Most men are lost.

They are suffocating in their relationships, especially the married ones.

Most men are under pressure to conform to what a 'nice' man should be. These pressures are even from fellow men in their family, inlaws, neighbours or religious circle. This pressure is put on most men without taking into cognizance the man's unique personality, background, marital situation, or personality of the spouse.

Some in a bid to unburden themselves have resorted to immorality, alcoholism, pornography, drugs, workaholics, etc.

All these have resulted to aimlessness. Forget his big corporate or business badge. Take that off, and the zombiness of such men will become glaring.

Others have found solace in the Alpha pill circulating on different social media platforms.

From my analysis, some of the items in this Alpha pill are good. Others are extreme. It's extreme when it condones promiscuity, selfishness, violence, exploitation, and greed.

No matter what society has become, the moral precepts I learned from my parents, religion, etc. is still a valuable compass to enable me navigate life's ocean.

The other extreme alternative to the Alpha pill is what is often regarded as the simp pill.

A man who is a walkover, a foot-mat for a woman, a woman's puppet. In recent times, a classic example for me on this was what Will Smith (an actor I admire so much from childhood) allowed himself to be in the hands of Jada.

The tipping point is what transpired on what I term the Oscar night of one slap. I will share my analysis on that event later in the next post.

What's the healthy balance, I ask myself?

A society with little or no Alpha+ males is a messed up society. Of course vice-versa for females.

My focus in on my gender - males.

The term I arrived at is the Alpha+ Male.

Alpha encompasses all the good nuggets of the Alpha movement. The + is the morality of the Alpha Male.

Morality as it pertains to marital fidelity and others which will be talked about as this thread continues.

The primary intent of this thread, is to have a place I keep clarifying and deepening noble values. Writing is a powerful tool. I would have taken this to the diary section. Doing this may cut off other valuable insights and experiences from those who share this Alpha+ concept.

I don't expect this thread to be popular, because people usually prefer extremes. Balance is a difficult word in our world.

At least once weekly, I make a commitment to share essays and experiences (mine and others), packaged as stories.

I hope the essence of this thread won't be derailed.

I hope we can just make our contributions and leave it at that.

I hope if you don't agree with the concept of this thread, you see the wisdom of investing your time and energy in what you agree with.

With Love.

Anjinsan:
Most men are lost.

They are suffocating in their relationships, especially the married ones.

Most men are under pressure to conform to what a 'nice' man should be. These pressures are even from fellow men in their family, inlaws, neighbours or religious circle. This pressure is put on most men without taking into cognizance the man's unique personality, background, marital situation, or personality of the spouse.

Some in a bid to unburden themselves have resorted to immorality, alcoholism, pornography, drugs, workaholics, etc.

All these have resulted to aimlessness. Forget his big corporate or business badge. Take that off, and the zombiness of such men will become glaring.

Others have found solace in the Alpha pill circulating on different social media platforms.

From my analysis, some of the items in this Alpha pill are good. Others are extreme. It's extreme when it condones promiscuity, selfishness, violence, exploitation, and greed.

No matter what society has become, the moral precepts I learned from my parents, religion, etc. is still a valuable compass to enable me navigate life's ocean.

The other extreme alternative to the Alpha pill is what is often regarded as the simp pill.

A man who is a walkover, a foot-mat for a woman, a woman's puppet. In recent times, a classic example for me on this was what Will Smith (an actor I admire so much from childhood) allowed himself to be in the hands of Jada.

The tipping point is what transpired on what I term the Oscar night of one slap. I will share my analysis on that event later in the next post.

What's the healthy balance, I ask myself?

A society with little or no Alpha+ males is a messed up society. Of course vice-versa for females.

My focus in on my gender - males.

The term I arrived at is the Alpha+ Male.

Alpha encompasses all the good nuggets of the Alpha movement. The + is the morality of the Alpha Male.

Morality as it pertains to marital fidelity and others which will be talked about as this thread continues.

The ideal nature of this thread is a place where men who are moral Alphas or aspiring moral Alphas can glean from the experience and wisdom of their fellow males.

What they can glean based on the stories and essays that I will do my best to share weekly.

I used the word aspiring, because most, I for one, I am not where I want to be on the Alpha + male scale.

I hope the essence of this thread won't be derailed.

I hope we can just make our contributions and leave it at that.

I hope if you don't agree with the concept of this thread, you see the wisdom of investing your time and energy in what you agree with.

With Love.

FIRST OF ALL, I MUST COMMEND YOU FOR THIS POST.... but it won't do the NEEDED justice

it won't even HELP 1%.


There are 7 types of MALES

ALPHA
GAMMA
BETA
OMEGA
SIGMA
DELTA



Yet in NIGERIA and even in AFRICA or around the world. THERE IS NO SAFE SPACE FOR THEM



Men die before women because HURTS AND EMOTIONS ARE BOTTLED UP UNDER THE SATANIC LIE THAT MEN ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO CRY

See, until there is a SAFE SPACE for men to be themselves.... THE WORLD WILL KEEP GETTING TOXIC AS MASCULINITY KEEPS BEING SEEN AS A BAD THING.

Dear Will,

Many things are now history: the slap, Jada’s statement, mental rehab, and the academy’s ban.

Hmmm!

Your lead role in the comedy series, “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air,” was a humorous blessing to my childhood.

And I learnt some lessons from some of your movies. I admire your acting career.

Then the Oscar night of one slap. Will, I don’t enjoy hearsay, so I watched the video and observed carefully.

Chris made a joke based on Jada’s health. You laughed. Will, you laughed! Your laugh turned to anger when you noticed Jada was frowning.

You stood, marched to Chris, and the slap - tawaai!

Chris made a joke out of the slap, you raged from your seat. In all these, Jada was silent. Afterwards some praised you as the knight in the shining armour.

Then Jada spoke, disassociating herself from the slap.

No lady, no knight.

Where you really defending Jada, or you craved for her approval?

Your laughter, turned to anger, then tears. If Jada laughed as you laughed, would you have been angry?

If you initially frowned as Jada frowned, would there have been a slap?

Voluntarily you checked into mental rehab. Your mental anguish should tell you this isn’t you. The external Will isn’t aligning with the internal Will.

Will, heal and reflect.

From my observations watching your interviews, I noticed Jada’s calm aura. I observed you were often excited as a child
who craves for the approval of his father.

Jada has her issues. No female conceived by a male is perfect.

Yet, Jada is more of Jada, than Will is more of Will.

Be yourself.

Are you not trying desperately too hard to please Jada?

And is she well pleased?

I listened to your interpretation of the crashed marriage of your parents.

Jada isn’t your mum, you are not your dad.

Relax.

Discover what works for you.

Safeguard your health.

Will, eliminate this man.

Bring out the Man.

The work in progress should be on the Man, not the man.

The Man loves his wife - undesperately.

And knows the difference between love and affection.

Then Jada may adore you as she adored Tupac. And she may no longer say, “No Will, you didn’t do all these for me. You did it for your ego.”

(Inspired by the 2022 Oscar night of one slap. Originally written: 29th April 2022)

With Love.

Thanks for the commendation.

yrhuhfy113:


FIRST OF ALL, I MUST COMMEND YOU FOR THIS POST.... but it won't do the NEEDED justice

it won't even HELP 1%.


There are 7 types of MALES

ALPHA
GAMMA
BETA
OMEGA
SIGMA
DELTA



Yet in NIGERIA and even in AFRICA or around the world. THERE IS NO SAFE SPACE FOR THEM



Men die before women because HURTS AND EMOTIONS ARE BOTTLED UP UNDER THE SATANIC LIE THAT MEN ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO CRY

See, until there is a SAFE SPACE for men to be themselves.... THE WORLD WILL KEEP GETTING TOXIC AS MASCULINITY KEEPS BEING SEEN AS A BAD THING.

He sat next to Nmeri.

This man in his 60s.

Wearing a faded black suit, white shirt, as he clutched two wornout files.

He said over the phone, "I am on my way. We have twenty minutes more."

He listened then continued, "Ah, you are at Haliburton...."

After the call, he said to no one in particular, "You trained a girl in school. Married her, made her a signatory in your company.

"She bought assets in her father's name with your money. Now she said she doesn't want to marry again.

"She cleared all the funds in the business. Even the contract you haven't executed for Haliburton, she cleared the mobilization money they paid.

"What are you going to Haliburton to do?

"Didn't you make her a signatory to the account?

"You can't read and write. You can't interpret business documents. When they say you people should go to school.

"When they say you should be literate and enlightened.

"You refuse. Thinking money is everything.

"Oya now, e don set."

Nmeri wondered who the old lawyer was talking to. Since he was next to him he chipped in.

"She abused the trust."

The Lawyer continued, "What can we do? We called the lady, pleading for some sort of division of assets.

And she said: "Over my dead body. If he wants to go to court, we will meet in court. Those assets were acquired legitimately."

Lesson:
Until trust is built. An Alpha+ won't allow his dear she to have the key to his assets or business.

And even at that, there will be measures to prevent huge financial exposures.

An Alpha+ male is focused on three things:

1) Values.

2) Wealth.

3) Health.

Womanizing isn't in his attention span. Women as an object of pleasure isn't his thing.

When the time comes, not when society, friends and family start mounting pressure, his values will navigate him along a dear She who will greatly complement him.

Complement is the word. Because a dear She may be great for Mr. A. Yet that same dear She will be a mismatch for Mr. B. Both men have different personalities and likes.

His wealth or at least money that buys some life comfort will make it easy to avoid those money issues that often trouble most homes.

For those aspiring Alpha+ males who aren't fortunate enough to discover these things or neglected them before getting married, well, all hope isn't lost.

Tough decisions have to be made if they wish to be the Man.

Let's take a shot at these one after the other. Let's begin with Values.

When I was getting married, my Dad didn't bother to dish any advice to me.

Others were giving truckload of advises. Even a much beloved maternal uncle who have been married three times. All he kept stressing was, "You have to be patient, very patient o."

I met my Dad, knowing he can be looked upon as one with a successful marriage. He told gave me about three instructions.

One of them was: "If your spouse does something and you keep quiet, she does it again and you ignore, the third time she does it and you tell her to stop, she will ask you: 'Why are you picking on me? This isn't the first time I am doing this.' And in a way she is right.

"Early enough define what you won't take from your spouse. Tell her. When she crosses that line, remind her, be firm if need be. Don't back down. That's how a woman that respects you will truly understand that for my husband this is a no no."

So one value Alpha+ men in relationships, especially in marriage should create, are things they will never never accept from their dear She.

Of course it's normal for your dear she to also make hers available to you. Infact going through my journals yesternight, I came across something I wrote in 2019, on how to navigate this waters. Will share them in later post.

A relationship built on clearly defined rules is bound to have initial turbulences as all try to adjust, yet that turbulence will be short lived.

Any how, your dear She will adjust or if she isn't ready, then at most there will be a disengagement. If you stay true, especially if you also recognize her boundaries that does not conflict with yours, an adjustment is more likely to happen.

A relationship without clearly defined rules is bound to suffer many long term turbulence. And you if asked why the commotions over the years, you can't really define it.

In setting those things that are a no no to you, don't make it too long, or you loose the essence. One to three items on the list will do.

With Love.

VALUES.

An Alpha plus male keeps a TAB. Early in his relationship, he is clear on what constitutes his TAB items.

T: Terminate.

A: Act.

B: Blind.

T: Terminate are those things that will end the relationship. For most Alpha+ males, one or more of the beneath from their dear she, is sure to terminate the relationship:

a) Infidelity.
b) Attempt to cause physical harm.
c) Attempt at murder.
d) She initiates termination.

A: Act are those things the Alpha+ male will not overlook. Those things he will talk about. Those things that he will confront, and stand his ground.

For most Alpha+ males, one or more of the following from his dear she will make him Act:

a) Flirting.
b) Verbal abuse/insult to him, his kids, his parents.
c) Habitual angry shouts.
d) Neglecting the upkeep of the home or the kids.

The above also constitutes, those one to three things the Alpha + make will not tolerate from his dear she. Unlike the T items, these aren't enough for him to terminate the relationship, but there are enough for him to Act.

Acting may begin with gentle words, and depending on the response and personality of the Alpha+ male or his dear she, it may escalate to firm, assertive words and tone. In a situation where a dear she becomes aggressive in her tone of words, an Alpha+ male at a point, has to match tone with tone.

Please many males are living in bondage due to the preconceived notion that men don't talk.

Often I wonder where we got that from. Scripturally (be it koran, bible, etc) our dear shes are the one told to have a quiet and mild spirit. In many African cultures, same thing is also expected.

If there is one thing that has kept my parents marriage it's this: my Dad talks. My Mum may finally have her way, but it doesn't come by talking back. It comes with gentility.

Recently, a couple with three teenage girls, spent the weekend in with my family. The Father raised his voice on one of the daughter's to hurry up in getting him drinking water. The mum right there in public, using an angry tone, told the man, "ah ah you are shouting." The man didn't reply.

Reminds me also about an incident many years ago, when I visited a relation. His elder brother who I was also close to, was spending the weekend with his wife there.

The man was making a statement, and the woman in an angry tone challenged him. The man kept quiet.

Often, I find this trend irritating. The second couple in question are now divorced. The woman displayed same traits when they travelled home for an event. His siblings stepped in, and the man simply replied, "since I lost my job that's how she has been behaving."

For me it had nothing to do with his job. Because the first incident mentioned, he still had a job. He allowed such. Well, his family dissolved the marriage. They have gone their different ways.

Now imagine he was an Alpha+ male, may be they may still be together.

Also note, an Alpha + male handles his relationship himself, he doesn't allow anyone, even his parents or siblings to fight for him. What he allows, he allows. What he doesn't allow, he doesn't allow.

B: Blind, other things an Alpha+ male ignores. An Alpha+ male won't allow marriage to dictate his every thought, word or act. Just choose a few things that will make you terminate the relationship. Choose other few things that will justify your time and energy to confront. The others that doesn't fall here aren't an issue to you.

These are your dear she's idiosyncrasies you will just look the other way. You have more important things to do with your time.

So in summary, an Alpha+ male keeps a TAB.

With Love.

To Peter Nwachukwu (Ekwueme Crooner's Husband)

Dear Peter,

You were more popular than Davido in April 2022

And some Nigerians became overnight marriage counselors. Whether - happily or unhappily - unmarried, married, or divorced.

Four days before your wife’s death, a wife stabbed the sleeping husband to death in Oyo state.

She reported herself, saying she did it because the husband wanted to take a second wife.

If you ask me, “Why did it not trend?” Na who I go ask?

Let’s focus on you.

Peter, it is established you acted as your wife’s manager.

Before your wife became a star in her religious circle, were you not fully engaged with work?

Are you purposeless or was it jealous insecurity that made you the manager who micro-managed his wife’s career?

Her family members also said you barred them from her.

One fundamental human right is freedom of association. Don’t you enjoy such freedom?

Who gave you the right to curtail the association of another adult?

When a partner habitually complains to others about the spouse, that marriage has failed.

When days of harmony are not much more greater than days of disharmony, that marriage has failed.

When abusive words, fights, or physical assault occurs in a marriage, that marriage has failed.

When a spouse suppresses his/her unique noble self, because of marital consequences, that marriage has failed.

A crashed marriage is just the most visible form (not the only form) of a failed
marriage.

Both partners may still live together, and be in a failed marriage.

Few can protect their peace, sanity, health/life in a failed marriage.

Most can’t.

Of course things can improve. Winter can give way to summer.

Unfortunately, for your marriage with the late Ekwueme crooner, things can no longer improve.

She is dead.

Who knew she would die when close ones saw her marriage as a failure?

Perhaps if you knew, you may have dived into your Inner Man and heard some bitter truth.

Perhaps each morning you may have vowed to love her like a Man.

Perhaps you may have taken charge effectively.

Perhaps both of you may have agreed on healthy rules of marital engagement, inclusive of a graceful exit (temporal or permanent).

All these are perhaps, because it’s late!

Now, the allegations surrounding her death. That your kick landed her in the hospital, then to the grave.

Hmm!

How I wish one of you had the courage to save both of you.

(Written: May 6, 2022)

With Love

"You have done nothing for me," she screamed back.

Ade was dazed, "You mean..."

Simi screamed more, "You have done nothing. Absolutely nothing. Go and see what your mates are doing."

The blood was boiling. Ade can't imagine his docile wife speaking to him this way. He raised his hands. He dropped it.

The wife stood before him. Daring him. The last and second time he slapped her during same incident after she gave birth to their first son, was automatic. He didn't even know when he raised his hands.

This time around, he was self-aware.

He looked at her, then stomped out of the house.

He went to a bar, downed a bottle of chilled beer. He ordered another one, and took it more slowly.

The waiter came around, and asked with a pleasant smile if he needed anything again.

He raised up his head, noticed her endowed bosom from her loose top.

She smiled.

He smiled.

She turned and walked away, shaking her bum bum, from her tight fitting shorts.

Suddenly, he felt the rise between his legs, and remembered it's been three months since he had sex.

The Alcohol was taking effect. Remembering how he spent #500,000 for her C.S. Then a further #220,000 for other things.

Not talking about the baby things he had to buy.

"Ungrateful woman," he said under his breath.

He thought about the home chores, he has been helping out with.

Ade said to himself, "Just because I am now low on cash, to get her some other things she requested for, now for the third time in a week, all I have done is nothing. It's God that will judge her."

The waiter came around again. He flirted briefly with him, still swaying her generous hips as she went to the next table.

Seems they are are trained to know when a man is down, and capitalize on that to start something.

Ade looked at his watch, it was 9:25pm. He hasn't done this before...but he knows the chalets on the other side of the compound are for things like this.

"How much will a chalet cost." he asked himself.

As he stood up to make enquiries, he heard a voice,....


With Love.

Money.

An Alpha+ takes his eyes off his wife's money. Whether she chooses to carry him along on her income, or supports the family from her purse, or sends it all to the family she springs from, the Alpha+ male has no say in this affairs. It isn't his business.

Most scriptures say a Man is the provider. Most African culture say the same thing. An Alpha+ male sees himself as the one saddled with the responsibility of providing for his home.

It is something he takes on willingly. If you are yet to get married, ensure you have created a structure that will ensure your income stream doesn't dry up.

Once a young man has a fairly decent job, our dear shes see him as a good suitor. Society, family and friends will be after him to settle down.

Yet understand, that another man's job isn't yours. Do your best to create a source of income that you can fully control.

A dear she may not mind, "we will grow together," she may say. When the world of marriage sets, and financial challenges come up, most dear shes after the initial moral support, and things aren't improving, may become one of your worst thorn in the flesh during that period.

Some will be frontal about it. Some will be subtle about it with their attitudes. In all, na you go hear am.

Only a minority will encouragingly soldier on with their mates. The sweet loyal days of our folks is fast disappearing.

If you are already married, and are facing this, like most men do who can't provide all their dear shes want, relax.

Welcome to reality.

Spending time in a bar won't solve the challenge, if you aren't careful it may lead to alcoholism or even infidelity. And may further degenerate into a promiscuous lifestyle.

Most husbands that beat their chest to be faithful to their spouse, fell when they where emotionally down.

Yes, we know, her attitude triggered it. It wasn't part of the plan....The man, losing his emotional guard, cemented it. Take responsibility.

Be careful.

What do you do?

Be successful financially.

It won't come immediately, yet with perseverance it will come.

Reminds me about a young couple. The man was an artisan, same with the woman. The man's hustle wasn't paying much, so the woman had more of the money. Such that, sometimes she used it to humiliate the young man in words and actions.

Quiet man.

He endured.

Stomaching it all.

Channeled his energy to improving his lot financially. And it paid off. He got a good paying job, with a shipping company. Tables turned, he now earnes more than the spouse.

He didn't allow his dear she's attitude of the past to adversely affect his attitude towards her. The main revenge was uping his income.

When the wife wanted to expand her business, he pumped in money.

I expect him to also open a trading business along his field of expertise or any other. Because that's another man's job. And should the tables turn again, a dear she like that would soon forget his rosy days.

In summary, an Alpha+ male is financially independent.

#Alpha+

With Love

An Alpha+ make builds wealth. In fact building wealth so consumes him, that he doesn't give attention to every mood change of his dear she.

For people that have that kind of time, either they are comfortable where they are, or they don't have a purpose that propels them or they are already made.

Or they have created a wealth machine, such that they can comfortably notice their wife's moods or regularly pose for the paparazzi, like TOE my guy. If you must notice your dear she every facial change, be among these third class of persons.

Reminds me about what my dear she noticed about a friend. She was with her in her business and a call came through, from the husband. She hissed. My wife told why she wasn't picking...her response, "Na call person go chop."

Of course they are dear shes who gladly look forward to the calls of their Man, even when things aren't rosy financially. They are rare, and becoming rarer.

You have created your values, fine. Your dear she, your family, needs the money. Let that consume your focus.

An Alpha+ male isn't so purposeless or in-secured that he checks up on the wife five times a day, even when they slept together and will still see each other later in the day.

Oh! You say, that shows I love her. Okay o. To further prove your love, give same attention to improving the family's lot financially.

In summary, an Alpha+ man knows the importance of money in his family, and he gives due attention to this.

#Alpha+

With Love.

Health.

You have to remain healthy. An Alpha+ male does his best to remain healthy.

Looking around, I know more widows than widowers. Don't know about your observation. Don't leave your spouse a widow, don't be a widower yourself.

Yes, being a man isn't a day's job. You don't have to do it in a day. Preserve your health. Preserve your sanity. Don't love to the extent that you are absorbing more than you can carry.

Sometimes, letting it all out is okay. Speak up to your dear she, before you get choked up. Free yourself. Anger in itself isn't bad, when expressed appropriately. Remember TAB.

Yet, learn to bounce back quickly. Even after a heated issue with your dear she, don't rot in hell, don't throw a pity party That's for your dear she (if she chooses), not for an Alpha+ male.

Don't rot in hell, by being bitter, vengeful, hateful, resentful, or any other kind of ...ful. During the brohaha you have spoken your mind. Probably you even shouted angrily, and said things to get at her.

It's okay. That's over now. You can do better next time. Don't rot in hell. In fact, if you can, laugh. Laugh, every after family squabble that seems to have brought out the 'worst' from you. Next time do better!

Don't throw a pity party. An Alpha+ male doesn't call others to complain to them how his wife is maltreating him. Damn, when that is done, he isn't in charge any longer. Those you are calling, are you calling them to spank your dear she or what. If someone must call, let it be your dear she. Not you. If someone must be called because someone complained, let it be you, "Your wife complained...."

I don't get it when men complain about how they are being treated or disrespected by their dear she.

It's a different ball game if you complain to me how the lady isn't as prudent as you want. (My best advice during this period, is the prices of things are getting higher everyday o. Perhaps you should go to the market yourself and ascertain what is what).

But if you come complaining that she shouts at you. Meen, what do you want to hear from me. That you should sit her down after each shout and gently speak to her...okay o. You know what to do. Oh you aren't the shouting type. Okay. Then hold your complaints.

When you have done yourbestbto be a 'gentleman,' a taste of her own medicine may be in place. You know, sometimes we don't really get how our actions affect others till it is dished to us.

You need to preserve your health. When you start complaining, it's taking a whole lot from your agility. Whatever it assertively takes to preserve your well-being, do it. Don't make a widow out of your dear she, because you want to remain a 'gentleman.'

#Alpha+

With Love.

He called after 25 years.

My bosom childhood friend.

Some one close to me, recognized him, and he collected my number.

Six months after the call, we met in person.

There was a lot of catching up to do.

He has done so well in his career.

Financially, he is a big boy.

He was close to those in the state's corridor of power.

He is married to a beautiful, intelligent lady.

The marriage has produced lovely children - boys and girls.

We continued catching up on each other's life, even as he drove.

"So UC, tell me I learnt the women in Port-Harcourt are hot. How many do you have?" He asked.

"I looked at him, as he parked in front of a fruit garden.

Paraphrasing, what I first heard in my first year of marriage from a friend.

I replied: "The time, energy, and resources maintaining one woman - my wife - is enough for me. Add another woman? That means I no like myself now."

That said, I stepped out and got some fruits.

Back to the car, I noticed my guy had his head upwards with his hand on his brow.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Bro. Women wahala is choking me," he replied.

I gave some suggestions, on how to break free.

He listened, got himself together, as we continued to our destination.

Ten minutes later, he said, "Guy, check out that Chic, men....."

#Alpha+

With Love

What thoughts are dominant in your consciousness?

Marital Issue?
Marital issue on how pleased your dear she is pleased with you of late?

Marital Issues?
Marital issue of what you will do to your dear she to prove to her you are in charge?

Marital Issues?
Marital issues of the recent fight, and the part she played in it or what you ought to have done?

Marital Issues?
Marital issues of your in-laws overstepping their boundaries.

Marital Issues?
Martial issues of your wife's seeming disregard for your folks, siblings, etc.

Marital Issues?
Marital issues of....

I hope non of these is the dominating trend of your thoughts. If it is, well it is stifling great things in your life.

Except of course your purpose in life is to win the award: Best husband of the century. or: Alpha Man of the Millennium.

An Alpha+ male allows his purpose to dominate his thoughts. And what dominates his thoughts will reflect in his words, in his actions.

An Alpha+ male's purpose must be of a noble essence.

And when it is, even as he is being dominated by it, a loyal dear she will still be there. For she understands.

Not easy, for an Alpha+ male who has a dear she that doesn't truly understand.

Blessed is the Alpha+ male who has a dear she that truly understands.

In all, determined remains the Alpha+ male who has made his purpose his dominant thoughts.

#Alpha+

With Love

Health

Take religion out of it, do you think it is to your best interest to go about sharing your power to other lady, aside from your spouse?

Oh! You never knew you give away power during sex.

Why is it that you sleep, after you ejaculate?

Can you do a Google search and know the nutrients that leave your body when you ejaculate?

Reminds me about what a senior colleague in the corporate world once said:

"She wants me to sleep with her and pay her. See me o...me wey go donate...na she go pay me now."

Those words still ring true to my ears even when he said it some fifteen years ago. And it will also ring true in the ears of an Alpha+ male.

Stop wasting your power, even if that's what society has come to accept.

Pay a LovePeddler for sex.

Have a side chick.

Sleep with your wife's relations/friends.

You may have read about that pastor from an African country who committed suicide after his adultery tape went viral.

It's not only rich men that commit adultery. Every one have their class..even the married bike man, has a regular girlfriend that will also fall for him.

Your money will just give you classy options.

Classy or not...it's same thing...you are wasting your power. An Alpha+ male doesn't waste his power.

Channel that energy into your purpose.

#Alpha+

With Love.

Love isn't attachment. An Alpha+ male should love his partner, 'unattachedly.'

What makes you vulnerable, makes you overreact to your wife's idiosyncrasies isn't love.

No! Love is patient, it does not easily get provoked, etc.

What brings out that 'beast' in you in response to her idiosyncrasies is attachment. Attachment to your perceived notion of how she should behave.

What makes you insist you must travel with her for issues that she can handle alone, isn't love...it's attachment. Attachment to her.

What makes you call her severally, and when she doesn't pick it turns to a fight, isn't love, it's attachment. Attachment to her.

Love will make you a better partner, attachment won't.

Attachment isn't for Alpha+ males, if they must be attached, let it be to God alone.

Did the good book not say the woman's craving will be for the man?

That's how it is meant to be...if someone must be attached, complain for not calling, for lack of presence, wants to police your whereabouts etc, let it be your dear she... she can be attached, not you the Alpha+ male.

Your dear she isn't your mum. With mum it was understandable. There was a physical umbilical cord...that gave rise to the psychological cord.

There is no basis for that with your wife...break free...love her 'unattachedly' and feel the power, that comes from it, when you break free from the pull. The peace that comes with it, going forward as you relate with her.

#Alpha+

With Love.

An Alpha+ male with children, dearly loves his children. Yet, he isn't attached to them.

He knows the difference between attachment and love. Love is healthy, attachment isn't.

He loves his children by doing all he can to provide and protect them.

He isn't attached, because he doesn't loose his identify in his children.

He nurtures them during the early years, once they become adults, he is there to guide them. He doesn't intrude, he doesn't cajole, if all he did before they turn 18years, isn't enough to make them responsible, then taking control of their lives will create more harm than good.

Parenting is an art, that should not be left to chance. A child who had a stable male character in his life, often has better emotional stability than one who did not. Of course there are few exceptions, we are talking about the norm.

In so doing, it's only when a man is seen as a Man in his home, that he can have a good chance in a shaping the child's life.

Be an Alpha+ male, that takes no permission from his dear she, before applying sound discipline.

Your sons and daughters will tell you in future, "Dad, thank you."

#Alpha+

With Love.

When a husband tells the wife " Since I married you, my life took a downward curve. You are the cause"

That is to put it softly, for some men cloth that in harsher words.

In essence the husband is saying, "You are more powerful than I am."

Alpha+ males don't use such words when their health, finances or anything else falter.

Even if you have uttered it in the past, be more conscious. Your spouse isn't that powerful to change things in your life.

Where you are in health, finance, etc, is a factor of your decisions. It's understandable if after the marriage, your incompatibility brings up frequent frictions.

Frictions that lead to at least verbal fights. Fights, because you are taking a stand for a principle or you mismanaged the situation, or your dear she isn't backing down in words/tone.

These fights trigger negative environment in your home. A home where you sleep and have your meals.

With this negative charge, how do you expect to make the best decisions?

Then during and hours/days after a fight, your emotions are binging on negativity. Then how do you expect the immune system to withstand germs/diseases?

Your wife isn't the cause. She doesn't have such powers. Neither do you over her.

How does an Alpha+ male navigate these waters?

By having a side chick?

That's just a quick fix.

First, if your home is in such a state of constant fights, that have affected your health and finances, focus on 'I', forget 'We.' forget appearances. You need to bounce back ASAP. Your health, your finances. With that there is a greater likelihood of a 'We.'

When an Alpha+ male retains his health, still does great in his finances, despite the state of the home, he has grown above the conscious/unconscious negative pull of his dear she.

And if your dear she should habitually tell you, "You are the cause of my..." And you really want her to abandon such lines, reply with "Oh! I never knew I had such powers" Or something along those lines.

#Alpha+

With Love.

An Alpha+ male takes responsibility.

Fortunes dwindle, he holds himself accountable. He sees himself as the main provider in his family.

When his dear she or others close to her start handling most of the bills in the family, he is loosing ground gradually. He should better go to the drawing board and bounce back ASAP.

Instead of bills being paid by relatives. If the relatives are his, he should better meet them to help him with capital or a source of income. If they are related to his dear she, at least one of them should speak to them with same request.

An Alpha+ male doesn't leave such loopholes for long. If he does, third party interference will become a norm.

When that happens, he is no longer an Alpha+ male.

#Alpha+

With Love.

Happy is the man who has a wife that complements him.

Blessed is the man who has a wife whose marital values are drawn from her scriptures and noble cultural norm.

Fortunate is the man, whose incompatible wife initiates a divorce, because he has an opportunity to try again.

Blessed is the husband who derives his marital values from his scriptures and noble cultural norms.


#Alpha+

With Love.

A happy couple is heaven on earth. It's glamourous.

Jada's revelation in her book, shows Will wanting to project such glamour. Even if for some years they have been living as I and not We.

That smiling couple you always see in the front pew of the church may be a Jada and Will.

Do your thing o. Don't force it. Be your self in that relationship.

Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, weren't bothered by such glamourous projections.

Oh! You may say these guys aren't moral. The last two especially. Well, let's look at spiritual stalwarts.

Chris Iyakilome, Late Charles Stanley, Kathryn Kulman are all divorcees, who went ahead to achieve their life's purpose thereby blessing millions.

They aren't bothered by the so called stigma that comes with divorce. They have a consuming purpose, that they need to be who they are to achieve and sustain that purpose, even marriage shouldn't interfere with it.

Note, among the men, it was always their spouse who initiated the divorce. They could go ahead and achieve even when married to who so ever.

And when their dear she said, "No!," to the marriage, well they weren't ready to compromise.

An Alpha+ male is strong, he has a burning purpose, his purpose and marriage are two different things. What determines whether he fails or succeeds in this one life isn't his marriage, it's his purpose.

An Alpha+ male with a burning purpose is magnetic

#Alpha+

With Love.

You Act, in response to your dear she's action which you don't approve.

After that she starts playing the usual game...what will an Alpha+ male do. Well, from experience, you will realize that it's best to show her that two can play...

Yet, don't harden yourself such that when she is tired of the game or changes that action, you continue on the hard stance.

Discern and see when she is getting tired about the gulf between you...then start calming down too.

Your dear she is learning, has learnt that these your boundaries, you aren't ready to budge on them.

It takes an Alpha+ man to stand on his principles.

#Alpha+

With Love.

We live in a world where most people are always angry. You find such persons everywhere: at home, on the street, at the workplace, in traffic, in public transport, at the market place. We live in an angry world.

It is no wonder that calm persons are like a cup of water after trekking for hours under the hot sun.

Calm persons no matter where we meet them are like oasis in a desert. They are refreshing. You can add to the peace in your home, by being such a person.

An Alpha+ male in a relationship is a calm man.

#Alpha+

With Love

Note, there is another extreme of not showing anger. And that is living like a coward.

What do I mean? You have seen people, who shake when they are confronted by others or situations. It seems as if they are always walking on sinking sand around some persons and situations.

They are overly careful not to say things or do things which may displease the other person. Even when they have a responsibility to say or do such things.

An Alpha+ male has a responsibility in an intimate relationship. He must learn to speak out on things that are a NO! NO!

Yet in doing so, he must be self-controlled. If he has a track record of anger, it won't go overnight, infact he must undergo some spiri-psycho exercises, to erase this anger habit, and imbibe calm-confidence when he must confront.

You dear she want a calm-confident male, not an angry-fearful male. For indeed uncontrolled anger is a symptom of deep-rooted fear, at least fear of what you are shouting your lungs out on.

No! That kind of life is living in bondage. It is not living in peace. An Alpha+ male radiates calm-confidence. His steps are sure. His words are sure. And his silence is as powerful as his. well-chosen words.

#Alpha+