Aklee4994:
■ Relationship őr marriage with kids

1. So, a marriage with kids is not a relationship?

Kobojunkie:
1. I think you take this consent thing too far in a relationship is what. Just because you are married to someone does not then mean that consent is needed in every case when commonsense should instead be allowed to reign. That is why in my first comment I mentioned that marriage isn't supposed to be a shackle but instead an arrangement that is to the benefit of both — not one or the other — in marriage. The woman already gives the man the freedom to do his own work and travel as he sees fit. And she gave him two-month heads up as far as her own plan. Why can't he extend to her the same courtesy as a partner that he gets from her?

2. He doesn't need to be as the woman can then leave the kids with a nanny while she is away. Nanny services are everywhere for that particular reason and purpose. So, I don't see the problem at all.

3. She is trying to get her course finished. How is that manipulative and about the man? Why does it all have to revolve around the man? Why can't it simply be about the woman trying to better herself, much the same as the man in marriage? Must her world revolve around him?

Anyways, I don't quite understand your question, but according to OP, the program is meant to take place 2 months from now meaning the woman did give him a heads-up. so, why the complaint, I don't understand at all.

As the man ever benefit in any case of disagreement...Are you telling the woman has always been right a long time marriage of 12 years

Kobojunkie:
1. So, a marriage with kids is not a relationship?

So relationship is same as marriage in your own meaning of words🤣🤣🤣

Aklee4994:
■ As the man ever benefit in any case of disagreement...Are you telling the woman has always been right a long time marriage of 12 years

1. You question no enter abeg!

Aklee4994:
■ So relationship is same as marriage in your own meaning of words🤣🤣🤣

1. Wait a second.... how old are you abeg?

tosinhtml:


Husbands knowledge or not, 5 days absence from home will not make or kill anyone. The children will still be alive by the time she gets back & the husband has 2 months to prepare. You want her to have carry-over to another year because of 5 days.

Omo ona wicked for this forum.

/

There are commitments only those who live abroad with families can understand.

/

InvertedHammer:
/There are commitments only those who live abroad with families can understand. /

That one na bloody lie abeg!

Kobojunkie:
That one na bloody lie abeg!

/
It is up to the man.

Let her go and don't come back.

/

InvertedHammer:
/It is up to the man. Let her go and don't come back./

Na only the man dey the marriage?

Kobojunkie:
1. Wait a second.... how old are you abeg?

you want to identify me with my age or creed,religion,gender,tribe again...human beans okay am at my mid 20s..

So marriage fit occurs between same gender as you’re telling me marriage and relationship Na the same..I always say it that institution call marriage is a scam.

Aklee4994:
■you want to identify me with my age or creed,religion,gender,tribe again...human beans okay am at my mid 20s..
■ So marriage fit occurs between same gender as you’re telling me marriage and relationship Na the same..I always say it that institution call marriage is a scam.

1. Your mid-twenties and it never occurred to you even until now that a marriage is in fact a relationship, an agreement between a man and a woman?

2. Open your eyes! Marriage, even where same-sex unions are banned, is an agreement between a man and a woman. It is supposed to be a partnership actually as that would be commonsense but sadly, something of it in terms of a lordship where a man imposes upon a woman — a master/slave relationship sort of.

Kobojunkie:
1. So, a marriage with kids is not a relationship?

Make use of your intellectual intelligent to know the differences between words so emotions is same as logic from your words meaning

Aklee4994:
■ Make use of your intellectual intelligent to know the differences between words so emotions is same as logic from your words meaning

1. But it is your claim that doesn't compute at all. Marriage is defined as a relationship between a man and a woman. So, if you don't operate it as you would a relationship then it ceases to be a marriage and is something else?

Kobojunkie:
1. Your mid-twenties and it never occurred to you even until now that a marriage is in fact a relationship, an agreement between a man and a woman?

2. Open your eyes! Marriage, even where same-sex unions are banned, is an agreement between a man and a woman. It is supposed to be a partnership actually as that would be commonsense but sadly, something of it in terms of a lordship where a man imposes upon a woman — a master/slave relationship sort of.

you might be older than me but can you see the word agreement and it need to be from different gender that is man and woman not boy and girl

Aklee4994:
■you might be older than me but can you see the word agreement
■ and it need to be from different gender that is man and woman not boy and girl

1. The marriage itself is the agreement. Decision-making within the marriage however is something else, that the couple would need to resolve among themselves.

2. Not necessarily!

vuxelle:
Hello all,
I need to bring this to this section for better balanced contribution, I have also updated some earlier information due to better information

The husband of a lady is against his wife attending a 4-7 days school course from Germany to the Netherlands. Participants can leave on the 5th day if they want, participants will also get 800 euros as participating fee. The course starts in 2 months' time, madam already signed up without her husband’s knowledge, and just recently told her husband about the signing up (They have been discussing the issue of whether to go or not and the best options). Her husband is against this and told the woman to shift the course to next year because her husband can not travel to be with the children due to circumstances that can not be resolved now. The kids are between (7-12 years). Although the husband will be able to travel later in the year, however, madam will have none of it at all, because according to her, it means her graduation will also be shifted to the next academic session/next year, this, she will never ever accept. So no negotiation about it.

Although the discussion has been going on between both, about the best option, madam suddenly told the man she has resolved to go and nothing can stop her. The husband is in shock, it appears madam has been playing and acting along as if she was genuinely looking for other solutions. Moreover, the husband noted that madam is no longer willing to discuss the issue with the man, as the woman has become angry/rude/verbally abusive. ( the husband acknowledges that this behaviour is not new, as anytime issues like this come up, the woman always throws up this defence mechanism- gets angry, stops talking to the man or becomes abusive/ talks rudely to the man. )

Naturally, the husband is a cool guy though, madam is as stubborn as anything and always has her way on all issues. The man is genuinely afraid that the children might be exposed to abuse and other things, moreover, he feels the last child is too young to be left alone

According to the man, the woman is a good person, but very very stubborn. Everything has to be her way. To the extent that her family has near zero influence on her, so there is nothing he can do in that respect, hence he usually pays heavily for counseling

They are both doing their best for the family (both of them confirmed this in separate meetings with them).

What is your take on this, please?

The couple has communication issues if the wife applies for a onsite course outside their city/country before informing her husband.

If her place of work/school scheduled her for a training, it is a different ball game as she has no input and would just update the husband.

The story also needs a bit of clarity; from the OP, the husband wants her to defer the course because he cannot be with the kids during the time of the course because of circumstances due to his control:
1. How sure is he that the issue wouldn't be resolved before the course?
2. What plans does the wife has to mind the kids for the week she is gone since her husband is not around?

I understand the position of both parties:

A year is a long time and anything can change;

A week is a long time and the children's lives can be destroyed for ever.

I hope they come to a solution that satisfies all parties/ has the least casualties.

vuxelle:
Thank you all for your response, it is shocking though that the post was completely misunderstood by most people. Could not divulge too many info, but from permission, I had to make this addition

1. Both are in Europe. They became acquainted with the neighbours just 4 months ago, although it appears they have known for ages.
2. The husband is an expatriate who works in another European country and lost his very good job just 7 months ago. He got a new contract that starts in September in the same country as his family. (He lost his job largely because he refused to be part of the weekend overtime shift because he always has to be home to his family by the weekend). He is not able to travel because he can not renew his paper. (he is not in the common travel area). The husband usually travels home every weekend before this.
3. The family agreed for the woman to start the study, and the husband paid for the study himself ( about 7,000 euros).
4. Both partners were aware of the travelling as part of the course when she enrolled last year. The arrangement was that the husband will mind the children when the time comes. But the husband's situation changed before the sign-up date for the course, discussions started between husband and wife on the best alternative, however, the madam (wife) went ahead to sign up without telling the husband.
4. The 5 days is part of the course requirement, it can be done next semester, worse case, by January next year.
5 No other deep issue as some of you are insinuating.
6. I only came here just to evaluate the thoughts of their fellow citizens of the couple on general marital issues.
7. I showed this discussion to the couples, they even laughed at some of the comments.
8. These kinds of stories are very very common.

But your contributions are all appreciated.

Thanks for the additional clarity, my previous post still stands.

If they can't find someone they are very comfortable with to care for the kids (and a 4mth old neighbor doesn't cut it), let the wife defer till the husband is able to come home.

Or she explores if there is provision for an online version.

DaytonaAries:
Honestly, everyone needs to put themselves in the woman's shoes.

Imagine having to wait to another year t9 graduate because a man cannot stay with his kids for 5 days.

Imagine working your ass off and having to wait another year so you can actually graduate, and we are still early in 2023.

The husband and wife should find someone to stay to stay with the children. Her being stubborn has nothing to do with this, when someone is trying to better themselves academically, their partner should support them no matter what.

Imagine if the reverse was the case, many people on this forum will call the woman names.

can you read please. The post has just been updated by the op. It is just right above your comment, yet you are still writing this

I don't usually understand the contradiction that someone that is always having her ways in every issues is a good person.

Kobojunkie:
1. She did. The course is 2 months, approximately 60 days away, that is early!

She did not tell the husband prior before now.
Her decision was made ignoring this this clause below:
told the woman to shift the course to next year because her husband can not travel to be with the children due to circumstances that can not be resolved now

bukatyne:


The couple has communication issues if the wife applies for a onsite course outside their city/country before informing her husband.

If her place of work/school scheduled her for a training, it is a different ball game as she has no input and would just update the husband.

The story also needs a bit of clarity; from the OP, the husband wants her to defer the course because he cannot be with the kids during the time of the course because of circumstances due to his control:
1. How sure is he that the issue wouldn't be resolved before the course?
2. What plans does the wife has to mind the kids for the week she is gone since her husband is not around?

I understand the position of both parties:

A year is a long time and anything can change;

A week is a long time and the children's lives can be destroyed for ever.

I hope they come to a solution that satisfies all parties/ has the least casualties.

That is why the couples are in a dilema

baralatie:
■ She did not tell the husband prior before now. Her decision was made ignoring this this clause below: told the woman to shift the course to next year because her husband can not travel to be with the children due to circumstances that can not be resolved now

1. That she did not agree to his terms does not change the fact that she informed him of her decision prior to taking it.

Again, you did not conveniently answer my question from earlier which is that if you as a man were giving the same terms as this man has given his wife here, would you also be willing to put off your plans for a whole year when you know that getting a nanny or someone to watch the kids for a week would suffice?

Contrary to the myths you have probably been fed by society, men and women have the same brains. We reason things out the same — sometimes logically, other times emotionally — so, the same that applies as far as the man also applies to the woman. Concluding the woman is stubborn because she does not do as the man says is suggesting there is really not much of a partnership going on between the man and woman to begin with.

Kobojunkie:
1. That she did not agree to his terms does not change the fact that she informed him of her decision prior to taking it.

Again, you did not conveniently answer my question from earlier which is that if you as a man were giving the same terms as this man has given his wife here, would you also be willing to put off your plans for a whole year when you know that getting a nanny or someone to watch the kids for a week would suffice?

Where in the post did she tell the husband prior that she was to attend.a foreign trip ?

baralatie:
■Where in the post did she tell the husband prior that she was to attend.a foreign trip ?

According to the post, the trip is approximately 2 months away even today. Anyways, 60 days are more than enough time to request time off work if that is what he intends to do.

You still didn't answer my question.

Kobojunkie:
According to the post, the trip is approximately 2 months away even today. Anyways, 60 days are more than enough time to request time off work if that is what he intends to do.

You still didn't answer my question.

She told him it was 2 months away after she had concluded the arrangements without him knowing
Now there is a problem ......husband can not travel to be with the children due to circumstances that can not be resolved now

baralatie:
■ She told him it was 2 months away after she had concluded the arrangements without him knowing
■ Now there is a problem ......husband can not travel to be with the children due to circumstances that can not be resolved now

1. If she had told him before she pushed the button to register for the course, would or should it have changed anything about the fact that she wanted to take the course this year or something?

2. That is not a problem but a situation you are pretending needs to be created is all. They are both in Europe meaning they can get a nanny service to care for the kids and have 2 months to do that ahead of time. so?

Again, if you as a man were given the same terms as this man has given his wife here, would you also be willing to put off your plans for a whole year when you know that getting a nanny or someone to watch the kids for a week would suffice?

Kobojunkie:
1. If she had told him before she pushed the button to register for the course, would or should it have changed anything about the fact that she wanted to take the course this year or something?

2. That is not a problem but a situation you are pretending needs to be created is all. They are both in Europe meaning they can get a nanny service to care for the kids and have 2 months to do that ahead of time. so?

Again, if you as a man were given the same terms as this man has given his wife here, would you also be willing to put off your plans for a whole year when you know that getting a nanny or someone to watch the kids for a week would suffice?

If she knew before hand that the husband would be available during the classes this year.would it help her in making a right decision before commiting such huge resources

baralatie:
■ If she knew before hand that the husband would be available during the classes this year.would it help her in making a right decision before commiting such huge resources

1. What huge resources are you accusing her of committing to what? And what right decision are you inferring here?

Kobojunkie:
1. What huge resources are you accusing her of committing to what? And what right decision are you inferring here?

Prior to the time of her enrolling for the foreign training did she envisage that the husband had issues that would be a problem?

baralatie:
■ Prior to the time of her enrolling for the foreign training did she envisage that the husband had issues that would be a problem?

1. Issues like?

Kobojunkie:
1. Issues like?

We should ask the op!

baralatie:
■We should ask the op!

1. So you assume issues where none was indicated? There is no need to try to make a mountain out of a mole-hill abeg!