@mac,forgive my usage of hot-headed. I think hyperactive will be ok. Is your being phlegmatic the enciumberance to tying the nuptials. @bah, how is polygamy practised over there. I may have to link you to get a second wife if there are sisters who are ok with a nigerian brother. Ma salam

When will i come across a muslimah who will support polygamy in totality.

deols:
Wow! I believe you deserve evry good thing. Perfection is what no one shld demand from another. It mkes it easy for you to let go most of the time and happiness becomes a normal thing you share.
Am I right 2 think that the 2yrs span is so that you dont engage in courtship?

2 years is just hypothetical, Allah knows best

ossyme: @mac,forgive my usage of hot-headed. I think hyperactive will be ok. Is your being phlegmatic the enciumberance to tying the nuptials.

Let me help you out, your descriptions aren't quite correct- I am a reclusive, deep-thinking, mild but firm on principles he believes-in kind of person.

Do these traits prevent me from getting married at the moment? No! However, they prevent me from entering into what I call "defective relationships". By these, I mean relationships that don't have a firm foundation. I am not interested in hanging-around a woman I know I can't marry. I am also a difficult person for the average person out there to figure-out, add to that the fact that I have set certain standards for myself and the reasons I am not even planning to get married soon become clearer.

I am open to meeting ladies with the qualities I want and just maybe, one of them will make me want to get married like tomorrow and do whatever it takes to do so.

i do not think the term 'recluse' fits you giving the fact you interact so much and as you have said have earlier people contact you for different issues. If i meet you one day and you happen to be one of my former students or a student of any of my friends , then i will flog you six strokes before goin ahead to discuss with you. Anyway Allah is our pillar.

Single and still searching

whistling

ossyme: i do not think the term 'recluse' fits you giving the fact you interact so much and as you have said have earlier people contact you for different issues. If i meet you one day and you happen to be one of my former students or a student of any of my friends , then i will flog you six strokes before goin ahead to discuss with you. Anyway Allah is our pillar.

Some of us are socially-adaptive introverts. That means we are able to communicate freely when there is a need to. If there is no need, we revert back to our "private world". That is the way I operate- it is not only on Nairaland that I am forced to leave my preferred natural state. Yet! That doesn't mean I am not reclusive.

I wz nt talkin 2 Mac
*frowns*





*sobs*

@ mac....iwo lomo, sha wa kan she...still waiting for deols response as regards the questions asked....

but dyt you look rather over ripe or something ....are you sure you are not hooked yet?

This thread has been interesting and educative so far - Jazak-Allah to all the contributors. May Almighty Allah continue to shower us knowledge and make us stead-fast on His path till the day of Judgement (Amin).

I will really want us to deliberate on cross-religion marriage (i.e. a Muslim marrying from another religion/belief).

Though Almighty Allah permit Muslims to marry other belief of which they were given books, as stated in Qur'an 5:5

Qur'an 5:5
Made lawful to you this day are At¬Tayyibât [all kinds of Halâl (lawful) foods, which Allâh has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits). The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals,) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal - money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends. And whosoever disbelieves in faith [i.e. in the Oneness of Allâh and in all the other Articles of Faith, i.e. His (Allâh's), Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of Resurrection and Al-Qadar (Divine Preordainments)], then fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.

Even though Almighty Allah permit such, we (Muslims) normally look for Muslimah (Muslim woman) to marry in order to uphold our belief (Especially religious woman as she might not want to lose her religious belief for anything in the world - which such decision is quite good).

It is always every Muslim brother's desire to marry Muslim sister for continuous understanding and promotion of their faith; the question now goes like this, what can be done or what are the ways in which someone can make cross-religion marriage works?

My question is based on what I have been experiencing along with other guys around me and it goes like this....

I am a guy who try as much as possible to be realistic and when it comes to marriage, I surely have some qualities I always look for in a woman (though the qualities are so few) but I found these qualities somehow scarce and rare among Muslimah (Muslim woman). I am not into any relationship for now but I have so many female friend (ordinary friend) around me which I always watch and study whether they can be the right person for me (I dont really believe in entering relationship with strangers... so, anytime I met a woman and we exchange number, we normally become friend without any attachment in order for me to see if such person have the qualities I want in a woman) BUT unfortunately I always find it funny that the qualities I want are always been found among the other belief while the Muslimah are not always close to my desire qualities (may be this is due to the environment that I live, study and work). I thought I am the only one experiencing things like this until last week when one of the friend complain bitterly about the same thing.

Even though I can compromise on some of my desire qualities, I still discovered that most of this Muslim girl lack the essential ingredient of a wife material compare to other girl in other belief/religion. And I am afraid, if this trend continue, I wouldn't have choice than to marry from other religion as prescribe by Almighty Allah. So, how can some make cross-religion marry work.

Please lets share our experience, eye-witness and knowledge about cross-religion marriage; the good, the bad and the best of it. Thank you for your contribution.

U people ayaf start wit ur ways ooo
Hiding posts
Hian



Ossyme
Yes I am over over ripe
Dats y I am so dying to hook up
Mac rejected me
So will u take me as your second wife?

Wizeboy: This thread has been interesting and educative so far - Jazak-Allah to all the contributors. May Almighty Allah continue to shower us knowledge and make us stead-fast on His path till the day of Judgement (Amin).

I will really want us to deliberate on cross-religion marriage (i.e. a Muslim marrying from another religion/belief).

Though Almighty Allah permit Muslims to marry other belief of which they were given books, as stated in Qur'an 5:5

Qur'an 5:5
Made lawful to you this day are At¬Tayyibât [all kinds of Halâl (lawful) foods, which Allâh has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits). The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals,) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal - money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends. And whosoever disbelieves in faith [i.e. in the Oneness of Allâh and in all the other Articles of Faith, i.e. His (Allâh's), Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of Resurrection and Al-Qadar (Divine Preordainments)], then fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.

Even though Almighty Allah permit such, we (Muslims) normally look for Muslimah (Muslim woman) to marry in order to uphold our belief (Especially religious woman as she might not want to lose her religious belief for anything in the world - which such decision is quite good).

It is always every Muslim brother's desire to marry Muslim sister for continuous understanding and promotion of their faith; the question now goes like this, what can be done or what are the ways in which someone can make cross-religion marriage works?

My question is based on what I have been experiencing along with other guys around me and it goes like this....

I am a guy who try as much as possible to be realistic and when it comes to marriage, I surely have some qualities I always look for in a woman (though the qualities are so few) but I found these qualities somehow scarce and rare among Muslimah (Muslim woman). I am not into any relationship for now but I have so many female friend (ordinary friend) around me which I always watch and study whether they can be the right person for me (I dont really believe in entering relationship with strangers... so, anytime I met a woman and we exchange number, we normally become friend without any attachment in order for me to see if such person have the qualities I want in a woman) BUT unfortunately I always find it funny that the qualities I want are always been found among the other belief while the Muslimah are not always close to my desire qualities (may be this is due to the environment that I live, study and work). I thought I am the only one experiencing things like this until last week when one of the friend complain bitterly about the same thing.

Even though I can compromise on some of my desire qualities, I still discovered that most of this Muslim girl lack the essential ingredient of a wife material compare to other girl in other belief/religion. And I am afraid, if this trend continue, I wouldn't have choice than to marry from other religion as prescribe by Almighty Allah. So, how can some make cross-religion marry work.

Please lets share our experience, eye-witness and knowledge about cross-religion marriage; the good, the bad and the best of it. Thank you for your contribution.

I kind-of understand what you mean. To be honest, I don't know how or why things are like this. However, I will strongly advise that you understand that religious incompatibility is a major strain on marriage. I can assure you that a Muslim guy that meets a Muslim girl and they both love each other deeply, share religious beliefs with similar passion, are successful professionally will still have major problems not to talk of someone that starts with an handicap. Don't forget, you are not marrying a single individual, you are joining two families together. How will that work-out effectively without your religious values being compromised?

In addition, the children you would bear, what religion would they profess? You wouldn't know right from the get-go because there are already two religions involved. Allah says in the Qur'an chapter 66 verse 6:

O ye who believe! save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded.

So, tell me- how would you protect your family from the fire with such an handicap?

To some of our Muslim Sisters: Please, learn to be courteous. There is no place that I know-of in the teachings of Islam that says we should be rude or impolite. A good number of you simply lack the ability to express yourselves effectively without causing offence. If you are going to reject a brother's advances, do it with respect and decorum. If you want him to change his manner-of-approach, let him know civilly. This is not the first time something like this is being said- I hope we can all improve as people as we seek to please Allah in our daily lives.

olawalebabs: When will i come across a muslimah who will support polygamy in totality.

Why do you want to?

But some people's life dream is to marry married men. they like competition or just see it as avenue to fast money.

You need to have been made and finding them wouldnt be a problem.

BahPulo: salam my brothers and sisters
anything new around here

Wa alaykum salam sis. Only the second wife thing appears new.

tbaba1234:

2 years is just hypothetical, Allah knows best

okay

Dyt: Single and still searching

whistling

I tire for you o.


You are confusing all of em interested folks here. stop doing that nah

ossyme: @ mac....iwo lomo, sha wa kan she...still waiting for deols response as regards the questions asked....

but dyt you look rather over ripe or something ....are you sure you are not hooked yet?

I answered you already. abi the post is hidden from ur view ni? lol


I almost thought you werent interested in answering my questions sef.

Wizeboy: This thread has been interesting and educative so far - Jazak-Allah to all the contributors. May Almighty Allah continue to shower us knowledge and make us stead-fast on His path till the day of Judgement (Amin).

I will really want us to deliberate on cross-religion marriage (i.e. a Muslim marrying from another religion/belief).

Though Almighty Allah permit Muslims to marry other belief of which they were given books, as stated in Qur'an 5:5

Qur'an 5:5
Made lawful to you this day are At¬Tayyibât [all kinds of Halâl (lawful) foods, which Allâh has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits). The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals,) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal - money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends. And whosoever disbelieves in faith [i.e. in the Oneness of Allâh and in all the other Articles of Faith, i.e. His (Allâh's), Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of Resurrection and Al-Qadar (Divine Preordainments)], then fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.

Even though Almighty Allah permit such, we (Muslims) normally look for Muslimah (Muslim woman) to marry in order to uphold our belief (Especially religious woman as she might not want to lose her religious belief for anything in the world - which such decision is quite good).

It is always every Muslim brother's desire to marry Muslim sister for continuous understanding and promotion of their faith; the question now goes like this, what can be done or what are the ways in which someone can make cross-religion marriage works?

My question is based on what I have been experiencing along with other guys around me and it goes like this....

I am a guy who try as much as possible to be realistic and when it comes to marriage, I surely have some qualities I always look for in a woman (though the qualities are so few) but I found these qualities somehow scarce and rare among Muslimah (Muslim woman). I am not into any relationship for now but I have so many female friend (ordinary friend) around me which I always watch and study whether they can be the right person for me (I dont really believe in entering relationship with strangers... so, anytime I met a woman and we exchange number, we normally become friend without any attachment in order for me to see if such person have the qualities I want in a woman) BUT unfortunately I always find it funny that the qualities I want are always been found among the other belief while the Muslimah are not always close to my desire qualities (may be this is due to the environment that I live, study and work). I thought I am the only one experiencing things like this until last week when one of the friend complain bitterly about the same thing.

Even though I can compromise on some of my desire qualities, I still discovered that most of this Muslim girl lack the essential ingredient of a wife material compare to other girl in other belief/religion. And I am afraid, if this trend continue, I wouldn't have choice than to marry from other religion as prescribe by Almighty Allah. So, how can some make cross-religion marry work.

Please lets share our experience, eye-witness and knowledge about cross-religion marriage; the good, the bad and the best of it. Thank you for your contribution.

If you don't mention what these qualities are, we may not be able to make meaningful discussions on them.

/./

I just read the response above..... i have tod you that good housing is not the issue if you happen to accept my proposal ....abi until i start splashing money here on Nairaland b4 you feel me ........... and for unforseen circumstance that is in Allah's hand and we can both sit down and talk about it ................ though you may find me almost irresistible if you meet me but Allah knows best ......

this is d funniest response ever

I wasnt asking about all of those because OF YOU. I was only making what I naturally would ask anyone I know going into polygamy.

Polygamy should never be an easy thing and I dont want to make it easy for anyone. In fact, you should be scared of the possibility that you may not treat your wives equally. I get very annoyed when I see men marry wives they cannot take care of and their children can not be brought up in the most decent and Islamic environment due to the parents' selfish attitude.

Once again, I do not go for things that already belong to others. I make my own paths, my ways. I believe I am a unique creature of Allah, very allergic to noise and awkward situations.

While I appreciate the concept of courtesy ... i think in this degenerate world of ours, it carries some interpretations that are covertly or overtly[b] taqwacidal[/b]. These will be regarded as welcoming by some of our muslim brothers who think some sisters are rather too cold to behold.

Like going for lunch in a nice eatery or inviting her over for lunch even at your private residence.

Tbaba may have to give specific examples of the traits you don't see in most muslim sisters.

I also know , and may Allah forgive me, that an overwhelming number of our muslim brothers are not really comfortable with the fact that you cannot roll on amorously with your fiancee like holding hands, kissing, smooching, heavy petting and even intimacy ....and all these still constitute courtesy to such pervert minds..........

May ALLAH BLESS SUCH DISCOURTEOUS SISTERS and reward them with decent and like minds .........

bada al islaamu gareeban wasa ya'uudu kama bada a ... fa tooba lil gurabaai

/./

ossyme:

Like going for lunch in a nice eatery or inviting her over for lunch even at your private residence.

I don't think so.

About the courtesy, I must say that some people are just too emotional. You would be surprised at the amount of respect a guy demands from someone he is meeting for the first time. I wldn't know too much about that though.

But dont y'all think the manner of approach matters a lot? A not well said salam alaykum is enough sometimes to tell if you want to hear what else someone has to say..and that is just an example.

maclatunji:

I kind-of understand what you mean. To be honest, I don't know how or why things are like this. However, I will strongly advise that you understand that religious incompatibility is a major strain on marriage. I can assure you that a Muslim guy that meets a Muslim girl and they both love each other deeply, share religious beliefs with similar passion, are successful professionally will still have major problems not to talk of someone that starts with an handicap. Don't forget, you are not marrying a single individual, you are joining two families together. How will that work-out effectively without your religious values being compromised?

In addition, the children you would bear, what religion would they profess? You wouldn't know right from the get-go because there are already two religions involved. Allah says in the Qur'an chapter 66 verse 6:

O ye who believe! save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded.

So, tell me- how would you protect your family from the fire with such an handicap?

To some of our Muslim Sisters: Please, learn to be courteous. There is no place that I know-of in the teachings of Islam that says we should be rude or impolite. A good number of you simply lack the ability to express yourselves effectively without causing offence. If you are going to reject a brother's advances, do it with respect and decorum. If you want him to change his manner-of-approach, let him know civilly. This is not the first time something like this is being said- I hope we can all improve as people as we seek to please Allah in our daily lives.

Mac, thanks so much for your wonderful contribution and advice.

I agreed with every bit of your reply, infact its always all the disadvantages in cross-religion marriage that always scare me from even thinking about entering into it. I am optimistic that I will still fulfill my desire (which is marrying Muslim sister).

I always believe marriage is a LIFE CONTRACT where couple live in LOVE & HAPPINESS together till death separate them, that's why everybody has the qualities he/she want in a partner. Compromise can be make sometime to those qualities but at least such partner must be able to exhibit some other qualities. According to one Hadith (I can't remember the exact saying now but go somehow like this):
"A man must be able to LOVE his believing wife (Muslimah) even if one of her behaviour is bad, he will surely find some attitude of her very good" (Muslim).

What now happpen if she has more bad attitude than the good one, would the Love still be there. Even though, I tolerate a lot, there are some behaviour that easily turn me off and most of this behaviour is what I found among them.

If I am to marry somebody from other belief/religion, there will certainly be an agreement, of such person converting to Islam because it is really bad for husband and wife to be practising different religion (and I know some of my present friend around me that can easily convert without any hitches as they are not strong in their faith) BUT is the fear of bringing up my children in Islamic way that prompt my post (Man alone cannot teach his children religion and moral without the greater help from the wife but how can somebody that just convert and still learning teach children the right path).

Its all those thinking that is now occupying my mind, even though I am not in hurry of getting married for now but someone need to start thinking about the future as time wait for no one, as people keep reminding me of my Birthday in 2 days time in my office, the more concern about the future engrave my mind. But I surely believe Almighty Allah will grant me my heart desire and wishes.

To my Muslim brothers and sisters in Islam, I believe if we truly follow the teaching of Islam in which we claim we practice, we will surely become the best mankind on earth. Islam is already a complete and perfect religion is we (Muslims) that need to really work on our behaviour and attitude. We should try as much as possible to be a good example to other mankind. I cried inside sometimes when I see the behaviour some Muslims showcase in the society especially Muslimah (Muslim woman), some of such behaviour are not worth living with. The earlier we trace our step back to Almighty Allah the better for us.


Maa Salam.....

Wizeboy:

Mac, thanks so much for your wonderful contribution and advice.

I cried inside sometimes when I see the behaviour some Muslims showcase in the society especially Muslimah (Muslim woman), some of such behaviour are not worth living with. The earlier we trace our step back to Almighty Allah the better for us.


Maa Salam.....

Old boy, kindly tell us some of these "behaviours" that you are talking-of. Or should I help you?

ossyme: @DEOLS ...AM REALLY SINCERELY BECOMING WIDAADIC about you and will like to know you better... you may even be a sister i know so much ... what line are you as in course of study and occupation........ you sound so firm and adorable

what does widaadic mean

I dont know why u continue wv ds. better not spoil ur chances as some other ladies might be interested in ur offer.

U are the type of man I wldnt marry as a first let alone a second wife. u will never get satisfied. Two yrs down d road, wife no.2 pregnant wv baby no.10 and u'r bak online searching..

Wizeboy:

Mac, thanks so much for your wonderful contribution and advice.

I agreed with every bit of your reply, infact its always all the disadvantages in cross-religion marriage that always scare me from even thinking about entering into it. I am optimistic that I will still fulfill my desire (which is marrying Muslim sister).

I always believe marriage is a LIFE CONTRACT where couple live in LOVE & HAPPINESS together till death separate them, that's why everybody has the qualities he/she want in a partner. Compromise can be make sometime to those qualities but at least such partner must be able to exhibit some other qualities. According to one Hadith (I can't remember the exact saying now but go somehow like this):
"A man must be able to LOVE his believing wife (Muslimah) even if one of her behaviour is bad, he will surely find some attitude of her very good" (Muslim).

What now happpen if she has more bad attitude than the good one, would the Love still be there. Even though, I tolerate a lot, there are some behaviour that easily turn me off and most of this behaviour is what I found among them.

If I am to marry somebody from other belief/religion, there will certainly be an agreement, of such person converting to Islam because it is really bad for husband and wife to be practising different religion (and I know some of my present friend around me that can easily convert without any hitches as they are not strong in their faith) BUT is the fear of bringing up my children in Islamic way that prompt my post (Man alone cannot teach his children religion and moral without the greater help from the wife but how can somebody that just convert and still learning teach children the right path).

Its all those thinking that is now occupying my mind, even though I am not in hurry of getting married for now but someone need to start thinking about the future as time wait for no one, as people keep reminding me of my Birthday in 2 days time in my office, the more concern about the future engrave my mind. But I surely believe Almighty Allah will grant me my heart desire and wishes.

To my Muslim brothers and sisters in Islam, I believe if we truly follow the teaching of Islam in which we claim we practice, we will surely become the best mankind on earth. Islam is already a complete and perfect religion is we (Muslims) that need to really work on our behaviour and attitude. We should try as much as possible to be a good example to other mankind. I cried inside sometimes when I see the behaviour some Muslims showcase in the society especially Muslimah (Muslim woman), some of such behaviour are not worth living with. The earlier we trace our step back to Almighty Allah the better for us.


Maa Salam.....

you keep talking of bad behaviors without mentioning what they are. So, because you think some things are bad about some Muslim ladies you know, you want us to just agree they are that way?

You dont know how very intersted in this I am

ossyme: While I appreciate the concept of courtesy ... i think in this degenerate world of ours, it carries some interpretations that are covertly or overtly[b] taqwacidal[/b]. These will be regarded as welcoming by some of our muslim brothers who think some sisters are rather too cold to behold.

Like going for lunch in a nice eatery or inviting her over for lunch even at your private residence.

Tbaba may have to give specific examples of the traits you don't see in most muslim sisters.

I also know , and may Allah forgive me, that an overwhelming number of our muslim brothers are not really comfortable with the fact that you cannot roll on amorously with your fiancee like holding hands, kissing, smooching, heavy petting and even intimacy ....and all these still constitute courtesy to such pervert minds..........

May ALLAH BLESS SUCH DISCOURTEOUS SISTERS and reward them with decent and like minds .........

bada al islaamu gareeban wasa ya'uudu kama bada a ... fa tooba lil gurabaai

Its true that some Muslim brothers think of intimacy, kissing, etc as a courtesy due to the level of damage civilization has on us.

But I can tell you that some brothers don't even think and want something of that nature, all they need is straight-forward person who doesn't pretend to be holy but do so many bad things at the back. In my own view, brothers follow the right step than our sisters (even though some guys can be so bad).

May Almighty Allah guide us through the right path.

/./

I see you @wizeboy.

better answer my question or I will not allow u rest