Zxcvbnmghtr:
It's nothing but logical for us to make rich men come after us and not broke guys.

Gbadugbakun:

You cannot be broke and expect a rich man to marry you.

Zxcvbnmghtr:

Exactly. The poor should marry the poor while the Rich should marry the Rich.

Nazgul:
This post was triggered by a friend of mine who is passing through hell in his 3 year old marriage. His wife made him believe that money isn't everything and he ignorantly got married to her in his indigent state. She stopped respecting him a long time ago. As I'm typing this, she has left him with their 1 year old daughter in Lagos and relocated back to Uyo.

So let's talk about money in courtship, Because you will need plenty of it in marriage.

Those who are of the opinion that all that matters in marriage is love not money are not serious! In fact I'd like to term them as jokers. Why? Because love won't pay your bills and put food on the table.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

So don't let any woman manipulate you into marriage when you are not financially ready simply because age is fighting against her, because if you succumb to her pressure and get married to her, you are in for a Shocker

Women can sweet tongue you into doing what you don't want to do and blame you for being stupid to listen to her in the first place.

Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

cc nlfpmod

Nazgul:
This post was triggered by a friend of mine who is passing through hell in his 3 year old marriage. His wife made him believe that money isn't everything and he ignorantly got married to her in his indigent state. She stopped respecting him a long time ago. As I'm typing this, she has left him with their 1 year old daughter in Lagos and relocated back to Uyo.

So let's talk about money in courtship, Because you will need plenty of it in marriage.

Those who are of the opinion that all that matters in marriage is love not money are not serious! In fact I'd like to term them as jokers. Why? Because love won't pay your bills and put food on the table.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

So don't let any woman manipulate you into marriage when you are not financially ready simply because age is fighting against her, because if you succumb to her pressure and get married to her, you are in for a Shocker

Women can sweet tongue you into doing what you don't want to do and blame you for being stupid to listen to her in the first place.

Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

cc nlfpmod

Magnoliaa:
I have not even finished reading this post, but the blanket statements are turning me off already.

Magnoliaa:
Is it not getting married out of necessity that pushes people to cheating? I would have expected the post to address how there are many ingredients for a successful marriage. Espousing either of money or love as the most important thing is what will always lead to issues.

Magnoliaa:
So if financial security is guaranteed, there'll be no more problems?

And did you really say (most) broken marriages are caused by finances? What does broken means here? Because they're many couples who are living together and fulfilling their responsibilities to each other, like robots, but there's no love shared between them. And where will you rank infertility, infidelity, abuse, children rebellion, family interference, etc., on the scale of marital issues? What data is backing such claim up here in Nigeria?

Nazgul:
My post is specifically centered around finances. If you have knowledge of other areas where if neglected can lead to a broken marriage, kindly share them with us, I would be happy to learn.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

Magnoliaa:


And where does that leave men who do not have money?

Lol ... On Nl, all men in Nigeria are multimillionaires and billionaires . All male low income earners are from Gabon and other neighbor countries.

Shey I will not go and do trans operation to man like this? so I can turn automatic billionaire too

Persephone1:
Lol ... On Nl, all men in Nigeria are multimillionaires and billionaires . All low male income earners are from Gabon and other neighbor countries.

Magnoliaa:


Maybe it's 'cause it's late, and that's why I am find it hard to articulate my thoughts on the post.

Like, money is not the root issue. If somebody will lose respect for you without money, then what they're respecting is the money, not you as a person.

Yeah, true, while money is an important part of marriage to be considered, what is the point of a marriage if it's going to break down over over financial problems?

See eh.. I have come to realize that the reason why some of these guys opinions appear to be blatant lies or exaggeration is because this forum is a gathering of people from different regions,norms, practices and values. I have come to understand why men of a specific region may have an upsetting opinion of women of that region, the problem is with the expression i.e the generalization.

Sometimes when I read bold statement like the one Naz made on "women respect" I tend to ask myself where our respectful grandma's, mothers ,sisters, aunties, female teachers, female neighbors, female friends came from because out of these people there are some whose husband's are below average financial yet they get the King treatment and even get away with a lot of things. I hardly see these women call their husbands by name or look in their husbands eyes, some bend to serve or greet their husbands and some have lost record of money their husbands "borrowed" from them . I hardly see these women use "o" to address their husbands it is always "eh eh eh" .

The problem is the way these guys make it seem like women from their region make 100% women of Nigeria. Sadly they are the loudest bunch on this forum. Even the ratio scale he's projecting we know which region practice it, we have been abused for it as " strong sufferhead women" severally but hardly praised for it. Rather they will paint all women bad!

Magnoliaa:
And so made money seem like the most important thing to have.

You said most broken marriages are caused by finances, and I wanted to know how you reached that conclusion. As well as what you mean by broken. Like in your own opinion.
A broken marriage could either be one where the couples are divorced, bitterly separated or still staying together in the marriage but not connected emotionally anymore, and so there could be a situation where both partners fulfil their financial responsibilities to each other, and the marriage would be far from being a marriage in other respect.

Persephone1:
See eh.. I have come to realize that the reason why some of these guys opinions appear to be blatant lies or exaggeration is because this forum is a gathering of people from different regions,norms, practices and values. I have come to understand why men of a specific region may have an upsetting opinion of women of that region, the problem is with the expression i.e the generalization.

Sometimes when I read bold statement like the one Naz made on "women respect" I tend to ask myself where our respectful grandma's, mothers ,sisters, aunties, female teachers, female neighbors, female friends came from because out of these people there are some whose husband's are below average financial yet they get the King treatment and even get away with a lot of things. I hardly see these women call their husbands by name or look in their husbands eyes, some bend to serve or greet their husbands and some have lost record of money their husbands "borrowed" from them . I hardly see these women use "o" to address their husbands it is always "eh eh eh" .

The problem is the way these guys make it seem like women from their region make 100% women of Nigeria. Sadly they are the loudest bunch on this forum. Even the ratio scale he's projecting we know which region practice it, we have been abused for it as " strong sufferhead women" severally but hardly praised for it. Rather they will paint all women bad!

Nazgul:

Sometimes when I read your post, I ask myself do you live your life trying to prove to anyone that cares to listen that women are better off without men?

My post was simply a counsel to young men (myself inclusive) urging them attain financial maturity before going into marriage.

It's as simple as that...I don't know why you ladies turn everything into a gender battle. What's your problem?

Would you marry someone who is struggling to find his bearing? If you answer is no, you're a hypocrite.

Ah ah ah ah This is funny to read Is the way i live my life so obvious on Nl? Do I type about myself on Nl ? I hardly do that. Yes I believe in having a stable and running life before you get anyone in or become another's half if that's what you mistake for "living without man" lol it's on you !
But come to think of it "isn't that what you all crave for on Nl? "Strong independent woman" who doesn't ask you all for wig money, allowance or who doesn't mind going to chicken republic with you after she has satisfied herself at Marriott lounge before meeting up . Are you saying a woman shouldn't live life so she won't sound like she can live without a man? Pick a side.

You could have easily done that without throwing women under the bus with some malicious fallacy about women. The lady in your scenario could have been blinded by feelings the same way your guy was but you made it seem like she is a manipulative mastermind of marrying and living in poverty. Do you have any pity for women at all? Do you even try to consider them at as humans who are not above mistakes and do not carry Krystal balls around to see into the future? Cut us some slack!

This is not a gender war, at least not the post you quoted. Nahhhhh this is just you assuming we are with axes and knives because we called out your mistakes and errors. Some weeks ago you blamed women for getting killed because they go after rich guys now this is a woman who married for love/feelings to a broke man. Instead of you to address how "couples" can manage their finances with none left out or demonized. You are edging men to be rich before considering marriage because only when they are rich will "women respect them" . Is money that easy to make? Is this (the impression you create of women) not the reason men do all sort of crimes just to feel like men (commanding respect and value)? You see... It's not as simple as that after all . You men create the society (practices and values) and integrate women into it yet same you blame women for the society you create.

And to your question, I will not marry a man who is still struggling to find his bearing, I'm not doing that, he shouldn't. Nevertheless I wouldn't marry a man who thinks all he has to offer is money! Nahhhhhh If a man's worth is tied to his financial ability then that's a huge red flag. What happens when he isn't liquid? Keep selling off properties to have cash or what if we don't even have "properties"? What will sustain the marriage? What will we hold onto as the bedrock of our marriage? How will he handle losing HIMSELF (Money)? I definitely won't want to be a punching bag to a man who lacks what he believes makes him whole (MONEY). In addition, I'm not marrying for myself alone so I must get hitched with a man whose genes, personality,values, ideology and attributes are worth preserving and pass onto coming generations. I definitely don't want an EMPTY MONEY BAG for that.

Nazgul:
Would you marry someone who is struggling to find his bearing? If you answer is no, you're a hypocrite.

Magnoliaa:


Maybe it's 'cause it's late, and that's why I am find it hard to articulate my thoughts on the post.

Like, money is not the root issue. If somebody will lose respect for you without money, then what they're respecting is the money, not you as a person.

Yeah, true, while money is an important part of marriage to be considered, what is the point of a marriage if it's going to break down over over financial problems?

emmaodet:


It may not break down but will stretch the marriage probably to the limit
Argument, quarrels, insults start springing up when the man can't easily renew his rent and landlord embarrassing the family at the top of his voice regularly. School sending kids back home for non payment, hubby not able to raise any meaningful money during family events like burial of parent, wedding of siblings etc.
You said many women are loyal and respectful to their hubbys but do you know what is going on inside? Privately? What the man is facing?
I am a man and I know how close friends and families with respectful wives call me privately and share what they are passing through in their homes when soliciting for financial help.
Believe me, alot is happening behind the curtain

Gbadugbakun:
Nice write up OP

Money is extremely important in marriages. The problem with many young men today is rather than work hard and attain a certain level of financial balance before getting married, they would get married in faith. (No thanks to religion that is currently influencing most of our decisions.)


Before I drop my pen I want to quickly add this, if your supposed spouse is jobless, please for the sake of your unborn children let her be. Don't let her use doggy style to manipulate you to marry her. You cannot be struggling to manage yourself and use your two eyes to marry a jobless girl. Did they use poverty to swear for you ni? Help your destiny and marrying something who has something doing.