Good day everyone. Pls, I seek your respected and polite opinion. I seem to have gotten myself into the most difficult, complicated yet sweetest relationship ever and I'm stuck and helpless- can't even quit cos I love him but can't have myself trust this guy though he's good.
I am a young lady doing well for myself with a thriving business. Last two years, this young man in the company of his colleagues ( corps members) came to buy some stuff in my shop. I have long finished my service though in Ekiti state. I welcomed them warmly and tended to all of them very well and they bought lots from me. I liked all of them, both him, the other guy and the lady.
He came to the market again and bought some things from me and I think we exchanged contact and we were communicating through the phone. Our communication started getting better and fulfilling. I think I started falling in love with him anyway. One certain evening, he called and we were talking, I asked him to come over to the shop and he obliged. I was lovestruck seeing him at the Tower of the market approaching my shop. He sat beside me and I felt the aura of love and sweetness over me. Was wishing the feeling and bliss doesn't vanish but night was fast approaching. He offered to help me pack when I was seeing him off but I declined. We kept communicating over the phone and seeing occasionally whenever he comes to buy stuff. Then on the 25th of Dec. 2021. I visited him for the first time, I got pretty comfortable with him and spent some days. He later travelled for the New year but always in constant communication with me through video and voice calls. When I was spending time with him, he asked about my relationship status which I answered complicated. Reason being that I just separated but not done with my guy some months before I met him. You know this situation na- there's a misunderstanding and the problem came from my guy, so I kept my distance from him at the moment, though he was trying to mend fences but I was hurt and tried to avoid him at the during those times.
So, when this new guy came back from the holiday. We started dating normally. He shared his relationship history with me and asked for mine. I told him mine. I loved him and still. Nobody should mistake I took him as a rebound cos I loved him more than my ex and I have actually healed before I met him, although, I didn't formally separate from my ex. I loved this new guy naturally without reasons and I like him also for these reasons:
He's an extremely neat guy. He's mature, independent and responsible( he saw himself through school). He has a good heart. He's selfless, gentle, caring, loving and does his chores all by himself including cooking even when am around. Infact, he's a modernized man. He told me love is freedom. He's a good man.
His bad sides are: he's too jealous. He's clingy anyway and always want to know my movements. He has a fighting spirit- not physically but don't yield easily during arguments. I was able to speak to his soul,he was teary and sober and told me he became that challenging because of the hard time he passed through after he lost he's dad at age 14, with no support from anywhere. He became hard and won't take the opinion of anybody in his life because no one was there in his life except God and love from his mum. But he promised to improve which he's keeping up to.
Luckily for him,upon expiration of his service year he was retained at the Ministry he served as a site supervisor since last year cos he studied Quantity Surveying.
How I think the fear and lack of trust developed:
1. Telling about his past experience with his ex and occasionally saying things about her offends me. He still keeps her best pictures up till now. I complained about it and he moved the pictures to his phone's dual space. Note: he was the one that first started checking my phone and was asking questions. Claiming I put him in the dark concerning my ex- Francis cos he was still calling and chatting me trying to mend fences. I told this new guy that I never put him in the dark that I told him my relationship status was complicated never said I was single like he told me. He keeps saying if he didn't find out by himself, he wouldn't have known about Francis. Mind you nothing is going on between me and Francis now but he takes it that am cheating on him whereas I'm only trying to lay off Francis. He asks questions about almost every call and chats he reads in my phone. So, he planted that phone checking seed in me. I haven't been like that before.
2. Refusing to remove her pictures raises concern for me because it makes me angry and jealous. Those pictures were taken when street smiled on him. So he said he appreciated people that were there in his life when it was tough. The same girl still left him after afterwards Sha.
3. Being aware of his fantasy and wishful thinking. He likes big ass ladies. Though he never cheated on me but being aware of his preference is disturbing. I'm a slim fit with moderate ass. He testified to loving big ass ladies but still assured it's not all that matters to him. Meanwhile, he has loads porn videos of big ass ladies and nude pictures of big ass ladies.
4. My cousin's (pastor) assertion of him though from a spiritual point of view is a course for concern. He meant he's an opportunist. That he coming for me because of my little achievement not out of love.
5. My dad's reluctance in accepting him when he tendered drinks though I understand where he's coming from: difference in ethnic group. His mother is very cool with me and ask of me whenever she calls him.
6. Being hostile to me: trying to avoid what happened to him in his past repeat itself. I feel he's punishing me for his ex's betrayal.
7. He does not want public marriage. He have asked for the list(dowry) but he always put it first that Igbo marriage rite is very expensive and he fears he may not be able to meet up with the requirements. My question: will a man who really want you be fizzled or bothered by long existing tradition?
8. Using this remark of "imagine if he's the one still talking to his ex, how would I feel " whenever any of my ex calls me.
Please, house help me analyse and draw give your verdicts. I mean your submission.
I am so messed psychologically. I can't even make an intelligent decision right now. I'm so confused, compromised and stuck

Sorry but you guys have gone too far
He is not the one for you
If you want to enjoy your marriage.....let him go gently or you guys sit down and sort things out
All I see is you making excuses for his irresponsible actions.

So because him papa die, na you go suffer am

Don't marry a liability o

He likes big ass ladies.

.I'm a slim fit with moderate ass. He testified to loving big ass ladies but still assured it's not all that matters to him.

I burst out laughing so hard at this

Of course, God is all that matters but big ass is glorious.

Big ass plays a vital role in a man's life. The importance of big ass should never be under estimated.

I can't say more than this. Shalom!

I think you are old enough to know what you really want, no matter the advice and opinion you get here, you are the one in the relationship you should be able to figure out what you want in a man or marriage.

Joybeau:
How I think the fear and lack of trust developed:
■ Telling about his past experience with his ex and occasionally saying things about her offends me. He still keeps her best pictures up till now. I complained about it and he moved the pictures to his phone's dual space. Note: he was the one that first started checking my phone and was asking questions. Claiming I put him in the dark concerning my ex- Francis cos he was still calling and chatting me trying to mend fences. I told this new guy that I never put him in the dark that I told him my relationship status was complicated never said I was single like he told me. He keeps saying if he didn't find out by himself, he wouldn't have known about Francis. Mind you nothing is going on between me and Francis now but he takes it that am cheating on him whereas I'm only trying to lay off Francis. He asks questions about almost every call and chats he reads in my phone. So, he planted that phone checking seed in me. I haven't been like that before.
■ Refusing to remove her pictures raises concern for me because it makes me angry and jealous. Those pictures were taken when street smiled on him. So he said he appreciated people that were there in his life when it was tough. The same girl still left him after afterwards Sha.
■ Being aware of his fantasy and wishful thinking. He likes big ass ladies. Though he never cheated on me but being aware of his preference is disturbing. I'm a slim fit with moderate ass. He testified to loving big ass ladies but still assured it's not all that matters to him. Meanwhile, he has loads porn videos of big ass ladies and nude pictures of big ass ladies.
■ Being hostile to me: trying to avoid what happened to him in his past repeat itself. I feel he's punishing me for his ex's betrayal.
■ He does not want public marriage. He have asked for the list(dowry) but he always put it first that Igbo marriage rite is very expensive and he fears he may not be able to meet up with the requirements. My question: will a man who really want you be fizzled or bothered by long existing tradition?
■ Using this remark of "imagine if he's the one still talking to his ex, how would I feel " whenever any of my ex calls me.
Please, house help me analyse and draw give your verdicts. I mean your submission.
I am so messed up psychologically. I can't even make an intelligent decision right now. I'm so confused, compromised and stuck

I think what you have here is a list that you need to pay sincere attention to. Your mind is throwing up alarms and you seriously need to pay close attention. Additionally, you described the feelings you have for him and I couldn't help but conclude that you are high on love chemicals in your brain and it is definitely keeping you from effectively reasoning what seems right in front of you. I suggest you read the article at the following link https://www.nairaland.com/7038057/love-just-high-chemicals-brain and investigate further so you can maybe work first towards getting it all out of your head so you can then properly resolve your situation for your life's sake.

How many ex you sef get....

Whenever any of.my ex calls me...

Two of huna go dey ok

uote author=Starz825 post=121712150]How many ex you sef get....

Whenever any of.my ex calls me...

Two of huna go dey ok [/quote]

Just a few sir. Nothing is existing between us anymore since his emergence

this one will drain you mentally.

abeg go your own way

He will definitely cheat on you. He's already half way there.....

And I don't think relationships should be this hard 😪

Gloriagee:
He will definitely cheat on you. He's already half way there.....

And I don't think relationships should be this hard 😪

Thank you input Queen. As much as I dread it but it's true

Both of una come carry exes do insurance. You kept entertaining calls/chats from your exes, while he kept his ex's picture. What a modern day relationship.

Anyways, just know that you're presently convenient for him as he is for you. His love for big asses, his ex and lesser dowry will see you asunder soon. Until then, keep your insurance and enjoy your present as much as you can. All is fair in love and war

He's a play boy and a manipulator.

He isn't going to be around for a long time.

He already have all his excuses why he can not marry you.

Joybeau:
uote author=Starz825 post=121712150]How many ex you sef get....

Whenever any of.my ex calls me...

Two of huna go dey ok

Just a few sir. Nothing is existing between us anymore since his emergence

I think this guy is already making plans to withdraw for reasons best known to him and not about being scared of marriage rights

Just give him up to six months and if he is not forth coming you zero your mind from him