| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Greatdober: 2:36pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Bro, you have to do what you have to do..
Cause at the end, if you don't make it..
You'll have yourself to blame and sadly your parents might be too old to take the blame and you'll suffer alone.
Don't end up being that poor uncle that's below everyone in the family.
Step up, man up..
If the job is worth it go for it, from there sweet opportunity fit turn up sef..
Forget the empty threats,family doesn't back out on their own..
Even a murderer mama and papa still dey accept their pikin if him come back house..
E come be you wey dey find legit way to make a living.
You're not working from home, your best bet to actually make it is if you step out there, your parents have lived there lives to the fullest, don't allow their insecurities subdue your growth, their intentions might be good but that doesn't mean that it's the best for you.
Do what's right and be careful, once you survive on your own for like 3 months, their respect for you go shoot like rocket.
Stay safe man ,life ain't easy 2 Likes |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by dauntless15(m): 2:49pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
DestinedForGrea:
Hello everyone.
Please I need an urgent advice from the mature minds here. I'm about to take a decision that has the potential to change the course of my life.
A quick background:
I come from a family consisting of five "children", of which I'm the fourth. Right from the days of my childhood, my parents and older siblings have had a firm control over me. They often dictated the friends I'd keep, placed I'd go to, where I should be, and almost how I should behave.
I was mostly indoors because they didn't want me playing around. That had an impact on my personality, because I couldn't master the ability to make friends, express myself confidently, and get involved in social activities that my peers relished.
Fastforward to this point:
I'm in my late 20s, a graduate and an NYSC cert holder, and although the level of control has been minimized, I still experience a bit of it. I don't have a place of my own for now, so I stay in the family house, but my older ones are independent in that aspect though they don't stay far from the family house.
I have a job too, but the salary is not even enough to take care of myself and support the home for a week.
Now here's the issue, I got a job offer from someone I served with during my NYSC, in a state about 8 hours from my current state of residence. It's the same job with the one I'm on right now (a teaching job) but with a slightly better payment return.
The person has a good relationship with the principal of the school, so according to him, the job is secure. I had to accept it because I'm tired of my current situation, and I'm tired of the life I'm living here -- my social life is next to zero, I don't have friends close by, I'm not socially active, and I need to explore. With my little savings, I plan to get an apartment as cheap as possible when I get there.
The problem is everyone is kicking against , because they're concerned about my safety, how I'm going to cope alone in this harsh economy. They've told me that if I decide to leave against their wish, that I'll be on my own and won't get their hands involved if anything goes wrong.
At the moment, I'm thinking of standing my ground and sticking to my decision, because I'm depressed from being in this environment, but I'm a bit afraid of my family cutting ties with me.
Please any advice? I really need some right now.
Thanks! Listening to advice and motivational speakers is awesome but always do what's best for you after you access your willpower & what you're capable of, your prospects and endurance, coupled with street smartness, cuz if they motivate you finish and you jump enter fire you'll feel the heat alone, you go drink garri alone, nobody go epp you not even those who told you to fly, they won't catch you when gravity hits cuz anything wey go up must go down, and u can't outdo gravity, las las they'll stop picking your calls too, no one associates with failure, discomfort or burden, especially when you're struggling with nothing to offer, some left home at 20 and came back at 50 empty handed, be guided!! 1 Like |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by benzion72(m): 2:51pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Man always crave independence it is inherent in us. But nobody can love you as much as your family. If it is another job you got I will advise you to go but private schools teaching is no job. Listen to the voice of reason |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by sammiewrite(m): 2:52pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Nairaland is one of the poorest places to turn to for advice. Too many kids who don't have actual life experience, and don't have the discernment to know which topics to comment on and which ones to avoid.
Leave comfort zone, leave comfort zone - how many people have left their comfort zones and still have not made it? Kids mouthing off what they heard and motivating people into their doom.
OP they have motivated you. Oya leave your comfort zone. When you pay rent for one year, you will learn to choose between freedom and PROTECTION and family SUPPORT.
No one is saying you shouldn't "explore" but your current situation doesn't support that. You're going to take a teaching job with no job security and whose pay can barely sustain you in this hyperinflation economy that we're faced with.
If you ask me, I'll say stay back and learn a skill (digital or technical) with a clear career path, with some job security, good pay, and one where you can’t easily be replaced.
At this stage of your life, you should be more concerned about STABILITY and SUSTAINABILITY, and not freedom or adventure or socialisation. 1 Like |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Mhizzard(m): 2:52pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Late 20s never marry |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by BarrElChapo(m): 2:56pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
DestinedForGrea:
Hello everyone.
Please I need an urgent advice from the mature minds here. I'm about to take a decision that has the potential to change the course of my life.
A quick background:
I come from a family consisting of five "children", of which I'm the fourth. Right from the days of my childhood, my parents and older siblings have had a firm control over me. They often dictated the friends I'd keep, placed I'd go to, where I should be, and almost how I should behave.
I was mostly indoors because they didn't want me playing around. That had an impact on my personality, because I couldn't master the ability to make friends, express myself confidently, and get involved in social activities that my peers relished.
Fastforward to this point:
I'm in my late 20s, a graduate and an NYSC cert holder, and although the level of control has been minimized, I still experience a bit of it. I don't have a place of my own for now, so I stay in the family house, but my older ones are independent in that aspect though they don't stay far from the family house.
I have a job too, but the salary is not even enough to take care of myself and support the home for a week.
Now here's the issue, I got a job offer from someone I served with during my NYSC, in a state about 8 hours from my current state of residence. It's the same job with the one I'm on right now (a teaching job) but with a slightly better payment return.
The person has a good relationship with the principal of the school, so according to him, the job is secure. I had to accept it because I'm tired of my current situation, and I'm tired of the life I'm living here -- my social life is next to zero, I don't have friends close by, I'm not socially active, and I need to explore. With my little savings, I plan to get an apartment as cheap as possible when I get there.
The problem is everyone is kicking against , because they're concerned about my safety, how I'm going to cope alone in this harsh economy. They've told me that if I decide to leave against their wish, that I'll be on my own and won't get their hands involved if anything goes wrong.
At the moment, I'm thinking of standing my ground and sticking to my decision, because I'm depressed from being in this environment, but I'm a bit afraid of my family cutting ties with me.
Please any advice? I really need some right now.
Thanks! If you're a man, go it would be important for your growth and development in dealing with life's challenges. If you're a woman/lady well I would advise you to stay back. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Owopariola007: 3:16pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
DestinedForGrea:
Hello everyone.
Please I need an urgent advice from the mature minds here. I'm about to take a decision that has the potential to change the course of my life.
A quick background:
I come from a family consisting of five "children", of which I'm the fourth. Right from the days of my childhood, my parents and older siblings have had a firm control over me. They often dictated the friends I'd keep, placed I'd go to, where I should be, and almost how I should behave.
I was mostly indoors because they didn't want me playing around. That had an impact on my personality, because I couldn't master the ability to make friends, express myself confidently, and get involved in social activities that my peers relished.
Fastforward to this point:
I'm in my late 20s, a graduate and an NYSC cert holder, and although the level of control has been minimized, I still experience a bit of it. I don't have a place of my own for now, so I stay in the family house, but my older ones are independent in that aspect though they don't stay far from the family house.
I have a job too, but the salary is not even enough to take care of myself and support the home for a week.
Now here's the issue, I got a job offer from someone I served with during my NYSC, in a state about 8 hours from my current state of residence. It's the same job with the one I'm on right now (a teaching job) but with a slightly better payment return.
The person has a good relationship with the principal of the school, so according to him, the job is secure. I had to accept it because I'm tired of my current situation, and I'm tired of the life I'm living here -- my social life is next to zero, I don't have friends close by, I'm not socially active, and I need to explore. With my little savings, I plan to get an apartment as cheap as possible when I get there.
The problem is everyone is kicking against , because they're concerned about my safety, how I'm going to cope alone in this harsh economy. They've told me that if I decide to leave against their wish, I'll be on my own and won't get their hands involved if anything goes wrong.
At the moment, I'm thinking of standing my ground and sticking to my decision, because I'm depressed from being in this environment, but I'm a bit afraid of my family cutting ties with me.
Please any advice? I really need some right now.
Thanks! Just leave them and do your thing. Even if you fail, you'll be like a prodigal son to them when you come back, and if they truly love you, they will treat you like the Biblical prodigal son. In the end, it's a win-win situation for you. Even girls that get unwanted pregnancy or guys that appear unserious, most of their parents gives them more attention and are ready to make things right for them than the ones doing well. Know that people tend to regret the actions they didn't make more than the ones they made and didn't work out. In the next 5 years when you look back to this moment, which will you regret more, you going out and failing, instead of staying back and failing (worst case scenario)? OR Will you appreciate more, you going out and succeeding instead of staying back and succeeding (best case scenario)? 1 Like |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Biola67: 3:21pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
just Dey play. Family wey suppose reason you to find solution to your life. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Nobody: 3:24pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Sonnobax15:
Travelling is a part of education itself....
Well,just like the saying goes--"Nothing good will ever come to you when you're in your comfort zone".
And that's the bitter truth......If you don't take the bull by the horns now,na when you go don clock 50+ dem go allow you to take decisions on your own?.....
The ball really lies in your court.. True talk my brother. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by 00FFT00(m): 3:28pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
DestinedForGrea:
Hello everyone.
Please I need an urgent advice from the mature minds here. I'm about to take a decision that has the potential to change the course of my life.
A quick background:
I come from a family consisting of five "children", of which I'm the fourth. Right from the days of my childhood, my parents and older siblings have had a firm control over me. They often dictated the friends I'd keep, placed I'd go to, where I should be, and almost how I should behave.
I was mostly indoors because they didn't want me playing around. That had an impact on my personality, because I couldn't master the ability to make friends, express myself confidently, and get involved in social activities that my peers relished.
Fastforward to this point:
I'm in my late 20s, a graduate and an NYSC cert holder, and although the level of control has been minimized, I still experience a bit of it. I don't have a place of my own for now, so I stay in the family house, but my older ones are independent in that aspect though they don't stay far from the family house.
I have a job too, but the salary is not even enough to take care of myself and support the home for a week.
Now here's the issue, I got a job offer from someone I served with during my NYSC, in a state about 8 hours from my current state of residence. It's the same job with the one I'm on right now (a teaching job) but with a slightly better payment return.
The person has a good relationship with the principal of the school, so according to him, the job is secure. I had to accept it because I'm tired of my current situation, and I'm tired of the life I'm living here -- my social life is next to zero, I don't have friends close by, I'm not socially active, and I need to explore. With my little savings, I plan to get an apartment as cheap as possible when I get there.
The problem is everyone is kicking against , because they're concerned about my safety, how I'm going to cope alone in this harsh economy. They've told me that if I decide to leave against their wish, that I'll be on my own and won't get their hands involved if anything goes wrong.
At the moment, I'm thinking of standing my ground and sticking to my decision, because I'm depressed from being in this environment, but I'm a bit afraid of my family cutting ties with me.
Please any advice? I really need some right now.
Thanks! A human telling is you what to do with your life while you have your own desire?. Which one of them shared the womb with you while you are in that space?. Which is going to share the grave with you or die on your behalf?. Now, do you understand?. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by pharmaking: 3:39pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
I mean no harm bro, but when do u want to become a man?
Again, i mean no insult.
Break off and face life.
Do you think any woman will like mummy's boy?
For one to succeed atimes, u need yo leave your father's house. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Quebec91(m): 3:44pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Word Nebes:
Exploring is good but nothing can compare to the security and support of a loving family. If deep down you know that your people love you, then please stay at home and continue making your little savings. Other opportunities that will not require you to go against your family, exhaust your savings and start suffering for nothing will come.
In this my little life I've explored oh! But success is sweeter when you succeed by defying wicked people. If you know your people are not wicked please listen to them at this time. There's really no hurry. Some are already 50yrs with nothing even after leaving home at 25. 1 Like |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Quebec91(m): 3:44pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
 DenreleDave:
Before I can advise you, Are you a pinis or a Virginia? |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Lindajames1010: 4:02pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
I'm looking for a job
Qualification: BSc
Location: abuja |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by LtChisom: 4:04pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
DestinedForGrea:
Hello everyone.
Please I need an urgent advice from the mature minds here. I'm about to take a decision that has the potential to change the course of my life.
A quick background:
I come from a family consisting of five "children", of which I'm the fourth. Right from the days of my childhood, my parents and older siblings have had a firm control over me. They often dictated the friends I'd keep, placed I'd go to, where I should be, and almost how I should behave.
I was mostly indoors because they didn't want me playing around. That had an impact on my personality, because I couldn't master the ability to make friends, express myself confidently, and get involved in social activities that my peers relished.
Fastforward to this point:
I'm in my late 20s, a graduate and an NYSC cert holder, and although the level of control has been minimized, I still experience a bit of it. I don't have a place of my own for now, so I stay in the family house, but my older ones are independent in that aspect though they don't stay far from the family house.
I have a job too, but the salary is not even enough to take care of myself and support the home for a week.
Now here's the issue, I got a job offer from someone I served with during my NYSC, in a state about 8 hours from my current state of residence. It's the same job with the one I'm on right now (a teaching job) but with a slightly better payment return.
The person has a good relationship with the principal of the school, so according to him, the job is secure. I had to accept it because I'm tired of my current situation, and I'm tired of the life I'm living here -- my social life is next to zero, I don't have friends close by, I'm not socially active, and I need to explore. With my little savings, I plan to get an apartment as cheap as possible when I get there.
The problem is everyone is kicking against , because they're concerned about my safety, how I'm going to cope alone in this harsh economy. They've told me that if I decide to leave against their wish, that I'll be on my own and won't get their hands involved if anything goes wrong.
At the moment, I'm thinking of standing my ground and sticking to my decision, because I'm depressed from being in this environment, but I'm a bit afraid of my family cutting ties with me.
Please any advice? I really need some right now.
Thanks! you will regret if you don't leave. see when you jam hunger, your hustle will unravel but if you keep sampling with your family at that your vantage point, them taking care of you, you may never make any head way in life. defy them and leave, let them not support you, with that mindset that you are on your own, you will see how your orientation to life will change and when you make it, the way your respect go climb, you won't believe it. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by teebillz: 4:08pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Take the risk but make sure to always keep your head up. Make them proud and never get involved in things that are capable of bringing pain, shame and disrepute towards your family. I left home as a teenager(16) and I have been on my own for over 20 years. By 19, I was already a millionaire living in a 3 bedroom apartment and driving a car in Lagos. I am a teetotaler and you won't catch me doing drugs or Olosho. In the midst of all the hustle, I took JAMB and got admission to an Elite federal University in the center of excellence. Today, I give God the Glory for keeping me and making me who I am.
I am the only one I know who has lived on the street, gained so much from the street without a single negative impact. Zero Yahoo, Zero drugs, Zero Alcohol and Zero Oloshism.
Before all these, I had been a homeless guy who frequent night clubs just to pass the night. My story is loud and Inspiring. I will write a book about it someday. I had solid foundation years that has remained unshakable throughout my Journey. God bless and rest the soul of my father. In less that 20 years that I was under him, he gave me everything. I am a blessed and gifted child and my father was already proud of me before he passed on to eternal glory. I am thankful. 1 Like |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by OnonujuChrist(m): 4:16pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
2special:
Are you a female or male and do they also extend such control to the last born of the family, regardless, please accept the new offer by moving out of the family house....Best regards! You have advised him now and forgot the part where the economy of the country is biting hard. As for me, now is not the time and secondly environment matters. Best he should look for a job far from where he's living, make friends first then squat with any of them that he finds good, looks for a better paying job then starts from there. Good luck to him. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by kkins25(m): 4:20pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
DestinedForGrea:
Thanks for this sir.
My family is loving and caring, I love them so much but they're overprotective, and it's a form of limitation for me. From the dawn of time, it's was the status quo for grown men to leave their oarents home to seek---not just finances, but to understand the world with your own eyes. Staying with protective parents can be conforting, but, if they do not have the reach to advance your life, then there is nothing more you can learn from them. Although, i don't recall you telling us your age. How about the new location, where is it.. consider all factors.. use a pen and a paoer to think. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by President2001(m): 4:46pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
You need to calm yourself down no family will pray that their children did not prosper what they doing to you is training not discipline |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Emperor5(m): 4:48pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
As graduate you should be able to make decisions without consulting any person especially as regards to your career. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by SeriouslySense(m): 5:04pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Sure, its good you can stand on your own, but do not forget the important wisdom you have leant over the years, and always think wisely of what you do.
At this age, it is expected that your parents and life experiences, had impacted the important life lessons you need, you cannot be under their protection forever, but also you need to be careful and be full of wisdom.
This is why kids need to interact with other kids, and should not be over protected.
Social skills are very important in this complex and tricky world.
Now you are beginning to realize you are lacking and this causes frustration for adults who were brought up in an overly protective environment. 1 Like |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by SimeonOTC(m): 5:19pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
frozen70:
Your family loves you, but you have to start taking risks that will build you up as a man
Every thing in this life is a risk
If you are sure of this job offer, you accept it and be ready to take a step to start finding your bearing now before you loose the ability to stand as a man
If you stay on your own by getting an accommodation., you will face challenges but those challenges are what you need to build you up as a man
From their, you will understand what it is to start living outside your family
Among all the challenges you will face, is women
They will come around you and flaunt themselves on you and if you are not principled, you are hooked already with pregnancy
If you know that your salary can't sustain just you alone then don't get entangled with women because that web is for experienced men
The summary is take that hold decisions and relocate
Your family an never neglect you but make sure you don't come back to them for assistance
Rather come back to visit them and impress them with love to show them that you are ok and they will be happier with you
Lastly, make sure your parents prays for you and especially your mum for favour and success as you take that bold step This powerful and encouraging advice isn't met for one person. I will tap from it too♥️♥️♥️ |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Lorayne(m): 5:22pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
DestinedForGrea:
Hello everyone.
Please I need an urgent advice from the mature minds here. I'm about to take a decision that has the potential to change the course of my life.
A quick background:
I come from a family consisting of five "children", of which I'm the fourth. Right from the days of my childhood, my parents and older siblings have had a firm control over me. They often dictated the friends I'd keep, placed I'd go to, where I should be, and almost how I should behave.
I was mostly indoors because they didn't want me playing around. That had an impact on my personality, because I couldn't master the ability to make friends, express myself confidently, and get involved in social activities that my peers relished.
Fastforward to this point:
I'm in my late 20s, a graduate and an NYSC cert holder, and although the level of control has been minimized, I still experience a bit of it. I don't have a place of my own for now, so I stay in the family house, but my older ones are independent in that aspect though they don't stay far from the family house.
I have a job too, but the salary is not even enough to take care of myself and support the home for a week.
Now here's the issue, I got a job offer from someone I served with during my NYSC, in a state about 8 hours from my current state of residence. It's the same job with the one I'm on right now (a teaching job) but with a slightly better payment return.
The person has a good relationship with the principal of the school, so according to him, the job is secure. I had to accept it because I'm tired of my current situation, and I'm tired of the life I'm living here -- my social life is next to zero, I don't have friends close by, I'm not socially active, and I need to explore. With my little savings, I plan to get an apartment as cheap as possible when I get there.
The problem is everyone is kicking against , because they're concerned about my safety, how I'm going to cope alone in this harsh economy. They've told me that if I decide to leave against their wish, that I'll be on my own and won't get their hands involved if anything goes wrong.
At the moment, I'm thinking of standing my ground and sticking to my decision, because I'm depressed from being in this environment, but I'm a bit afraid of my family cutting ties with me.
Please any advice? I really need some right now.
Thanks! I could've written this |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by jaxxy(m): 5:46pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
DestinedForGrea:
Hello everyone.
Please I need an urgent advice from the mature minds here. I'm about to take a decision that has the potential to change the course of my life.
A quick background:
I come from a family consisting of five "children", of which I'm the fourth. Right from the days of my childhood, my parents and older siblings have had a firm control over me. They often dictated the friends I'd keep, placed I'd go to, where I should be, and almost how I should behave.
I was mostly indoors because they didn't want me playing around. That had an impact on my personality, because I couldn't master the ability to make friends, express myself confidently, and get involved in social activities that my peers relished.
Fastforward to this point:
I'm in my late 20s, a graduate and an NYSC cert holder, and although the level of control has been minimized, I still experience a bit of it. I don't have a place of my own for now, so I stay in the family house, but my older ones are independent in that aspect though they don't stay far from the family house.
I have a job too, but the salary is not even enough to take care of myself and support the home for a week.
Now here's the issue, I got a job offer from someone I served with during my NYSC, in a state about 8 hours from my current state of residence. It's the same job with the one I'm on right now (a teaching job) but with a slightly better payment return.
The person has a good relationship with the principal of the school, so according to him, the job is secure. I had to accept it because I'm tired of my current situation, and I'm tired of the life I'm living here -- my social life is next to zero, I don't have friends close by, I'm not socially active, and I need to explore. With my little savings, I plan to get an apartment as cheap as possible when I get there.
The problem is everyone is kicking against , because they're concerned about my safety, how I'm going to cope alone in this harsh economy. They've told me that if I decide to leave against their wish, that I'll be on my own and won't get their hands involved if anything goes wrong.
At the moment, I'm thinking of standing my ground and sticking to my decision, because I'm depressed from being in this environment, but I'm a bit afraid of my family cutting ties with me.
Please any advice? I really need some right now.
Thanks! I'm not in support of ur family controlling ur life bt I'm in support of them being concerned for ur safety especially in this case. u cannot take the advice of a friend u just met at nysc over ur family and go to a far away place. That is the danger. U are alone at the mercy of strangers. I know sm1 who he friends ganged up against him and killed him after his service cos they were jealous of his progress. U can't follow sm1 ur family doesn't know to a distant place to work. it is not very wise. The Job isn't even far better from what currently earning. it's just the attraction to the freedom with total strangers. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by JMANbt: 5:55pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
You've to take in charge of yourself. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Napata77: 6:23pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
DestinedForGrea:
Hello everyone.
Please I need an urgent advice from the mature minds here. I'm about to take a decision that has the potential to change the course of my life.
A quick background:
I come from a family consisting of five "children", of which I'm the fourth. Right from the days of my childhood, my parents and older siblings have had a firm control over me. They often dictated the friends I'd keep, placed I'd go to, where I should be, and almost how I should behave.
I was mostly indoors because they didn't want me playing around. That had an impact on my personality, because I couldn't master the ability to make friends, express myself confidently, and get involved in social activities that my peers relished.
Fastforward to this point:
I'm in my late 20s, a graduate and an NYSC cert holder, and although the level of control has been minimized, I still experience a bit of it. I don't have a place of my own for now, so I stay in the family house, but my older ones are independent in that aspect though they don't stay far from the family house.
I have a job too, but the salary is not even enough to take care of myself and support the home for a week.
Now here's the issue, I got a job offer from someone I served with during my NYSC, in a state about 8 hours from my current state of residence. It's the same job with the one I'm on right now (a teaching job) but with a slightly better payment return.
The person has a good relationship with the principal of the school, so according to him, the job is secure. I had to accept it because I'm tired of my current situation, and I'm tired of the life I'm living here -- my social life is next to zero, I don't have friends close by, I'm not socially active, and I need to explore. With my little savings, I plan to get an apartment as cheap as possible when I get there.
The problem is everyone is kicking against , because they're concerned about my safety, how I'm going to cope alone in this harsh economy. They've told me that if I decide to leave against their wish, that I'll be on my own and won't get their hands involved if anything goes wrong.
At the moment, I'm thinking of standing my ground and sticking to my decision, because I'm depressed from being in this environment, but I'm a bit afraid of my family cutting ties with me.
Please any advice? I really need some right now.
Thanks! THEY ARE NARCISSISTS AND MANIPULATORS. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW PEACE AS LONG AS YOU ASSOCIATE WITH THEM. THEY WILL DRAIN YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE AND WHEN YOU SUFFER BECAUSE OF THAT, THEY WILL BLAME YOU FOR IT. I AM FROM A FAMILY LIKE THAT. I WENT ‘ZERO CONTACT’ WITH THEM AND HAVE NEVER LOOKED BACK. WHEN YOU DO THIS, EXPECT THEM AS NARCISSISTS TO BE FURIOUS AND SMEAR YOUR CHARACTER BEFORE OTHERS. THEY SEE YOU AS THEIR PROPERTY, NOT AS A PERSON. DO NOT CARE. MOVE ON AND BLOCK THEM ONCE YOU HAVE ANY LEVEL OF FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE. THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE. DO NOT TRY TO PERSUADE THEM TO RESPECT YOU. THEY WILL NOT. RUN. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by masqot(m): 6:24pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
DestinedForGrea:
Hello everyone.
Please I need an urgent advice from the mature minds here. I'm about to take a decision that has the potential to change the course of my life.
A quick background:
I come from a family consisting of five "children", of which I'm the fourth. Right from the days of my childhood, my parents and older siblings have had a firm control over me. They often dictated the friends I'd keep, placed I'd go to, where I should be, and almost how I should behave.
I was mostly indoors because they didn't want me playing around. That had an impact on my personality, because I couldn't master the ability to make friends, express myself confidently, and get involved in social activities that my peers relished.
Fastforward to this point:
I'm in my late 20s, a graduate and an NYSC cert holder, and although the level of control has been minimized, I still experience a bit of it. I don't have a place of my own for now, so I stay in the family house, but my older ones are independent in that aspect though they don't stay far from the family house.
I have a job too, but the salary is not even enough to take care of myself and support the home for a week.
Now here's the issue, I got a job offer from someone I served with during my NYSC, in a state about 8 hours from my current state of residence. It's the same job with the one I'm on right now (a teaching job) but with a slightly better payment return.
The person has a good relationship with the principal of the school, so according to him, the job is secure. I had to accept it because I'm tired of my current situation, and I'm tired of the life I'm living here -- my social life is next to zero, I don't have friends close by, I'm not socially active, and I need to explore. With my little savings, I plan to get an apartment as cheap as possible when I get there.
The problem is everyone is kicking against , because they're concerned about my safety, how I'm going to cope alone in this harsh economy. They've told me that if I decide to leave against their wish, that I'll be on my own and won't get their hands involved if anything goes wrong.
At the moment, I'm thinking of standing my ground and sticking to my decision, because I'm depressed from being in this environment, but I'm a bit afraid of my family cutting ties with me.
Please any advice? I really need some right now.
Thanks! Be a man. They will respect you for it. However, don’t forget your family. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Napata77: 6:37pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Jeezuzpick:
You have a family that loves you.
Better thank God first.
Imagine where you'll be now if you were an orphan. YOU ARE TALKING RUBBISH. WHAT LOVE? THEY ARE TREATING HIM LIKE A PIECE OF DIRT. EMOTIONAL ABUSE. THE GUY’S TELLING YOU HOW THEY’VE SUPPRESSED AND VICTIMISED HIM HIS WHOLE LIFE AND SHOT HIS CONFIDENCE TO PIECES WHEREBY HE FINDS IT HARD TO MAKE FRIENDS OR RELATE TO OTHERS, AND THAT IS “Love” TO YOUR THICK SKULL? IDIOT. IT IS YOUR NARCISSISTIC TYPE WHO OPPRESS OTHERS AND TELL THEM TO BE GRATEFUL. BECAUSE YOU ARE OPPRESSING THEM OUT OF ‘Love’. DEVILS. IMAGINE THREATENING SOMEONE THAT IF HE FINDS HIS OWN PLACE LIKE THE MAN HE IS, THEY WOULD ABANDON HIM IF HE GOT IN TROUBLE. THAT’S NOT LOVE. THAT IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND MANIPULATION FROM A ROTTEN SO-CALLED FAMILY. AND FURTHER MANIPULATION IS TELLING HIM “OH, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN AN ORPHAN WITHOUT US”. FCK THAT GARBAGE. HE IS ALREADY AN ORPHAN WITH THAT SICK FAMILY HE HAS. HE NEEDS TO RUN. |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Jeezuzpick(m): 6:45pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Napata77:
YOU ARE TALKING RUBBISH.
WHAT LOVE?
THEY ARE TREATING HIM LIKE A PIECE OF DIRT.
EMOTIONAL ABUSE.
THE GUY’S TELLING YOU HOW THEY’VE SUPPRESSED AND VICTIMISED HIM HIS WHOLE LIFE AND SHOT HIS CONFIDENCE TO PIECES WHEREBY HE FINDS IT HARD TO MAKE FRIENDS OR RELATE TO OTHERS, AND THAT IS “Love” TO YOUR THICK SKULL?
IDIOT.
IT IS YOUR NARCISSISTIC TYPE WHO OPPRESS OTHERS AND TELL THEM TO BE GRATEFUL.
BECAUSE YOU ARE OPPRESSING THEM OUT OF ‘Love’.
DEVILS.
IMAGINE THREATENING SOMEONE THAT IF HE FINDS HIS OWN PLACE LIKE THE MAN HE IS, THEY WOULD ABANDON HIM IF HE GOT IN TROUBLE.
THAT’S NOT LOVE.
THAT IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND MANIPULATION. You sound pained. I wonder what you went through growing up. Sorry, eh? |
| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by DestinedForGrea: 6:46pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
Napata77:
YOU ARE TALKING RUBBISH.
WHAT LOVE?
THEY ARE TREATING HIM LIKE A PIECE OF DIRT.
EMOTIONAL ABUSE.
THE GUY’S TELLING YOU HOW THEY’VE SUPPRESSED AND VICTIMISED HIM HIS WHOLE LIFE AND SHOT HIS CONFIDENCE TO PIECES WHEREBY HE FINDS IT HARD TO MAKE FRIENDS OR RELATE TO OTHERS, AND THAT IS “Love” TO YOUR THICK SKULL?
IDIOT.
IT IS YOUR NARCISSISTIC TYPE WHO OPPRESS OTHERS AND TELL THEM TO BE GRATEFUL.
BECAUSE YOU ARE OPPRESSING THEM OUT OF ‘Love’.
DEVILS.
IMAGINE THREATENING SOMEONE THAT IF HE FINDS HIS OWN PLACE LIKE THE MAN HE IS, THEY WOULD ABANDON HIM IF HE GOT IN TROUBLE.
THAT’S NOT LOVE.
THAT IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND MANIPULATION. Please be calm, he's right. My family loves me, and no, they're not oppressing me. They're just concerned about my safety, but they fail to realize that God is everywhere and my safety is not necessarily up to them. We've been close-knitted for as long as I can remember, so it's understandable that they're acting this way. Please the way you make it seem is not the way it actually is. 1 Like |
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| Re: My Family Seems To Want To Control My Life by Napata77: 6:53pm On Aug 16, 2023 |
DestinedForGrea:
Please be calm, he's right. My family loves me, and no, they're not oppressing me.
They're just concerned about my safety, but they fail to realize that God is everywhere and my safety is not necessarily up to them.
We've been close-knitted for as long as I can remember, so it's understandable that they're acting this way.
Please the way you make it seem is not the way it actually is. IT ALWAYS STARTS IN A WAY THAT SEEMS LIKE LOVE. LIKE THEY ARE DOING IT “FOR YOUR OWN GOOD”. A LOVING FAMILY RELATIONSHIP IS NOT SUPPOSED TO DESTROY YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE AND SOCIAL LIFE, OR INVOLVE THREATS OF ABANDONMENT. IT SHOULD BE THE EXACT OPPOSITE! IT SEEMS LIKE ‘LOVE’ TO YOU BECAUSE THAT IS ALL YOU KNOW. THEY’VE TRAINED YOU TO ACCEPT THEIR EMOTIONAL ABUSE AS ‘Love’. SAVE THIS THREAD AND RETURN IN 7 YEARS TIME. YOU WILL LEARN THE HARD WAY ABOUT MANIPULATION AND NARCISSISM. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF YOUR PROBLEMS WITH THEM. WATCH AND SEE. |
