Thank you so much. No I don't take it to heart. I know the people I have met in person and a few online and they are very sweet, very loving people. People are people, no matter where they are from. Some are good and honest and some aren't. I hope you all had a great weekend!! I went and applied for my daughters passport today, first big step in getting there!!

"oyibo woman i go chop ur dollar,i go carry ur money disappear ,national airport na me get am,president na my sister bruver,i dey live for GREECE,i go BREAST FEED UR daughter,

yahoo yahoo!!!!!!!!!!! when will it end

when a woman is in love, a FOOL has been born

oyibo woman i go chop your dollar,i go carry your money disappear ,national airport na me get am,president na my sister bruver,i dey live for GREECE,i go BREAST FEED UR daughter,

yahoo yahoo!!!!!!!!!!! when will it end

when a woman is in love, a FOOL has been born Lips sealed

"

* The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come.

- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)

Obviously, your heart is not open enough for you to optimistic or caring, but your mouth leaves no room for argument that you are a fool.

@ HisMichele

I salute your courage. There's nothing wrong with being an optimist, hoping for the best in life bla bla bla. You just said it yourself here, thats actually the point of living. Note however that your 'nigerian man' is most probably legally married here with a full complement of kids and the associated responsibilities, etc. If he wasn't, that would imply some of his relevant parts aren't functioning properly and you dont want to be with him in that case anyway

the average African man is a polygamist at heart. We can love two (or more) women at the same time. we are equal to the task.

I wish you all the best in your quest, as i have no doubt your long distance relationship is genuine and based on heartfelt love, albeit catalysed by the smell of the almighty dollar. Cheers

@mitchelle
i dont mean any harm by dat.sorry if u found it offensive anyway dat wasnt my intention.Am a nigerian n i must tell u its not the first time such issues have come up.once again sorry alrite. i which u all the best in ur love life.bye

HisMichele:

"

* The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come.

- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)

Obviously, your heart is not open enough for you to optimistic or caring, but your mouth leaves no room for argument that you are a fool.

@HisMichele, I am happy you stood up to bikokwe which caused him to apologise to you.
Many Nigerians are simply too pessimisitic and cynical when it comes to issues relating to their fellow Nigerians.

I know that the pysche of Nigerian have been batttered by fradulent politicians, governments and individuals (scam etc.Like I wrote before, these bad people do not make up to .00000001% of the Nigerian population), it does not excuse our pessimissim as a person who stops dreaming and aspiring may be no more than a living corpse.

The quote by Peter Ustinov, the late Scientist and Actor, is very, very correct.
Please hold unto your dreams, my dear, I and other well-wishers are following every step you take
towards actualising your dream

I think it wont be a bad idea coming to Nigeria.We are really not as bad as we are portrayed by outsides.But you have to leave your daughter behind.We have a problem with electricity but not with color.Nobody cares where you come from and i must tell you that you will likely get a preferential treatment here.Nigerians are always like that,we are an English speaking country and good at it if not better than the British so no problems with education there a million and one good schools here which you can afford.

Let us know the background details of your husband to be and we will tell you what to expect.Am igbo and we do background checks before marriage.

Cop on to yourself. Why would he want a western lady when he can a nigerian wife who does what he says and what he wants and when he wants and that FULLY understand his male dominated culture. How do you know he has been in Greece for 5 years?
ask yourself the following:

would he be trying to get you to Greece to marry you and then decide 'lets go USA' instead of nigeria
What immigration status he currently holds
Would he already be a married man (in Nigeria) if he over 30 this is a strong possiblilty
Nigerian culture is totally different to our own culture you have NO IDEA what you are letting yourself in for.

If he really is in Greece for five years then he should not have a problem getting a tourist visa to USA and besides that, any sensible woman would not travel to see a man, he would usually travel to see her.

My advise to you is wake up and tell him to come to see you (you just invite him on paper then he could get the visa) and in that way you would not have to give up anything. For Gods sake think of your childs future!!!!!!!!!!

Get rid of this man. I don't swallow him story. Please take mine, Sienna and others advise. There is something fishy about this. I myself am married to a nigerian happy for now yeah but for how long more. He will most likely hook up with an igbo lady when the time is right. beleive me he will marry you and dump you when he gets his passport. Cop on to yourself and look for an AA or something.

I mean this man is way over the hill as in 40 and you don't think he is married Let me tell you he most likely is so go on marry him, that what he will force you into so, give him his papers you will see what will happen and don't say you weren't told. You are very gullable and at this point in your life you should know better. I'm only telling you this because I care.

Cop on to yourself. Why would he want a western lady when he can a nigerian wife who does what he says and what he wants and when he wants and that FULLY understand his male dominated culture. How do you know he has been in Greece for 5 years?
ask yourself the following:

would he be trying to get you to Greece to marry you and then decide 'lets go USA' instead of nigeria
What immigration status he currently holds
Would he already be a married man (in Nigeria) if he over 30 this is a strong possiblilty
Nigerian culture is totally different to our own culture you have NO IDEA what you are letting yourself in for.

I agree with the latter part of your post. It sounds like this man is in Greece illegally and thus can't visit the U.S. He may hope to marry this woman so he can become American. I don't agree with the first part of your post. I've seen Nigerian men happily married to African-American, West Indian, European, and other African women. It sounds like you're being kind of paranoid about your husband.`

I want to weigh in on this:

@His Michelle, I can relate to you on several levels:

I'm American. I've been swept off my feet by a Naija man (though it didn't work out). I've been involved with men outside of my race, and culture (non-Americans)

I am in my mid-30s. I know what it's like wanting love, and wondering if it's going to happen for you.

But I have to disagree when you say all American men want models or money-makers.  Flat out, they don't.  Secondly, by your post, by how you word it, in your own estimation, you're not that pretty, and don't make that much money, so you're taking yourself out the dating game with Americans. I have to say it sounds like low self-esteem. I've had to work on that too.

I can also relate to being very adventerous, and open-minded. I feel like I want a new life in a different country.  I thought about the possibilities when I fell in love with "Naija man".

But hanging out here, and learning about the culture, and what made "Naija man" tick, I learned that part of the reason why we didn't work out is I was approaching things as an American, and he was approaching things as a traditional Nigerian. 

And yes it sounds super romantic to expose your child to new cultures. I would love that for my children. However, at your/our age, you/we have NO CHOICE but to be pragmatic before romantic, especially when their's a child involved. But aren't our lives important too?

Fact is too, the only way you can know someone is to be up close and personal in their lives. Phone and emails are all very romantic, but it's not the real deal.

Fact is, blood is thicker than water, and despite whatever "friendship" you may think you'll have with his ma' and relations, don't think for one minute they won't take his side against yours when things go sour, or he plots against you, etc.

And BTW, from what I know, you can't just "be friends" with ma', like you would an American mother in law, and American mother in laws can be tough to crack. You'd be dealing with a whole different world of unspoken rules and customs trying to be part of the family.  You can't be too familiar too soon with a Naija family like an American family. It would be disrespectful to them.

I'm not going to lie, I would take another "Naija man" any day to an American man, because for me, a Naija man has so much more to offer me mentally, and otherwise. But I'm very aware and educated to the fact that it wouldn't be easy.  I'm aware that to be with a traditional Nigerian man, I would have to give up a lot of myself (American ways) and even if I won him over, the family might not accept me, and even if they did, the friends might not.  For Americans and westerners, they would battle this. But MOST traditional Nigerian men are not going to turn away from family and friends on your behalf.  I would love to try with another Nigerian man, but I clearly see now, it might not be in my best interest.

And one of the posters was right: It's all about the extended family system, and what's yours is theirs, no questions asked. Ma' will come and go as she pleases, and any other family members.

Look, I don't know you, but I saw pieces of my past self in your post. If nothing else, be practical for your child. Don't make decisions based on best case scenario; hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

Also, you did ask everyone's advise. A lot of people gave you the other side of the coin. I know you might not like it, but you asked for the honest truth. I agree he should just visit you on your turf, where you'll be safe. He could still run a game on you, but be on the lookout for "red flags".

If nothing else, there are good American guys out there that aren't shallow or money grubbing. Believe in yourself. Change what you can, and accept what you can't, and someone will love the YOU that YOU learn to love.

@DRKCHOCLATE

U have said it all,U sound like u r some kinda doctor.

Lots of posts have been great ere,but i realised that the poster has made up her mind already before posting the topic so maybe the topic is just 4 the STORY/TALE fun of it,anyway i ll drop d lil that my brain level(for now) allows me 2.

@POSTER
If i ll judge from wat my mind n history of things like this tells me,I LL JUST TELL U ITS SO SO FAKE(WHICH I FINK ANYWAY).
The truth is black men(naija or not) r very copious with their words n have sweet mouths so its just impossible for any1 to be exempted from Our trickery.That aside,I feel its only prayer that can help u now,because u jus can never know what will happen next,U can spend 4 Years ere with him ,he wont even KISS u 4 a day and U wont still know whats on his mind.So its jus a risk u taking,HOW I WISH THIS WAS JUS A GAME,but we have a kid involved ere,damn!.

The IGBO ppl (even if not him or his mum) have a very very strong culture mixed with mentality that runs thru them,no matter how enlightened he his his whole family cant,so If u get close 2 marriage stage, U on ur own o.

If love was a game i ll say COME OVER

If its real n a Kids future at stake I WONT SAY SO.

WISH U LUCK N LISTEN 2 YOUR BRAIN AT TIMES,ITS NOT ONLY D HEARY THAT SPEAKS

@DRKCHOCLATE

U have said it all,U sound like u r some kinda doctor.

Lots of posts have been great ere,but i realised that the poster has made up her mind already before posting the topic so maybe the topic is just 4 the STORY/TALE fun of it,anyway i ll drop d lil that my brain level(for now) allows me 2.

@POSTER
If i ll judge from wat my mind n history of things like this tells me,I LL JUST TELL U ITS SO SO FAKE(WHICH I FINK ANYWAY).
The truth is black men(naija or not) r very copious with their words n have sweet mouths so its just impossible for any1 to be exempted from Our trickery.That aside,I feel its only prayer that can help u now,because u jus can never know what will happen next,U can spend 4 Years ere with him ,he wont even KISS u 4 a day and U wont still know whats on his mind.So its jus a risk u taking,HOW I WISH THIS WAS JUS A GAME,but we have a kid involved ere,damn!.

The IGBO ppl (even if not him or his mum) have a very very strong culture mixed with mentality that runs thru them,no matter how enlightened he his his whole family cant,so If u get close 2 marriage stage, U on ur own o.

If love was a game i ll say COME OVER

If its real n a Kids future at stake I WONT SAY SO.

WISH U LUCK N LISTEN 2 YOUR BRAIN AT TIMES,ITS NOT ONLY D HEART THAT SPEAKS

@ZIDDY
U NO GET URSELF OO(LOL0

@POSTER

AM SORRY BUT SO MANY TINS DONT CUT IT 4 ME,GREECE(NOT A PLACE 4 D PUREST BIZZ MEN),HIS NOT SEEIN U 4 4YRS?(DATS SO SO SERIOUS).BIGGEST OF ALL HE IS JUS NOT COMING 2 AMERICA 4 NOW.
INFACT IF I LOOK AT IT FROM AN ANALYTICAL POINT OF VIEW I WILL JUS SAY U AINT SO SMART(NO OFFENCE PLS),
BUT HEY! LOVE DEFIES LOTS OF TINS.
BE CAREFUL,

@ Hismichelle: I initially said, tread carefully, now I'm not so sure.

I'd say, don't tread at all. There's something so wrong about the whole set-up, I think you're being taken for a ride, and not a pleasant one either!

Take care, and stay safe, if not for your sake, then for your youngest child.

And BTW, from what I know, you can't just "be friends" with ma', like you would an American mother in law, and American mother in laws can be tough to crack. You'd be dealing with a whole different world of unspoken rules and customs trying to be part of the family. You can't be too familiar too soon with a Naija family like an American family. It would be disrespectful to them.

I'm not going to lie, I would take another "Naija man" any day to an American man, because for me, a Naija man has so much more to offer me mentally, and otherwise. But I'm very aware and educated to the fact that it wouldn't be easy. I'm aware that to be with a traditional Nigerian man, I would have to give up a lot of myself (American ways) and even if I won him over, the family might not accept me, and even if they did, the friends might not. For Americans and westerners, they would battle this. But MOST traditional Nigerian men are not going to turn away from family and friends on your behalf. I would love to try with another Nigerian man, but I clearly see now, it might not be in my best interest.

And one of the posters was right: It's all about the extended family system, and what's yours is theirs, no questions asked. Ma' will come and go as she pleases, and any other family members.

Darkchoc,

Good post! I am an American woman married to a Nigerian man. I think inter-cultural marriages work best when both people are willing to compromise and usually they lean more toward one culture than the other. I totally understand what you mean about the husband's family having unspoken customs and hard to get to warm up. If the husband's truly traditional he may value his sisters and mother above his wife. This in particular is problematic for American women, who generally view the wife as the husband's #1 under God. The Western women I know married to Nigerian men who are happiest don't have his family coming and going as they please.

Well I guess my informal education here at Nairaland has payed off, LOL!

But seriously Michelle, I wish you well, I think most people do. They wouldn't waste their time posting if they didn't care about you as a human being.

Yes, there are some that only want to see Naija with "their own", but , oh well,

Again, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Hugs!, please do keep us posted.

And not to hijack the thread, but for the American ladies, how did you meet your good Naija men? Where can I meet another one, LOL?

@poster
[size=18pt]ABEG O, DO NOT MARRY SOMEBODY THAT YOU HAVE NEVER MET ESPECIALLY AN IGBO [/size] (sorry for that comment but it is necessary because i grew up with igbos). [size=18pt]HE WANTS TO MARRY YOU FOR PAPERS [/size] (read: Green Card). By the way, you live in California, home to some of the most beautiful people in the world and you are trying to convince us that you cannot find a good man, are you kidding me??

@ poster,

How did it go are you married to him yet,
Did you see him
Have you relocated,

pls we want to knw

I sooooo wanna c the end of this story. did you guys eventually get married?

@ RichyBlacK & Nikkysgirl

Thank you for your positive remarks for the woman

I can't stand all this negativity! Some make negative comments because they can't stand an American Woman maybe hooking up with one of their "own". Others are just teasing, some are jealous wishing they had something like that, and others are scared of what they do not know.
Of course she needs to be careful but the best things in life often are very unplanned and different from what is considered normal and safe! Life is an adventure and should be lived to the fullest.
Do you even know how many people these days meet online and get married and have wonderful marriages?!
@ Nikkysgirl thank you for sharing and I also know how much time is spend on the phone, computer etc. People will do and endure crazy things when they are in love. This goes for both women and MEN!!!!

I wish the poster all the best of luck and happiness in the world and hope that I will be there soon with you. I have till November until I can be united with my love and I am counting the month, days, minutes, seconds!!!!!!

I wonder what eventually happened to this story-teller

Thank you everyone!!! This has been so interesting.LOL He actually lives in Greece, and has for 5 years. His whole family is in Nigeria except one brother who lives in Napoli. He wants my daughter to have a good education, so Greece is probably not the best, as they do not teach English there in school. He is willing to move to the US but I am wanting to move to Nigeria. We have not met face to face, but we have been friends online and over phone for 5 years. He is a very sweet man. As for staying here and dating someone close to home, been there, done that, and I've had it with dating men in America. They say anything they want, but do not mean it. They only want someone who looks like a model, unless you make a lot of money, then they only want you for your money and as soon as either is gone, so are they.

In my heart, I know I would love for my daughter to grow up outside the US. I am going to Greece in December to meet him. We are staying for a month, so we can have time to see where it goes from there. I'm just trying to figure out what my options are a head of time.

So, is the paw paw a good fruit??

So you have tried American men and you realise they dont want you: and you have decided that Nigerians are the ones who deserve what American men dont want?

@ Just Good

That was not very nice! I hope you were teasing!

europegirl, she wrote it herself