clear that it should stop.

Freedom of speech or communication in marriage is not a guarantee to abuse it, ur wife is certainly taking advantage of ur silence and meek nature.

i would advice you to talk seriously with her, pls don't be light with her when addressing this issue and don't be physical with her, warn her to desist from such acts, if you keep pretending that nothing is wrong, she would end up having sex with this guy and that could crumble the marriage if its not handled properly, because as far as am concerned its already an extra marital affair.

The ball is your court, you are supposed to be the man of the house and not the other way round.

OP,

I hope you read this before you act.

Dont do any talking rather act like you didnt notice and set traps for them, This way you would know what they have done in the past.

If you raise any alarm right now, and talk to her or the doc, You wont know if they have done anything already. and they might be more discreet in their ways.

So stay calm and let them relax, Even tell her you are travelling while you install camera in the house, monitor her conversation from her phone and every make her relaxed,

Reason: If you dont handle it well they might deny it, destroy evidence turn it on you that you are paranoid.

Get all the evidence you need, After the evidence gathering and you find out that they havent phocked and might not phock but just flirting then you need to Call your wife to order.

A good way of doing this is to tell her you found her chats with the doc and you are not sure of the extent they have gone. So you insist she takes a STD test and bring the result to show to you and her parents before the marriage can go on. That would surely embarass her and serve as a lesson.

For the doctor forward the messages to his wife.

But if you find out that they have crossed the line . Then I dont know what to tell you at that point. (No be my mouth you go hear that one)

@OP

Face facts, your wife has fallen for the doc, the only question is if she has let him do her. To find out you need to do what dayokanu adives in the post above (you cannot imagine how much it hurts to agree with dayokanu).

Thank you nairalanders for all your advice. I am presently pursuing two options
1. Information gathering to discover the full extent of activities
2. Full scale disgrace of the Dr. vis a vis informing his wife and full scale facebook disclosure of his modus operandi especially to his circle of friends and contacts!
Am i in order here?

Strike out number 2.

It portrays you as a low lifer

COs If I was the doctors I would seriously embarras you and might even sue you self unless you have overwhelming evidence.

1. Without evidence, The Dr would tell his wife that it was your wife crushing on him since you are impotent. He has  tried to chase away your wife but she insisted, You are always coming to dump your wife with him to avoid your conjugal responsibilities.

2. He would tell his circle of friends that you are mentally unstable and shouldnt be taken seriously that as your Dr he has earlier recomended you to see a Psychiatrist

3. He sues you for wanting to damage his name and his character for like 100m, You dont have any evidence since your wife or No woman would come out in public and agree she has been sleeping with the Doctor

4. if he is richer than you or more influential, he bribes the Police to lock you up for 1 month In the process you lose your job, get some scars and broken bones while he has unrestricted access to your wife practising all kind of intimate techniques on her while you are picking up soap in Kirikiri.

Think twice before you act. If you are Yoruba take the below advise or if not Yoruba find someone to translate

Eni gba ni laya ko jebi , Aya yin ni ki e kilo fun

dayokanu:

OP,

I hope you read this before you act.

Dont do any talking rather act like you didnt notice and set traps for them, This way you would know what they have done in the past.

If you raise any alarm right now, and talk to her or the doc, You wont know if they have done anything already. and they might be more discreet in their ways.

So stay calm and let them relax, Even tell her you are travelling while you install camera in the house, monitor her conversation from her phone and every make her relaxed,

Reason: If you dont handle it well they might deny it, destroy evidence turn it on you that you are paranoid.

Get all the evidence you need, After the evidence gathering and you find out that they havent phocked and might not phock but just flirting then you need to Call your wife to order.

A good way of doing this is to tell her you found her chats with the doc and you are not sure of the extent they have gone. So you insist she takes a STD test and bring the result to show to you and her parents before the marriage can go on. That would surely embarass her and serve as a lesson. For the doctor forward the messages to his wife.

But if you find out that they have crossed the line . Then I dont know what to tell you at that point. (No be my mouth you go hear that one)

SE YI O POJU, ? haba naa, na only chat dem dey chat,

dayokanu:

Strike out number 2.

It portrays you as a low lifer

COs If I was the doctors I would seriously embarras you and might even sue you self unless you have overwhelming evidence.

1. Without evidence, The Dr would tell his wife that it was your wife crushing on him since you are impotent. He has  tried to chase away your wife but she insisted, You are always coming to dump your wife with him to avoid your conjugal responsibilities.

2. He would tell his circle of friends that you are mentally unstable and shouldnt be taken seriously that as your Dr he has earlier recomended you to see a Psychiatrist

3. He sues you for wanting to damage his name and his character for like 100m, You dont have any evidence since your wife or No woman would come out in public and agree she has been sleeping with the Doctor

4. if he is richer than you or more influential, he bribes the Police to lock you up for 1 month In the process you lose your job, get some scars and broken bones while he has unrestricted access to your wife practising all kind of intimate techniques on her while you are picking up soap in Kirikiri.

Think twice before you act. If you are Yoruba take the below advise or if not Yoruba find someone to translate

Eni gba ni laya ko jebi , Aya yin ni ki e kilo fun

^^^
Translation-
The man who fcuks your wife is not guilty,Your wife should not have spread her legs wide to recieve him?

@poster
i am very sorry about what you are going through but let me give you MBJ's take on that matter (pls excuse me in advance as i i wont sugarcoat it lol):

everyone seems to have missed the most important part of your post: THE DOC ASKED YOUR WIFE IF SHE WAS JEALOUS BECAUSE HE HAD SE:X WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. i dont know about y'all but any man asking such question to a married woman then they are definitely fukcing. . . . . . . . .him saying he had wood thinking about her (while wifey wasn't shocked) confirmed it. bro, you have already LOST that woman and you only need to bring concrete proof to "act right".

you are partly to be blamed for all this mess, why would you want to blame hor.ny doc only?! since you have a @&%$€ as a wife, it could have happened with anyone (the gardener/driver/meguard etc) but most importantly, how could you have allow a man, who is treating your wife ailment, to take her for dinner and get cosy with her?! he is a nice guy, fair enough, but that doesnt mean it's ok for them to meet without you present.

getting the proof you need wont be easy but now that the trust is gone out the window, you have to turn into James Bond because its WAR. let me share my "expertise" with you (lol): if you guys have a common computer that you use then install a KEYLOGGER and monitor her use. everything she views, every chat window, every password, every stroke she types etc will be in your possession and therefore you will have the proof you need to "act right". there are also many phone spyware that you can get (depending on what phone she got), then you will have a record of EVERY call/text she made, receive and can listen to every call from the doc (or others).

last, when you got everything in place (keylogger/phone spyware) then ATTACK:
1) tell her that you are not feeling well and need to see a doctor (different one)
2) then a few days later (at night), tell her that you KNOW 150% that she has been cheating on you because you got the test results, and you got gonhorea or herpes etc. . . . . . if you are really evil, tell her you are hiv+.
3) as she will be denying any wrongdoings, slam the door and leave. . . . . . . . .then sit back and watch the show unfold, as she will quickly use her phone or the computer to contact the doc (or any of her lovers/friends). . . . . . . . . . . . . and everything will be recorded!!!!

ps: i know some people will say that this is too much BUT you gotta be 150% sure before you "act right", and thats the only way to openly find out what really happened between them (unless she comes clean on her own and blame it all on the devil).

^^Wow, sounds like someone speaks from experience here, but I think the spying thing goes a little overboard.

^^^when it comes to a HUSBAND and his WIFE, nothing is too great to find out the truth about the DECEIT/DISHONESTY/CHEATING (or more), before you take the "appropriate action" to fix the problem.
some people out there have MARRIAGE as their biggest achievement in life so imagine the fall?!

as an "reformed" playa lol, i know the ins and outs of being played. the minute "suspicion" sets in, everyone should either be James Bond OR wait for the truth to come out naturally OR simply drop the gal and move on.

although we weren't married, i have definitely been there like the poster (partner trying to play the fields right in your face)

it's so easy to get angry and start plotting revenge, but all these stratagems you have laid out are pointless and will only lead to more heartbreak for you. I assure you, you cannot win this battle. a woman in a situation like this will only fight back and a she can hit hard.
you should have a little soul searching and ask yourself what you could have done to get her to this point. what is your marriage like? studies have shown that women begin to act like this only to get attention or when they have been starved of attention and have given up on trying. it might be your marriage has been going downhill without you noticing (and it does happen; men are usually blind and clueless to this)
have a heart-to-heart with her and ask;
1. does she still see in you the same man you were before you got married?
2. is there something she thinks you've stopped or started doing which she doesn't like?
with a little probing (and don't be hostile) you'll be surprised how much pent-up negativity she might have towards you which she can only translate by focusing her attention towards someone else.
men can cheat on a whim but women usually need a strong reason to stray. help her reveal that reason, whatever it is. and work towards being a better man for her.
I hope you calm down enough to listen.
goodluck.

Yikes-ing @ Topic

mychaella:

it's so easy to get angry and start plotting revenge, but all these stratagems you have laid out are pointless and will only lead to more heartbreak for you. I assure you, you cannot win this battle. a woman in a situation like this will only fight back and a she can hit hard.
you should have a little soul searching and ask yourself what you could have done to get her to this point. what is your marriage like? studies have shown that women begin to act like this only to get attention or when they have been starved of attention and have given up on trying. it might be your marriage has been going downhill without you noticing (and it does happen; men are usually blind and clueless to this)

dont you think that a sane person would do whats RIGHT and communicate with their spouse rather than fukcing some other guy? yes OP was definitely wrong but no amount of wrong from his part can make CHEATING RIGHT (or a solution).

have a heart-to-heart with her and ask;
1. does she still see in you the same man you were before you got married?
2. is there something she thinks you've stopped or started doing which she doesn't like?
with a little probing (and don't be hostile) you'll be surprised how much pent-up negativity she might have towards you which she can only translate by focusing her attention towards someone else.

many people come into difficulties in their r/ship, unfortunately many dont have what it take to be in a r/ship, NO MATTER HOW HARD THEY TRY. sadly many people go into marriage not knowing what it takes to BE MARRIED. this story is just a proof of that.
regardless of if she slept with the doc or not, here is a woman who clearly has absolutely no respect for herself, her man or her marriage.

men can cheat on a whim but women usually need a strong reason to stray. help her reveal that reason, whatever it is. and work towards being a better man for her.

the reason WHY she cheated is irrelevant here. it is only important to know it BEFORE she cheats. after she cheats, this info is worthless!!!

Na wah oh, some women get mind!

@JayBrown
It's sooo convenient to act self-righteous when it's a man at the butt of it. But here's where your argument is faulted:
1. A sane person would communicate with her spouse. How many of the guys who've fukced other girls "communicated" with their spouses about problems and issues before going out? Man have gone out for many a flimsy excuse
2. No amount of wrong doing can make cheating right. Tell that to your mates who do it every time, wrong-doing or no.
3. The reason why she cheated is irrelevant. If it happens to be because of something he did or didn't do, and he doesn't try to find out and correct it, you think his next woman isn't going to discover those very same flaws and treat him in the exact same way? He's just gonna get trapped in one huge vicious cycle.
So dear OP, I ask that you ignore posts from people like Jaybrown and channel all that energy into positive things like making things work again. Getting a woman to fall in love with you can be a beautiful thing, but getting her to fall in love with you again is one of the most rewarding things ever.

mychaella:

@JayBrown
It's sooo convenient to act self-righteous when it's a man at the butt of it. But here's where your argument is faulted:
1. A sane person would communicate with her spouse. How many of the guys who've fukced other girls "communicated" with their spouses about problems and issues before going out? Man have gone out for many a flimsy excuse

you must be mistaking me for someone else, my stand on cheating is the same whether done by men OR women.
whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

2. No amount of wrong doing can make cheating right. Tell that to your mates who do it every time,  wrong-doing or no.

the fact that some idiots do it everyday has absolutely no value here. people STEAL, LIE and even KILL every day, does that make it RIGHT?! but, let me use your childish logic and say that: since most pro.stitutes are females therefore all women should be ok with the act?! duh! 

3. The reason why she cheated is irrelevant. If it happens to be because of something he did or didn't do, and he doesn't try to find out and correct it, you think his next woman isn't going to discover those very same flaws and treat him in the exact same way? He's just gonna get trapped in one huge vicious cycle.

the poster is the way he is, he cant change that. if ANY PARTNER has a problem with who/what he is then let them voice their concern and the poster will EVALUATE if he can change that or not. expecting him to automatically change simply because many desperate weak people do is not only wrong but also a sure way to fail.
btw: why should the poster change for HER inabilities to cope with the way her husband is?! couldnt SHE change FOR HIM?!

So dear OP, I ask that you ignore posts from people like Jaybrown and channel all that energy into positive things like making things work again. Getting a woman to fall in love with you can be a beautiful thing, but getting her to fall in love with you again is one of the most rewarding things ever.

dear OP, do what YOU feel is right. my views are just ONE person's solution like many. the people like Mychaella who demand that you listen to them and disregard others while not questioning her views (simply because SHE thinks they are right) are the posts you definitely should disregard.
we are all different, she doesnt know jack about you and she is quick to assume that ALL is your fault and you should repent and ask for your wife's forgiveness. bwaaaah i guess she forgot the important vows of marriage that you BOTH took!

as i said to you before, YES you are to be blamed for TRUSTING your wife fully with a stranger (like many husbands do) but that is because many wives in that position would have acted right. no matter how hard you try to change people, they will come right back to who they truly are. as i said before, there is nothing YOU can do about people who have NO RESPECT for you, your marriage or themselves. NADA!!!!

btw notice how Mychaella is quick to say that when men cheat it is our fault but when women do it, it's STILL our fault (because we did or didnt do something). ROTFLMAO clearly another confused woman on a crusade against men AND not mature enough to accept the consequences of their whorish actions!!!

If you have an android phone, there is an App called "phone my PC ". Install the software on the computer and you can monitor your PC at anytime from your phone.

MrbrownJAY, I too gbadun you joo

@ Poster, if there is indeed something going on, the doctor can get into serious trouble by breaking thier code of conduct. however, i would suggest a more subtle approach. If nothing has happend try and win you wife back. She might have been in a very vulnerable position and the doc took advantage of her. except you are of the opinion that your marriage is not what saving

I don tire for all this plenty infidelity stories on NL. I sincerely hope there are still men and women out there who can earn the trust of their partners and not betray it once earned?

@ Poster
I honestly don't know what to say because I realize that men find it extremely hard to forgive the infidelity of a woman whether real or imagined . Don't get me wrong am not saying you've only imagined your situation. I think MrbrownJay, Mychalla and Dayokanu have all made good points, though two of them may not agree I see the sense in their posts.

I'm assuming  you are of the christian faith (correct me if am wrong)so here goes my advise. Why don't you make a confidant of the Lord and tell him all (how you feel, your suspicions, anger etc). And then ask Him to guide your heart and direct your footsteps in the path or way you should go. I give this advise because it works magic in calming and soothing my heart and anxieties when faced with stressful or difficult situations like yours.

Am not saying you should sit back, watch and wait for God to handle your situation. But confide in Him so He can better equip you and help you deal well with the situation. If you can bring the issue to a public forum to people like me who aren't perfect WHY NOT take it to the One who is not only perfect but is also a better judge of what you want and need.

At the same time you can sieve through the numerous advise here pick out the good ones and use it to your advantage.