Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.

We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.

He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.

He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.

To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.

I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.


Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.

We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.

Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.

What can you advise please?

I just want peace of mind.

I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.

Since he offered to be with the children, let him. While helping from a distance, sort yourself out and also find out how marketable you are in the dating scene - maybe you'll hook a better guy

DaddyCoool:
Since he offered to be with the children, let him. While helping from a distance, sort yourself out and also find out how marketable you are in the dating scene - maybe you'll hook a better guy

no time to check time🤣😂

eniolorunfe:


no time to check time🤣😂

Women RESENT being breadwinner. It almost never works out

Prettycute90, Please read through similar thread https://www.nairaland.com/7615626/husband-annoying-im-depress#121817995

Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.

We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.

He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.

He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.

To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.

I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.


Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.

We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.

Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.

What can you advise please?

I just want peace of mind.

I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.

This is one of the problems with modern day approach to dating.

So he doesn't have someone in his life that he respects that you can report to who will call him to some order or at least hold him accountable to an extent?

This is why I fear for the younger generation cause divorce may come as often as the need to change clothes.

Take your children and go back home.

U need a separation for now.

Just because someone is/was your friend doesn't mean that they will make a great partner. Many people are dealing with toxic marriage/relationship, if you call someone your friend it's better you leave them at the friend zone.

Just file for a divorce ma'am/you guys should just separate, your mental health is very important.

Whatever you do, don't let him keep the kids, the children are young and even the court will grant you custody. You need a second source of income to be able to foot the bills.

You have two options:

1. Continue to live with him, and ignore him as much as you can. If you chose this, you can also be traveling to visit your people from time to time, to avoid him more and reduce the stress at home.

2. Separation.

Prettycute90:



Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.

As a man, I do not have any form of respect for any man that does not support his wife financially. Taking care of bills at home is what makes you a man.

Please separate from him immediately and go with the children. Relocate far from him
This will help you to heal very fast and take care of your children.

Ensure you have adequate backup from your family members.

sonofthunder:




This is one of the problems with modern day approach to dating.

So he doesn't have someone in his life that he respects that you can report to who will call him to some order or at least hold him accountable to an extent?

This is why I fear for the younger generation cause divorce may come as often as the need to change clothes.

Did you read everything I said before passing your judgement?

DaddyCoool:


Women RESENT being bread winner. It almost never works out

You mean being a breadwinner where he stays like a baby to be fed?
Aside marriage, If he were to be your brother, can you be his breadwinner for many years why he stays idle and gambling?

DaddyCoool:
Since he offered to be with the children, let him. While helping from a distance, sort yourself out and also find out how marketable you are in the dating scene - maybe you'll hook a better guy

Dating another man or hook up is the least of my worries now.

Separate from him and focus on yourself and children. This will remove the irritant he has become to you, thereby uping your energy level, focus, mental health and productivity.

Such partners are killer agents and therefore need to be done without.

DaddyCoool:
Since he offered to be with the children, let him. While helping from a distance, sort yourself out and also find out how marketable you are in the dating scene - maybe you'll hook a better guy

You cant be this slow na, you mean with all you read, this is what you could come up with? In your mind any woman that leaves her husband will automatically need another man? How old are you?

DaddyCoool:


Women RESENT being bread winner. It almost never works out

It never works because the man will not switch roles and become a full time house husband who cooks, clean, and takes care of the kids, instead he expects the wife to provide and do everything while he sits his lazy ass doing nothing, the typical Nigerian man stupidity.

Please separate from him till he's willing to treat his addiction, only him can decide to quit gambling with determination and self control, so separate for now.

DaddyCoool:


Women RESENT being bread winner. It almost never works out

A man who can't provide for his household is worse than an infidel.
You expect the woman who is naturally not a provider to take over the man's responsibility and still function as the woman.

How many men have you seen do it

Prettycute90:
You mean being a breadwinner where he stays like a baby to be fed?
Aside marriage, If he were to be your brother, can you be his breadwinner for many years why he stays idle and gambling?

But men do it all the time. I understand though - it's very hard to perform the man's role all day and still be expected to enjoy being the woman to your "wife" husband in the bedroom!

Prettycute90:
Dating another man or hook up is the least of my worries now.

You will need companionship and a helper - especially as you're broke. Nothing wrong with trying your luck - you never know

Fountainofyouth:



You cant be this slow na, you mean with all you read, this is what you could come up with? In your mind any woman that leaves her husband will automatically need another man? How old are you?

No, how old are YOU?? Why can't she try her luck - you never know who she might meet. She definitely could use some help, being broke and all

Fountainofyouth:


It never works because the man will not switch roles and become a full time house husband who cooks, clean, and takes care of the kids, instead he expects the wife to provide and do everything while he sits his lazy ass doing nothing, the typical Nigerian man stupidity.

Nope, it doesn't work because women are fundamentally hypergamous. They are not wired to enjoy being banged by a man that's essentially a wife

Rechargeam247:

A man who can't provide for his household is worse than an infidel.
You expect the woman who is naturally not a provider to take over the man's responsibility and still function as the woman.

How many men have you seen do it

I don't blame the women. I wonder why men don't resent being sole provider of their family, no matter how poor they are

Often times, we look at a problem on the surface. But if we look deeply, there could be more than meet the eye.

If he is a good man but just that he has money issues ; he has little and in a bit to make it big he is trying gambling but always loosing it, perhaps it could be that he needs spiritual help , he also need counselling and then let him search for Jeffrey Benson on YouTube and be his devoted student for 1 year since he already likes speculative endeavour. Trust me, he would be ok.

Gambling is just a means to an end, it is not an end itself. He would need to learn functional skills as well. He can go into food business, digital marketing etc.

What type of gambling is he doing? Hope not lottery o ? as that one is a no no but If it is Forex, there is money in it oo. He just need to learn from those who are doing well in it. Out of 4 things I am doing, it is Forex that is giving me the most money to run my home right now and we are talking of 6 figures expenses monthly. I have 2 kids like you too and my wife is a teacher.

I know of someone who makes at least 10m monthly trading , his wife can never say he is gambling, she would say my husband is a fund manager and is doing so well .

Please don't leave him yet, help him if not for anything but for the sake of your children who need the presence and love of the 2 of you.

I am happy that you are a good woman. You have tried to have held forth for him all this while, not many women would do that even though it is not supposed to be a big deal if it is temporary. But if there is no end in sight , then it is right to shout out for help. Taking care of kids is a big job on its own.

How is your husband's family like? Are there successful siblings there ? Is your husband a lazy man or is it that he has not found help/job?

Try and get someone you feel he would listen to to join you in this mission. I can be of help to talk with him if you wish. We need to save your home .

Most men would want to work and provide for their families, only an irresponsible ones would not .

Above all, you need God's intervention.

DaddyCoool:


Nope, it doesn't work because women are fundamentally hypergamous. They are not wired to enjoy being bleeped by a man that's essentially a wife

So we are hypergamous enough to be the bread winner abi? Are we wired to do multiple jobs while the man does nothing? And what makes a man the wife? Being a house husband since he's not the breadwinner of his family?

DaddyCoool:


No, how old are YOU?? Why can't she try her luck - you never know who she might meet. She definitely could use some help, being broke and all

Did she mention in her write up that she's looking for another man?

The only condition for divorce according to the bible is adultery

Gambling is a very serious addiction and needs a drastic action before it can be stopped, grace of God is also required.

I stopped gambling about 3 months ago and every month, my fiancee request for my bank statement not only for the gambling but also as a check to my spending

I can tell you that the urge to play is still there but I have a lot of people to prove wrong and that's my motivation.

There are ways to help him you know

I recently also helped a close friend from it, though he hasn't stopped but it has reduced by over 70%

You can do what's best for you and your children who are in the equation.

Is involvement in Forex, Gambling ? Do you do Sports betting ?
The OP write about the difficulty she is passing through with the Gambling habit of her husband , how it's killing progress and advancement of the marriage and family, You are writing Off point.

For your information , the gambling nature of her husband is Sports betting.

kingviny:
Often times, we look at a problem on the surface. But if we look deeply, there could be more than meet the eye.

If he is a good man but just that he has money issues ; he has little and in a bit to make it big he is trying gambling but always loosing it, perhaps it could be that he needs spiritual help , he also need counselling and then let him search for Jeffrey Benson on YouTube and be his devoted student for 1 year since he already likes speculative endeavour. Trust me, he would be ok.

Gambling is just a means to an end, it is not an end itself. He would need to learn functional skills as well. He can go into food business, digital marketing etc.

What type of gambling is he doing? Hope not lottery o ? as that one is a no no but If it is Forex, there is money in it oo. He just need to learn from those who are doing well in it. Out of 4 things I am doing, it is Forex that is giving me the most money to run my home right now and we are talking of 6 figures expenses monthly. I have 2 kids like you too and my wife is a teacher.

I know of someone who makes at least 10m monthly trading , his wife can never say he is gambling, she would say my husband is a fund manager and is doing so well .

Please don't leave him yet, help him if not for anything but for the sake of your children who need the presence and love of the 2 of you.

I am happy that you are a good woman. You have tried to have held forth for him all this while, not many women would do that even though it is not supposed to be a big deal if it is temporary. But if there is no end in sight , then it is right to shout out for help. Taking care of kids is a big job on its own.

How is your husband's family like? Are there successful siblings there ? Is your husband a lazy man or is it that he has not found help/job?

Try and get someone you feel he would listen to to join you in this mission. I can be of help to talk with him if you wish. We need to save your home .

Most men would want to work and provide for their families, only an irresponsible ones would not .

Above all, you need God's intervention.

Dracula123:
The only condition for divorce according to the bible is adultery

Gambling is a very serious addiction and needs a drastic action before it can be stopped, grace of God is also required.

I stopped gambling about 3 months ago and every month, my fiancee request for my bank statement not only for the gambling but also as a check to my spending

I can tell you that the urge to play is still there but I have a lot of people to prove wrong and that's my motivation.

There are ways to help him you know

I recently also helped a close friend from it, though he hasn't stopped but it has reduced by over 70%

...Uncle, these days, when the mental state and well being and life is at stake - divorce is considered.

Dracula123:
The only condition for divorce according to the bible is adultery

Gambling is a very serious addiction and needs a drastic action before it can be stopped, grace of God is also required.

I stopped gambling about 3 months ago and every month, my fiancee request for my bank statement not only for the gambling but also as a check to my spending

I can tell you that the urge to play is still there but I have a lot of people to prove wrong and that's my motivation.

There are ways to help him you know

I recently also helped a close friend from it, though he hasn't stopped but it has reduced by over 70%

Because you're willing to change, it's easy for her to stick with you. But, mine, is not ready. Even when I forwarded some books, people's testimonies on gambling to his WhatsApp, so he could go through, he always get angry with me and delete without reading

This is a tough one. I support separation to see if he would turn a new leaf, that's if all you narrated is the truth.