Proserpina:
What's a man who doesn't have the intention to provide doing with any lady at all?

I can't believe we are even debating this at all. I know y'all have set the dating standards so low for yourselves here but I didn't know it has gotten to this

So a woman should prepare to feed herself while being married? I really fear for women who will end up with you lots.

First of all do you think to pay house rent is easy?
I'm sorry I grew up with an apt ideology and I'm still trying to understand relationship matters. Because I don't understand many things I have come to notice and understand.
My parents for instance are old fashioned.
My mum does little trade while my dad provide almost everything.
My mum got established by my dad in the 90s and later my dad lost his job.
We moved from our quarters in garki Abuja then back to Lagos. My dad was the bread winner of his family back then.
After coming back to Lagos my dad then returned to Abuja to start working as contractor, things were not as good as before but my mum was never prepared for this newly kind of life.
She came from a nice family also and she's a strong willed person.
Immediately she started doing more also to provide for me and my sister her nagging increased. There is not always peace whenever my dad return from Abuja. I was the mummy's boi so I always took side with my mum no matter what, while my elder sis is always compassionate towards my dad now reverse is almost the case tho.
My daddy being a gentle person reduce his visit to Lagos. Despite being the landlord lol. My mum was 70% in charge of the house.
Fast forward till now, me and my dad are not close while me and my mum are no more close like we use to.
The last time I went home and wanted to demarcate some extension of the building my mum challenged me that I dare not.
I did not waste time to tell her to return to her father's house if she's not pleased.
I've imagined all the wahala she gave my dad wen I was still her strongest ally. If she felt my dad was not providing enough as a man she should have gone outside to rent 3 bedroom flat and a shop to know if my dad did not provide shelter.

If a man provides shelter for his family I feel he has done a good job. If both party contribute feeding as 50/50 there is nothing bad about that.
The man will still need to pay school fees and other house related bills etc.
So with all this provision and expenses if a lady feels he must also provide all feeding. Then what is the support she's giving to him?
Thanks I'm just trying to learn so I won't be expecting more than I could get from a lady.

tollyboy5:

I'm not married.
First of all, I honestly was not really aware of the kind of reality I was going to face as I grew up. But no qualms we meuve.
I try my best to adjust to fit in. If a man earns 50k and a woman earns 50k from what I've seen in the past. Both contribute to the expenses in the house but the man earning 50k contribute more.
The woman spend more money on her self but to me it's not bad tho.
When she gives birth she'll spend on the children also.
What I'm trying to tell you is that, the man will always show more care and spend more even of the wife is contributing.
Once a lady start contributing more than the husband, it'll become a problem because she will become rude to him.
So in a relationship where both party support the piller the man does more, now this one is not even ready to support any pillar.
The only support I could see from her write up is the "kpa! Kpa! Kpa!" Support.
That's ridiculous if a lady thinks that's the best they could offer in a relationship.
She say can't give sex to who don't give her cash for feeding!
Stop twisting the rubbish talk to look nice.
Her comment was a reply to me in another thread where I said " if a man can feed himself and his parent and children, any other billing is secondary and not necessarily but he should attend to some".
She picked offense because I did not add wife. So a man who provides food in the house for his children will need special provision for wife feeding also?
Is it a curse that a lady should not be able to feed herself b4 marriage?
Is that the reason why many ladies are so excited about wedding? They've seen where mount their liability.
I was working in one company one time. There is this warri lady with unruly attitude. Always forming rubbish!
When she came late to night duty one time I wanted to talk to her despite knowing how rude she was.
My guy in the IT department shun me immediately.
I couldn't talk to her about how she took her job and why she needed some adjustment, not quite long she got sacked.
I met her boss and those ones told me they've cautioned her severally but she was adamant, so the management did as it was supposed.
She has this gang of friends where they discuss Tonto dike and co. They see those ladies as a role model.
When she got sacked she was bouncing like she never needed the salary.
I looked at her and shaked my head. "What a shame, your broke ass came to apply for an average pay job to your self and her family but her stupidity got her out of the job, now she was bouncing in shame. She could only deceive her fellow ignorant fellows because I knew she was crying deep inside her".
I told someone that this girl will go back to the street to put her broke ass bills on innocent men now that she's jobless.
Not long after her sack she got married.
Now everything was making sense to how I imagined it. She found who to take her liability in exchange for sex.
Marriage is and life is give and take. In this present world where s*x is cheap, you can say s*x what you have to offer in marriage.

Point of correction, not all ladies are rude when they have more than their husband



s that the reason why many ladies are so excited about wedding? They've seen where mount their liability.

You are very correct with this point

luminouz:


I love vawulence.😉😉😉

On a cool note...it's only the sex part that was wrong to me. I have blown off two women who had that mindset. They don't have any supportive bone in their bodies and they equate sex with money so much it was bizarre. What if I lose my job? No sex!! I can't pay light bills for a month? No sex... These things mean nothing to a woman who is supportive or why dafuq do we say for better for worse in marriage na.

Any woman who equates sex to money in my opinion is just hoelosho!!!

They have stopped saying for better for worse

I attended one wedding recently and the wife refuse to say for better for worse. She said for better for better 🤣🤣

Sounds cool and woke but words are powerful because the moment things go south that lady will leave that man

Proserpina:
No be me ooooo

I just find it absurd that guys are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Why marry when you are not ready to provide? .

Lol... So make we dey hold food money now when we are going to husband's house .

Nothing wey person no go read for NL

Lol. Everybody should hold food money when entering marriage. Mature adults should marry with a sense of responsibility and the knowledge that they'll take care of each other and mutually provide and "equally" (or at least to the extent that one party doesn't always do something in a one-sided way) help and support or cushion each other in places where the other is unable to fill in.

The only sensible "repayment" for being taken care of is to take care of the other person in turn, not sex. So yeah, the wording and the mentality of the submission is so wrong, when the marriage is not a brothel where the man has to be "buying" sex continually from the wife by providing. If you (not you personally) won't have sex with him because he doesn't provide, he could also choose not to provide because you've decided not to have sex too (so who should do which first?)

Everybody was providing for themselves before marriage. Everybody has had sex before marriage. Why are conditions now being placed on it inside marriage? Placing a price tag on these things makes it seem as if the two of them will be getting something exclusively that they have never gotten before the marriage- providing for a person that has never been provided for/having sex with a person that has never had sex.


This is why I dislike the whole "traditional" set up along 'bring this, I bring this,' because one person is going to be benefitting more than another.

To have sex, and to provide, and to do every other thing else isn't exclusively the domain of a gender. If the man picks up the bill because he's good with numbers, as a person, fine. If the wife cooks because she loves it, alright. And whenever, if, the wife is pregnant, the husband providing, feeding or taking care of the wife shouldn't entitle him to labour or sex from her - doing those should be an expression of love from him, the way the wife has been doing same for him. But if it's all commodified and made transactional, what exactly will the wife give in turn when she's healing from childbirth and cannot cook, clean, have sex or "support" whenever she can? She'll employ a nanny to fulfil her 'wifely duties' lol?

I get why they'll make a mountain out of a molehill of this - the OP's mentality is closely tied to why men feel unfulfilled when they cannot financially provide. So if a man is unable to bring the bacon home for whatever reason, a woman should withdraw sex and intimacy and respect and all? But then we tell them not to tie that value to their pockets, and to other things like their personality and brain. Mind you, I am not defending a completely, deadbeat useless man without value and is a leech. I am not saying a wife should continue being a virtuous, sufferhead to a man who brings nothing to the table. We all look for values in people. I am only saying "money" is just one of the many usefulness of a person (or man) and if they do not have that, they do not become useless.

tollyboy5:

First of all do you think to pay house rent is easy?
I'm sorry I grew up with an apt ideology and I'm still trying to understand relationship matters. Because I don't understand many things I have come to notice and understand.
My parents for instance are old fashioned.
My mum does little trade while my dad provide almost everything.
My mum got established by my dad in the 90s and later my dad lost his job.
We moved from our quarters in garki Abuja then back to Lagos. My dad was the bread winner of his family back then.
After coming back to Lagos my dad then returned to Abuja to start working as contractor, things were not as good as before but my mum was never prepared for this newly kind of life.
She came from a nice family also and she's a strong willed person.
Immediately she started doing more also to provide for me and my sister her nagging increased. There is not always peace whenever my dad return from Abuja. I was the mummy's boi so I always took side with my mum no matter what, while my elder sis is always compassionate towards my dad now reverse is almost the case tho.
My daddy being a gentle person reduce his visit to Lagos. Despite being the landlord lol. My mum was 70% in charge of the house.
Fast forward till now, me and my dad are not close while me and my mum are no more close like we use to.
The last time I went home and wanted to demarcate some extension of the building my mum challenged me that I dare not.
I did not waste time to tell her to return to her father's house if she's not pleased.
I've imagined all the wahala she gave my dad wen I was still her strongest ally. If she felt my dad was not providing enough as a man she should have gone outside to rent 3 bedroom flat and a shop to know if my dad did not provide shelter.

If a man provides shelter for his family I feel he has done a good job. If both party contribute feeding as 50/50 there is nothing bad about that.
The man will still need to pay school fees and other house related bills etc.
So with all this provision and expenses if a lady feels he must also provide all feeding. Then what is the support she's giving to him?
Thanks I'm just trying to learn so I won't be expecting more than I could get from a lady.

Your story is very relatable and thanks for sharing.

Women tend to ostracize the man and turn some or all of the children against the man especially if they think he is not providing enough.

I've seen in many cases that men whose wife are not supportive grow up to become lonely and dejected after spending all their youthful energy to cater for their family.
I plead with you to get close to your father now that you know the complete picture. And dont abandon mom as well. You can bring the two together.

God bless you

Men and guys eyes don open


Laughing..

Proserpina:
The bolded.... Like you have typed "helped" that is her role . You are playing around with words, we all know what "to provide" means in this context. Men are to provide, Women are to support.

Sex is scared to her, it is her own input and no matter how cheap or easy to get it may be out there it is something of value to her so if that's what she use to quantity her gain and loss she is justified. It is like telling a man not to see money as a huge factor he contributes to his marriage. Personally if I'm to make a post as hers it will be cooking, yeah because it's something I don't find easy to do but I do it out of love. So that's her compromise, her offer of love, she has the right to use it as a measure. Let's not downplay it because sex is bastardized out there, to her it isn't.

You are right, two wrongs do not make a right.

You find it difficult to cook abi you don't know how to cook

asiri tu !

Iamzik:


Your story is very relatable and thanks for sharing.

Women tend to ostracize the man and turn some of them against the man especially if they think he is not providing enough.

I've seen in many cases that men whose wife are not supportive grow up to become lonely and dejected after spending all their youthful energy to cater for their family.
I plead with you to get close to your father now that you know the complete picture. And dont abandon mom as well. You can bring the two together.

God bless you

A guy posted related story...

The man get stroke and the wife and kids turn on him.

Man that has been striving hard to provide without rest..

Iamzik:


They have stopped saying for better for worse

I attended one wedding recently and the wife refuse to say for better for worse. She said for better for better 🤣🤣

Sounds cool and woke but words are powerful because the moment things go south that lady will leave that man

You garrit.


90% men marry to impress their friends and family... hence marry ladies with class and beauty and ZERO CHARACTERS AND MORALS AND EMPATHY

NeoWanZaeed:



Point of correction, not all ladies are rude when they have more than their husband



s that the reason why many ladies are so excited about wedding? They've seen where mount their liability.

You are very correct with this point

My grandparents are one of the best I could have ever noticed.
They're Muslims with a larger family and they trained their children well with love.
I noticed the culture in the early 90s. We're ijebu Epe people.
Once there is a bread winner in the family, the bread winner is to take other younger ones and train them till they stand on their feet.
That was the culture b4 my dad got married that did not sit well with my mum.
Thank God today my dad sisters are contributing immensely to their husband's home.
Infact my dad immediate sister is the strongest financially and take responsibility in her father and husband house without nagging (her husband now is really blessed).
To see these breed of women these days. As I was told my aunt and her husband joined money to build their new house when moving out of the former house her husband built.
That is to tell you something that the man own the former house. No matter what a woman brings to the table a man brings more of it.
So why should a women thinks she can't contribute to feeding also is what I don't understand but it is well tho.

tollyboy5:

My grandparents are one of the best I could have ever noticed.
They're Muslims with a larger family and they trained their children well with love.
I noticed the culture in the early 90s. We're ijebu Epe people.
Once there is a bread winner in the family, the bread winner is to take other younger ones and train them till they stand on their feet.
That was the culture b4 my dad got married that did not sit well with my mum.
Thank God today my dad sisters are contributing immensely to their husband's home.
Infact my dad immediate sister is the strongest financially and take responsibility in her father and husband house without nagging (her husband now is really blessed).
To see these breed of women these days. As I was told my aunt and her husband joined money to build their new house when moving out of the former house her husband built.
That is to tell you something that the man own the former house. No matter what a woman brings to the table a man brings more of it.
So why should a women thinks she can't contribute to feeding also is what I don't understand but it is well tho.

Husband and wife coming together to build life makes it easier to manage marriage

It's yahoo boiz
Social media flaunting of wealth
Olosho parading social media as hardworking lady giving nonsense advises.
These are what destroys ladies of this generation.

That's why single mothers plenty and divorced plenty pass who are married

eazzzy1:
If women tie sex to provision, men should tie provision to sex too. If every married man only provide on the days they have sex, the average man will provide less than 20 days in a year.

That there are women who still believe sex is beneficial solely to a man is bewildering. If only you know the number of wives who are in therapy because their husbands wouldn’t touch them.

One of the only allure of marriage or any other arrangement that would make me share my space and with someone is increased income, reduced expenses or both. Double income, single bill is the goal. Keep your knacks.

If I wanted to pay for knacks I know how to go about it. I also reserve the right to change customers at will. Having a live-in call girl negates the entire purpose of such lifestyle.

Bro i feel you, if women insist sex is an equivalent of monetary provision ... Maybe men should only provide the day they want sex or is that not the rational behind prepaid meter for electricity customer

Women claim sex is only beneficial to men, yet the highest litigation against men in magistrate court is by deprived & unsatisfied wives ... if you hear cases you go laugh taya

there was a time i was on medication unknown to me it was affecting my performance... aunty change am for me o infact she use her money buy Jedi from kolaq alagbo on twitter then.

It was a gurl that introduce me to these combo sef, if sex is nothing to women then let men do there 2min jeje naw ... lmao

Men just don't like when a woman reminds them of the rules.

It's more about her delivery, not necessarily what she is saying. Some egos have been bruised, hence the pandemonium.

But she is right. That's the point of marriage. A man must be able to provide and protect his family, including his wife. That's also where your pride as a man will come from.

Although men of this generation have narrowed the definition of wifey duties to financial only. So if she is not bringing money, then she is not an asset. That's very wrong.

Proserpina:
Where's the lie in her post?

As a man it is your responsibility to take care of your woman, if you can't you have no business with marriage.

The lady tried so hard shelve her rightful position in a man's life by using the word "support". Let's go back to holy book, Genesis said in summary that the woman was created to be help meet. Today's women have bcom an unmitigated liabilities without respect.

You open legs for a man now means the man must die before her time. Has any one notice the rate at which men are dying this days ?

One woman go inherit wetin you suffer for like na she get earn am because she give you toto. Na this entitled mentality I no like.

.

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Eunoiaa:
Semantics as far as I'm concerned.

Like someone who's just trying to make the best of the end of the short stick of the patriarchal deal they got. Like "stooping to conquer" and "men are the head, women are the neck" kind of thing. It sounds so soullessly transactional to me. Not to mention the points being all over the place.


And like, how do you "quantify" stuff you do for each other and make it match? So sex is the "payment" for being taken care for? And when a man takes care of you, he's entitled to sex? 'Sacred sex' seems wildly contradictory to 'I can't give you free knack if you don't take care of me.'


What the bride price is also doing there, I don't know. If bride prices doesn't give the man access to A and B and C, what's the point? 'Just because you paid bride price, you can't...' for something that runs into millions based on cultural dictates is just so laughable lol. You cannot demand someone be a piper and also want to tell them how to play the tune nau lol.

Bride price varies depending on the culture.
I see those things are cultural obligations that need to be fulfilled if it doesn't cut your head off or push you to the wall.
Some years ago some of my friends asked me if was going to be ok with my wife getting richer than I am.
I told them I'm not against her success, it's a win win situation.
He said I'm a simp, that I just look tough as a man.
I told him relationship is not to belittle a woman but to show love towards each other.
A man leading the family doesn't mean no one must progress beyond his financial capability.
I don't know if I was thinking right.
If I'm wrong I won't hesitate to adjust.

tollyboy5:

First of all do you think to pay house rent is easy?
I'm sorry I grew up with an apt ideology and I'm still trying to understand relationship matters. Because I don't understand many things I have come to notice and understand.
My parents for instance are old fashioned.
My mum does little trade while my dad provide almost everything.
My mum got established by my dad in the 90s and later my dad lost his job.
We moved from our quarters in garki Abuja then back to Lagos. My dad was the bread winner of his family back then.
After coming back to Lagos my dad then returned to Abuja to start working as contractor, things were not as good as before but my mum was never prepared for this newly kind of life.
She came from a nice family also and she's a strong willed person.
Immediately she started doing more also to provide for me and my sister her nagging increased. There is not always peace whenever my dad return from Abuja. I was the mummy's boi so I always took side with my mum no matter what, while my elder sis is always compassionate towards my dad now reverse is almost the case tho.
My daddy being a gentle person reduce his visit to Lagos. Despite being the landlord lol. My mum was 70% in charge of the house.
Fast forward till now, me and my dad are not close while me and my mum are no more close like we use to.
The last time I went home and wanted to demarcate some extension of the building my mum challenged me that I dare not.
I did not waste time to tell her to return to her father's house if she's not pleased.
I've imagined all the wahala she gave my dad wen I was still her strongest ally. If she felt my dad was not providing enough as a man she should have gone outside to rent 3 bedroom flat and a shop to know if my dad did not provide shelter.

If a man provides shelter for his family I feel he has done a good job. If both party contribute feeding as 50/50 there is nothing bad about that.
The man will still need to pay school fees and other house related bills etc.
So with all this provision and expenses if a lady feels he must also provide all feeding. Then what is the support she's giving to him?
Thanks I'm just trying to learn so I won't be expecting more than I could get from a lady.

Your story is relateable, most male son were there mom's knight until they grew up ... all our fathers did were never enough as long as our mothers countenance doesnt say so

Most male child get to know the truth when they start working and they marry tew ... thats when you see woman finish
i was fortunate to love & support my dad early enough before he died. R.i.P Dad

Fathers deserve more praises than the society give, the sacrifices no be here

1Sharon:
1 Timothy 5:8
But if any man provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
— 1 Peter 3:1-2

Proserpina:
She shelve or she no shelve , the truth remains she's right.

If you can't provide, stay away from marriage. It's very simple.

The matter no hard. But there are women who do not mind marrying non-providers. They can marry those ones. Like I said, until providing women are not expected to hide it to protect their husbands dignity and men can boldly come out to say they don't provide, then we can have a discussion. Men know the truth, they only hate to hear it from women.

Proserpina:
Lol... I know it's not easy to pay house rent because I pay house

Your mum turned to a nag because of what life threw at her and it's pitiable to see how you treated her after raising you. Like you told your mom to go back to her father's house? Lol interesting. Do not overstretch a woman's capability and still expect her to be calm, loving and gentle. She will develop a coping mechanism on the long run and that's when she becomes a demon or leech in your sight.

A woman can support you financially but she's not to provide . However there are also women out there who will share financial responsibility with you on a percentage but are you willing to PARTNER with them in your marriage? You will have to share all responsibilities and leadership in your marriage,are you up for it. If no, you can't eat your cake and have it. If yes, good for you. Find such women.

We're saying the same thing from different angle.
Some women when they give 20% they feel like they're being overstretched because they were not prepared for that.
That's the major problem. Someone like you who pay for rent will appreciate a guy with a building.
Where you can use the half of what you use to used to pay for rent to contribute to your home.
But a lady who has not feed herself b4 marriage, when married she's going to think she's doing too much when she starts contributing 30% to the family.
I dont count sex as contribution.
These days I'm more interested in what a lady does for her upkeep or what she's trying to do, and how I could support one way or the other than talk of let's go shopping, flexing etc.

Proserpina:
She shelve or she no shelve , the truth remains she's right.

If you can't provide, stay away from marriage. It's very simple.

Okay, so when times are rough she was just ditch you because that's how she sounded. The moment you can't provide the needful again, you stop being a man, What an irony.

.

.

Proserpina:
Abi they should go for strong and independent women.
I no strong and my independence has a time frame I can't come and kill myself.

They know but won't accept it.

Toor! Na "hide my ID' dey end am.

.

Proserpina:
Where's the lie in her post?

As a man it is your responsibility to take care of your woman, if you can't you have no business with marriage.

So, what happens when the man has a severe injury or dementia and can no longer work.

Should the woman run away?

.

MrBrownJay1:
whether a man provides for the family or not, he is entitled to mounting his wife.


so technically, well all is good she has sex with husband, and if business is not great, no sex for him. what kind of narrow minded yeye nonsense is this?!

You using entitlement to mounting is the only ish I have with.


But I genuinely cannot wrap my head around sex being something a woman give to a man.

So if I was married to someone, and things started going rough for them, I'll not have sex with them even if I want it?

.

Proserpina:
Are you praying to have severe injury or dementia or not being able to work?

It's funny how you can imagine the worst when the thread is about owning up to your responsibility.

When people come up with those scenarios on a basic topic, I just know they have been cornered. So if a man says he wants a wife that can cook, does it mean he doesn't know she can lose her hands? Nonsense analogy.

Proserpina:
I don read and hear gist tire. Let a man be a man and a woman a woman biko.

They will learn...

.