The reason why you are suspicious of everything about the opposite gender is because of too many negative stories you have heard about people in marriages and sometimes your own past negative experiences in relationships or marriages.

It is not your fault that you can't believe anything different, because the trauma of your past and many negative testimonies of others have altered the way you see things.

We always make guesses in life by matching known patterns to new experiences. If you were betrayed in the past, despite being good and kind to people,your new reaction to any relationship is fear and distrust.

However, if you're not observant to recognize that your past trauma is seriously affecting your relationship presently,you may end up destroying what you have.

We all treat people in a certain way based on our past experiences,which maybe negative or positive. It is bad if it is negative, as that can ruin our chances of maintaining healthy relationships or managing people.

First, through deep retrospection identify patterns that exist in your life,which could be traced to a particular past trauma.

Secondly, forgive yourself or the people involved who caused you such heartbreaks. If you don't forgive them,you will keep getting angry and justifying your actions; which will make you to remain stuck in that loop of past experiences and make you never to trust and commit to anyone.

Forgiveness will aid your healing. What you forgive will have no power to break you again. What you refuse to forgive,will continue to diminish your peace and affect your every decisions. Understand that certain heartbreaks teaches us how to value good people and gives us feedback on how our decisions (right or wrong)molds our destiny.

Lastly, give yourself time to heal. Looking for a rebound will not help you to heal,rather what you have refused to learn from in the past will keep showing up all over again.

If you don't heal properly before entering another relationship, the same mistake will recur.

If you don't evaluate your past trauma and heal from them,you would think that you're jinxed in life, because you will continue to get a particular outcome and blame others for it. This is why some people wonder why every good person that enters into their life leaves unexpectedly and they will end up saying,love is not for them .

Past traumas are a big deal.Deal with it before it destroys you.

Bonab:
The reason why you are suspicious of everything about the opposite gender is because of too many negative stories you have heard about people in marriages and sometimes your own past negative experiences in relationships or marriages.

It is not your fault that you can't believe anything different, because the trauma of your past and many negative testimonies of others have altered the way you see things.

We always make guesses in life by matching known patterns to new experiences. If you were betrayed in the past, despite being good and kind to people,your new reaction to any relationship is fear and distrust.

However, if you're not observant to recognize that your past trauma is seriously affecting your relationship presently,you may end up destroying what you have.

We all treat people in a certain way based on our past experiences,which maybe negative or positive. It is bad if it is negative, as that can ruin our chances of maintaining healthy relationships or managing people.

First, through deep retrospection identify patterns that exist in your life,which could be traced to a particular past trauma.

Secondly, forgive yourself or the people involved who caused you such heartbreaks. If you don't forgive them,you will keep getting angry and justifying your actions; which will make you to remain stuck in that loop of past experiences and make you never to trust and commit to anyone.

Forgiveness will aid your healing. What you forgive will have no power to break you again. What you refuse to forgive,will continue to diminish your peace and affect your every decisions. Understand that certain heartbreaks teaches us how to value good people and gives us feedback on how our decisions (right or wrong)molds our destiny.

Lastly, give yourself time to heal. Looking for a rebound will not help you to heal,rather what you have refused to learn from in the past will keep showing up all over again.

If you don't heal properly before entering another relationship, the same mistake will recur.

If you don't evaluate your past trauma and heal from them,you would think that you're jinxed in life, because you will continue to get a particular outcome and blame others for it. This is why some people wonder why every good person that enters into their life leaves unexpectedly and they will end up saying,love is not for them .

Past traumas are a big deal.Deal with it before it destroys you.

I agree with you whole eartedly. but what will you say to this girl who has hard 6 abortions for her ex and now has a great suitor. should she postpone the guy until she heals or what?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em0ztzwHRaI

It's easier said than dealt with.

My first advise to her would be to book a session with a relationship/marriage counselor,who would help her analyse the situation and to start her out on the path of healing.

I said so because from the information she gave ,it is very obvious that she's finding it difficult to initiate the healing process on her own and to move on, which is now affecting her decision making process. So she would really need somebody to help her.

Also,the imposter syndrome she feels is a strong indication that the pains and hurts are still very fresh in her and that has really affected her self esteem.

Personally,I would have asked her why she feels unworthy of this new suitor.
1)Is it because of fear that the six abortions she had could be an issue if she marries this guy?
2)Is it that she is afraid of committing to any guy again because of her hurtful experiences?
3)Is she afraid that the guy will dump her or divorce her in marriage if he gets to know the whole truth?
4)Does she even really like this guy? Has she carefully analysed her past to see what she could learn from her naive reaction to her last break up?

The idea is to get to the root cause of this issue before given any prescription.

So you can see that giving her a general solution in this instance will not do her any good. I wish I could be of help to her,but it is her right to sit out with whoever she trust and discuss this with the person.
I wish her all the best and I trust she would be fine.