BrokenCondom:
This will be quite an epistle, please bear with me
When i met my babymama or should i say wife... We met on fb and i was swayed by these two factors... she was a Muslim, despite the fact that i had given up on religion. I also wanted her because she was about my age, i am only a month older than her. Why? I have some unnecessary phobia to marrying a younger lady, someone who may not have seen life enough to stay faithful to her man (prone to taking wrong steps)
My relationship with this lady was not so smooth but manageable. I have a bad attitude of not calling but she is very good at that. I rather chat longer than talking on phone via voice calls. She wasn't unhappy with that and do call me as much as she want. But for me, i was so fed up with her incessant calls, it bore life out of me.
She gave me another vibe then. Back 2018, life was dealing with me, i lost my job, ate my savings and all but since i wasn't married, i was good. That was when i met her, she was never demanding, she wanted my money but knew i nor get, so she didn't bother bothering me about doing much financially for her. I loved her for that.
FF till 2021 during which, in past (2019,2020) we were on and off the relationship of my own bad character of not calling... i had left town to do some menial jobs up north that put a little distance between us... and me not picking calls often?
So fastworward to 2021 when i came back to Lagos, i took a job (not paying much)
I had no GF but i was meaning to settle down, have a good relationship with someone i can settle with. I can assure that im not a bad looking man but i wasn't interested in all these ladies that will be demanding up and down. So i remembered the only relationship that geve me peace of mind, a relationship that wasn't so expensive to manage. I remembered my now babymama.
Let me say this, when i called her... my exact words were "i don't know if you have a serious relationship now but i felt i still love you, i wish you can attain some heights (i.e learn some trades or get a job of your own. As she was managing a family business) before we get married. you already know my weakness and i will try to improve myself too but also know that i still haven't made headwaves in life but i am not lazy too. If you don't mind we Kickstarting the relationship back i won't mind too. I just need you to know i am still struggling and since you are the only one who wasn't asking for much from me, i feel i can trust you. She agreed.
I had rented a room then, although very expensive but it was close to my work place.
In my then room was a mat i bought for 5k and a mp3 for songs. Aside that, nothing more.
When she came to visit, she was disappointed which she didn't say but i felt it. After she left i stoped showing affection because of her attitude just to know if she'll keep the tabs which she did. She still kept calling, so I thought she was excited about me and believed my situation will change. This made me make advances, we kept seeing each other till she got pregnant...
This was the genesis of why i need your advice guys..
She broke the news to me about the pregnancy and i was devastated, but i was already in my mid 30's closing gap on 40. How on earth can i say she should terminate it, im even sure she won't because i was only a month older than this lady.
I was hesitant to tell my parents who will be happy their only male child is doing the needful.
I called her to my house, i told her what could happen and gave her 3 instance
1. Stay with me let's endure together as we can do it. I know it will be very difficult but we can do it if you're not tired of me. I know my place is never comfortable but if we are together in true mind, that shouldn't be a problem
2. I can make arrangements for you to go to my parents place, outside Lagos in one of the neighboring Oyo town. Which i pretty sure will be very good for you because they will take good care of you.
3. You'll stay wherever you like, probably your parents place or whatever you suggest.
So she suggested i get an apartment for her around her current place, not far from her family's business and all. As of that time that would be very difficult to do for me. So i said it to her face that I won't be able to do that.
She left my place in anger that day and blocked me for over 2 ½ months. I tried getting through to her but she didn't want to hear me, i even began to think if i was not responsible for the pregnancy, maybe she was just wondering who to pin it on and all.
But my conscience wouldn't let me be, so i involved my parents who took it on them to visit her parents, was as if they were begging her to settle down. My own parents later arranged an introduction with the parents and we made a palour party after the pregnancy was about 6months.
I guess the father pressured her to move towards her husband. She agreed to move in with my parents as her excuse was that my place was too uncomfortable for her, which i can understand.
Fastforward she gave birth some months later, i went back home did what i can but my parents were so supportive. She started exhibiting some strange attitudes, like always nagging on phone, saying things like " all the money you are making where are you putting it?
Is it that your parents are the ones to yake care of your family?
I regret settling with you
You need to take me out of here (i told her to move in with me) all she wanted is that i rent another place for her at her own choice location. All these while, things are not changing financially for me, it was even getting worse.... Anytime we have issues or arguments my wife will stop chatting me, stop picking my calls for months at times.
I tried talking with her brother whom i took as a friend, to speak with her about the malice she keeps with me. I thought her unhappiness was even the reasons for my woes.
So i made a move for her to come around, at least so that i can freely play with my baby. She came that week in a notion that she'll stay at least 2weeks. My babymama came on Thursday and was already on my neck to leave on Sunday. I pressed her to stay a lil bit and she left on Tuesday. She went to her hometown and used over 2 weeks there before returning to my parent's place. This actually broke my heart into shreads.
Same lady who was cool with me, got pregnant in same house but now don't want anything to do with me. At a time i needed her the most.
Unknowing to her, one reason for my situation then was that i was processing to travel out of the country. So my time and money wasn't just for having a new apartment or impressing her.
I was waiting patiently for the result of the second travel processing in a row, it came late but i was determined that either ways ot come, positive or negative, i will evict her from my parents house and send her back to her parents.
My travel plans was positive and i left the country last year.. now thisnis my dilemma
My wife now wants to remain in my parent's house she once requested to leave and fight me for making her stay.
She now begs me to forgive all her attitudes that she's ready to change
She now wants to make up for all she made me went through
But i must say, anytime i remember that i was never in my baby's life from start till i even traveled i keep resenting that lady i call wife. All the while i will be full of konji and will have to sleep like a frog, i keep feeling i don't need her anymore. Above all, having to think about bringing her here for the sake of my child gives me nightmare of what she may still do to me in future.
I am in a dilemma, to send her packing from my parent's home or to make all my experience with her unimportant?
She has a good family, I'm sure she'd have left my sorry ass for a long time but she is afraid of what her father will say or what her family will say. If i send her away now, i pity my baby who is now over a year old.
Please your emotionless advises will be taken seriously. I will be lurking around the comments section.
Rent her a good apartment in Nigeria for the sake of your baby. And send them money regularly.... Time will tell if she's worth bringing abroad or not. 1 Like |
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