At first, not having a 'real job' was great. I was more productive, and more in love with my work than I'd ever been in my life.

I held crazy hours, waking up at 4am for a six hour code marathon while my girlfriend slept. I'd take long runs at random moments during the day, and didn't think twice about staying out drinking on a Monday night. I became a regular hipster at all my favorite coffee shops.

In this mode, I went from a concept to an MVP that was $2,000 a month profitable in six weeks. But my profits came at a cost.

For the first time in my life, I was experiencing serious solitude. I was spending most of the day, every day alone. My social circle included only my girlfriend. I began to realize that, left to my own devices, I couldn't create a social life for myself. I'd always relied on the structure provided by working in an office.

I became a clingy and critical boyfriend. With only one person to focus my social attention on, I expected more from my girlfriend than was reasonable. I frequently got mad when she came home ten minutes later than she said she would.

As my product started generating more and more money, I started spending less and less time developing it. I began to fantasize about being the next Tim Ferriss. Surely, I would fill my days with an eclectic mix of hobbies and spontaneous travel, funding the whole thing with the ultimate passive income stream.

But for some reason I can't do that. I'm not good at using my free time for hobbies. I typically spend it thinking about work, or prototyping the 'next thing'. I guess I'm addicted.

I found myself in a co-working space the other day. I passed row after row of neatly ensconced workers and realized that I would be just as lonely working there, separated in that manner.

At the end of a long hallway I came to a larger space, with windows serenely overlooking the East River to Manhattan. I imagined myself and a handful of others together laughing, coding, dreaming the future of the web together. I walked back down the long hallway and wrote a cheque.

Source - https://kelseypiper.substack.com/p/how-do-i-deal-with-not-having-a-real