jamace:

This is what happened and will happen again:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-784515.128.html

Do you understand English? where have I said he shouldn't forgive her?. Forgive her and move on without her. I am a woman and no sane woman will mess up a 4 year relationship just like that without infidelity involved, she is loved by his family and she decided to mess up? only a stoopid woman will make that mistake.

Are you for real at the bolded? Even I can cry from now till tomorrow without feeling any remorse Cheesy Cheesy Grin. Her tears are tears of confusion as to if she has done the right thing by cheating and goofing at the same time. Wink. She was expecting him to be the one begging her but things turned out differently. She cannot eat her cake and have it Cool

I am a woman and wouldn't support that silly behaviour from a fellow woman

What do you know about women or tears?  Undecided I can see another mugu 1 in the making Tongue

she didn't walk away to submit to the other guy because she knows deep down that she is going back to him FULL TIME so whats the point rushing it up

but she will regret her action on the long run because i don't see any sane woman wasting 4 farking years in a relationship all because she meant a new friend and bla bla bla  Undecided

Mr. Chuks:

WOW! Lots of comments. To tell you the truth, I’m here on NL trying to pass away time and let go of the grief in my heart. To the poster that thinks this is a script, you are very wrong though life is a stage and we all are actors on that stage.
She returned after three hours and immediately started packing up her things. I didn’t say a word. When she was done, she told me she was leaving and would be staying with her childhood friend for a while. I kept mute, walked her to the door, wished her the best and that was it.
Deep down in my heart, I know she will return but my accepting her back would depend on my state of mind at that time, any commitment I might have made to another person and if she has really changed. Well, DEUCES to her for now.
I finally had to talk to two close friends of mine and they have said same with majority of the posters here- MOVE ON.
I am a gentleman (God bless my mother who raised me up and taught me how to live right) and I choose to remain this way despite the society in which I find myself. One of my favourite quotes by Sir Winston Churchill is
“The only guide to man is his conscience; the only shield to his memory is the rectitude and sincerity of his actions. It is very imprudent to walk through life without this shield, because we are so often mocked by the failure of our hopes and the upsetting of our calculations; but with this shield, however the fates may play, we march always in the ranks of honour”
Thank you all for your time and advice. It really helped. For now, I need to keep myself busy to flush out memories of the past four years.
God bless you.

Odunnu:

Pheew! That was close mahn! You almost got married to another man's wife.

Mr. Chuks:

My story :

I have been dating my current girlfriend for four years now. I started dating her in my final year in school and it has been wonderful all the way. I love her very much and she used to love me too. I must confess, she has been exceptional. We have been through it all. I'm from a very humble background and she is from same, but despite the challenges we faced, we always pulled through. My whole family (nuclear and extended) know her and her name is a brand name in my family house.

I finally got a job in April this year after eight months of searching. It was not a very fantastic job, but the pay was okay. It was in an industry entirely different from my background (I studied engineering) but I decided to take it and make a career out of it. Unfortunately, this was not to be. The job required that I work Mondays to Sundays and often closing late hours (10pm, 11pm) or sleeping over at the office to meet a deadline. I tried to adjust to the culture but it was difficult. This affected most of my relationships as my friends complained I never kept in touch and my girlfriend did too (though I used to call her almost everyday in the week). I guess she felt it more because she was serving then and had more idle time. I couldn't keep up with the midnight calls, daily calls, etc. But I ensured I spoke to her often and never failed in my financial obligations.

Things at my place of work took a different toll two months ago and I realized I couldn't continue anymore. I weighed my options and opted to join my father at his company. That way, I would be able to earn more and have more time to myself. One of the secondary reasons I decided to resign was also because I wanted to have more time for my girlfriend and my other male friends (some of which had already given up on me).

I called her up and told her my plans and she said it was fine, as far as it would make me happy. I then pleaded with her to come to see me in Lagos so we could spend time together. She stalled for a few weeks and finally showed up. But she had changed. She expressed her unhappiness at the poor communication within the past month and I apologized and promised it would never happen. She kept mentioning it every now and then and I kept apologizing and trying to appease her. She told me she didn't feel anything for me anymore (this shocked me because we never had any issue and the poor communication was for just a few weeks). I explained to her that the relationship was not founded based on feelings neither was it feelings that sustained it for the past four years. I told her I understood and I was glad we could finally work things out.

Unfortunately, the worst was yet to come. She never allowed me touch her and even attempt to kiss me and whenever I asked why, she said the feelings were not there and that "like you said, they would come back with time". She later told me she was going to spend a few days with a childhood friend (known very well by me) and would be back after three days. I gave her some money, she left and never called. I had to call her later that day (since I hadn't heard from her) and her excuse for not letting me know she had arrived was that she didn't have airtime. Like the patient man that I am, I understood. The next day, she didn't still call and same with the third. When I called to ask when she would be back, she told me she was going to stay an extra day. Though I had missed her, I gave my consent and she returned the next day.

Even after she returned, her attitude didn't change but I decided to give her time. I returned from work today, picked up my system to do some homework and coincidentally, her facebook page was still open and a chat window with the guy (I noticed a particular guy used to call almost everyday) was opened. I read through the chat and what I saw still baffles me. In a nutshell, she is dating the guy, he knows about me, they have been making out (not sure about intimate intercourse) and she was even at his place during the three days she claimed to have been with her childhood friend.

What pains me most is that I was going to propose to her tomorrow. I have bought the ring, planned it all out with my siblings and close friends and was happily waiting for the moment. Heartbroken, sad, and angered, I called her, told her my findings, and gave her till tomorrow to decide if she wants to be with me or not. If I don't get a response, I'm calling it off.

It's painful. Four years of hoping, believing and staying committed. Four years of waiting till she says YES. Four years!

At this point, I have become totally insensitive to anything. As dawn approaches, I await her response. I have made up my mind that if she says she wants to be with me, and is remorseful about her actions, I will forgive her but we will need to go back to the drawing board. If she wants out, I will give her 2hrs to get out of my apartment! If she doesn't say anything, I will call it off and tell her to leave.

I await dawn 

sicily4u:

@poster are you for real ? 8months with out job, and finally u got one and resign to work in your fathers company, why not work in your fathers company earlier, tell this story to kids

coogar:

let her go, she's slept with the other dude!

jennykadry:

poster can decide to listen to his dykk or his head. You can take her back honey, but prepare yourself with the fact that she might make you pay for all of these not now but after marriage.

A girl that is truly remorseful will camp outside your house until you forgive her. When I offend my husband with my big mouth, I sms him or go look for hhim@ work and apologise, and if we are home, I really apologise.

Truth is, she's more concerned as to whether she made the right decision by cheating on you and wanting to be with the other guy, shes more concerned for her future. I dont know how you will even want a girl that told you she has no feelings for you, are you so desperate?

jennykadry:

poster can decide to listen to his dykk or his head. You can take her back honey, but prepare yourself with the fact that she might make you pay for all of these not now but after marriage.

A girl that is truly remorseful will camp outside your house until you forgive her. When I offend my husband with my big mouth, I sms him or go look for hhim@ work and apologise, and if we are home, I really apologise.

Truth is, she's more concerned as to whether she made the right decision by cheating on you and wanting to be with the other guy, shes more concerned for her future. I dont know how you will even want a girl that told you she has no feelings for you, are you so desperate?

Skii:

Gaddamn (panting) I missed out on all the action fa,

Amazing how fast you have to read through to catch up


Well poster even though the drama is over and though I almost overwhelmingly agree that you should move on, one tiny bit stll says that you should demonstrate maturity for the girl(assuming you are older). what she has with the other guy are just emotions. Feelings that can die with time. Love is different. It embraces forgiveness and keeps no record of wrong doing. If she was unfaithful and you were faithful, big deal. Most of us cheat on Jesus! (assuming you are a christian). Do what you must though. Goodluck Best of luck!!

Skii:

Gaddamn (panting) I missed out on all the action fa,

Amazing how fast you have to read through to catch up


Well poster even though the drama is over and though I almost overwhelmingly agree that you should move on, one tiny bit stll says that you should demonstrate maturity for the girl(assuming you are older). [size=18pt]what she has with the other guy are just emotions. Feelings that can die with time. Love is different. It embraces forgiveness and keeps no record of wrong doing. If she was unfaithful and you were faithful, big deal. Most of us cheat on Jesus! (assuming you are a christian). Do what you must though. Goodluck Best of luck!![/[/size]quote]

coogar:

in his shoes, you would take the back the girl?

Skii:

YES!!

coogar:

very good!

now i know why girls continue to be immoral in nigeria.
men like you aid and abet their shameful acts.