#Copied #

You saw her, the young innocent beautiful teenager who just concluded her secondary school education and you have a feeling you want her to be your wife... You approach her and see her parents.

They trust you and ask to see your own parents and gave you their beautifully, well mannered daughter as a wife and the mother of your future children. Despite being a hard-working girl both in home and school, she finds it difficult to cope because of the complications of her first pregnancy. She thus manage to do all she can to make you happy because she was told to do what you want and everyone keeps mentioning "PATIENCE" when she was about to be brought to your home.

She holds that word "PATIENCE" with high esteem and brings it to practice whenever you shouted or say something she's not happy with.

She has your first child and things changed alot. She has to take care of you, the baby and makes sure she makes your house a home to you. Deep down in her heart, the zeal she has to continue her education never fades.

On the 3rd year of your marriage, she's already pregnant with another baby, despite you earning more than before, your spent less on her, because you now start having a feeling that she's not beautiful, she's my wife , she must do as I say. So rather than spending time with her , you spend your time and money trying to win other girls ONLINE and OFFLINE.

You don't talk to her anymore except if you need something from her or she wants you to buy something for domestic purpose which in most cases you ignored her and if she repeated it, you easily shouted " I heard you the first time ...!!!"

By your 7th marriage anniversary, she has 3 children, and you just want to take another wife because your earnings has tripled.

While your wedding with the girl of your "dreams" is approaching, you ignored her existence while she becomes a shadow in your house. You are busy preparing an extravagant wedding , something your new fiancee want, expensive pre wedding pictures, expensive dinner parties etc.... something your wife at home never had and never complain.

A week to your wedding , she meet you and told you your younger child needs diapers and you get angry and started shouting at her. She becomes upset and decided to talk back at you for the first time. You even become more furious and beat her up and then DIVORCED her. She cried and left to her parents house. Her parents were Shocked because this is the first time she has ever came back home which turns out to be a divorce, while all the ordeals she had experienced in your house she never told anybody.

Her parents called you and you lied...you told them that because you're taking another wife, she abused you and your parents, and asked for a divorce because she will not stay while you take another wife. Her parents believe you and decided to teach her a lesson. Her children were with her so your only focus was on your new Bride.

She became depressed and confused. Her mother don't want to talk to her, her father was angry with her, her younger ones don't respect her all because she's now a DIVORCEE.

She cried every night, pray and couldn't sleep. She has 3 children to take care of, she's broke, has no certificate to look for a job and don't even know where to start from.

That's how most DIVORCED WOMEN suffer in our societies. So if you're going to DIVORCE a jobless woman and not ready to take care of your kids...settle her with money to start a business.
Divorce is one of the major causes of POVERTY among women in our societies today.

#FortheWomen
#EndUneccessaryDivorce

I blame her parents who gave her out in marriage without properly training her and empowering her before selling her off to a man as a wife.

See, it's the duty of parents to ensure that their children, both male and female, are properly trained and empowered before talking about marriage.
All children needs education to cope in life. Education is not only to seek jobs, education brings light, exposure, empowerment, liberation, Independence and knowledge. If as a parent, you fail to play your role on your children before allowing her to face the rigours of life and marriage, he/she will definitely not be able to cope and this in the op is one of the ills of such arrangements.

In this scenario now, It is the duty of the parents to have empowered their daughter, either by education or skill acquisition before selling her out for marriage and not the duty of the husband at all.
I'm not saying what the husband did is right but the parents caused it by failing in their responsibilities. If the girl had been empowered by her parents before marriage, no man will trash her like that, and if the man tried it, she would have taken her leave when she could no longer stay with the abusive man. Her fear for not leaving was how she was going to cope without the man's money.

Parents, always remember that it's your duty to ensure that your children are well groomed psychologically, financially, emotionally, independently and in terms of career before allowing or encouraging them to marry.
Marriage is not poverty alleviation programme.

It is well.

Bintdawood:
That's how most DIVORCED WOMEN suffer in our societies. So if you're going to DIVORCE a jobless woman and not ready to take care of your kids...settle her with money to start a business.
Divorce is one of the major causes of POVERTY among women in our societies today.
#FortheWomen
#EndUneccessaryDivorce

What exactly is the point of this here post abeg?

Bintdawood:
You don't talk to her anymore except if you need something from her or she wants you to buy something for domestic purpose which in most cases you ignored her and if she repeated it, you easily shouted " I heard you the first time ...!!!" By your 7th marriage anniversary, she has 3 children, and you just want to take another wife because your earnings has tripled.
While your wedding with the girl of your "dreams" is approaching, you ignored her existence while she becomes a shadow in your house. You are busy preparing an extravagant wedding , something your new fiancee want, expensive pre wedding pictures, expensive dinner parties etc.... something your wife at home never had and never complain. A week to your wedding , she meet you and told you your younger child needs diapers and you get angry and started shouting at her. She becomes upset and decided to talk back at you for the first time. You even become more furious and beat her up and then DIVORCED her. She cried and left to her parents house. Her parents were Shocked because this is the first time she has ever came back home which turns out to be a divorce, while all the ordeals she had experienced in your house she never told anybody.

Does the writer of this here piece somehow expect these same men described, men who never cared for these abandoned wives, to suddenly grow a conscience when divorce and the opportunity to get rid of old cargo is all that is on their minds?

This will work better as a warning of sorts to women, and parents who send their children off without first making sure these women are mature enough for marriage and for life itself. Why a woman in this day and age would sit back to endure this level of foolishness in the name of marriage is beyond me. She been dey expect award abi wetin? And from whom?

Bintdawood:
#Copied #

You saw her, the young innocent beautiful teenager who just concluded her secondary school education and you have a feeling you want her to be your wife... You approach her and see her parents.

They trust you and ask to see your own parents and gave you their beautifully, well mannered daughter as a wife and the mother of your future children. Despite being a hard-working girl both in home and school, she finds it difficult to cope because of the complications of her first pregnancy. She thus manage to do all she can to make you happy because she was told to do what you want and everyone keeps mentioning "PATIENCE" when she was about to be brought to your home.

She holds that word "PATIENCE" with high esteem and brings it to practice whenever you shouted or say something she's not happy with.

She has your first child and things changed alot. She has to take care of you, the baby and makes sure she makes your house a home to you. Deep down in her heart, the zeal she has to continue her education never fades.

On the 3rd year of your marriage, she's already pregnant with another baby, despite you earning more than before, your spent less on her, because you now start having a feeling that she's not beautiful, she's my wife , she must do as I say. So rather than spending time with her , you spend your time and money trying to win other girls ONLINE and OFFLINE.

You don't talk to her anymore except if you need something from her or she wants you to buy something for domestic purpose which in most cases you ignored her and if she repeated it, you easily shouted " I heard you the first time ...!!!"

By your 7th marriage anniversary, she has 3 children, and you just want to take another wife because your earnings has tripled.

While your wedding with the girl of your "dreams" is approaching, you ignored her existence while she becomes a shadow in your house. You are busy preparing an extravagant wedding , something your new fiancee want, expensive pre wedding pictures, expensive dinner parties etc.... something your wife at home never had and never complain.

A week to your wedding , she meet you and told you your younger child needs diapers and you get angry and started shouting at her. She becomes upset and decided to talk back at you for the first time. You even become more furious and beat her up and then DIVORCED her. She cried and left to her parents house. Her parents were Shocked because this is the first time she has ever came back home which turns out to be a divorce, while all the ordeals she had experienced in your house she never told anybody.

Her parents called you and you lied...you told them that because you're taking another wife, she abused you and your parents, and asked for a divorce because she will not stay while you take another wife. Her parents believe you and decided to teach her a lesson. Her children were with her so your only focus was on your new Bride.

She became depressed and confused. Her mother don't want to talk to her, her father was angry with her, her younger ones don't respect her all because she's now a DIVORCEE.

She cried every night, pray and couldn't sleep. She has 3 children to take care of, she's broke, has no certificate to look for a job and don't even know where to start from.

That's how most DIVORCED WOMEN suffer in our societies. So if you're going to DIVORCE a jobless woman and not ready to take care of your kids...settle her with money to start a business.
Divorce is one of the major causes of POVERTY among women in our societies today.

#FortheWomen
#EndUneccessaryDivorce

One of the major drwabacks of our societies (esp in the north) is the lack of social awareness. This scenario you just painted continues happening and society keeps in repeating the same mistakes.

One thing we need to have is a true Islamic social system that guarantees people's rights and provide for them guidance in their see activities, it's not just by having Hisba and Shari'a, but by reaching the roots of these issues and empowering those institutions to act on such mandates.

Raheeqilmaktoom:


One of the major drwabacks of our societies (esp in the north) is the lack of social awareness. This scenario you just painted continues happening and society keeps in repeating the same mistakes.

One thing we need to have is a true Islamic social system that guarantees people's rights and provide for them guidance in their see activities, it's not just by having Hisba and Shari'a, but by reaching the roots of these issues and empowering those institutions to act on such mandates.

Wallahi! Especially in the north. May Allah see us through

Kobojunkie:
What exactly is the point of this here post abeg?
Does the writer of this here piece somehow expect these same men described, men who never cared for these abandoned wives, to suddenly grow a conscience when divorce and the opportunity to get rid of old cargo is all that is on their minds?

This will work better as a warning of sorts to women, and parents who send their children off without first making sure these women are mature enough for marriage and for life itself. Why a woman in this day and age would sit back to endure this level of foolishness in the name of marriage is beyond me. She been dey expect award abi wetin? And from whom?

Reminds me of a friend who lost his girlfriend to their deeper life fvking zonal pastor. Women who fall victim to this are those from low-to-mid-income background. The pastor promised education abroad, et cetera. The pressure from the family forced this girl, to leave my friend. immediately after marriage, boom child 1, boom child 2, boom child 3.... The pastor knew very well what he was doing.... plus he also knew, my friend was dating the girl.. How cruel can a man be.

And most at times, these men would be the ones telling their wives not to work,if they do so it becomes a big problem for the women.

And yes it's really happening around the society,you will see a man with 4 kids, waking up one day, leaving home and never come back again...but he's around the neighborhood with another woman who might even have had kids of her own,and he starts training hers and gets her pregnant. While the wife keep struggling with the kids, without a dime from him as their father...can you blame the woman alone,NO! Can you blame the man alone NO!. Both genders should please take the blame for this.

Jozilinn:
And most at times, these men would be the ones telling their wives not to work,if they do so it becomes a big problem for the women.

And yes it's really happening around the society,you will see a man with 4 kids, waking up one day, leaving home and never come back again...but he's around the neighborhood with another woman who might even have had kids of her own,and he starts training hers and gets her pregnant. While the wife keep struggling with the kids, without a dime from him as their father...can you blame the woman alone,NO! Can you blame the man alone NO!. Both genders should please take the blame for this.

or the wives just enjoy the comfort that comes with not working and living life. No man can stop a woman that wants to work from working.
Regardless, It's getting clearer with the change in time. More female will experience doom and a savior is never coming

Princessdainty:
or the wives just enjoy the comfort that comes with not working and living life. No man can stop a woman that wants to work from working.
Regardless, It's getting clearer with the change in time. More female will experience doom and a savior is never coming

Ask around please,or better still do a research, most of these men who are doing well for themselves don't allow their wives to work... especially if it involves a white collar job, they will start complaining about the lack of attention and all, that there's is enough money to sustain them both so they would rather pay her to sit around the house...but nothing continues for long it's either she is then seen as a liability by him or loses her value before him.

Bintdawood:


Wallahi! Especially in the north. May Allah see us through

There is a lot that needs to chnage in the north, we've taken Islam to mean things it's entirely averse to; auri saki, auren Dole, almajirci, barace barace, mutuwar zuciya and all, most of which are very anti islamic practices and we've refused to outgrow them.

Part of the reason I don't support just blind followership, for us to get things right, we need to change our social system.

Having an institution or think tank to charter paths for Muslims on issues concerning them is very important, from commerce to politics and governance and other social, political and diplomatic issues, this will bring unprecedented progress amongst our people while reinforcing their beliefs.

Instead of having Hisba going up and down chasing young men with any how hair cuts, why not address the avenues from where most of these foreign influences are imported?

Klass99:


Lmao, they always know what they are doing. Pregnancy is a weapon used by calculating and devious men to tie down a woman or incapacitate her from achieving her dreams /goals.

Just early this month, a Muslim course mate of mine was telling me how her husband has refused to allow her start her makeup business. The woman is very beautiful and has the skills. She can easily succeed in the fashion industry, but her oga is not giving in. This is the same man that you'd rush to social media and post "my best friend." I just no dey understand.

I still don't understand why women don't always factor this in their decisions, that the man would want to keep her at home by all means. Especially if the man is the traditional type. During my teaching era, I made sure to always remind the ambitious girls in my class about this stuff that men do. I still check up on them and remind them of their potential. I cannot allow people that talented to waste at home 'serving' food. No way!!

There was a front page thread of an industrious wife with a philandering husband, who wanted to return to school for an accounting degree to improve herself, after 2 kids (twins). The moment she voiced her desire her foolish husband began to agitate for another child, insisting they try for another child.

Saddening. Unfortunately, many men hide this insecurity on the notion that the woman might 'cheat' on him.
I also blame women for doing nothing about bride price. It has everything to do with it. It's why a man can wake up tomorrow and throw his wife's bag outside and face no consequence. Shebi is it not the same men going abroad and turning to murderers

It's the women who allow themselves to be saddled with one pregnancy after another, in quick succession, who baffle me the most. No one understands a woman's body more than her and we are better aware of the wear and tear too.

Unfortunate. Really unfortunate.

Anytime i remeber the pastor ehnn... That thing pain me.

Klass99:


The entire piece was an enjoyable read. The text quoted reminds me of an article by Cowrywise (my favourite savings & investment platform) which said early marriages especially for women increases poverty for them. This story and original post validates what Cowrywise said, see excerpt below;

Marry smartly.
Research shows that early marriage can be a factor that increases the risk of remaining in poverty, especially for women. The reason for this is not farfetched. Marriage most times means children which means more mouths to feed. It also means less mobility which could mean restricted access to employment in distant places as you now have to consider your family. Most times, marriage also means a hold on further education. https://cowrywise.com/blog/generational-poverty/

Bravo! Thanks

Jozilinn:
And most at times, these men would be the ones telling their wives not to work,if they do so it becomes a big problem for the women.

And yes it's really happening around the society,you will see a man with 4 kids, waking up one day, leaving home and never come back again...but he's around the neighborhood with another woman who might even have had kids of her own,and he starts training hers and gets her pregnant. While the wife keep struggling with the kids, without a dime from him as their father...can you blame the woman alone,NO! Can you blame the man alone NO!. Both genders should please take the blame for this.

Some of them will not even leave. He'll stay in the house with them but he's as good as runaway husband.
Make God no allow us see bad thing

[quote author=Raheeqilmaktoom post=119185653]

There is a lot that needs to chnage in the north, we've taken Islam to mean things it's entirely averse to; auri saki, auren Dole, almajirci, barace barace, mutuwar zuciya and all, most of which are very anti islamic practices and we've refused to outgrow them.

Part of the reason I don't support just blind followership, for us to get things right, we need to change our social system.

Having an institution or think tank to charter paths for Muslims on issues concerning them is very important, from commerce to politics and governance and other social, political and diplomatic issues, this will bring unprecedented progress amongst our people while reinforcing their beliefs.

Instead of having Hisba going up and down chasing young men with any how hair cuts, why not address the avenues from where most of these foreign influences are imported?

marr

Well said!
Amma for me, I think parents need to teach their children about marriage.It is always "aure dan haquri ne", haquri akan me? and there should be institutions where people can learn about marriage . a hakan ma auren dole ya ragu a alumma yanzu! Allah Ya kyauta mana

Klass99:


What do you propose we do? Do you not know the sort of acute patriarchal society you live in, where men are the ones controlling the bride price narrative and custom?

Women in rural areas we can overlook, but those from wealthy households- NO. There is practically zero activism on the matter on the part of the women. it's not a man-problem, so, i don't see why men would be motivated to fight that battle. Besides, I'm pretty sure every groom would be more than happy to waiver the bride price. The issue isn't with men, to be precise, it's with Fathers, and of course Mothers. After all, the women get their fair share of the bride price. Lets not exclude that fact.

Is it not a group of men who determine bride price and collect same from fellow men? Old men who never contributed anything worthwhile to the life of a girl-child, are the ones who sit down to do this fa.

Yes, I agree, this has been tradition. Traditions do not necessarily have to be correct practice. Women are the gate keepers of sex, and contrary to the popular believe that the man is the price, the Woman is-as a matter of fact- the price to be won. This implies that the ball is in their court. There are many female lawmakers celebrating "call to bar," has there been any awareness raised by women called to bar on the matter? The last time i checked, lawmakers fight traditions, the women in the west don't have two heads and the men in the west are just as brutal as those here. So, what is happening? where are the protest? where are the campaigns? where is the radio broadcast with women arguing against the tradition?

When i assign women to draw up program to educate for their younger counterparts, what do they come up with?
1) Behave well
2) Learn to cook
3) Be descent, dress descent and so on until it ends at marry early.

Even if 10,000 of us revolt against the bride price practice, you men are still the ones who will try to subdue us and reign insults on us, claiming we are brainwashed feminists who want to erode African culture in favor of Western culture, yada yada yada.

"You men", you mean Fathers backed by their wives. Because, as a groom i don't mind doing away with the bride price. If i say i can't pay, then you women would follow to broke shame me. If i attempt to even bargain the bride price, my bride-to-be would be the first one to rebuke me accusing me of belittling her worth. If women are scared to fight the tradition then I'm afraid- they'd continue to endure the perils of traditional marriage.

Can the bride price you people pay even compare to all the BS women have to put up with in marriage? Or the drastic changes to her body from birthing your children? No amount of money is worth a human life ooo.

Absolutely. African women have failed miserably at trying to combat the traditions that hamper on their progress as humans;
1) women also enforce such traditions.
2) women also abuse those who try to break free from the shackles of patriarchy.

I'm aware of the obstacles, I see there is a growing trend led by our honorable twitter influencers like shola et al., who are trying to enforce mundane traditions. I fully acknowledge the stumbling blocks and having said all these, I acknowledge that there are women who are putting in efforts. But, and this is a I'm not so sure 'but,' I don't see the same energy coming from women with regards to opposing forces like shola et al., Instead, all I see her women crazy about showing cleavage.

Please feel free to correct me any where i've made silly assumptions. Since data is hard to come by in Naija, we are left with assumptions.

[quote author=Bintdawood post=119188494][/quote] Binta, sorry, first time i'm coming across Hausa Muslim on the forum. Glad the awareness is improving. Especially in the north..

kkins25:
Binta, sorry, first time i'm coming across Hausa Muslim on the forum. Glad the awareness is improving. Especially in the north..

Whats the sorry for am Balkisu btw bint Dawood means daughter of Dawood

Thank you

Bintdawood:


Whats the sorry for am Balkisu btw bint Dawood means daughter of Dawood

Thank you

Just got excited.... Glad to 'meet' you.
Me an my course mate always fight over the spelling, Now you're saying 'Balkisu, ' as a yoruba boy, I often say Bilikisu. She says it's Bilikisu. You see even my auto correct has made it Bilikisu instead the proper Bilkisu.

Klass99:


Lmao, they always know what they are doing. Pregnancy is a weapon used by calculating and devious men to tie down a woman or incapacitate her from achieving her dreams /goals.

There was a front page thread of an industrious wife with a philandering husband, who wanted to return to school for an accounting degree to improve herself, after 2 kids (twins). The moment she voiced her desire her foolish husband began to agitate for another child, insisting they try for another child.

It's the women who allow themselves to be saddled with one pregnancy after another, in quick succession, who baffle me the most. No one understands a woman's body more than her and we know better the wear and tear on our bodies too. So, why not take precautions and take care of your body?

One thing I have come to realize is that, no matter how much we witness some things in people's lives, people will always assume that they have learnt the lessons, are in control, know what to do when faced with such situations and they won't allow such or it won't just happen to them, but life can be funny and before you know, such persons are experiencing same thing but in a different way. For some, they have some hidden benefits or agenda so they play along and in the process they get consumed arriving at the same spot they felt they had in their control and some people are just plain ignorant of it all.

Jozilinn:
And most at times, these men would be the ones telling their wives not to work,if they do so it becomes a big problem for the women.

And yes it's really happening around the society,you will see a man with 4 kids, waking up one day, leaving home and never come back again...but he's around the neighborhood with another woman who might even have had kids of her own,and he starts training hers and gets her pregnant. While the wife keep struggling with the kids, without a dime from him as their father...can you blame the woman alone,NO! Can you blame the man alone NO!. Both genders should please take the blame for this.

The matter get as it be and so many underlining isuues that gets interwoven in the long run, how about the man who owns the children of the woman who is now with the man who abandoned his own family, we will continue to have complex issues like this as long as people keep having reckless relationship and entanglement without defining it and not making plans with the future in focus.

Klass99:



Can the bride price you people pay even compare to all the BS women have to put up with in marriage? Or the drastic changes to her body from birthing your children? No amount of money is worth a human life ooo.

This part made me laugh because even if the bride price worths more than what she is going through and have to put up with in marriage she is not even entitled to benefit even 5% of the entire bride price paid, so it should never even be a base for discussion. Elders(men and women) get paid for her to face wahala. Humans generally have contributed to all we are facing now, whether good or bad.

[quote author=Bintdawood post=119188494][/quote]
You see this teaching of children about marriage will only happen in a family with parents who are genuine and intentional about what they do and not those who married for ulterior motives and treat their partner badly, what then will they have to teach their children if not to poison their mind and take the gender route.
I once countered my previous church Pastor's opinion in church one day when during family talk service, she said whatever the parents are doing especially when having disagreements, the children should not be allowed to know and once they come around they should cheer up and act lovey dovey or if money matter arises, the wife should always cover up for the husbands and not let the children know. I simply told them it's not right because it will make the children have an unrealistic expectation in marriage and will always use their parents marriage against their partners since thinga were hidden from them. She then countered it that when the child is ready to get married, he or she must be told the reality of things, and I just wondered within me how much impact that will make.

Klass99:

I really try to learn from the experiences and mistakes of others, because I realized that experience is not necessarily the best teacher. Experience can come with paralyzing pain and in that pain one may not learn the lesson at all.

Indeed, you are right.

History is the only true teacher, the revolution the best school for the proletariat. -Rosa Luxemburg

"Those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it."
Winston Churchill

“Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others.” ― Otto von Bismarck

@ Kkins25, omoh that your epistle long. I would have loved to engage back but my own response will be lengthy too and I no just get energy for plenty turenchi these days on NL.

No worries. Good convo! Anytime you get chance, just mention. Have a blissful day.

Klass99:


Kayode, it has been a while I hope you're good and not gbas gboing with your folks as usual .

I really try to learn from the experiences and mistakes of others, because I realized that experience is not necessarily the best teacher. Experience can come with paralyzing pain and in that pain one may not learn the lesson at all.

It is from the experiences of single mothers in my life that I learnt to avoid certain kinds of men and the baby mama lifestyle altogether. One of such men even advised me to get pregnant for a man I am dating seriously, in his words, once belle enter he go marry you.

The same scallywag got a lady pregnant, pressured her to abort and turned around to marry another woman in less than 6 months of that abortion. If I don't learn from him no be me go wound las las?

@ Kkins25, omoh that your epistle long. I would have loved to engage back but my own response will be lengthy too and I no just get energy for plenty turenchi these days on NL.

True talk ma'am, I am also applying same lessons I kerant from other people's lives, just that one can't be too careful and the more reason why I try to focus more on myself for now so if anything, I won't have much regrets.

I am good ma'am, no gas gbos the moment I am out of sight and I have given mum especially dos and don'ts on questions she needs to ask me. I was even sent foodstuffs of our native food yesterday along with what I told them to help me get.

And please, I remembered you once talked about a bed cover, I got a mattress and it's just too hard and causes body ache, can you please help with the link of the actual stuff.

Bintdawood:


Bravo! Thanks

Ditto.

Klass99:


Nice quotes. Yeah sure have a good day too.



You be confirmed werey. I can't stop laughing at the text in bold. Did you get a full othorpedic mattress? If yes, you need a matress topper not cover, to make it softer and comfy. There's a difference between a topper and cover so note that.

If it's not full othorpedic I don't think you should stress toomuch, sooner or later the mattress will sag on its own, become less hard and softer for you. Attached is an image of what a topper looks like, I physically got one from a vitafoam store but Jumia & Konga have them.

Thanks, really appreciate.
It's not full orthopedic, but I doubt I can wait that long for it to be softer as I spend just about 5hrs daily except on Sundays on it, worst still I always use one side of a bed since phone pressing became a habit.

cayorday89:

You see this teaching of children about marriage will only happen in a family with parents who are genuine and intentional about what they do and not those who married for ulterior motives and treat their partner badly, what then will they have to teach their children if not to poison their mind and take the gender route.
I once countered my previous church Pastor's opinion in church one day when during family talk service, she said whatever the parents are doing especially when having disagreements, the children should not be allowed to know and once they come around they should cheer up and act lovey dovey or if money matter arises, the wife should always cover up for the husbands and not let the children know. I simply told them it's not right because it will make the children have an unrealistic expectation in marriage and will always use their parents marriage against their partners since thinga were hidden from them. She then countered it that when the child is ready to get married, he or she must be told the reality of things, and I just wondered within me how much impact that will make.

Exactly! Thank you for this piece