Mr. Nigeria, The Snake Charmer (A Political Satire)
Posted: August 28, 2011 - 18:28
By Mohammed Nwagui

Mr. Nigeria the snake charmer knelt down in a dimly lit room in clouds of incenses, at a secret shrine, deep inside the evil forest. Facing the high priest (popularly known as Baba) sitting on a throne by the alter; to the immediate right of Baba, is a chief from southern extraction by the name (‘Mr. fix it’) and to his left, a retired army general from the north (Known for giving away oil block profit) Mr. Nigeria the snake charmer; scantly dressed with a loin cloth wrapped around his waist; A multi color turban on his head; with signs and markings of all the tribes he represents.

His bronze complexion glitters from sweats and body lotion

Playing his flute, concentrating hard on a calabash looking bowl in his front, the Audience watching him from a safe distance is quite and mesmerized; they are all in there, the seven deadly evils of the land. (Niger delta militants, Boko Haram, Kidnappers, Armed Robbers, Oil Bunkers, paid media moguls and the slimy snake;the corrupt politicians). One by one, some in unison, they began to pop their head out of the bowl. Appearing as snakes, of different species; various length, width and sizes

Two or three cobras, one boa- constrictors, one python and two rattle snakes
Standing tall as if they are rising on their feet gravitating towards the sound of the flute; their heads flattened; coiled back like the leather strap of a bow pulled back with a poisonous arrow inserted ready to be released at the slightest hint of aggression; Mr. Nigeria, the snake charmer shows no fear

As if on queue the snakes slide zigzag towards Mr. Nigeria the snake charmer, surrounding him in a semi circle, led by the python; fangs opened tails rattling, as the bigger non venomous reptiles coiled themselves around him in a suffocating manner, while the smaller venomous snakes stood guard ready to strike. He kept playing his flute as if oblivious of the reptiles crawling on him. His audience gasped from shock and fear, expecting him to be suffocated and bitten by those sleek, scaly tubular body tapering towards the tail, that are sliding towards him.

As sudden as they appeared, they retreated. Sliding down off him, (as if they have been settled, like delegates in a party convention) Zigzagged their way back into the calabash in an orderly formation (I swear I heard Baba whispered to Mr. ‘Fix it’,” I dey laugh oh”)

Still playing the flute, Mr. Nigeria, the snake charmer systematically covered the lid

With one long whistling note of the flute, he stopped playing the flute
Took his bow and gingerly carried the calabash full of snakes and exited
Amidst cheers and applauds from a relieved and entertained audience.
The bright lights came on as the crowd made their exit. Unknowing to them,
With the exception of Mr. Nigeria the snake charmer; Boko Haram a.k.a, the black Mamba had escaped the exhibition during the show (Maybe he wasn’t settled like the rest, or can’t be fixed); slithered under the cover of the incense smoke at the dim lit room. Hidden on the window sill, behind the thick curtains of the dressing room; a striking distance to an unsuspected prey that walks into the room. Full of deadly venom!


What next for Mr. Nigeria, the snake charmer; how can he bring back the errand black mamba (Boko Haram) in to the calabash? (Only Mr. President and the high priest know, ).