Doveheart:
Her husband is long dead and she hasn't gotten married since then, we have been friends since then. She's my junior colleague in my former office anyways.
My wife has left me close to 3 years now and I want to settle down.
But I don't know if it's advisable for me to settle down with this single mother because I told her that our friendship could turn to something more serious later and, she said there's no problem about that.
What do you think friends.

Do you want to marry her out of love or is it just because she's the available option for now?

Nice2023:



Obinna,I have given my own advice...face the topic and stop advising me.

I am a father of 4children.

I am talking from experience ok.

Advice should come from general aspect and not one lucky man or maybe simp who was able to find a quality wife at 10000odds

obinna58:

Advice should come from general aspect and not one lucky man or maybe simp who was able to find a quality wife at 10000odds

Obinna I was not lucky nor a simp.
I knew what I wanted,and during our courtship we did everything within our powers to make sure we have a good marriage by discussing,planning and making sure that everything works out as planned.

And that is it. U called it luck and I call it work.

Namaster:
Children are a NIGHTMARE to raise these days. Raising another man's children is the kind of nightmare that even Stephen King cannot conjure.

First of all, you are opening yourself up to a LOT of problems. You are inviting not 1, not 2 but 3 strangers into your life.

If you have NO kids, you will IMMEDIATELY be outnumbered in your own home. If you have kids, you are exposing them to unhealthy levels of rivalry.

Nothing disappoints a child than seeing their parent investing his scarce resources EQUALLY in children that are not related to him.

It communicates to the kids that if their father could invest in strange kids as much as he invests in them, then they are not special to him. The superior love that parents have for their offsprings does not exist in their lives.

In short, they feel UNLOVED. Or less loved.

And make no mistake, your wife will make sure your investments (both emotional and financial) in her kids are equal to your investments in your kids. She'll argue that it's the only way to keep the family cohesive.

Meanwhile, she'll NEVER do the same for your kids. Your kids will begin to learn firsthand the origin of the evil stepmother fairy tales.

That is if you have kids.

If you don't have kids, why are you eager to live your life raising another man's kids. Kids that will NEVER accept you as their father.

Their father is dead which makes him a special kind of hero that can never be replaced. To them, you are nothing but a wallet and a mother-fuuucker.

Plus when you try to discipline them, they'll feel like you were being too harsh because they are not your biological kids. Your wife will feel like you were being too harsh because they are not your biological kids. Then you will start to question yourself whether you were being too harsh because they are not your biological kids.

Also the quality and frequency of sex with a single mother is NEVER great. Pregnancy and child birth fuucks up a woman's body. Sometimes, her mind too.

You'll have to deal with that too.

Finally, everybody you know will think of you as a LOW-QUALITY MAN. They will treat you as such. It'll be unconscious, not deliberate. It's a kind of evolutionary instinct.

Only a low-quality man with no other options will choose to raise another man's seeds for a chance at getting pussy. It means you agree to let your resources be siphoned to raise offsprings that offer you no evolutionary advantage in exchange for a puuusssy that's been damaged by another man's dick and the birth of another man's children.

Low quality!

One last thing:

All single mothers are angels when dealing with a prospective suitor. Marry them and you'll unlock their hidden demons.

nice one,sage!

Why someone go see fire come shuck him hand put?

Don't be deceived, you may die just like the husband. All things being equal, any woman that man die in her hand, is the woman that kill the man. Either spiritually or otherwise.

Didn't you see it in the bible? Any woman that lost his husband is a death trap. Except he die during war.

Avoid any widow with passion, if you don't want to die like the husband. You can only knack her once or twice and dump and avoid her.

A word is enough for the wise.

obinna58:

Advice should come from general aspect and not one lucky man or maybe simp who was able to find a quality wife at 10000odds

Because he is yet to carry out a DNA test, and because he has no idea that another man is checking his wife's area.

Maybe I grew up in a different generation but raising orphans and raising kids that do not belong to you, in fact, raising bastards was never seen as weakness. The world has changed so much, you now look like an idiot. A lot of spirituality is gone. People are behaving like rabbits. Dig in and run out. That's why I laugh at some people who only see polygamy has a problem. I saw fathers marrying women who already had enough kids on their own. It was not until we grew old enough that we started knowing some people were not even from the family. That's how wise our parents were. They built families, they built societies. You learn. All the people who condemn it are those who will condemn anything else. why?Because successful people don't come out to be telling you how they did it, they keep working. This is what we have today, there are so many bad marriages out there that people will tell you not to get married. It is because the mind loves negative stories first and we act out of fear.


It was people that were in this kind of situations, that took in other children that we used to go and meet in those days because they are wise enough to manage conflicts, differences and multiple personalities. It's no wonder today, we have people who cannot even talk to their shadow, they have left African culture and embracing technology of microwave me me me and me only. They don't know how to handle people.
We are increasingly having bastards in our society and adopting the Black American life where the fathers are not present and we think those kids will become angels tomorrow. Time will tell.

OP, none of us will remain with you at night time when you are alone. I will advise you, stop looking for societal validation. You are mature enough to see what you want in someone. Society won't help you love her. Be a man, set your house in order the way YOU WANT IT. People are always gonna talk and say stuff. Do what is in line with your personal values. That's the best advice I can give you. Advice is best given when you are not in someone's shoes. I know people who take care of other children and they are not even expecting anything from the woman, she still goes on to marry another man. The man was never doing it because he wanted her juices, he did it because that's him. If you love THIS woman, make up your family structure and make sure it works for you. There are several people who have been in your shoes before. THEY made their new family work. You are the head of house, set your boundaries and be a father to those kids.

He who takes the child by the heart, takes the mother by the heart


Correct the mistake you made with your ex and start a new life with this woman if that is what you want. Set the terms and conditions now. Better still, see a therapist, it is very important you discuss the concerns and unique circumstances that we may not be able to understand on an online platform with a professional. Speak to family especially the older ones, they can see some things you will be missing because your eyes are already falling for love.

Doveheart:
Her husband is long dead and she hasn't gotten married since then, we have been friends since then. She's my junior colleague in my former office anyways.
My wife has left me close to 3 years now and I want to settle down.
But I don't know if it's advisable for me to settle down with this single mother because I told her that our friendship could turn to something more serious later and, she said there's no problem about that.
What do you think friends.

first thing is to dissolve your first marriage officially,second thing is to sit down and think,if you previously have kids plus extra two kids plus the kids she will still born,can you cope with such volatile confederation in latter years? nothing is worth more than the peace of mind of a man,think deeply

She's a widow not a single mother. If she will give you peace.. why not