In the West,the decision to marry is between the man and the woman. The parents doesn't necessarily have to give their consent. Though some of them do it out of respect for their parents, especially the blacks, Indians and Asian families living in the West.
However,in our African clime it is an important tradition to introduce your intending spouse to your parents and to seek for their blessings.
The challenge is that sometimes they may disapprove of our choices of partners and this is where many people are confused on what to do. I often get this kind of cases and it is really a difficult one to handle, especially when the couples are deeply in love with the hope of tying the knot some day.
I have heard of couples who eloped to a different location against their parents wishes and settled there as married couples. Some did it and it eventually worked out fine for them, while others regretted that action.
First, parental blessings and consent are very important, because as a parent you wouldn't want your child to make mistakes in marriage.
Your parents may disagree with your choice of partner for the following reasons.
1) As a result of their findings. Some of them do a thorough background check of the family that their child is going into,because some cultures and families maltreat women a lot. Some practice strange traditions that are un-christian. Some dig deep to find out what you do for a living beyond what you have told them.
2) Observation - through their interactions and observations they may reach some conclusions about your partner. E.g He/she is lazy,rude, arrogant, disrespectful, wasteful with resources etc
3) Social class/Financial standings. Some outrightly rejects your choice because of the low social class or their poor financial standing.
4) Ethnic/Tribal sentiment: some reject your choice because of some prejudices and negative sentiments they have about other tribes. The prejudices are flamed by their negative encounters they have had with other tribes or negatives stories that people tell about others. This is even made worse by Nollywood as they keep repeating some negative narratives about different tribes, which sometimes may be fictitious.
5) Intuitive/instinctive decisions: some parents may tell you that their heart doesn't accept this person even though they don't know why.
The list goes on,but this are the major reasons
What do you do,if you find yourself in such situations.
1) Depending on their reasons, appeal to them,make them see reasons why you chose him/her and assure them them of your love and respect for them even after you have tied the knot with that person.You can involve people they respect so much to speak to them. Getting angry and defying their stands complicates issues.
2) Take time to analyse their reasons. Believe me sometimes they're saving you from serious issues that could arise in the future,which with your current emotional state of mind you're not able to see clearly because you're in love. Some go for thanksgiving after their exes dumped them, because they are now analysing the issues logically with no emotional bias.
3) If you're currently dating with the hope of marrying the person in the future,know that it is disastrous telling your parents every little thing that is happening in your relationship, except if the matter is so serious that you need their input.
Telling them every little thing about your partner will form an impression in their heart which can be negative or positive,hence when you now officially introduce to them your partner for marriage, they'll base their decisions on what you have told them so far,even though you may have exaggerated some of those stories due to your emotional state of mind.
4) For the ladies - when you and your man have exhausted every amicable channels to appeal to the guy's family and they still refused,think careful if you still want to proceed with marrying him in defiance to his parents wishes. I said this because some families are very violent and fetish, they may deploy every means possible to fight you. It is better to marry into a family that loves you than to believe that you will one day win their hearts. Some have succeeded in such situations, while there are some that are still facing severe hostility from their in-laws despite being married for 20years into that family.
I have seen situations where the in-laws violently stopped their daughter in-law from attending her husband's funeral, because they said that the lady forcefully took their son and now has killed him.
5) Pray over it. God will reveal to you in prayer if it is actually his wish for you to be yoked in marriage to him/her. If it is his wish,he will divinely move the mountains for your happiness. Even though Pharaoh had refused that Israel should go and serve their God,yet through miraculous ways God liberated his people.
But if it is not God's wish as he would reveal to you in prayer, I will advise you to let go.He may actually be using your parents to save you from marrying the wrong person.
Please share your story on how you were able to resolve this kind of dilemma when you encountered them,so as to help others who are currently facing it.
Bonab: In the West,the decision to marry is between the man and the woman. The parents doesn't necessarily have to give their consent. Though some of them do it out of respect for their parents, especially the blacks, Indians and Asian families living in the West.
However,in our African clime it is an important tradition to introduce your intending spouse to your parents and to seek for their blessings.
The challenge is that sometimes they may disapprove of our choices of partners and this is where many people are confused on what to do. I often get this kind of cases and it is really a difficult one to handle, especially when the couples are deeply in love with the hope of tying the knot some day.
I have heard of couples who eloped to a different location against their parents wishes and settled there as married couples. Some did it and it eventually worked out fine for them, while others regretted that action.
First, parental blessings and consent are very important, because as a parent you wouldn't want your child to make mistakes in marriage.
Your parents may disagree with your choice of partner for the following reasons.
1) As a result of their findings. Some of them do a thorough background check of the family that their child is going into,because some cultures and families maltreat women a lot. Some practice strange traditions that are un-christian. Some dig deep to find out what you do for a living beyond what you have told them.
2) Observation - through their interactions and observations they may reach some conclusions about your partner. E.g He/she is lazy,rude, arrogant, disrespectful, wasteful with resources etc
3) Social class/Financial standings. Some outrightly rejects your choice because of the low social class or their poor financial standing.
4) Ethnic/Tribal sentiment: some reject your choice because of some prejudices and negative sentiments they have about other tribes. The prejudices are flamed by their negative encounters they have had with other tribes or negatives stories that people tell about others. This is even made worse by Nollywood as they keep repeating some negative narratives about different tribes, which sometimes may be fictitious.
5) Intuitive/instinctive decisions: some parents may tell you that their heart doesn't accept this person even though they don't know why.
The list goes on,but this are the major reasons
What do you do,if you find yourself in such situations.
1) Depending on their reasons, appeal to them,make them see reasons why you chose him/her and assure them them of your love and respect for them even after you have tied the knot with that person.You can involve people they respect so much to speak to them. Getting angry and defying their stands complicates issues.
2) Take time to analyse their reasons. Believe me sometimes they're saving you from serious issues that could arise in the future,which with your current emotional state of mind you're not able to see clearly because you're in love. Some go for thanksgiving after their exes dumped them, because they are now analysing the issues logically with no emotional bias.
3) If you're currently dating with the hope of marrying the person in the future,know that it is disastrous telling your parents every little thing that is happening in your relationship, except if the matter is so serious that you need their input.
Telling them every little thing about your partner will form an impression in their heart which can be negative or positive,hence when you now officially introduce to them your partner for marriage, they'll base their decisions on what you have told them so far,even though you may have exaggerated some of those stories due to your emotional state of mind.
4) For the ladies - when you and your man have exhausted every amicable channels to appeal to the guy's family and they still refused,think careful if you still want to proceed with marrying him in defiance to his parents wishes. I said this because some families are very violent and fetish, they may deploy every means possible to fight you. It is better to marry into a family that loves you than to believe that you will one day win their hearts. Some have succeeded in such situations, while there are some that are still facing severe hostility from their in-laws despite being married for 20years into that family.
I have seen situations where the in-laws violently stopped their daughter in-law from attending her husband's funeral, because they said that the lady forcefully took their son and now has killed him.
5) Pray over it. God will reveal to you in prayer if it is actually his wish for you to be yoked in marriage to him/her. If it is his wish,he will divinely move the mountains for your happiness. Even though Pharaoh had refused that Israel should go and serve their God,yet through miraculous ways God liberated his people.
But if it is not God's wish as he would reveal to you in prayer, I will advise you to let go.He may actually be using your parents to save you from marrying the wrong person.
Please share your story on how you were able to resolve this kind of dilemma when you encountered them,so as to help others who are currently facing it.
most times these things are very complicated if e no favor you, you no go wan comot because love wan wound you
Bonab: In the West,the decision to marry is between the man and the woman. The parents doesn't necessarily have to give their consent. Though some of them do it out of respect for their parents, especially the blacks, Indians and Asian families living in the West.
However,in our African clime it is an important tradition to introduce your intending spouse to your parents and to seek for their blessings.
The challenge is that sometimes they may disapprove of our choices of partners and this is where many people are confused on what to do. I often get this kind of cases and it is really a difficult one to handle, especially when the couples are deeply in love with the hope of tying the knot some day.
I have heard of couples who eloped to a different location against their parents wishes and settled there as married couples. Some did it and it eventually worked out fine for them, while others regretted that action.
First, parental blessings and consent are very important, because as a parent you wouldn't want your child to make mistakes in marriage.
Your parents may disagree with your choice of partner for the following reasons.
1) As a result of their findings. Some of them do a thorough background check of the family that their child is going into,because some cultures and families maltreat women a lot. Some practice strange traditions that are un-christian. Some dig deep to find out what you do for a living beyond what you have told them.
2) Observation - through their interactions and observations they may reach some conclusions about your partner. E.g He/she is lazy,rude, arrogant, disrespectful, wasteful with resources etc
3) Social class/Financial standings. Some outrightly rejects your choice because of the low social class or their poor financial standing.
4) Ethnic/Tribal sentiment: some reject your choice because of some prejudices and negative sentiments they have about other tribes. The prejudices are flamed by their negative encounters they have had with other tribes or negatives stories that people tell about others. This is even made worse by Nollywood as they keep repeating some negative narratives about different tribes, which sometimes may be fictitious.
5) Intuitive/instinctive decisions: some parents may tell you that their heart doesn't accept this person even though they don't know why.
The list goes on,but this are the major reasons
What do you do,if you find yourself in such situations.
1) Depending on their reasons, appeal to them,make them see reasons why you chose him/her and assure them them of your love and respect for them even after you have tied the knot with that person.You can involve people they respect so much to speak to them. Getting angry and defying their stands complicates issues.
2) Take time to analyse their reasons. Believe me sometimes they're saving you from serious issues that could arise in the future,which with your current emotional state of mind you're not able to see clearly because you're in love. Some go for thanksgiving after their exes dumped them, because they are now analysing the issues logically with no emotional bias.
3) If you're currently dating with the hope of marrying the person in the future,know that it is disastrous telling your parents every little thing that is happening in your relationship, except if the matter is so serious that you need their input.
Telling them every little thing about your partner will form an impression in their heart which can be negative or positive,hence when you now officially introduce to them your partner for marriage, they'll base their decisions on what you have told them so far,even though you may have exaggerated some of those stories due to your emotional state of mind.
4) For the ladies - when you and your man have exhausted every amicable channels to appeal to the guy's family and they still refused,think careful if you still want to proceed with marrying him in defiance to his parents wishes. I said this because some families are very violent and fetish, they may deploy every means possible to fight you. It is better to marry into a family that loves you than to believe that you will one day win their hearts. Some have succeeded in such situations, while there are some that are still facing severe hostility from their in-laws despite being married for 20years into that family.
I have seen situations where the in-laws violently stopped their daughter in-law from attending her husband's funeral, because they said that the lady forcefully took their son and now has killed him.
5) Pray over it. God will reveal to you in prayer if it is actually his wish for you to be yoked in marriage to him/her. If it is his wish,he will divinely move the mountains for your happiness. Even though Pharaoh had refused that Israel should go and serve their God,yet through miraculous ways God liberated his people.
But if it is not God's wish as he would reveal to you in prayer, I will advise you to let go.He may actually be using your parents to save you from marrying the wrong person.
Please share your story on how you were able to resolve this kind of dilemma when you encountered them,so as to help others who are currently facing it.
there was a video i saw on nairaland a few days ago about an anambra girl whose parents weren't in support of her dating her boyfriend from imo state. i'll try to find it and link it here. I guess she got good advice
