I need help too.

With my script na

I have all 3. Which one do you want first?

@Briareos, Sorry it took me a while to even see this. i haven't been on nairaland in a while.
I am an experienced script writer and filmmaker with a couple of credits (mostly international) on IMDb.com, for mostly short films but i learnt from great teachers who have written books on acting and script-writing (Hollywood). i'd like to help cos i was kinda impressed with your imagination.
Firstly there's no such thing as "Hollywood script format", its just the standard script format that film makers all over the world use. 
I am not asking you to change your script to fit the "Nollywood" style but as a Nigerian you have to have elements of realism in there. I didn't notice in the 5 pages what you referred to as "not meant for the Nigerian setting". This story will work in Nigeria, you only need a producer/director with vision ( and trust me, Fidelis Duker is not it) the only thing you need to alter is the dialogue, cos it seems too unnatural.
Another little problem might be the scene. The 5 pages automatically translates to 5 minutes so this scene is already too long for a series. For a movie it might work but for a series, you will have to make the scene really interesting to hold an audience for 5 minutes.
Also give the characters a little more personality to make them lovable or hate-able by an audience.
other than these small points, i still believe you have skill. I'd suggest you get some e-books on script-writiing to help you further cos writing scripts is a really tricky thing.
Another thing, when writing screenplays or scripts (international standard), when introducing a new character for the first time in the script, their names should be written in uppercase.
I hope i was helpful and didn't come across a different way.
i hope we can collaborate on a script some day.

@Jayboy124, can i see an outline or synopsis? i'd like to help.

I agree with 'ThirdBorn'. It's also very dialogue heavy with practically no 'action'. Cut out a fair bit of dialogue and write in what they are 'doing' to ease the 'talking-heads'.
Even though it is '2' scenes over the 5 pages you can, when you have a long scene, intercut it with another scene of other people doing something else.
On the whole it seems very interesting and a show I'd like to watch. Keep up the good work!

@Thirdborn can I get your email and send you about 10 pages. I'm not very good in writing synopsis and outlines.

may i get in contact with you so that we can talk one on one. there are some things i need to know from you. you can please reach me on this number

07063165765

very important and urgent please.

thanks.

@Terryj, who were you referring to? The guy with the first post or the guy with the last post or the guys with the posts in between, lol?

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@Jayboy124, sorry i been away. my email is abdul@L7media.com.ng

@Yamakuza, nope, I haven't found any yet. But Im focusing on making my script better now

@Thirdborn,

Thank you v. much for your contribution, it was helpful.

In fact, I've been receiving help from nairalandist, especially Iice.

I wonder if I can send the complete edited first episode to you.

@VillageBoi, I have the same reservation about the script as you stated. I was having difficulty 'intercutting' because twas the begining of the series and there are fewer scenes to show. But I think the problem lessens after some episodes.

@TerryJ, in case you are refering to me, you can contact me on 08078844126

@op,I haven't read yur script yet but I understand what people mean when they say yur dialogues feel 'unnigerian', and whilst I won't give yu D̶̲̥̅̊ big stick for it,I'll advice that yu try and not wander too far in yur imaginations. I have a short script I wrote that struck out as having a tint of 'unnigerianess' in it as well. I took D̶̲̥̅̊ criticisms in my stride but didn't change a word in it as I was convinced that everything was in moderation. Also,after yu've written D̶̲̥̅̊ script,go over it with reality check on yur mind and make changes in places yu deem necessary. Remember, a script is never written,it is re-written.

The attached is not bad. It sure can happen in Nigeria.

*Owen*,
Thanks for you input.

Yamakuza, thank you very much for your PM. I just checked it all these while.

Where has Iice gone to?

Where has everybody gone to?

Nice one