OP I know it isn't easy o. You sound like a responsible man who means well for his family. But you have to be strong and see this thing through. Any insult you permit now because you want your family back is you giving room for greater insult tomorrow.

Your in-laws have no right to be doing what they are doing and your wife is a fool for allowing her home to be broken.

Just focus on yourself and making money. If the matter extends further beyond 6 months, I'll advise you look for one side chick let her come and start IT in your house. If your wife ever truly cares about you and values her home she'll run back.

Tame26:
fuckkk off and stop being stuppiiiddd, you married from a mentally deranged family. The southwest is a region of over 50 million people, we’ve family is not thesame! Generally, yorubas don’t force for bride price, we are talking about marriage requirements here and your delusional tribal is tic idiottt was talking about burial rights. In YORUBA LAND that I know of, majority will take the bride price and return it to their daughter except u married from a useless family. There are useless families everywhere. No one send you to marry from the wrong family in the SW, fulfilling your in laws ceremonial rights is not by force, it’s by choice. If you are not pleased with it, go back to the east and marry with your 1.5m and stop complaining. And please don’t quote me anymore, I won’t reply.

You are the idiot here. All of a sudden, you remember the sw is over 50 million...there are useless families everywhere... and families are not the same. These sound like excuses when it's Yoruba. Same excuses you didn't make when Igbo's were in the picture, you swept them with the same broom. Do you know the meaning of tribal bigotry?

Okpuno, do you know how much l spent to marry from Osun state? None of my brothers and friends who married Igbos spent as much. None had to buy a cow. Again, you ma'am is a tribal idiot. Nonsense

INomorethief:
Good evening all. For anonymity's sake I had to be discreet. I am in distress as it is. My wife recently traveled last month for her late father's burial. I showed her all the support I could give as a husband according to my means, and due to the situation in the country, I could only convince one of my friends to accompany me to her town on the day of the burial to pay homage and I left that same day which her people also saw. I was expecting her to come back after some days of stay but to my surprise, I received a call the following day that there are some certain things I need to do as an in-law and one of her brother chatted me on whatsapp about it.. with pictures I can't post here. That the family is expecting my return that same week. At first I was surprised and felt he was joking. I even tried to make him understand my situation, that I am not financially strong and am hardly surviving and if it can be skipped. Because in my own town it's just that day alone I just need to come with my people and represent after that it's finish..From what was supposed to be a mature conversation resulted in insults because I can't just stand there and see him insult me... He bluntly told me my wife won't return to my house unless I come to do what was demanded of me by them the family. which costs quite alot. I have been depressed ever since about all this. I never bargained for any of this. I am not the one responsible for her father death.. I spoke to my wife about it and she knows our situation hoping she be able to talk to her people..first she was reasonable but now it seems she has joined them in it. For the sake of my kids I am thinking about taking legal action or human rights because this is another form of bully..I payed for her bride price and I can't be treated in such a manner.

If they insist on holding your family, tell them that you will look for money to transport yourself to their place and understand the meaning of what you were asked to do.
In the first place, you were not properly briefed that you have a certain burial rights to perform for your inlaw if he dies and you weren't prepared for it

Secondly, don't send a penny to your wife, when she is tired, she will find her way home, no need to beg her to come back, just relax

If she ask you money for their feeding, tell her that you are saving for transportation to come and understand what the family is talking about your rights in the man's burial

No need to report them to any human right, they will you that it's tradition and you will be convinced to obey them

Meanwhile when you get there, listen to them, let them cost it, then plead with them that your capacity can't carry it, they will be forced to reduce the cost

frozen70:


If they insist on holding your family, tell them that you will look for money to transport yourself to their place and understand the meaning of what you were asked to do.
In the first place, you were not properly briefed that you have a certain burial rights to perform for your inlaw if he dies and you weren't prepared for it

Secondly, don't send a penny to your wife, when she is tired, she will find her way home, no need to beg her to come back, just relax

If she ask you money for their feeding, tell her that you are saving for transportation to come and understand what the family is talking about your rights in the man's burial

No need to report them to any human right, they will you that it's tradition and you will be convinced to obey them

Meanwhile when you get there, listen to them, let them cost it, then plead with them that your capacity can't carry it, they will be forced to reduce the cost

Then they will kidnap is family again to make the next demand. This is a behavior that should not be encouraged. There are ways they could make their demands without the abduction of op's family.

OP, do not go there as you might be kidnapped as well. Ignore them and let them feed your family for free.

Sapasenator:


Then they will kidnap is family again to make the next demand. This is a behavior that should not be encouraged. There are ways they could make their demands without the abduction of op's family.

OP, do not go there as you might be kidnapped as well. Ignore them and let them feed your family for free.

Why should they kidnap him
He will definitely go and gear their requests and tell them what he can afford, simple

He can't dodge it forever

These are the things they need to let him know in the cause of marriage introduction

But he should be more worried why his wife could not fight for him

Considering his financial capability

@OP
Is your wife unemployed in any way? I don't understand how someone who has a job or business will go and sit in the village endlessly because her dad died. A reasonable woman knows what her husband can afford so she should be the one to intercede on your behalf. Are your children of school age? If so, it means they've been out of school. That's enough reason for her to desist from being obstinate and to persuade her people.
She may have a change of mind if you decide to ignore her for a while. Culture will not make you steal to provide what you don't have.

So if you are sick ,your wife won't come over?. Tell them you are sick, let us hear them out

Tomorrow27:


You are the idiot here. All of a sudden, you remember the sw is over 50 million...there are useless families everywhere... and families are not the same. These sound like excuses when it's Yoruba. Same excuses you didn't make when Igbo's were in the picture, you swept them with the same broom. Do you know the meaning of tribal bigotry?

Okpuno, do you know how much l spent to marry from Osun state? None of my brothers and friends who married Igbos spent as much. None had to buy a cow. Again, you ma'am is a tribal idiot. Nonsense

you married from the wrong family, probably a poor one too. my husband didn’t have to break the bank to marry me, both parties contributed to the success of the wedding. No one is expected to pay bogus amounts for marriages. He only paid 20,000 for my bride price and it was returned back to me! And many people that I know of even take as low as 5k. I am Yoruba by birth and you don’t know my people more than I do

dont go anywhere when they are tired of feeding her and your child in this economy, jjust the insults she will be receiving there would make her run back to you thats if they dont send her back first

INomorethief:
Good evening all. For anonymity's sake I had to be discreet. I am in distress as it is. My wife recently traveled last month for her late father's burial. I showed her all the support I could give as a husband according to my means, and due to the situation in the country, I could only convince one of my friends to accompany me to her town on the day of the burial to pay homage and I left that same day which her people also saw. I was expecting her to come back after some days of stay but to my surprise, I received a call the following day that there are some certain things I need to do as an in-law and one of her brother chatted me on whatsapp about it.. with pictures I can't post here. That the family is expecting my return that same week. At first I was surprised and felt he was joking. I even tried to make him understand my situation, that I am not financially strong and am hardly surviving and if it can be skipped. Because in my own town it's just that day alone I just need to come with my people and represent after that it's finish..From what was supposed to be a mature conversation resulted in insults because I can't just stand there and see him insult me... He bluntly told me my wife won't return to my house unless I come to do what was demanded of me by them the family. which costs quite alot. I have been depressed ever since about all this. I never bargained for any of this. I am not the one responsible for her father death.. I spoke to my wife about it and she knows our situation hoping she be able to talk to her people..first she was reasonable but now it seems she has joined them in it. For the sake of my kids I am thinking about taking legal action or human rights because this is another form of bully..I payed for her bride price and I can't be treated in such a manner.

Tame26:
you married from the wrong family, probably a poor one too. my husband didn’t have to break the bank to marry me, both parties contributed to the success of the wedding. No one is expected to pay bogus amounts for marriages. He only paid 20,000 for my bride price and it was returned back to me! And many people that I know of even take as low as 5k. I am Yoruba by birth and you don’t know my people more than I do

bride price generally is not always much. It's the list of other items to get and the party that are much.

INomorethief:
Good evening.

Good evening to you too.

As someone said in the most recent page, I think 4 comments up, there's no need pursuing legal action cause this is tradition and falls under customary law. Every ethnic group has the requirements that follow certain ceremonies.

I don't blame you for not making any findings as to what their burial rites are. I'm sure you're aware of what's general and not the ones they are requiring of you. And you acted responsibly by following due process, as you know it to be by your own tradition.

It doesn't have to be a war between them. But I'd advice that as you're dialoguing with them, you stand your ground on the repercussions they are putting their daughter into, plus the said daughter herself, your wife.

Go to them and get to know what it is they said you should have done but didn't do. If it is possible for you to provide restitution, please, provide it.

As for your wife that was aware of the customs and traditions of burials rites in her family and didn't brief you about it, I'll leave that to your discretion. I don't know if she always knew the customs but somehow forgot to tell you about it when the death happened, or she was informed for the first time when she travelled home for the burial. I'm hoping it is more of the second than the first. But she should have brought it up to you before the burial rites were completed. At this rate, you might have to even provide a little more for bringing it late.

Explain your situation to them. Everyone knows what the country is saying. Don't talk about them waiving it for you. Talk about a way of making it up to them, something more like if they can reduce the things you'd have to do.

@Op, good evening. I have read through all the comments concerning your post, and this is what I have to say;

1. You traveling back to them, your safety is not guaranteed. This people can do and undo.

2. When it comes to burial rites in the south/east most of them in the village don't care if u have money or not, if the country is smiling at u or not, all they want u to do is to come and feed them, and in the end they term it as burial rites. Doesn't really make sense to me..

I want to ask question, has the man been buried? If yes, then I'll go to number 3

3. If the man has been buried, baba just ignore totally. Any rite that hasn't been performed before his corpse entered the ground is a sham. Who don die, don die beg.

4. No so pleasant, but I'd advice u get a lady than can move in with you. Make sure words about this gets to your wife one way or the other. Not even her family would be able to hold her back.. and if they want to marry her off to another man, by tradition, they're supposed to return the bride price u paid.

I don tire sef.. things too hard for naija..

Villa12:
bride price generally is not always much. It's the list of other items to get and the party that are much.

they are optional in some families

Tame26:
they are optional in some families

yes. But not always much.