EriMma1:


According to him the woman is making up the 40k he gives her from her own purse. So she already shares in the upkeep therefore it still makes sense appreciate with a token her with a token. No matter how small, it's something.

There's this joy when your husband dash you money. It gives one this sense of assurance.

Mind you, some men that complain they don't have money will still go outside and be dashing small small girls money. So if dash your wife too, no biggies.

There's this joy when your wife dash you money. Abi men no need joy?

Even if she earns millions, my friend give her full allowance. That's what makes you the head of the family.

Iamzik:


There's this joy when your wife dash you money. Abi men no need joy?

Yes a woman can dash her man money. Nothing dey there. It's you men that are making it look like it's an abomination for a man to gift his wife money.

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting.

My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough.

I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get.

She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food.

Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about.

It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours.

My income is more than hers though.

Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

This is not your story , you should've acknowledge where you got it from.

This is Mummy Mel story from Facebook.

Kobojunkie:
1. If the man is willing to renegotiate his role as a traditional husband in the marriage, then fine. Otherwise, there is nothing wrong with her continuing as a traditional wife in her marriage.

it is well Traditional man 😁😁😁

I de ontop this table...

EriMma1:


Yes a woman can dash her man money. Nothing dey there. It's you men that are making it look like it's an abomination for a man to gift his wife money.

My dear it is not an abomination

Man have been giving women money from time immemorial and they continue to do so. Most men spend all they have on family - wife, children and relations without complaining but most naija women have this mindset that it is abnormal to bring out money and meet a need in the home.

This is no longer 1970 where women were full house wives. Women need to change that "I am a man's responsibility" mentality.

Kobojunkie:
huh?
No be deception that one be?

Kobojunkie:
1. She works and she makes good money so you are not married to a "liability" yet you want to live as though you are, why?

2. She works and makes good money so you are not married to a "liability" yet you want to live as though you are, why?

Did you know that if you and your wife shared the bills 50-50 or even 60-40, while you are both responsible for the upkeep of your family, it will also help you both make wise decisions for the sake of your marriage and family - number of children you can both handle, how much to put aside as a couple for their future, emergency savings, business investments, etc.?

Don't give a woman condition of 50:50,60:40
Better still,sit her down and tell her reasons to support you in a jovial way, maybe when you take her out, tell her to help you to be handling one thing maybe making sure you have rice(1bag) at home at all times,
When that one go well, still add another thing in a friendly manner, we women are a bit difficult,in not she won't understand it the way you are looking at it

fortunateme:
■ Legally, this is wrong. If she earns she meant to contribute to the family upkeep. Legally.

1. How can it be legally wrong when it is traditionally accepted norm?

MartinsD12:
■ In this case it's different, those men you mentioned might be well to do comfortable,
■ but in op case he is not that comfortable he is a salary earner but his wife earns more than him yet doesn't want to contribute to family upkeep

1. The vast majority of said men live in poverty in today's Nigeria. They chose hypogamy for their sake and are reaping the curse of poverty that goes along with it.

2. OP knows he will likely lose his sit as a god in his marriage if he tells his wife to contribute financially to the upkeep of the marriage and family and that causes panic in many Nigerian men. That is why he is here.

emmanuelewumi:
■ I don't think you are married, I think that is the arrangement with 70% of the marriages. The women are saving and investing their own money, while the men are claiming sole provider. Some of these women will now support when they are in their 50s or when the children will be in the University, I am referring to working class women. They decided to support at this stage because pepper no too dey for the man again. The children will believe their mothers sponsored their university education. Life expectancy in Nigeria is about 55, by that time the men would have died.

Traditional wife blossom be that!

My problem with my money is mine and my husband money is for the home

1. There will be first a silent hate among the couple

2. Quarrell and fight will be the activity for that marriage, even though there is no reason to fight or quarrell

3. The marriage finally crash


4. The kids moves with the mother mostly and start, the woman start carrying full responsibility for those kid, something she fail to commit 40 or 50% during the marriage

5. She talks down about the man because what she see as nothing when the man was doing has now become a nightmare to her

6. She start looking for a new companion and end up with a total scam or psychopath

7. She becomes miserable

do4luv14:
■ it is well Traditional man 😁😁😁

1. Tell OP ooo!

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting.

My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough.

I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get.

She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food.

Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about.

It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours.

My income is more than hers though.

Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

Let her use her own salary.


She's inconsiderate.

These are the things you guys should have discussed when dating

People on nairaland will never seem to amuse me. You earn 6 figures, you also earn 6 figures. All you can give her is for food is 49k. You don't need to tell us how many figures you earn neither do you need to tell us about her income as well. All you need to do is ensure you do well as a man.

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting.

My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough.

I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get.

She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food.

Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about.

It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours.

My income is more than hers though.

Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

Winneygirl:


40k is not enough for feeding and home maintenance. To even cook a decent pot of soup that will last a few days for both of you, at least 5k.
And you both will still eat other meals 2 more times that day.
Just because you bought bag of rice and semo in the house, it doesn't mean that the kitchen is stocked.
It is not an allowance you are giving her. It is meant to run the home. Food is the biggest expense for any family.
Seperate feeding and home maintenance money. You are not 'giving' it to her.
House rent is once a year and you have 12 months to save towards it. You can ask her to contribute monthly from her salary to a seperate account where you contribute the rent money to.
Increase the feeding/home maintenance to 60-70k.
If she wants an allowance, give her something. A lot of women do a lot of unappreciated labour in the house. All the cooking and cleaning multiple times daily, planning and laundry... hosting your guests etc. If you disagree about the allowance, take over the feeding and home maintenance for a week. She should wake up, dress up and sit waiting for breakfast. Then when she returns, food should be on the table waiting for her. After eating, you do all the clean-up. Do all the laundry. Plan every activity. Attend to all your guests and still find time to call both family members to check on them. When you are done with all these, decide whether someone who does all these deserves an allowance or not.
She's your wife. She will not use the money to run another persons home.

So what should her own money be used for?

sonssyo:
■ Don't give a woman condition of 50:50,60:40 Better still,sit her down and tell her reasons to support you in a jovial way, maybe when you take her out, tell her to help you to be handling one thing maybe making sure you have rice(1bag) at home at all times, When that one go well, still add another thing in a friendly manner, we women are a bit difficult,in not she won't understand it the way you are looking at it

1. A woman is not your dummy! You make that mistake, you have pretty much destroyed your own marriage with your own hands.

Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman and if your plan is to switch from the traditional formulae of 100% of responsibility on man to something else, you need to be willing to renegotiate your status as a god in marriage. Else, you are just joking with yourself.

eddynaira125:
■ Why Nairalander was kicking against that institution call marriage we thought they were joking
Immediately you enter you struggle to save, what is the essence of working without saving

For the umpteenth time, Marriage is not the problem. The problem stems from lack of wisdom on the part of those who venture into marriage.

Kobojunkie:
1. A traditional Nigerian man carries 100% of the financial weight in marriage. That is the culture which makes men kings in marriage. So if OP wants to kill himself. Culture sanctions it.

See your head like Culture.

Ancient African men and Kings who carried the whole financial burden had their wives supporting/handling one of their businesses or trade at the market to support the home but in this case she does something else (Salary Job) she is supposed to support as an African Woman.

Dumbass, No Brain at all, Na to type like Bot na you sabi.

Spits.

BRATISLAVA:
Magma, where on earth have you been?

Welcome back. I've missed your posts.

I go for maternity leave. 😁


Thank you. 😊

BRATISLAVA:


Calculator brigade. Erimma1 is right. Boys that wail at women and money.

The only thing you see that should be equal in marriage is money. Gold diggers disguised as men looking for equality. Equality in only money and nothing else. There's only one type of man who wants equality in money.

madam, what's your problem? Why do you always pick your feminine side before you talk? Must you be irrational all the time?

OP, please read the story of the couple I shared here. After you do, you should be able to tell whether you have made the right choice of a partner in your marriage. I won't be surprised if one day your wife acquire a piece of land or other properties in her name to claim sole owner while she drains what you need to save for future. With candour, I pray that you build a happy home with that creature you call a wife (please sorry for my use of word here). Please try and open the link to know how to quickly make amend.


https://nigerian1.quora.com/ThrowBack-My-salary-came-yesterday-and-immediately-I-received-alert-I-rushed-to-my-husband-and-asked-him-how-much-he https://nigerian1.quora.com/ThrowBack-My-salary-came-yesterday-and-immediately-I-received-alert-I-rushed-to-my-husband-and-asked-him-how-much-he?ch=15&oid=105618898&share=ef8d8899&srid=zhKB8&target_type=post

Kobojunkie:
1. How can it be legally wrong when it is traditionally accepted norm?

The fact that something is traditionally accepted doesn't make it legal. Traditionally, Ladies don't inherit properties but legally they have equal rights of inheritance with the boys.
Read VAP act

Start a project in your name only...... Make sure the title documents are kept private. Then. Keep building while she take care of the house and all.

limcar:
madam, what's your problem? Why do you always pick your feminine side before you talk? Must you be irrational all the time?

Only an irrational person would look for who to point at as irrational, when 4 fingers are pointing back at him.

When you stop picking your masculine side, even in cases that are clear examples of male idiocy.

[quote author=ahnie post=122226775]Here to read comments and take down notes.

Same here, one thing I learned here, I will this discussion with my potential wife before going to d altar. This look like witchcraft to me... 😂

Localordinary:
People on nairaland will never seem to amuse me. You earn 6 figures, you also earn 6 figures. All you can give her is for food is 49k. You don't need to tell us how many figures you earn neither do you need to tell us about her income as well. All you need to do is ensure you do well as a man.

And who said I don't do well? Do I have to mention random shopping I do for her in hundreds of thousands? Do I need to mention other things? We are just two. Did you not see also that I already bought food stuffs at home?

Isabi4lov:


This is not your story , you should've acknowledge where you got it from.

This is Mummy Mel story from Facebook.

It is my story. Circumstances can be similar you know.

Magnoliaa:


I go for maternity leave. 😁


Thank you. 😊

Lol. Nice.

That baby will def make noise here. Eyes open to see it.

fortunateme:
■ The fact that something is traditionally accepted doesn't make it legal. Traditionally, Ladies don't inherit properties but legally they have equal rights of inheritance with the boys.
Read VAP act

1. We are talking here about traditional marriage which is endorsed by Nigerian law.