MAN AND THE BURDEN OF FAMILYHOOD

By:
Ajukura, Fidelis O.
ajukurafidelisobi@gmail.com
6th June, 2023

'To be a man is not a day's job'. Being handsome and muscular does not qualify one to be called a man. A man is simply an adult male human who knows what to do at the right time. A man is one governed by moral instructions and commands. Also, a man is not one who acts out of impulse or emotion but one who carefully weighs or thinks
about his intended action before carrying it out.

Being a man appears to be the most amazing and exciting thing because of the power and authority associated with it. Man is the head of the family and also the sole provider of the family. By virtue of this position, everybody within the family respects him.

Man is saddled with myriad of responsibilities: he is not only to provide for his family, he is to protect the family even if it means laying down his own life. Isn't this wonderful? Man makes sure that all the bills in the home is paid. It is an anomaly for the woman to carry this burden. A woman can support her husband by making the burden lighter for him but certainly not to carry the entire burden. This is why the Bible describes a woman as a 'help meet'. This phrase, 'help meet' means 'a helper fit or suitable for him (man).

Because nature has designed men to be physically stronger than women, it becomes an aberration for an able bodied man to depend on his wife for survival. The Bible, in this regard reminds us that 'a man that is not capable of providing for his family is worse than an infidel'. Whatever be the case, a man is expected to live up to his responsibilities - provide for his family.

Man is a being condemned to struggle. Under the sun or in the rain, he must toil or work in order to make his family comfortable. Men deny themselves the basic comfort of life so their families can be happy. I know a man who hardly eats lunch in his place of work just to be able to provide dinner for his family. That men are buried in the ground as miners, die in battle fields etc are typical examples of how men sacrifice their lives for the sustenance and survival of their families.

Men are subjected to more suffering in societies with wretched or abysmal economic conditions. In such situation people, especially men work like elephant and eat like ant. Here, they get lost or drowned in the struggle to fend for their families. In Nigeria, many men have, in the attempt to provide for their families completely forgotten about themselves - they turn blind eye to the most basic or elementary needs like; underwears, clothes, cream, footwear etc. With the rising cost of living, a bottle of mineral has become a luxury that many men cannot afford. Whenever he receives or gets money, it disappears or gets swallowed up in the family pot without a trace. This situation has compelled many men into becoming chronic debtors. Despite the challenge of being thrown into the life of endless struggle, man is confronted with the problem of stiff societal standards or expectations. It is in this way that society cripples and precipitates him into unnecessary competition. In this regard, he is expected to live up to the expectations of the society. For example, he is expected to do all the things the society flings at him like; visiting home regularly (if he lives outside) and pay every dues and levies imposed on him by the larger family without considering whether he has the money or not. But the most frustrating challenge before a man is having an unreasonable wife. Having an unreasonable wife is one of the greatest evils that can befall a man. While a reasonable or wise wife clothes or covers her husband's unclothedness, an unreasonable wife strips her husband naked in the market square. The actions of an unreasonable wife throws her husband deeper into the abyss. An unreasonable wife is unappreciative and does not recognize her husband's effort. A certain unreasonable woman never appreciated the efforts of her struggling husband till the man died. Few days after the man's demise, when feeding and others have become irredeemably difficult, she realized that the tree providing shade or cover for her and her children had disappeared. A year after, she and her children relocated to the village following her inability to pay the house rent. In the village, it didn't take long before she withered like a plant and died. Women must learn to appreciate their husbands because of the troubles they go through in order to provide for their families.

The burden on men when it comes to providing for their families has become so enormous such that they have become endangered specie. This is why World Popular Review (2019) pegged the life expectancy for Nigerian men at 53.6 years and women at 55.3 years. The reality of this report is that men, particularly in hunger and poverty stricken societies like Nigeria are likely to die before the women.

It is our prayer that the new government in our dear beloved country will make men's burden lighter by initiating people oriented laws, policies and programs.

How many men are doing their family responsibilities nowadays? Most family responsibilities have been shifted to the mother, that is why most people will say their mum came first before their dad. And some even claimed they don't owe their father anything.

Here for the comments.

Only a foolish man will leave his fulfilled life to go labour for an ingrate till he drops dead in the name of "responsibility".

If "responsibility" is carrying another adult's load then what term can be used to qualify that other adult?



Answer: Irredeemably irresponsible.
Women are irredeemably irresponsible.

Man is only a victim of his own mind and the society.

No man owes any woman any responsibility, especially in this time and age when both men and women have equal opportunities to sources of livelihood. In fact, women even have more opportunities these days.

If it were during the stone age when life depended more on brawn than brain, it'll be understandable why men should assume that position of "provider". But now, the brain is the major source of livelihood and women are not at any disadvantage in that regard. Therefore, they can "provide" as much as men do.

In a nutshell, we have to stop heaping all the responsibilities of "provision" on the menfolk. After all, improvements in medical sciences have lessened the pains of childbearing for women as they now use CS and other medical procedures to birth children with little or no pains. So, it is no longer a case of God's curse on Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden.

What am I saying? Stop cajoling men into subjecting themselves to untold hardship all in a bid to conform with your expectations of what a man should be or not.

This is me trying not to sugarcoat reality but say it the way it is.