~IDA~ [Part 1]

The kitchen towel is missing again. He always does this.

“Sanu, where did you keep the kitchen…?”

I stop in my track.
He is at it again, sunk on the sofa, chatting and smiling on his phone on a Saturday morning. I can bet it’s Becky, that brat whom he calls his best friend. What did I ever do to deserve this height of disrespect from a man I call my husband? He knows I hate him doing this, but he never stops.

“Kitchen what?”

“It’s Becky, right?”

“Ida, please don’t start… what were you…?”

“Answer the question!” I was fast losing my patience.

“Yes, it’s Becky. I left her behind to finish the report I started at work yesterday when you called me to pick you up at the shop. So…”

“Excuses! You always have a damn reason to chat or speak with her endlessly over the phone. Sanu, what is your problem? Why am I never enough for you?”

“Babe,…”

“I cook for you, take care of your kids, satisfy you in bed, do everything for you. My life literally evolves around you. But I’m never enough. You spend all the weekdays with her at work, yet you never have enough of her. You still share my time with her. The time for your family… you spend it with her, and you feel so great about it…”

“Ida, stop!” He screams. “For God’s sake, you were busy in the kitchen. How is this your time being shared?”

“There are a thousand and one other things you can be doing right now besides chatting and blushing on the phone with a married woman, Sanu.”

The heat rising on my face can burn him if he dares come close right now.

“I’m slaving myself to keep things in order here, and you just sit there chatting with another woman. Why is she so jobless at home anyway? Does she not have a family to attend to? Do you even think? Your wife is in the kitchen preparing food for you while you spend your time in the company of another woman. Don’t I know how to chat? That I don’t work in an office like you does not make me illiterate. I can as well abandon my chores and chat with some man like your girlfriend does, since it seems normal to you.”

“That’s your choice. If you had a good result, you would probably be working in an office too. Stop bickering abeg.” He picks up his other phone and heads for the room, turning his back on me.
“I don’t have the strength for your shenanigans this morning.”

“Your family members are saying ‘shenanigans."

“What did you just say?” He freezes for a second, then turns, glaring at me.

“You heard me.” I shoot back.

Am I supposed to be afraid? I know this would get to him. God knows I want to hurt him as hard as he does me emotionally. Stupid man.

He grinds his teeth as he walks back slowly towards the centre table. He places both phones carefully on it and grabs my chin up to his face, veins engorged. His grip is firm, and my skin hurts. My heart skips a beat as I stare into his fierce eyes. His voice is deep and calm.

“Let this be the last time you ever bring my family into a discussion like this. Do you understand?” He releases his grip forcefully, and I fall to the sofa.

He storms out of the house.

For a moment, I am tongue-tied. I was not done with him before he left. This is not over. He will regret this. I will make sure of that.
Sanu had the gut to mock me?

‘If I had a good result I would also be in an office.’
Really?

So this is it. This is why that bitch has all his attention, and I have been reduced to his maid and nanny, hell, even his intimacy gadget. So my other skills and hard work mean nothing to him, simply because I had a difficult time in school and came out with poor grades. Oh, God! Sanu, you will not go scot-free on this. I promise. How dare you? I will be waiting for you. Right here.

[To be continued]

Written by Tolulope Okiemute

~SANUSI~ [Part 2]

Usually, I use the car air conditioner when I drive. But today is not one of those days. I roll down the windows, allowing the gentle morning breeze and sunlight to kiss my skin as I pull out of the compound. I need plenty of fresh air to cool off. I am literally hot. I’m not sure where I’m headed, but I know I would rather be anywhere in the world except my house right now. I will just drive around town for a while and then go home.

Home.

Do I really have a home? Ida used to be my home. But not anymore. It’s true what the Bible says
‘Better to live on the rooftop than be in the same house with a troublesome woman.’

But when did Ida become this troublesome? This is not the Ida I married. She used to be a sweet, loving lady until about a couple of years back when Becky and I started working together. I have done everything possible to make her understand that there is nothing to be jealous about, but she never listens. Becky is a married woman for Christ’s sake. What could I possibly do with a married woman?

My phone rings, bringing me out of my reverie. I identify the caller as ‘Richard’ as I touch the receive button.

“Guy, how far?”

“I dey alright. You didn’t come out today. What’s up?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at the pitch na”

“Okay, I will be with you shortly.”

I hang up and head for the football field. Nice distraction, at least. Why didn’t I think of it before?

****************

My colleagues and I use the Flourish International School’s field for our friendly soccer matches on Saturdays. I park my car in the school’s parking lot and join Richard on the players’ bench.

“Are you playing dressed like this?” Richard asked, sizing me up as we shake hands and I take my seat beside him.

“Of course not. I just came out for some fresh air when you called.”

“Hmm… fresh air. I hope all is well.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“You don’t look it.” Richard eyes me suspiciously. “Is there trouble in paradise?”

“What paradise? Nothing much jor.” I lean my back on the chair, looking away to escape Richard's prying eyes.
It's obviously not working.

“What has she done this time?”

“Am I such an open book?”

“Only Ida opens your book like this. She has her way of getting under your skin.” Richard laughs, nudging me.

“Guy, it’s not funny. That woman drives me crazy. I hate to feel regretful, but sometimes I can’t help it.”

“Is it about Becky?”

“Who else?”

Richard smiles weakly, resting his right elbow on his raised right leg, and rubbing his hand across his forehead.
He must be sick of hearing about my scuffles with Ida. If I had a better way to vent, I would not hang my marital woes on his shoulders. He is married too, isn't he? His wife is a woman too, isn’t she? Why doesn’t she make him feel as miserable as my wife makes me?

“Ida just wants to be in control of my life, wallahi. I’m an adult for God’s sake. I am free to keep friends. My sin today was asking Becky about the report I left at the office yesterday. The next thing I get is my wife ranting about how she takes care of the home while I chat with a married woman. How do I live with a woman that does not trust me?”

“Calm down, bro.”

“What I find most irritating about her is how she read meanings to irrelevant things and becomes dramatic. If I didn’t leave that house when I did, only God knows what I would do to her. Because she knows I won’t hit her, she deliberately pushes my button.”

“Women are always women.”

“Abeg guy, make I hear word. No be woman you marry? Does she give you headaches like Ida gives me? Does your wife become destructive when you fight? If Ida had not damaged the TV in the living room during one of her demonic bouts of anger, perhaps I would be watching TV instead of chatting when she saw me. Seriously, that woman is trying my patience.”

“It’s okay. Just calm down. If it’s any relief, Loveth has her days too. She can be dramatic. Though, not destructive. I think the best thing is for both parties to not be mad at the same time. So when she comes with her drama, I try to soft-pedal and she does the same when I’m angry.”

“That’s why I leave the house when her madness begins and then she becomes angrier. To her, I’m avoiding confrontation, but in reality, I’m avoiding a physical fight. I might be tempted to kill her if I don’t leave.”

Richard chuckled.

“I’m not joking, guy. I can’t stand her.”

“Women like to talk.”

“But you can’t hold a sensible conversation with her when she’s angry. She will never allow you to finish a sentence before she cuts in. So if you won’t allow me to talk, why should I sit around and watch you infuriate me?”

There is no point talking about Ida, because the more I do, the angrier I become.

“See, guy” I hissed “Let’s forget about Ida. I just came out to breathe some fresh air in and get her off my mind for now.”

“After which, you go back home to the problem you left unresolved” Richard interjected.

My stomach hardened as I ran my hand through my head.

“I guess I will figure out something.”

“Counselling.”

“What?”

“I suggest you both go for counselling.”

I chuckle.

“Since when that one start na?”

“Since your marriage need help.” Richard retorted. “Loveth and I have gone through difficult times in the past. She left.”

“What?”

“Yes. Loveth left me. It took her absence for me to realize my mistakes. She agreed to return only on the condition that we both go for counselling. I use to resent the idea of sitting with a stranger to discuss my marital issues before. But that was what saved my marriage. That Loveth you praise today used to drive me crazy before now and I would hit her.”

“Wow… I never could have imagined. You two look perfect together.”

“Well… Counselling.” Richard said, spreading out his hands.

“Abegi… many of these your so-called counsellors have their own marital problems that they won’t tell you about. Then you carry yourself to have them dissect you like a lab rat when they have not fixed their homes.”

“I don’t know about their problems. It’s none of my business actually. What I know is that I went for counselling and it worked for me. Guy, go and think about it and suggest it to your wife. I’m sure she won’t object.”

“That one? I hear you. Can we enjoy this match for now, please?”

We both laugh.

“Our set goes in after this round” says Richard.

**************

I swallow hard as I pull up in front of the house. I hate this feeling I have right now. I’m almost afraid of walking into my house because I’m not sure if the monster I left behind will have mercy on me when I walk in. If only Ida will be reasonable and have us talk like adults…

I roll up the car windows and step out of the car, locking the car as I close the door.
What’s this smell? There is probably a faulty wire burning somewhere. I’ll have to check around the house. There she is in the sitting room, shaking her legs as I walk in. The kids have likely gone for their weekend lessons. I head straight for the room. I don’t want problem. At least, not yet. But what about this smell around the house?

[To be continued]
Written by Tolulope Okiemute
Freelance writer

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