In resolving Relationship and Marriage conflict, the goal is, not to talk endlessly nor simply to vent frustrations, but to resolve the problem. You should seek to determine a plan of action whereby the problem will be resolved without scattering your relationship.
Do the Following:

A. *Compromise and Overlook Differences of Viewpoint, Where Possible*.
1 Corinthians 13:4 says that- *Love suffers long and is kind. Love is not selfish*.
Every couple will find in one another characteristics that we would like to change but cannot. Sin must not be overlooked, but if there is no sin and the person just does things we don't like, then love will not push personal desires to the point of separation or Divorce. Learn to overlook these matters without bitterness.

Romans 14 - Even some spiritual decisions are matters of personal opinion, not matters of sin. If you cannot prove your spouse has committed sin, do not imply he/she has been guilty.
James 3:14-18; Matthew 5:9; Romans 12:17-21; 1 Peter 3:11 - Sincerely seek a peaceable resolution to the problem. We should want the conflict to end, even if we have to give up our own desires to achieve it.
In some matters, there may be give and take - compromise. As long as no Bible conviction is violated, seek a middle-ground solution. "I'll give in here, if you'll give in there." Or, "Let's do it your way this time, and then next time we'll do it my way."

Remember to consider ways you can become involved and help your spouse do a job better, instead of just sitting back and criticizing. Perhaps, in some matter, you will end up each going separate ways and doing separate things. [Acts 15:36-40]
However, if one has been guilty of sin, then another approach must be taken.


B. Repent of Sin.
2 Corinthians 7:10; Acts 8:22 - If one or both have sinned, the Bible says to repent and pray for forgiveness. Why should sins in the family be any different?
Repentance is a decision and commitment to change. We must recognize we have been wrong and agree to do right. If sin is the cause of our problems, we will never correct our marriage until we repent. [Luke 13:3; Acts 17:30; 2 Pet. 3:9]


C. Apologize for Sin (Confess It).
Luke 17:3,4 - If we have sinned, we must say, "I repent." Sometimes we realize we were wrong, but we don't want to admit it. Until we do so, those whom we have wronged cannot know we have repented.
Matthew 5:23,24 - When we have wronged someone, we must go to them and make it right, or God will not accept our worship. Have you made right the wrongs you have done to your family?

James 5:16 - We must confess our sins one to another. Sometimes the most difficult people to apologize to are the ones closest to us. We think if we admit error, they will lose respect for us. This is simply pride. But love is not puffed up (1 Cor. 13:4).
Proverbs 28:13 - He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.

Be specific. Don't minimize, make excuses, blame shift, or recriminate. Don't say, "I made a mistake, but look what you did!" Even if you are convinced your spouse is wrong too, honestly admit your own error and correct it first. Don't try to save face. Don't demand that others forgive you and instruct them on how they ought to treat you. Just humbly apologize. Then later, perhaps at some other time, discuss the errors you believe they need to correct.

D. *Pray for Forgiveness*.
Acts 8:22 - Peter told Simon to repent and pray for forgiveness. If we have sinned, we must confess, not just to our companion, but also to God.
1 John 1:9 - He is faithful to forgive us if we confess our sins.
When you have sinned, do you humbly confess it to God and to your spouse? [Matt. 6:12; Psa. 32:5]

E. *Forgive One Another*.
Luke 17:3,4 - When one has sinned against us and confesses, we must forgive, even seven times a day if necessary. Forgiveness is often needed in families. Love forgives as often as is needed.
Colossians 3:13 - We must forgive the way God forgives. How do we want God to forgive us? Do we want Him to say, "I've forgiven you enough already. I don't care how sorry you are or how hard you try, I won't forgive"? Do we want Him to say He forgives, but then keep bringing it up again and using it as a weapon against us?
Illustration: When Indian tribes made peace, they would symbolize it by burying a hatchet (tomahawk). The point was that everybody knew where it was, but nobody would go dig it up and use it to hurt the others. So forgiveness does not mean we are no longer aware the thing happened. It means we will not bring it up again to hurt the other person with it.
Proverbs 10:12 - Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins. How is your family? Do you love one another enough to admit you errors and then to really forgive like you want God to forgive you?
[Matt. 18:21-25; 6:12,14,15; 5:7]


F. *Develop & Carry Out a Plan to Correct the Problem*.
Many problems are deep-rooted, have continued for a long time, or have caused serious harm. Some spouses confess the same old sin over and over, but they never make specific provision to change their conduct. They seem to think that all they need to do is to admit the wrong from time to time!

Proverbs 28:13 - He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy. No matter how often we confess a problem, it is not truly resolved until we change our conduct!
Matthew 21:28-31 - Jesus described a son who did not do what his father said. When he repented, he had to do what he failed to do. When we repent of wrongs, we must work to make sure they are not repeated. For long-standing habits, planning and effort will be needed to change our conduct. [Cf. Eph. 4:25-32; Matt. 12:43-45]

Acts 26:20 - One who repents must bring forth "fruits of repentance" or do "works worthy of repentance" (Luke 3:8-14; Matt. 3:. This includes making sure that we do not repeat the wrong in the future. But it also includes doing what we can to overcome the harm caused by our wrong deeds of the past. [Cf. Ezek. 33:14,15; 1 Sam. 12:3; Philemon. 10-14,18,19; Luke 19:8]
When a couple has long-standing and deep-seated problems, a resolution must include a mutual agreement about what they specifically intend to do differently in the future to change the conduct. They need a specific program or plan of action, perhaps even one that is written down.

Alternative courses of action should be discussed. Ways each spouse can help the other should be agreed upon. Agreements should include exactly what will each partner do differently in the future. Preferably these should be stated in away that allows for progress to be obvious or measurable - it should be evident when the changes are (or are not) being carried out. Then the couple should made specific commitments or promises to one another to carry out these actions.

James 5:12 - But let your "Yes," be "Yes," and your "No," "No." When we make commitments to one another, we must mean what we say and then must carry out our commitments. We must make the changes we promised to make and fulfill the plan of action we agreed upon. [Rom. 1:31,32; 2 Cor. 8:11]


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I am Edward Freedom. I am very passionate about Marriage and family issues. I am called by God to "Rescue and Restore the Families of men Back to God's glory and Praise". My Job is to see you happily married.

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