Sallah is here but it’s like I will be salivating instead. Two days ago I overhead my dad negotiating with the ram seller before they finally agreed that the ram should be delivered for two hundred and thirty thousand naira.

The ram has been in my care since it was delivered but my dad has been vexing per minute. He hisses momentarily and grumbles at every sight of the ram.

I even caught him on more than four occasions shaking his head each time the ram is mentioned.

I know the ram cost him a lot and he’s been trying to hide the pain of paying that much for a Sallah ram. I won’t be exaggerating if I say I heard the loudest “Ahhhhhhhhhh!” in my life when my mom returned home with twenty thousand naira pepper that could barely feed five people.

At that point it dawned on me that my dad was not having a funky time as regards balancing the finances for this Sallah period.

While he was discussing with my mom, my friend Jubril came around. Please permit me to say RIP to him in advance because he’s dea*d to me for now until I finally get a hold of him.

Jubril was fantasizing the ram while also imagining how huge and strong it would be for a good ram fight. I reasoned along with him and couldn’t agree less. The d*evil pushed him further 😭 to request that we put the ram’s strength to test. I resisted the first temptation.

He pressed further by stating we can make urgent 30k if the ram wins a fight and a fight. He will provide the stake while we cheer the ram. At this stage, the only voice in my head was Ileya 30k to rock the town and nothing more.

I even added that my dad is not ready to disburse funds for frivolities right now and this deal should be a quick one. I quickly untied the goat from our water tank stand and followed Jubril to the battle ground.

Just before Jubril staked and the ram fight started, I had the chance to make a final u-turn when I learnt our opposing ram is called undertaker but the 30k voice was stronger than the soft voice.

The fight continued ferociously. In all sincerity, my dad’s ram fought like it’s worth the money spent on it and it was already looking like we were coasting to victory until Undertaker did a “Ramos” on our “Salah” ram.

Ha! We heard “gbaaa”! The right horn of my father’s ram had broken. I dashed forward like a gala seller chasing vehicle in traffic, the next blow from undertaker missed our ram and landed on my right tight, I was rolling on the floor in pain but still managed to sight Jubril jumping over the fence fleeing the battle field.

While I was struggling for my life and the ram; Undertaker launched the final blow on my father’s ram that rendered it lifeless instantly. My wailing switched gear, people there thought I was crying from undertaker’s blow not knowing my father’s “Ahhhhhhhhhh!” was re-echoing in my head.

I struggled to get up and make the ram lean on a wall while I went on my kneels begging the ram to wake up. After 20 minutes of being “lonely on the field”, I gave up and was headed home. I made hundreds of wishes while walking away so my problem could disappear but life is not Nollywood.

I was about opening our house gate when I heard someone crying profusely and loudly like an apprehended community thief, alas! My brother was receiving the beating of his life from my dad because he splashed the pepper after being sent to grind it.

I sneaked to the kitchen through the back door to explain what happened to the ram, I believe I had chosen a better option of my parents.

My mum was very furious, she thought for a while and told me not to worry as her extraordinary saver’s fund with nVAULT had attained maturity the previous day hence she can afford to buy another ram without using her own funds.

She instantly contacted the ram seller and paid for another ram of two hundred and fifty thousand naira from her 18% profit of three hundred and sixty thousand naira after investing two million naira.

The ram was delivered 5 minutes ago but the new problem is how to paint the new ram to look like the old one and also return the “MK” that was written on its body. Can anyone help? 🤲

😂 😂 😂

My belle ooo

Africans are funny lots. Our mindsets and priorities are the reason we are the way we are. We are now 'better' Christians and Muslims than the Romans and Saudi Arabians. Why should someone kill himself just to celebrate a religion festival in 2 to 3 days?

murphyung:
😂 😂 😂

My belle ooo

Hold something oh

🤣🤣🤣🤣

missiret:
🤣🤣🤣🤣

How you go chop Sallah meat today now

Iwillbreak43:
How you go chop Sallah meat today now

I never know sef 😔