I'm really not a story teller, but I'll try my best....



Well, as the title goes. it's has very really been easy turning 18.
All my life I've known nothing but struggle, working for everything I need, I know that's the normal around here, but sometimes I just want to sit back and relax, I just want to close my eyes knowing that everything and everyone around me is fine.


I grew up without a father figure, my parents separated when I was still very little. I don't know why, but that doesn't really bother me, or atleast for now. I have never really felt like I was missing something while growing up, instead I have taken it upon myself to be the father to my siblings that my father never was. I have a Wonderful Mother, she has always been there for us all, sometimes I look at her and wonder if she's truly my mother, because I'm not half as strong as she is, she never stops she never gets tired, and I really wonder how she was able to raise me and my four sisters up till this stage. I look her and I don't want to give up anymore, in short, she's my motivation.


From that innocent, quite and introverted boy from Port Harcourt, I travelled, and a lot changed. First I moved to Anambra State to live with my grandfather, stayed in Anambra for five years, which exactly didn't feel like it, because it really took me along time to adjust, adapt and blend in. I finished my secondary school in Anambra State, between my five years of staying in the state, a lot happened.
With the condition of my grandfather at that time, my mom, my siblings, the way we lived, I just didn't feel comfortable with any of it. We have always had support from Uncle John, My Mothers brother, He has been like the backbone of the family.
I started working, the first job I ever did was bricklayer and I was only like 14 or so and was in SS1, Damn! the memory is still so fresh in my head. at that point the only thing going through my head was money, how to get money, provide for my family and everyone would be happy. I did a couple more jobs, I worked in a poultry, I worked in a company, I served drinks at occasions, I painted, I cut hair and other things I still can't remember.
I don't mean to bore you with my stories, but I just want you to know the journey.



Back in Port Harcourt after my grandfather died, and still on the life of struggling, I work in at a Barbers Shop and I stay with my Mom and three sisters.
March, made is a year now since I have been on this job and I can't seem to see myself going anywhere with it I really can't see the future getting any better with this job, I feel the need for a change, urgently!
it has been paying the bills and providing the food, but it's beyond that for me.
After I finished my secondary school and started working fully, I saw the world from a different lens, I saw it for the harsh and wicked place it really was. I tried to stand out, looking at the family I come from, I really tried to convince myself that I could make a difference.
Now I'm 18 and everything seems so rough and it seems like it can never get better.
I am slowly turning into something I can't comprehend, I see myself doing things I said or thought I would never do.
I'm slowly losing it


Everyday just feels the same, really starting to question my existence.
I'm so bleeped up, in ways I can't explain.
I don't know how to keep my promise, yet I keep making promises.
I can't see the future, and that makes it so hard to keep going when the present time isn't encouraging.
I really don't know what I'm not doing right, I'm over thinking everything but still can't come up with a solution.
What I really want I can't get, I'm forced to live in a place full of endless suffering and pain. being around people who's dreams has been shattered, twisted minds and different ideologies.
I really want to see things from a different prospective, but it doesn't change what already is. Things would always remain the same because we keep doing the same thing over and over again.
I really can't help but feel inferior, I mean is there something I'm just
not doing right? what mistakes are my making? what I'm I ignoring? I'm I confused?



I also feel the need to really find myself.
I feel lost in the harsh society, where we are made to work all night and day without rest.
I really need to search deep down and figure out my true potentials.

I don't know if I sound funny or unreasonable, but that's just how I feel

Try 29 - 30.

Then 40, 50, ......

Omo, life is full of challenges. No stage after childhood is easy.

Learn to live life one day at a time. Live within your means, make plans for the future and achieve the ones that are achievable. Try not to compare your life with anyone cos we all have challenges. Forget about what you see on social media, life is hard for most people bro. I wish you all the best.

The only problem u have is not having a father to guide and provide for u. Now that u are 18 and the only son,u need to relocate and find ur niche away from bad cliques,untrustworthy people and gangs of at shades.

Your siblings can't lose u for any thing,remember they can't bear it either. Not having a father in ur life does not mean u can't make it in life nor get ur parents out of this gory poverty,u can!

Many rich men that i have read about today have had their both parents died when they were little children and today,they have turned their lives around for good,u can do alot to change your family condition only if u believe. There is actually a reason why things happen the way they do.

My story is something that is not similar but for a fact,is something that if I look back today,I just rejoice and thank God for who i am. It has always been a life of hustle and bustle and I thank God almighty,that I made it today.

With determination and focus,u can do well for yourself. Avoid bad friends especially those who belong to different cult groups,believe in yourself that u can make it and work towards it. Let picture of your family be the reason why u need to make it in this wicked world.

PeeboyDmx:
Back in Port Harcourt after my grandfather died, and still on the life of struggling, I work in at a Barbers Shop and I stay with my Mom and three sisters.March, made is a year now since I have been on this job and I can't seem to see myself going anywhere with it I really can't see the future getting any better with this job, I feel the need for a change, urgently! it has been paying the bills and providing the food, but it's beyond that for me.
After I finished my secondary school and started working fully, I saw the world from a different lens, I saw it for the harsh and wicked place it really was. I tried to stand out, looking at the family I come from, I really tried to convince myself that I could make a difference. Now I'm 18 and everything seems so rough and it seems like it can never get better. I am slowly turning into something I can't comprehend, I see myself doing things I said or thought I would never do.I'm slowly losing it

Everyday just feels the same, really starting to question my existence. I'm so bleeped up, in ways I can't explain. I don't know how to keep my promise, yet I keep making promises. I can't see the future, and that makes it so hard to keep going when the present time isn't encouraging. I really don't know what I'm not doing right, I'm over thinking everything but still can't come up with a solution. What I really want I can't get, I'm forced to live in a place full of endless suffering and pain. being around people who's dreams has been shattered, twisted minds and different ideologies. I really want to see things from a different prospective, but it doesn't change what already is. Things would always remain the same because we keep doing the same thing over and over again.
I really can't help but feel inferior, I mean is there something I'm just not doing right? what mistakes are my making? what I'm I ignoring? I'm I confused?

I also feel the need to really find myself. I feel lost in the harsh society, where we are made to work all night and day without rest. I really need to search deep down and figure out my true potentials. I don't know if I sound funny or unreasonable, but that's just how I feel

You are only 18 so I guess I should ask why you feel it is your place to mind society's business for it and why you think carrying the world on your shoulder is the way to go about your own life?

■ You can't see the future because there you currently lack focus. Find one by reading books, and learning new ideas different from the ones you have always known or have been surrounded with.
■ You feel inferior probably because all that worry and overthinking is driving you into depression. Read books, and work on changing your mindset. Rather than trying to see how it all somehow impacts, just see it all for what it is, and nothing more.
■ Keep your mind occupied; start a new hobby. An easy one is gardening or sack gardening. You can maybe start in your backyard or work with sacks or buckets/containers. Plant vegetables, trees or even flowers and tend to them regularly. Commit to the process even as you make changes to your life here and there. And watch how your perception and perception of life and self slowly changes.

Kobojunkiee:
You are only 18 so I guess I should ask why you feel it is your place to mind society's business for it and why you think carrying the world on your shoulder is the way to go about your own life?

■ You can't see the future because there you currently lack focus. Find one by reading books, and learning new ideas different from the ones you have always known or have been surrounded with.
■ You feel inferior probably because all that worry and overthinking is driving you into depression. Read books, and work on changing your mindset. Rather than trying to see how it all somehow impacts, just see it all for what it is, and nothing more.
■ Keep your mind occupied; start a new hobby. An easy one is gardening or sack gardening. You can maybe start in your backyard or work with sacks or buckets/containers. Plant vegetables, trees or even flowers and tend to them regularly. Commit to the process even as you make changes to your life here and there. And watch how your perception and perception of life and self slowly changes.

Good Advice, I agree to everything you've said.

How do I do things, like how do I move on and focus on other things when I don't have to means to?
I've only known how to survive, nothing more and I feel like getting enough money is all that is needed

PeeboyDmx:
■Good Advice, I agree to everything you've said.How do I do things, like how do I move on and focus on other things when I don't have to means to?
I've only known how to survive, nothing more and I feel like getting enough money is all that is needed

Start with one, and then do the next and then the next.