[size=12][/size] I am married, but to the wrong guy. I do have Mr. Right in my life, but I am so accustomed to being misused and abused by men until I think I may have run him away. He doesn't think I love him with all of my heart but of course I do. How can I prove this to Mr. Right although he isn't the one I am married to?

P.S. He is Nigerian and I am from the United States.

first thing you want to do is get a divorce and stop commiting adultery. what type of man would know that you are married and still try to form a relationship with you? i hope you did run him away because what you both are doing is not fair to your husband.

yes i know i dont know the whole story but set your husband free so you can live your life if that's what you want to do

I think you need to keep off men for a while till you heal and focus. This being accustomed to misuse and abuse could affect your ability to pick the right guy.
Like somebody said,dont get involved with another till you are over with the first relationship and you have left all that garbage behind.
Otherwise you will just mess up a good guy's love for you.

pass

the problem wit most ladies is that they make too much shakara when a guy ask them out n they even chase away their own true husband. u cant eat ur cake and have it. u have married mr-wrong and u better stay married to him. ur time of selection is over and divorce is nt an option for its a sin in d sight of GOD n d same as adultery for marriage have bound u both together, so u beta start seein ur partner as ur soul mate and bear whatever comes ur way, afterall u chose him

Some women sef,so you are asking people to tell you how to prove love to another man while you are in your husband's house,you deserve to be slapped.
If you are not happy with your marriage why not get a divorce and go live with your boyfriend who will soon dump you anyways,I say that cos he is not an honorable man,which reasonable man would be comfortable dating someone's wife and even asking her to prove her love for him,I don't know what your hubby must have done to you but you doing this and feeling no remorse about it,doesn't make you any better than him.

Correction, me and "the hubby" aren't living in the same house. Actually never were. You are right about your response, but to be slapped, no I don't think I deserve abuse. The story has much more detail than what I included. Main thing is this, the guy I married has told me everything to degrade me as a woman, but we have NEVER lived together as a couple. We have spent a week together at a time and only see one another every 3 to 4 months. He knows a lot of my story as in, this is marriage #2 for me. The first turned out to be abusive and still he has 0 compassion for me.

More info I should have included, me and the boyfriend aren't involved. Just phone conversation, text messages, etc. No physical contact simply out of respect for the what should have been in the marriage. I have known Mr. Right for about 5 years versus less than half the time for the guy I married, which is another reason why I said I married the wrong one.

Get a divorce, dont get a divorce, its up to you

I'm working on the divorce, but the guy acts like he is so in love with me when I mention this. Then he pretends he is doing things to make us a real couple. ON the other hand, Mr. Right-who doesn't know a whole lot about the marriage, has been the perfect gentleman.

Y.A.W.N.S
why do people lie to get attention?? u of s kee

@Flashaldrin, are u referring to me lying to get attention? no way.

luvtbaby:

I'm working on the divorce, but the guy acts like he is so in love with me when I mention this. Then he pretends he is doing things to make us a real couple. ON the other hand, Mr. Right-who doesn't know a whole lot about the marriage, has been the perfect gentleman.

lemmie be sincere with you. You sound like a confused youth.
On a serious note,what kind of advise are you looking for? support? For you to have gotten married it means you are mature enough to make decisions and this is  one of them. I am not an advocate of abuse but for heavens sake stop sounding confused and unsure of what you want. Its your marriage and your life.
Its you to bear the consequences of your actions and decisions. just have that in mind. Its a marriage you are talking about here not just a mere relationship.
And for better mature responses you are better posting this in the family section.

Well, I'm not a confused youth. I'm looking for women who have been in my position before and how they dealt. Maybe some of your lives/marriages have been picture perfect, but needless to say, mine hasn't. Thanks for your remarks and suggestions.

luvtbaby:

Well, I'm not a confused youth. I'm looking for women who have been in my position before and how they dealt. Maybe some of your lives/marriages have been picture perfect, but needless to say, mine hasn't. Thanks for your remarks and suggestions.

all nairaland girls are perfect

I doubt it boo. We women aren't perfect, although we pretend to be and are attempting to look for perfect men.

@poster
the problem her is YOU, you are going about these r/ships the wrong way. look within yourself, study the men you date/marry and get in there with caution.
if all the men you dated were wrong then i am safe to say that YOU ARE THE PROBLEM HERE!

now you are AGAIN, doing it wrong by having lust for some guy while still married to another ne (whether great or not). use your brain and DO WHAT IS RIGHT by sorting your life out FIRST. . . . . . . .then, you can come here and ask us for advice on how to get with this new guy.

whatever you have will NEVER be RIGHT unless you divorce your man and go see the ¨head mechanic¨ aka professional help!

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
the problem her is YOU, you are going about these r/ships the wrong way. look within yourself, study the men you date/marry and get in there with caution.
if all the men you dated were wrong then i am safe to say that YOU ARE THE PROBLEM HERE!

now you are AGAIN, doing it wrong by having lust for some guy while still married to another ne (whether great or not). use your brain and DO WHAT IS RIGHT by sorting your life out FIRST. . . . . . . .then, you can come here and ask us for advice on how to get with this new guy.

whatever you have will NEVER be RIGHT unless you divorce your man and go see the ¨head mechanic¨ aka professional help!

omega25red:

first thing you want to do is get a divorce and stop commiting adultery. what type of man would know that you are married and still try to form a relationship with you? i hope you did run him away because what you both are doing is not fair to your husband.

yes i know i dont know the whole story but set your husband free so you can live your life if that's what you want to do

Spot on!!
clearly it's her indiscretions and lack of knowing herself that is the issue.

@MRbrownJAY thanks so much for you input. In a lot of ways you are so right, except I am the one who gives the best advice to others. To the others, I actually do know myself. It's been a series of men starting out to be normal and all of sudden change without notice. Have you ever been there? When people change abruptly without any warning signs.

luvtbaby:

I doubt it boo. We women aren't perfect, although we pretend to be and are attempting to look for perfect men.

perfect beings dont exist on earth dear. We all have imperfections.It 's the way you are describing it that makes it sound like a joke.
I never advise couples because marriage relationships are pretty complex and only the two of you can resolve.There's usually a lot of water under the bridge which only a marriage counsellor can help you resolve or yourself.What you will get here is based on one side of the story.
Just do the right thing. wishing you the best however.

luvtbaby:

@Flashaldrin, are u referring to me lying to get attention? no way.

don't mind the charlatans. most nigerians are judgemental.
they know everything before it's said, they know what is right and what is wrong behind their dusty computers, they know what is real and what is fake  - and some of them have little or no exposure to grasp the topic of discussion.

as for your case - i have heard from several women in your situation especially in the west.
your case is very simple and it all boils down to what you want. if you want to remain with the abusive husband then cut the other guy loose and work hard to keep your marriage alive.

however, if you think your abusive husband is an unrepentant complete jerk, then cut him loose. get a divorce asap and find a way of meeting with the other bloke. life is so short to be stranded with an abusive partner. you said you have known the other dude for 5 years, how far are you sure he's not even more abusive than your husband. bonds formed via telephone/text messages can be deceptive. until you have actually lived with someone for a considerable length of time, you can never see his true colours.

good luck!

pass too

pass and never look back thanks