My parents are always quarrelling and fighting even in their old age. Its heartbreaking because none of us are with them now, we their children are all married and located in different cities, and all we get consistently are calls from either of them complaining bitterly of the other. I get so scared sometimes when i call my mum and she doesnt answer me, i get the feeling that maybe during their quarrel, my father may have hit her or something and i fear the worse. Even vice versa- am so pained that i cant even concentrate at work. We have tried all we can to make them live at peace with each other but to no avail. My mum feels like says if not for us, she would have committed suicide long ago, because the words that they use on each other is so heartbreaking and terrible. Is anybody going through such? I just wonder or is mine unique,

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if you can talk to your mum not to pay attention to your dad when he his angry, your mum should make up your mind that there is nothing your dad will do that will make him angry, is your mum can help in this matter as will all know that average of man are next to goat, talk to your mum more n more

@OP,what do they quarell about?You need to know that before you'd be able to get a permanent solution.

At the meantime,restore peace by seperating them.Take both out of the house,each stays with a different sibling for like 2 weeks,lock up the house.

You do nothing. They've been quarelling before you were born and won't stop till one drops dead. I'd advise you not to take sides. Seems you're more on your mother's side. Don't believe her talk of suicide. Women say all sorts of things to whip up sentiments,support and emotional bias. All her kids are grown up and she's either a grandma or will soon be, so what incentive does she have to kill herself? Abeg, make person hia word. You guys who are the children might also develop marital issues of your own. THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT and not aged parents who are already in the final lap of their existence of earth. Nuff said!

I think you shld talk to ur MOM, at this point in her life she shld cool down for ur dad. if she can come dis far with him and the marriage, then she ought to have master the act of how to handle him by now.

She shld ignore most of his negative words and actions if she still wants to stay with him and if she can no longer cope she shld decide now so they can both live long to eat the fruit of their labor and not cause each other bodily harm.

Can I laugh here ? LoL. At least ur popsi has not turned out to be Arowolo.

Hopefully this violent or abusive behavior will not be replicated in any of your sibling's marriages.

@ OP it might be time for a divorce ? Why not encourage ya parents to get one ? How about couple's therapy ? I wonder what makes people to live miserable lives ? We only live once.

Its surprisingly not an uncommon finding in longlasting marriages,aged people who jst do no longer see eye to eye.Sometimes d flame is rekindled when dey gv each oda a bit of gap,e.g,one or d oda travelling to stay in d village or with d kids(usually d mom).Sometimes dis dosnt work and u all jst av to wish d bad tide will pass on its own(unfortunately,usually does not happen)

harakiri:

You do nothing. They've been quarelling before you were born and won't stop till one drops dead. I'd advise you not to take sides. Seems you're more on your mother's side. Don't believe her talk of suicide. Women say all sorts of things to whip up sentiments,support and emotional bias. All her kids are grown up and she's either a grandma or will soon be, so what incentive does she have to kill herself? Abeg, make person hia word. You guys who are the children might also develop marital issues of your own. THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT and not aged parents who are already in the final lap of their existence of earth. Nuff said!

That is one way of looking at it. However, I think you should provide an excuse to yank your mother from home for like 3 months. Maybe, after having a baby or something like that. That should give both of them the chance to reflect on their relationship and how to stop bickering. However, you might want to consider that your father might just find a new sweetheart whilst your mother is away (especially if he has financial muscle).

maclatunji:

That is one way of looking at it. However, I think you should provide an excuse to yank your mother from home for like 3 months. Maybe, after having a baby or something like that. That should give both of them the chance to reflect on their relationship and how to stop bickering. However, you might want to consider that your father might just find a new sweetheart whilst your mother is away (especially if he has financial muscle).

Bless you, such a thoughtful response, but you're not dealing with reasonable people - trust me the older they get, the less reasonable they become.  Reflect on what? Wetin be "reflect" to them?  Take one away from the other, you will then hear complaints about how he/she misses the other one and then they will start picking a quarrel with you.  People like that can never be satisfied.

@ poster, at some point you become the adult and the parents are like the child, so it's for you to tell them to behave themselves.  Not sure how old your parents are, but you children need to tell them to behave themselves or you're going to put them in the corner facing the wall until they do!  Trust me, they'll sort themselves out for a while before the next argument.  Each time they misbehave, remind them of the impending punishment that awaits them.

While I agree with Chaircover I don't think any of those reasonable questions will do anything other than go over their heads!  Been there done that. The above works, depending on the type of relationship you have with your parents.  I could get away with it, plus it stopped them dead in their tracks 

You will be surprised that this two cannot do without each other. The arguments and fights have now become part of their daily life. They give everybody around them high blood pressure but they remain healthy because this keeps them going. They also know that no one except the both of them will be able to put up with their characters. If you have a brother, tell him to invite dad over for a month or two, and mom should go for a month or two to another siblings house. You will see they will start stalking each other, because the excitement they get is no longer there. Some people have very strange marriages. . If they didnt kill each other 20years ago, trust me they feed off of each others wahala. Both of them are the same. If one dies, the other will follow or start talking about dying.lol.

Seems your mum has not been doing her job.I hope she is not sleeping in another room

pray for them and leave them in the hands of God

The attack is intended against you indirectly to cause you to loose concentration and also
steal your joy.

Bind the spirit of quarreling that is working behind the scene and loose the angels
of God to take control over the house.

Ask that the Peace of God will be enthroned in your house.

Good bless you.

Maybe it is the fight and quarrels still keeping them together?

They are still together after all these years.

I bet you they cannot do without each other.

I can feel what you and your siblings are passing through. I spent the greater % of my life experiencing the same. Have u  ever prayed to God that one of your parents should die so that the children would have  a measure of peace. That was the exact experie

Three days hardly passed by without serious arguments and violently getting physical. Many things in the house were spoilt over the years. We did not record peace until one of them dropped dead. It was a terrible growing up.

Many of us resolved not to marry.

And to many of us (marriage counselors on this group). Never advise people to stay put in their relationships when there are tell tale signs. It is not worth it.  It is worst than hell. The trauma is not explainable.  Better discussed than experienced. Do not marry anyone hoping that  one day you will both overcome shortcomings (whatever the shortcoming is as much as muchit poses something you worry about). Do not manage anyone. Life is so short to experiment with with an issue such as marriage.

Every relationship based on polity of lies and make belief end this way. It will continue until either of them drops dead. Nothing anyone of you can do except prayers. i mean it. It is hell. I wish you and your siblings well. The best thing you can do is to ignore them if you can't make them live separately . You have your lives to live. Only play your God given role by taking care of their basic needs.

we are all witnesses to what happened to the Wigwes( The embattled Nigerian Ambassador)

One moment, they are like the best of lovers. In the twinkle of an eye, hell will let lose. I remember all those cuts/ injuries etc.

The kids having to be roaming about in the dead of the night calling on neighbors for aids.


The Lord is your strength and He will teach you what to do.

@OP

It's Probably the Dad's fault. Men act like that when they are broke. Do you guys send them money?? I bet if you guys send them money they will act right. They won't fight no more because of the fear of losing the money you guys send them. You guys should use money as the bargaining chips for their peace.

How have they managed to stay together for this long, even after all the kids left home? What is the source of the arguments? Try separating them for a few months and see how everything goes. It sounds like they have a complicated relationship - you don't want to meddle too much or they might both band together and then turn against you! I have seen this happen before.

johhnnie:

I can feel what you and your siblings are passing through. I spent the greater % of my life experiencing the same. Have u  ever prayed to God that one of your parents should die so that the children would have  a measure of peace. That was the exact experie

Three days hardly passed by without serious arguments and violently getting physical. Many things in the house were spoilt over the years. We did not record peace until one of them dropped dead. It was a terrible growing up.

Many of us resolved not to marry.

And to many of us (marriage counselors on this group). Never advise people to stay put in their relationships when there are tell tale signs. It is not worth it.  It is worst than hell. The trauma is not explainable.  Better discussed than experienced. Do not marry anyone hoping that  one day you will both overcome shortcomings (whatever the shortcoming is as much as muchit poses something you worry about). Do not manage anyone. Life is so short to experiment with with an issue such as marriage.

Every relationship based on polity of lies and make belief end this way. It will continue until either of them drops dead. Nothing anyone of you can do except prayers. i mean it. It is hell. I wish you and your siblings well. The best thing you can do is to ignore them if you can't make them live separately . You have your lives to live. Only play your God given role by taking care of their basic needs.

we are all witnesses to what happened to the Wigwes( The embattled Nigerian Ambassador)

One moment, they are like the best of lovers. In the twinkle of an eye, hell will let lose. I remember all those cuts/ injuries etc.

The kids having to be roaming about in the dead of the night calling on neighbors for aids.


The Lord is your strength and He will teach you what to do.

i dont think the father has ever beat the mother. This is verbal abuse if i am understanding the OP correctly. And it seems to come from the two of them. . My parents used to argue a lot. And when my mom comes to stay, my father stalks and accuses us of keeping his wife and baby from him.  . They also turn against anyone that interfere in their arguments or take sides. Like they forgot who started the argument. We all just learned to listen and keep quiet. Also tell them that no one is willing to take them permanently if they decide to leave each other, you all have your problems. . Also, all of you the children have to agree to stick to the rule that their grand kids are not allowed to stay in their house if they keep fighting. So it is best they both learn to stop arguing. That will stop them for some months because they have no support, cant see the grand kids and no where to go if they misbehave.

Are they recent empty nesters. It could be tat with all the children gone now they are starting to irritate each other since there is no one else to focus on. A vacation is not a bad idea. Old people's problems are something else. They get to a certain point that the roles reverse. You will now have to be the one scolding them

2mch:

[b]You will be surprised that this two cannot do without each other. The arguments and fights have now become part of their daily life. They give everybody around them high blood pressure but they remain healthy because this keeps them going. They also know that no one except the both of them will be able to put up with their characters. [/b]If you have a brother, tell him to invite dad over for a month or two, and mom should go for a month or two to another siblings house. You will see they will start stalking each other, because the excitement they get is no longer there. Some people have very strange marriages. . If they didnt kill each other 20years ago, trust me they feed off of each others wahala. Both of them are the same. If one dies, the other will follow or start talking about dying.lol.

CORRECT.

@ OP why are so quick to criticize your father.

You should find time to talk to them.

harakiri:

You do nothing. They've been quarelling before you were born and won't stop till one drops dead. I'd advise you not to take sides. Seems you're more on your mother's side. Don't believe her talk of suicide. Women say all sorts of things to whip up sentiments,support and emotional bias. All her kids are grown up and she's either a grandma or will soon be, so what incentive does she have to kill herself? Abeg, make person hia word. You guys who are the children might also develop marital issues of your own. THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT and not aged parents who are already in the final lap of their existence of earth. Nuff said!

I agree with this post. In addition the OP should not take sides as she appears to be doing.

relax em`[img]http://2.s07.flagcounter.com/count/DymW/bg=E6E6E5/txt=E6E6E5/border=E6E6E5/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=0/[/img]
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ignore them, and dont side ur mother, be neutral.

lullabi:

My parents are always quarrelling and fighting even in their old age. Its heartbreaking because none of us are with them now, we their children are all married and located in different cities, and all we get consistently are calls from either of them complaining bitterly of the other. I get so scared sometimes when i call my mum and she doesnt answer me, i get the feeling that maybe during their quarrel, my father may have hit her or something and i fear the worse. Even vice versa- am so pained that i cant even concentrate at work. We have tried all we can to make them live at peace with each other but to no avail. My mum feels like says if not for us, she would have committed suicide long ago, because the words that they use on each other is so heartbreaking and terrible. Is anybody going through such? I just wonder or is mine unique,

My take on this is that, if they are calling you the children to complain to you instead of the elderly relatives, y'all must have been a close knit fun family when growing up, so rather than seperate them, you children should take turns to invite them both over to your crib when they are on good terms, say for like a week, and then arrange to take them out to stuffs like dinner, movies, all hang out with each other, etc.


And if you are feeling mischievous, invite them over when they are squabbling and when they get to your house, lay down some firm ground rules for them like naughty kids and spell out some consequences if they abuse your authority (afterall they handed you the baton). You could suggest punishments like facing the wall like someone mentioned too, or banish them to the naughty steps


I have this Aunt that i tease a lot when she has had a fight with her husband, sometimes i would say "you sef, shebi you said you would dump him and pack out once the kids are grown, so why are you now complaining instead" or tell her "shebi you said you don't want to leave him now cos people would say it is because he has no money, now why haven't you left since he is now rich" which makes her melt and her anger dissipates and she bursts out laughing, saying abeg don't let him hear that oh i was not serious when i said it


I have equally faced the Husband too and said "i am going to come and use my own two hands to pack out Aunty Lagbaja's stuffs out of your house myself if i hear any more nonsense behaviour from you" and this jolts him to his senses too and makes them see how silly they have been


If they really wanted to call it quits, they would instead seek the counsel of the Family Elders, so just find out what their interests and hobbies are and help them recreate some of this Wish you the best of luck too.

Do not take sides.

If you ask them to part ways they will probably not, they love eachother just that it is one kin love.

If all fails separate the 2 fighting

Let each live alone for a while and see the effect of boredom & loneliness  no need to ask them to live with you they

may quarrel with the sofa and get too comfortable.

They will sort eachother out face your family they are not babies.

p.s avoid your kids spending time with them when they are together least,

Inivite your mother to come help you school your kid the old school way or to come make agbo for your children  #


or sponsor your dad to Israel or is it Jerusalem for pilgrimage  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFUmMn8fRro
invite them and let them do what is in the video
lol jokes apart, they cant do without eachother! if they stay apart for one month, u go see as papa go chilala they stalk mama, mama self, go kan dey do sakara dey flex body like say she no miss papa
trust me, no qualms!

It's no laughing matter but some of you Nlders can kill one with laughter,how do you start telling your parents to go to the naughty corner??

Freesia:

It's no laughing matter but some of you Nlders can kill one with laughter,how do you start telling your parents to go to the naughty corner??

And when they refuse to grow up nko

[/quote][quote author=2mch link=topic=770148.msg9237557#msg9237557 date=1317220259]
You will be surprised that this two cannot do without each other. The arguments and fights have now become part of their daily life. They give everybody around them high blood pressure but they remain healthy because this keeps them going. They also know that no one except the both of them will be able to put up with their characters. If you have a brother, tell him to invite dad over for a month or two, and mom should go for a month or two to another siblings house. You will see they will start stalking each other, because the excitement they get is no longer there. Some people have very strange marriages. . If they didnt kill each other 20years ago, trust me they feed off of each others wahala. Both of them are the same. If one dies, the other will follow or start talking about dying.lol.

U just wan kill me with laugh but u spoke my mind, lol

take them to different old peoples home,that will make them relax